Beyond the Balance
by MissCyraf
Summary: After the Winter War, Ichigo tries to get his life back. But a mysterious and frightening illness begins to spread through Soul Society, and he realizes that he must discover the cause before he and everything he cares about succumbs to it as well. IchiRu
1. Memories

Hey All! Just a few things before we begin...Firstly, a big THANK YOU to everyone who is reading, and especially to those of you who review. I read reviews and really do take each one to heart, so constructive criticism, advice, or just encouragement are always really helpful. And, I usually respond to reviews, so if you have any questions, just let me know! Secondly, a little background information. I've been writing this story on the side of my other Bleach fic, "Bleach: Torn Souls". This one I've been writing on my own, but don't worry, the lovely Theoress is still involved, she's been editing and sort of beta-ing for me. Finally, this story is a little bit darker and heavier than my other. No worries, though. You'll still get silly/fluffy moments on occasion, and it's still IchiRuki :D. Ok, well, I hope you like it! MissCyraf

Prologue

The Hollows had fled. The Arrancar had been destroyed, one by one cut down. The following former Captains of the 13 Gotei defeated. And the former Captain who led them all, who used them all, who had started it all, was now gone. This time, it wasn't an illusion. The white-clothed body, stained with red as blood drained across the marble floors of Heuco Mundo, was crumpled on the ground, never to rise again. It had taken over a year. The date of Aizen's fall and the end of the war: July 27th, 2007.

1

Memories

Monday, September 3rd, 2007.

"Ichigo, you idiot!" They were finally back, finally home, he thought, stretching and folding his hands behind his head, ignoring Rukia's outburst entirely. Behind them the gate to Soul Society began to close, shutting them off in the real world again after months of being gone. It all felt surreal, being back. The warm, early-September sun touched at his face, he sighed audibly as they strode away from the gate. It felt odd, his scowl deepened, scrunching up his face. The light breeze that wafted through the air was nothing like the clawing gales and windstorms of Hueco Mundo, and Soul Society was always still, pristine, perfect. Both seemed closer to home than this world, he had been gone for so long.

The gate disappearing behind them, Ichigo led the way back to Urahara Shoten, trusting his feet and instincts more than his memory to get him there. Rukia followed, still loudly complaining about the …small… prank he had pulled on her before they left Seireitei. Now, surrounded by the shifting and flowing crowds of people on the sidewalk, he felt almost nervous, out of place. They were invisible to the other humans, still in their soul forms. His body was waiting for him at Urahara's shop. _Then…then home_. _Home…_He imagined the Kurosaki house and clinic, but the memory seemed dim, blotchy. The months they had been gone felt like years, decades. Perhaps even another lifetime.

The sounds of other people talking, of cars on blurring past on the streets, birds chirping, and the other white noise that fluttered around him all spoke of home. The sights, the people, the school building, everything around him told him he was home. But after spending the past year in and out of Soul Society and Heuco Mundo, he felt almost uncomfortable, like he didn't belong anymore. Karakura Town churned like always, people going about their days, events he would have considered normal a year ago. Now they were foreign. _Home_…He didn't really know what that was. It wasn't serene elegance of Soul Society, it wasn't the black skies, frigid sand and stone of Hueco Mundo. He didn't really have a home any more, his past, his childhood and teen years, seemed so distant, nearly wiped clean from his mind due to nearly a year of blood and pain. Only one thing was truly familiar to him. Only one thing was the same, only one thing really registered as _home_. The shrill, obnoxious girl beside him.

"Ichigo!" He glanced down at the annoyance at his elbow, Rukia, only matching his saunter by stretching her short legs, glared at him. He chuckled, he had seen that very same expression countless times over the past few years. _It's so strange… "the past few years…" Has it really been that short? Have I really known her for only three years? _He wondered at it, he wondered how he could so quickly forget everything about the real world, and know only Rukia Kuchiki as home. He presented the gentle day with another vicious scowl, slightly embarrassed at the thought. He had only known her for three years, a small portion of his 18 year-long life. She hadn't been present during his childhood or later years, she was a rather recent development in the whole span of things. _And yet_…Glancing down at her, it really was like he had known her his entire life. Despite how stupid it was, she really _was_ home to him.

The Shinigami girl beside him broke him out of his thoughts, demanding attention, irritated with his wandering mind.

"Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time!" Distracted from his discomfort, he shot a grimace down at her.

"I'm _not_ a jerk. Besides, you totally deserved that."

"I did not, you ass!" She began to launch into a whole speech about how the entire incident was his fault, he snorted, forgetting his thoughts from the previous minutes. Though he wasn't entirely comfortable with the real world around him, he was certainly comfortable with Rukia's bitching. _Rukia_. Though he loathed admitting it, she was his best friend and closest companion. She was the constant in his life. And though she had lived and fought through it _with_ him, she seemed like the only thing around him untainted by the war. Untainted by the pain, the hate, and the death, unlike everything else that had touched his life during the previous year.

_Now that the war's over, I can have a _real_ home again._ It had been nearly three years, only three years, that he had known her. But looking straight ahead and shoving his hands roughly into his pockets, not letting himself look down at the complaining Shinigami, he was fully aware that it would never _be_ home again without her. _Even if she _is_ sleeping in my damn closet… I'm home. _

A rare smile, so small it was hardly noticeable, stretched his lips. A sharp punch in the arm from a hard little fist caused it to blink away as he scowled down at her.

"Are you even listening to me, Ichigo?!" He rolled his eyes. _Yeah…I'm home._

o o o o o

"Rrghh…It feels so weird being back in this thing again," Ichigo growled, reaching and stretching out wildly, whapping Rukia in the back in the process.

"Watch it, idiot!" She snapped at him over her shoulder. "And have you forgotten that "that thing", as you call it, is your _body_?" She snorted at him, having easily and gracefully entered one of Urahara's gigais. Ichigo apparently chose to ignore her, continuing to try to get comfortable in his body silently.

After making a few minutes of idle conversation with Urahara, Ichigo seemed to be getting antsy, and Rukia excused them as politely as she could. Honestly, she was only too happy to get out as well. The war had ended, they had spent another month in Soul Society recuperating and doing paperwork, and she knew that Ichigo was all too eager to return home, to see his family and friends again. He had things to return to, people to return to. He walked quickly, long legs stretching out before him in his obvious, even if he tried to keep it in, excitement. She smiled softly to herself, jogging slightly to keep up. _He can't wait to see everyone…I don't blame him. He really loves them, he must have missed them like crazy after being gone so long…_ Her gaze dropped, her smile retreating. She didn't want him to know that she was excited too, it was embarrassing. They weren't her family, her friends. _But…they are._

At first, she had been hesitant to follow him back to the real world, the cutting idea that she had nothing to return for squarely in her mind. The thought was still present, that she didn't have a life here, she had no reason to come back. And, things were different now than they were before. She was different, so was Ichigo. But they would always accept _him_, they were his family. In all reality, they weren't hers, and she was terrified that they wouldn't like what she had become. The war had damaged her, she had seen countless comrades and friends fall under the blades of the Arrancar. _Damaged…_

Even Renji had been cut down, and though he was still alive, he hadn't yet fully recovered. He had been the last out of their team of humans and Shinigami—Ichigo, Rukia, Orihime, Ishida, and Chad—to fall, leaving only Rukia and Ichigo to lean on each other. She had vivid memories of the grisly scene, when the Espada's sword, after slashing through him again and again, finally punctured his body for the last time. He didn't get up again. And she couldn't do anything.

Worse yet were the memories of Ichigo. He and Aizen had essentially killed each other, it was widely considered a miracle that he had remained alive. She glanced up from the ground, still embedded in her thoughts, to look at Ichigo as he strode purposefully beside her, his usual scowl particularly hardened as he struggled to keep exhilaration at seeing his family again off his face. Rukia dropped her gaze back to the ground. _A miracle…_She recalled seeing his body crumpled on the white marble, the Vaizard mask shattered in pieces around his face, sword a few feet away where it had been thrown from the force of Aizen's last attempt to triumph. He had been surrounded by the black ragged cloth of his Bankai robe, made even darker by the red that was seeping into it.

Even now, Rukia hardly remembered her reaction to the sight, everything but Ichigo was blurry in her memory. One of the Shinigami, who had apparently witnessed the final battle between the Shinigami substitute and Aizen, told her during recovery in Soul Society, that she, tears gliding down her cheeks silently, had dragged herself over to his body, cradling his head in her lap as she tried to revive him. He had, somehow, woken to the sound of her broken whisper, telling her not to cry, that he was "alright, and did you see how I kicked Aizen's fuckin' ass?". Sometime after that, she was later told, a few members of her brother's squad happened upon them and had taken them to Soul Society to recover. As soon as Aizen had fallen, the war was over.

Once they had returned to Soul Society, Rukia Kuchiki had ignored the celebrations at the victory, even more the honors and praise given to her for her "brave actions". _I felt like I didn't deserve them…I wasn't able to save Ichigo from the final blow that killed him. I just couldn't get there in time…_She had even ignored the fact that she _had_ saved him, that he was now alive, even if he had been unconscious for some time. _All I could think about was his limp, bleeding body, the dead blankness behind the brown in his eyes when I lifted his head in Heuco Mundo…_Those thoughts would come hand in hand with the absolutely crushing guilt that had settled within her that she had been unable to protect him.

In Soul Society, Ichigo, unconscious but alive, had been placed in the Forth Squad clinic, his recovery was a top priority. And awash in her horrible, blind guilt, Rukia had spent all her time at his bedside, falling further within herself. Feeling beyond miserable, caught up in guilt and the memories of fallen friends that she had also been unable to protect due to her "weakness", she wanted to hide away forever, too ashamed to show her face again, not believing everyone, _anyone_, when they referred to her as a hero.

And after days, nearly a week of him being unresponsive, he protected her again, saved her again, without even trying. She remembered every detail perfectly, to the way the light was hitting his pale skin and bright hair, to the wrinkles in his black robe, the fierce determination in his brown eyes. Laying in bed, only hours after he had woken up, he realized something was wrong.

Taking a brief break from the memory, Rukia smiled again walking next to him, recalling how he presented her with a horrible scowl, at the force behind it despite the physical weakness he had been still experiencing. She had been still seated beside his bed, head in her hands, guilt overcoming her. It had grown, it was not just about Ichigo and others that she had been unable to protect in battle anymore, but all past guilt as well, even the death of Kaien. Sitting up in bed, Ichigo had crossed bandaged arms across his chest, snarling at her. _"Don't be stupid, Rukia. It's my own damned fault that I ended up like this. You literally saved my life, if anything, I owe you. So stop being such a pitiful dumbass." _Somewhere in that grating snipe, he had told her what she desperately needed to hear, that it wasn't her fault that she didn't get there in time. That it wasn't her fault that he had taken Aizen's final blow. That it wasn't her fault that he, Ichigo, her companion and partner, had fallen. And that he knew she had done all she could. After all of the comfort and reassurance she had been given while at Soul Society, it was his four sentences that had finally awakened her from her own guilt and grief. And though the guilt lingered, the sadness remained, it didn't completely overwhelm her again. He had saved her.

And he kept saving her, however inadvertently. Once he was up and about a week later, gaining strength, she had informed him that she was planning on staying in Soul Society, secretly not wanting to face the people back in the real world, irrationally believing that they might blame her for not protecting them. _But then, when I told him that I might be staying… "Whadd'ya mean you're staying?! Rukia! Do you have any idea what they'd do to me if you didn't come back to see them? They'd kill me! You're coming."_ And the topic had been closed. Ichigo had decided for her. She had sheepishly grinned at him, chuckling a little, he had given her a cocky smirk, but the warmth in his eyes shared none of his smile's arrogance. He had then punched her lightly in the shoulder, leaving her room to allow her to sit and think on it. She had realized then that he was right, she _did_ have friends there that would be vastly disappointed in not seeing her if she were to stay in Soul Society. The thought had been almost surprising, like an epiphany. She had lived too long not having them, the concept that she _did _was startling.

She smiled to herself, her mind shifting again, and she blushed to herself, hoping Ichigo, who was still striding beside her, hands still shoved in his pockets, didn't see it. Even with friends, that wasn't the real reason she had agreed to return with him, that was an acceptable, rational excuse to her. The reason, one that she had determinedly ignored and still was, was the warmth that had been in his eyes. Despite having lectured herself that the warmth didn't mean anything, she had inwardly hoped that he was using the same excuse that she was, that his real reason was different too. That maybe _he_ wanted her to return as well.

_Now, I have things, people to come back to_. She snorted under her breath, pushing the embarrassing memory away. _All thanks to Ichigo… _Their human friends had returned back to the real world much earlier, they hadn't the stamina or hardened enough hearts to allow them to continue to participate in the battles, no matter how much they wanted to stick by Ichigo. By the end of the war, it had been just Rukia and Ichigo out of their group, partners and companions. They had looked out for each other, protected each other. Striding next to him now, she reminded herself again that she held no blame, no fault. She had protected him. She had saved him, he had said so himself. She was still a little confused as to how, but he had refused to tell her on the many occasions she had asked. _Doesn't matter, somehow, I did. And in battle, I wasn't the weak one, or the one that needed to be babysat. I was able to hold my own, I was able to protect…_ In times when the pain still crept up on her, she would chant this to herself like a mantra, and as they moved through the real world towards his home, his family, she needed it. Needed to remind herself of her value to him, even to his family. _I was able to protect him...I was able to save him. And hopefully, I will still have a place here with him._

Her thoughts blocked out her other senses, she was mildly shocked when they turned in silence onto what she immediately recognized as his street, she had forgotten what it looked like. Though the war had only lasted a year, it had been the most difficult and heart-wrenching year she had ever experienced, memories of death and pain still fresh in her mind, all too willing to surface unbidden. Those memories of death and pain covering past good ones, it was almost like all that was left in her was the pain, no more goodness. She chanted her mantra again, shuddering. Her apprehension was growing, desperately hoping that what Ichigo was right, that they wanted to see her. Biting at her lip, she glanced up at him again. His tension was clear on his face now, as if he was unable to hold it back any further. She was startled by it, he rarely showed how he was feeling, and even then, only when he was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn't remember to hide them in a scowl. Rukia allowed herself to feel a twinge of guilt, but not for the past, for being so caught up in herself that she had forgotten how hard this must be on him. _He hasn't seen them for almost a whole year…How can I be so selfish? He's changed too, he must be afraid of what they'll think. I know they'll still love and accept him, but how he must be feeling…_

She poked him firmly in the shoulder, efficiently snapping him out of whatever he had been thinking about. His expression shifted into that scowl again, he glared down at her, opening his mouth to snap off a sarcastic comment. She killed the words on his lips, flashing him an excited smile that she hoped would give him confidence, though she didn't really feel that way herself. It worked, he hesitantly allowed himself to smile, _a little_, back at her. The back of his hand brushed lightly against hers, she grabbed it, firmly ignoring the "no touching" unspoken rule that had always held between them. He tensed for a moment, then relaxed, apparently decided to accept the given comfort. And though she knew he was still a little afraid of what was to come, he stood a little taller, strode forward with a little more of his old arrogance.

- - -

So there's Chapter one! I hope you liked it, I know it's a bit dense. To sum it up, Rukia and Ichigo have just returned from Soul Society after recovering from the war. Rukia is remembering Ichigo being injured, and how she felt during his recovery. They're about to see his family again for the first time in about a year, and both are tense. Thanks for reading. MissCyraf


	2. Home

Hey All! Just wanted to say one thing. I totally forgot to say in the last chapter: I don't own Bleach!! Bleach belongs to the genius Tite Kubo :D That, and thank you for reading! Feedback is really appreciated, so if you have any sort of comment, I'd like to hear it! Oh, and also, the writing is kind of chunky, so if it's difficult to read, you could try out FF's new feature and change the view settings. Thanks again! MissCyraf

2

Home

Staring at the Kurosaki household as they approached, Rukia felt horribly anxious, a strange combination of exhilaration and apprehension stirring within her. They reached the house, both stopping before it. Rukia slowly turned up look up at Ichigo, who remained motionlessly staring_. This was his home…how he must feel._ Rukia had never felt like she truly had a home, her place in Soul Society wasn't really hers, it never had been. It belonged to her brother, it was entirely his. _Before that...the streets of Rongakai…_But that hadn't been a home either, and now was too far in the past for her to even clearly recall. The house before her, Ichigo's home, was the closest she had ever felt to having a true home, even if half of her time there, she was a rather unwelcome guest.

Staring up at Ichigo, her own mess of feelings mixing in her, she had a small idea of what he must be feeling. _Returning to this place…It almost seems like once the war began, we left it behind, and it ceased to exist. We had…given it up, almost. Willing to sacrifice our lives and possibly never see it again. Ichigo…To protect them, he was willing to let them go…He must be so confused now, lost. How can he pick up his life again? _The war had impacted each of them differently, but every one of them seemed to have lost a little of their humanity, lost themselves. _Now we have to find ourselves again…It will be the most difficult for him. …We_ _went through and witnessed such horrible things…but Ichigo… _She reached up with her other hand to lightly touch his arm, giving him wordless encouragement and support, once again feeling a surge of gratitude towards the young man beside her. _Ichigo is the reason I was able to keep mine at all_. She pushed back an unwelcome flood of memories, ones that terrified her, disgusted her each time she dwelled on them. _Now isn't the time. It's all over...time to get our lives back._ And the young man beside her…_he _gave_ me my life._ _In so many more ways than just one._

At her touch, he turned to look at her, brown eyes filled with more pain than she expected. He never showed how much he loved his family, he kept it all within. She understood, over time, she had learned to read him even _with_ his permanent scowl, unyielding eyes. She said nothing now, just locked their gazes. After a few dragging seconds, he nodded, squeezing her hand once before dropping it, and strode slowly to the front door. His steps were weighted, but sure, and he turned to glance back at her. She exhaled the breath she hadn't been aware she was holding, catching up with him. He wanted her to come with him. To stay.

- - -

The family welcome had been mostly as she had expected, Ichigo's family hurling themselves at him the moment they walked through the front door. His younger sisters, Yuzu and Karin cried in sheer happiness, Rukia was mildly shocked that Karin was crying. Isshin's reaction was completely predictable, he leapt on his son even with the girls still hanging on, crushing all three of them into an enormous, if loud, bear hug. Rukia grinned from the door, arms crossed over her chest. She was happy for Ichigo, she honestly was, knowing full well that his family loved him deeply and had missed him. _It must be nice to be missed…_She couldn't hold back the thought that no one had ever missed her. _Because my family is…different._ Byakuya's image pulsed in her mind and she felt a twinge of shame. He wouldn't miss her. Caught in her thoughts, she was taken by surprise by Isshin's sudden movement. She had predicted him going crazy over Ichigo's return. What she hadn't predicted was being swept up in the embrace as well, being crushed in Isshin's arms along with his children.

"My third daughter has returned with my son! Our family is finally complete! Daddy is _so happy!!_ Mother! Masaki, look how our children have grown! Look how they care for each other!!" He continued to rant, Rukia groaned as she was smashed into Ichigo and his sisters. Ichigo, as if her voice were a signal, began to thrash until he broke them out of Isshin's grasp. Rukia and his sisters, lightly laughing now, could only watch as Isshin and Ichigo began to slap at each other.

Each hand being taken by a sister, Rukia was led into the kitchen, glancing backward so she could continue to watch them fight. Pushed into a chair, Rukia chuckled to herself as Yuzu set a bowl of food down in front of her. _No matter how much time has passed, how much _we've_ changed…they haven't. It's like life is exactly the same for them. _Karin and Yuzu seated themselves across from her, eager to hear as much as she would tell them.

Before the war began, Ichigo was forced to come clean to his family about his other life as a Shinigami. Rukia had watched the scene unfold when he had told them, she had personally found it hilarious, especially at how upset Ichigo had become when he heard that his family mostly already knew. Karin, fully able to see spirits, had seen him in his Shinigami form before and had figured it out. She had told Yuzu sort of accidentally when the girl had been particularly upset and had been trying to sooth her. And, though they hadn't told their father, Isshin had, for some reason unknown to Rukia and the Kurosaki family, not been too surprised. _Or at least he didn't _seem_ surprised_… When Soul society began to plan its first full attack on Hueco Mundo, Ichigo had to come forward and explain where he and Rukia were going and what they had to do. Ichigo had been shocked to the core when they, for the most part, just shrugged their shoulders. They asked a few questions, and made him promise that he would take care of himself. _…"And please, Ichi-nii, take care of Rukia-chan, too." _A smile had touched Rukia's lips at the thought, Ichigo had promised. Karin hadn't finished though, having turned then to Rukia. _"Rukia-chan, watch over Ichi-nii and…try to keep him from doing anything stupid."_ Rukia had laughed outright at that, Ichigo protesting angrily. _"That's impossible." _Rukia had joked.

Attempting to ignore the calamity in the hall between father and son, she began to give the whole story to the sisters. She was sparse on the details, and left out scenes that she knew would bother the sisters, especially fragile Yuzu. Karin would act strong and nonchalant, but if she knew what their brother and "foster sister" had been through…_It would tear her up inside. Hell, it still tears me apart if I let myself think on it…_She made it mostly all through her story, they all noticed when the commotion began to calm. Karin stood, grabbing Yuzu's arm, and sighed.

"Sounds like the idiots have finally worn themselves down. Yuzu, will you get Rukia-chan's bowl? I think we'll probably have to still peel them apart, and after having his body just lying around for such a long time, Ichi-nii needs a bath really badly." Rukia chuckled at that, following the girl into the other room to fetch Ichigo.

"Urahara did take care of it, you know…While he was still here...Actually, it probably _hasn't _been washed as much as it should…" Karin laughed, and they discovered both men face down on the floor, both panting deeply. _If it wasn't so stupid, I might actually think it was kind of cute. _Karin stooped over, grabbing her father's arm while Rukia attempted to heft Ichigo off the floor. He groaned, irritably grumping that he was fine and didn't need her help.

"You might not need my _help_, but you sure do need a bath. Karin was right." His usual scowl twisted even further, cheeks blushing bright red for an instant.

"Shut up."

- - -

"Ah! Same old small room…" Rukia grinned broadly at Ichigo as he glared back at her, lip curling with distaste.

"Whatever. Yuzu and Karin are making your bed in their room, so you don't have to be in this 'same old small room'". He grumped, turning away. "I'm gonna take a bath." She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he left, leaving her alone in his room. It was even stranger to her than seeing the outside of the house. She moved about his room, touching at the little objects she remembered. His desk, a pile of books that had actually gotten a little dusty, some old papers and a couple of cd's…_Just like how he left it._ Her hands lingered on the top book of the pile, the last thing he must have been reading. _"Twelfth Night"…_ She smiled lightly at the book, her gaze then settling on his closet doors. Rukia's smile spread at the sight of it, memories of her first months with Ichigo slowly beginning to crawl back to her, formerly buried by those of war. She crossed the room, placing a feather touch against them, then, sliding back the door. Leaning in, she was surprised to see that it was nearly untouched since she had lived in it, the bedding still there. She hefted herself up onto the little bed, leaning against the wall and sighing. Now…now she felt like she was home.

Closing her eyes, her mind traveled through several happy memories of arguing with Ichigo, poking and prodding at him, even as far back as when she had first leapt out of the closet due to a Hollow attack, scaring the hell out of him. She chuckled under her breath, remembering only a little earlier, when she had been pulled into the family hug by Isshin. How the girls had accepted her like a sister. How Ichigo looked back at her, waiting for her to come along. Her eyes suddenly shot open. _What I thought before was wrong. I _do_ know what it is to be loved. I—I _do_ have a family. And a home._ Rukia rarely laughed sincerely, but now she did, it bubbled up from somewhere within her as she sat in the dark closet. _I have a home. _

Her laughter was interrupted by a soft moaning, she froze, hoping it wasn't Ichigo back already_. I really don't want to have to explain me sitting here in the dark, laughing, to that idiot…_The groaning sounded again, this time louder. _What_…

"H—hello?" Something shuffled near her, she recoiled slightly, nerves bunching in preparation to defend herself if necessary.

"Nee…_Nee-san_?" Was the quiet question, Rukia winced. She knew that voice, and hurriedly began to climb out the closet. It was too late, just as she made it out, a tiny body hurled itself against the back of her head, screaming the whole time. "NEE-SAN!" Kon grabbed hold of her head, squeezing against it as tightly as he could with his squishy arms.

"Augh! Kon! Get off me!" Rukia flailed, trying to grab at her stuffed animal admirer as he tried to keep his grip.

"Nee-san! Oh, Nee-san! You're back, I can't believe you're back! I waited for you for such a long time, trapped in darkness for what felt like _years_, hoping my love would return to me! And you have! _I've missed you so much, Nee-san!_" He was shrieking as she tried to remove him, spinning unsuccessfully.

The door of the bedroom was slammed open, and a very irate Ichigo stood, half-crouched in a fighter's stance, in the doorway. His orange, sopping hair clung oddly to his face, a towel slung around his neck with only pants on, his expression furious.

"What the hell is going on in here! How the hell am I supposed to actually relax when you two are in here screaming!?" He thundered. Rukia, rather unimpressed by his outburst, pointed to Kon, who was still clinging to her head.

"It's all _this_ idiot's fault." Ichigo stomped over to them, hand snapping out to take a firm hold on the stuffed lion, ripping him off Rukia's head and holding him aloft. To her disgust, he was covered in dust and dirt, having been in the closet for some time. "Ugh! Kon, I swear, if you rubbed all that dirt off on me—"

"He did. I guess it's your turn for a bath," Ichigo smirked, tossing the struggling Kon to the floor.

"It's only because I love you and was waiting for you, Nee-san! I know! Maybe I could come with you to bathe—"

"Don't be gross!" Ichigo snarled at him, stomping hard on his face before Rukia could. Scowling at the little lion, she sighed, and made her way out of the room.

"Both of you are idiots. I'm going to go wash this crap out of my hair. Be sure to knock him around some more for me, Ichigo." She commanded breezily.


	3. Temporary Peace

Hey! Here's chapter 3 for you, simply because I really love posting and have no self control, lol. I don't own Bleach, I just like to write about it. Hope you like. PS, "- - -" means time passing, "o o o o o" means a perspective change. Just so you know :D

3

Temporary Peace

After a few hours, things began to calm down in the Kurosaki household. _As calm as they ever get, anyway…_Isshin had barged into his room several times over the course of the afternoon, attempting to attack him by surprise. Probably more to distract his father than out of actual need, his sisters had gone shopping to get everything ready for his "special dinner", and dragged Isshin with them. Kon had been thrown out the window earlier and, after about an hour, eventually ceased his obnoxious shouting.

His sisters had demanded that he try to rest, apparently unaware that that was nearly all he had been doing in Soul Society before returning. He had obliged though, with Rukia relaxing in the bathroom, he had nothing better to do. But as soon as the house had fallen silent, as soon as he had closed his eyes, nothing but blood and pain surrounded him. Blessed, relieving sleep never came, only the horrible memories of the past. Gritting his teeth, he had tried to fight them, tried to force them away, but was failing. _I don't want to be alone._

The memories hadn't been quite as insistent before, he had been constantly surrounded by people in Seireitei, he hadn't been left alone to confront them before, and it had been easier to pretend that he was fine in front of those who didn't really know him. Ichigo hadn't even been left alone while recuperating, usually surrounded by officers wanting a report from him, or 4th Squad members fussing over him. He had hated it at the time, he was generally somewhat independent, and especially hated being treated like an invalid by the 4th Squad and a stupid child by the rest of Soul Society. _Still…it was better than being alone. _

Rukia had always been the best relief, she was company he relatively enjoyed. She also knew what he was going through. She had gone through practically everything he had, having been there with him. She had seen the same kind of horrors that he did. She knew, and she understood. She understood _him_ as well. Even when she simply sat beside him, quiet, her presence kept the waking nightmares away. Now, as he battled them, fear, disgust, and bitter anger began to churn within him. _I don't want to be alone! _Crossing his arms over his chest irritably, he stood, wondering where the midget had gotten too. _Is she _still_ in the bath??_ He pounded on the bathroom door.

"Oi, Rukia! What're you doing in there, trying to scrub your gigai off? Get out of there!"

"No, get lost, Ichigo! This is the first time I've gotten to relax in…I don't even remember!" He leaned against the door, banging on it again. "What!" She demanded, he heard distinct splashing and hoped she was getting out.

"I'm bored." He muttered against the door, not wanting to tell her the actual reason. _I don't want her to think I'm weak_. He heard her exasperated sigh.

"_Already_? We've only been home for a few hours!" He slumped against the wall beside the door, letting himself slip slowly down until he was seated. He sat there for a few minutes, trying not to think. To clear his mind. It simply filled with more recollections of blood and death, of pain and screams…Gripping his head, he curled his knees against his chest.

"…It's not going to be the same, is it?" He mumbled quietly, not even knowing if she heard it. The question wasn't necessarily directed to her anyway, he just needed to…_say something_. His thoughts continued to sink, he was snapped out of it by her unexpected answer.

"No. It can't be the same." He leaned his head back against the wall, sighing. The answer didn't help. _Usually, she helps. Maybe she just _can't_ this time_. A sudden splashing behind the door caught his attention again, he wondered what she was doing. Just as he began to ask, his mouth opening, the bathroom door cracked open as well. Rukia, wrapped in a large towel, her hair folded up in one as well, sat down in the doorway, staring at him intensely with violet eyes. He blinked at her, not knowing what she was doing.

"Ichigo. It can't be the same as it was before." He scowled deeply, that still wasn't what he wanted to hear. The war had tainted nearly everything in his life, haunted his dreams, given him memories that he was desperate to rid himself of. He hadn't been able to fight them while resting before, as soon as he slowed down, they seemed to creep up on him. He had put up a strong act for those in Soul Society, even now, he did for his family. _But I want all the memories to go away _so badly_…I can't keep being strong for everyone._ Rukia cut into his thoughts again by reaching out and gently touching his hand. He looked up at her, he knew she could tell exactly what he was thinking, she always could. _Damn her for being able to read my thoughts…_He didn't want her to see him being weak.

"Ichigo," She repeated. "Just because it can't be the same as it was before, that doesn't mean that it won't get easier. Every day that passes, I promise, it will get easier." He grunted, her words did help, did lift him out of his memories, but he didn't want her to know it. That would only tell her how weak he was. "Besides, we start school soon, right? Pretty soon, you'll be too busy with senior year to even think about…everything." She gave him a confident grin, determination in her eyes. He smirked at her back, but it slowly melded into a rare smile. She stood, keeping the towel tucked tightly around her. She made her way down the hall to his sisters' room, he watched her as she did, already being distracted somewhat from his memories of the war. Shaking his head to dispel embarrassing, weird thoughts, he almost missed her last comment.

"By the way, Ichigo. I know things can't be the same, but…" She raised her chin arrogantly, as if daring him to contest her. "I'm sleeping in the closet tonight." With that, she strode into Karin and Yuzu's room and closed the door behind her.

- - -

Grimmjow Jeagerjaques thrust his fist through Ichigo's belly, blood spurting out of his body, he could feel it rise in his throat, hacking and choking on it as it drained through his mouth. The Sixth Espada began to laugh then, slamming his fists into Ichigo's face as the Shinigami tried to stand. The pain was excruciating, he felt that his head would soon burst from the constant impact. He couldn't even see the blows coming any more, thick blood flowing freely into his eyes, burning them. He couldn't think, couldn't breath, he hurt so horribly, collapsing completely under the weight of Grimmjow's fists. The Arrancar's laughter was the only thing he could hear, another fist crashed into his belly, blood was forced out of the gaping hole in his stomach again and its impact sent him flying backwards like a limp rag into a stone wall. His consciousness was slipping in and out, he felt like he was dying and almost hoped he was just to end the pain. With one blood-filled eye, he could make out the blurry form of the Arrancar drawing near, pulling back his fists to end his prey's life.

Ichigo saw it all before his eyes again, lived it again, curled into a ball in his bed. That was only one of the memories that had been wracking his brain, he felt himself trembling, he couldn't entirely recall how he had survived. He had been in too much pain to be afraid then, to truly understand that his life could have ended there. Now, though, he understood it completely. Fear pumped through him as he relived the pain, could feel it clawing into him again as if he were back in the battle. He thrashed in bed again, trying to force the memory from him, and make his mind realize that he was at home, tucked into his bed. His mind persisted, he bit down on his tongue to hold in the pain-filled groan that escaped his throat. Unfallen tears lingered in the corners of his eyes, he writhed gripping at his head again. _It hurts…it _hurts!_ NO, no! It's not real, I'm not there!_ He couldn't withhold the groan this time, he didn't hear the sound of the closet door as it was pushed back. Nor the quiet padding of two small feet that approached the bed. He was suddenly aware of a presence though, and lashed out, almost fully convinced it was the Sixth Espada come to end his life. He violently grabbed two thin wrists, dragging them downward as he launched himself out of bed.

Then, the vision vanished. He was in his room again. He was standing in his bedroom with the blankets puddle at his feet, dressed not in his Bankai robes, but in pajama pants and a T-shirt. The lights were out, it was the middle of the night, and his alarm clock blinked 3 am. His breath caught in his throat, he was suddenly terrified to see the person he now held in his vice-like grip. Ichigo lurched backward in horror went he saw that it wasn't his mortal enemy, but his best friend forced into a painful kneel in front of him. His hands flew open to release her, he knew that her wrists would bruise. She was still looking down in her kneeling position, hands falling to her side as she stood. He attempted to back up, only sitting down on the bed instead, despising himself for attacking her, hurting her. For being so weak that he couldn't control himself. For being too afraid to try. He was positive she would turn away from him then, turn away and never come back. And the very thought that she would hurt him more than the pain he had just relived.

"Ichigo." At her voice, he squeezed his eyes shut, trying with all of what remained of his ripped-apart strength to hold in the pain he felt. The weakness, the fear. He couldn't show her, he couldn't let her know. "_Ichigo_." Her voice commanded again, a slender hand tucked under his chin, forcing his jaw up to face her. He didn't want to, afraid of facing what he was positive would come, her abandoning him, but cracked open his eyes. As he looked at her, though, they widened with astonishment. He didn't see anger, hurt, or fear in her eyes, only understanding and pressing concern. They stared at each other then, he was breathing heavily. She looked so different than he had ever seen her before.

Rukia, small and thin, always looking delicate and elegant, stood before him in the timid beams of moonlight that leaked from behind the clouds. She was in Yuzu's yellow pajamas, strong, proud. _Beautiful_. The coldness, though, the coldness that always hid some part of her away from him wasn't there this time. She had always hidden herself, even only slightly, from him behind walls. As close as they were, best friends and companions, partners and confidants, she always had kept the smallest part of her distant, held beyond where he could reach. He had just let it be, hoping that one day, she would trust him completely, finally let him truly in.

Now, it seemed like that moment had come, the walls were gone, the ice that always held on in the back of her gaze noticeably absent. All that was in those eyes now was complete understanding, no pity, no rejection, no fear. Slowly, carefully, she lifted her hands again, stepping forward. Wrapping them, gingerly at first, around his head, her hold became stronger as he leaned into her, face pressed against her chest. He let his own walls down, his own over-strained strength crumble, in her embrace. He was still trembling, but it gradually ceased as she continued to hold him, a light hand running through his hair.

His eyelids were drooping in the heavy exhaustion that was weighing on him when he felt her being to pull away. _No_. She brought peace, she brought calm. He still needed it. She removed her hands, he reached out to grab them, pulling her to him again. Her tired eyes were questioning as she looked down at him, she was just as exhausted as he was. Fully aware that the nightmares, the pain, would come back if she left, his plea was simple, quiet, but entirely heartfelt.

"Stay."

She eyed him for a moment, not suspiciously, but considering. Their friendship wasn't an affectionate or gentle one. Their caring was expressed with insults and punches, taunting and sharp kicks to the shins. He was crossing a line they had never crossed before, he was allowing her to see that he cared for her, that he valued her, he was breaking the unspoken understanding they had. But he needed her, he desperately needed the comfort she gave him, though he didn't know how or why only she was able to give it. At this point, though, to him, it didn't matter.

She must have decided that it didn't as well, she nodded once, and then gestured with a wave of a tired hand that he get into bed. He was too exhausted to feel awkward, too desperate to feel discomfort, as she climbed in beside him. They looked at each other only once before rolling to face different directions, he didn't dare attempt to touch her again. That would be going too far. She was staying with him, bringing the peace, that was the only thing that mattered. For the first night in nearly a year, he slept soundly.

- - -

Hmm, I forgot to do a brief summary for last chapter. Oh well. In this chapter, Ichigo is tormented, Rukia tries to comfort him in any way she can. What do you think?


	4. Supposed to be the Strong One

Hey guys. Nothing much to say before this chapter. Thanks for all the reviews! They're amazing :D. Um, I don't own Bleach, and all that jazz...Finally, just in case of confusion: this: "o o o o o" means a change in perspective, while this: "- - -" means that time is passing. I think that's all! Thanks for reading!

4

Supposed to be the Strong One

Tuesday, September 4th, 2007.

Yuzu placed the bowl of scrambled eggs in front of her adopted sister, Rukia gave her a sunny smile in response. Yuzu's day started off like any other for the most part, the only difference was that now her brother and adopted sister, both of which whom she adored, had returned. That simple fact had made her average morning seem like anything but ordinary, and she had made breakfast with a gusto. _I hope Ichi-nii likes his eggs this way still!_ She was determined to do her best to make him happy, and to make both of them feel comfortable at home again.

After Rukia had told her and Karin about the war, she had had her mind set, she was going to help both of them recover from the pain that was still clear in all of their glances, lingering in their expressions when they weren't forcing smiles. _Well…at least Rukia-chan smiles. Ichi-nii never smiles._ Yuzu wasn't the blissfully ignorant child her family thought she still was. Since she had gone through puberty, she had begun sensing what she believed the others sensed. She would see vague shadows and blurs instead of full out souls, but she would know they were there. She could feel the weight of people's reiatsu, especially when they were upset. And since her brother had arrived home, all she could feel was his, a burden to her newly awakened awareness, and now a nearly crushing pressure because of his volatile emotions hid away behind his indifferent façade. _He's in pain, they both are…I have to do whatever I can to help! _Breakfast was action number one towards that goal.

_Rukia-chan seems alright…_She noticed happily as the Shinigami girl began to eat daintily. Seating herself besides Rukia, she began to eat as well, making light conversation. _Rukia-chan is always so polite,_ Yuzu thought while watching her eat. _Her manners are wonderful. I wonder where she learned them? _It dawned on Yuzu then that she knew very little about Rukia, only that the fact that her brother, in his aloof and sometimes abrasive manner, liked to have her around. _And it's no wonder, Rukia-chan is beautiful. Ichi-nii must really like her, maybe even—_

Her thoughts were cut off by the booming voice of her father, overcoming even the rolls of thunder that were sounding outside.

"GOOOD MOOORNING ICHIGOOOOO!" There were some thuds, bangs, crashes, angry shouting, and the general harsh commotion that always happened when the two were together. Yuzu winced, like always, she hoped adamantly that no one got hurt. Ichigo's reiatsu spiked as he was obviously angered, his exclamations echoed down the stairs.

Karin entered the kitchen, scowling much like Ichigo always did, and covering her ears. She dished herself out some scrambled eggs and poured herself some tea, joining the two girls already at the table.

"It's been a while since we've heard that, Yuzu, you'd think I'd be happy…" She snorted, and another loud crash sounded. Rukia chuckled under her breath, Karin, after a second of more scowling, did as well.

"Am I the only one upset by this?" Yuzu whined, her eyes lingering worriedly on the stairs. Rukia touched lightly at her arm, clearly trying to comfort her.

"Don't worry. I've been watching Ichigo fight for years, and I'll tell you two things. First, that idiot will get hit again and again and keep getting back up, so he'll be fine. Second, he won't hurt your dad, he doesn't get carried away like that, he more or less keeps thinking while in battle." Yuzu didn't feel too much better, especially hearing that her beloved older brother kept getting hit again and again. "…Besides," Rukia abruptly continued, "Your dad is too stubborn to let Ichigo win." Karin laughed, Rukia grinned, Yuzu attempted to smile, still a little worried.

They turned out to be fairly right though, Ichigo stumbling down the stairs with a horrible grimace on his face, Isshin prodding him in the back as he did. Despite their battle upstairs, Ichigo still looked incredibly groggy, his eyelids hanging halfway closed.

"You didn't have to wake him up for breakfast, you old goat," Karin huffed as her brother dropped into the seat across from Rukia. "He needs as much rest as possible to recover." Isshin opened his mouth to reply, Ichigo cut him off with a grumble.

"I'm fine." Slumped over the table, her brother began to eat mechanically off the plate Yuzu set in front of him. Karin snorted again at his deadened statement, but wisely chose not to push him. _Can't Dad tell that Ichi-nii needs a break? Rukia-chan, too. They both just need time, Dad shouldn't pick on them. _

"Ah! What a wonderful breakfast, Yuzu! You've really outdone yourself!" Isshin cried as he scooped himself some eggs. Yuzu flushed, he was being over-the-top as usual.

"Well, not really Dad…They're not hard to make." Her father seemed to not even hear her.

"What a perfect daughter, an absolute delight! You made these special for your brother, didn't you! And look at him, just stuffing his face like a moron! Ichigo! Thank your wonderful sister!"

"Dad—" Yuzu tried to disarm the dangerous conversation, Ichigo was quite clearly in a bad mood, his reiatsu fluxing strangely.

"Mind your own business, old man!" Her brother snapped, before turning to Yuzu. "They're good, Yuzu." Isshin started his wild praising again, simultaneously insulting his eldest as well. Ichigo began snarling back, raising a threatening fist. Karin joined the fray, adding her own angered lectures about Isshin. Yuzu, who only really wanted a nice, peaceful breakfast, and everyone to be happy, felt like crying, this isn't what she wanted at all. Suddenly, a new voice sounded, quiet and calm.

"A fine job the three of you are doing to thank her, upsetting her like this." Yuzu turned to stare, along with her father and sister, at the slight girl beside her, who had put so much command and authority into her voice that they had been silenced. _What… How…_ "Just ignore them all, Yuzu. You did a lovely job. What is this dish called? We have nothing like it in Soul Society." The argument had been effectively ended with nothing more than a simple comment from the girl. Yuzu blushed, then began to explain the dish, it wasn't very complicated, but Rukia, with noble elegance, listened with supportive attentiveness. _No wonder Ichi-nii likes her…_The youngest daughter glanced over at her brother at the thought, so startled by his expression that she almost lost what she was saying.

He was staring, eyes enormous, at Rukia, who was still listening to Yuzu. His fingers tightly clutched the edge of the table, a brilliant blush stretched across his features. He clearly looked horrified, recoiling slightly. Halfway through her description of the preparation of the eggs, he abruptly stood, mumbling out some sort of apology and hurrying away up the stairs. The sound of his door slamming was quite audible in the silence that ensued.

"What was _that_ all about?" Karin broke the silence again as she stared at the stairs. Isshin shrugged, his gaze the same place as Karin's. Only Yuzu saw Rukia look downward, her expression troubled.

o o o o o

Rukia withheld an exhausted sigh. _He just remembered. The next few days are going to be difficult. _Isshin immediately began to rant about how his son was a growing boy, and growing boys acted like idiots all the time, that this was nothing irregular. Karin pointed out loudly that Ichigo wasn't just a normal teenage boy, and Yuzu, looking painfully worried, began to clear the table. Rukia caught Yuzu's expression, the girl was clearly upset_. Ichigo, you idiot. Now I have to deal with this._ After helping Yuzu finish the dishes, Rukia made her way up to Ichigo's room.

o o o o o

Ichigo buried his head under his pillow, wishing profusely that he could just disappear_. I can't believe I did that, that I asked her to—to…Gah!_ Rukia was his best friend, the one who knew him best in three worlds. And now all he wanted to do was hide from her. He had, in a moment of extreme weakness, let her see the weakness, his inability to keep it all together. _I'm supposed to be the strong one, I'm supposed to be the protector. She—she won't want to believe in me any more, she won't want me to save her. _

Of course, yes, he was horribly embarrassed by the fact that he had practically plead with her to stay in his bed with him, it would only make it more difficult to ignore that irritating part of his teenage brain that recognized she was female. It would be harder to look her in the eye after this, and he was particularly afraid she would mock him, tease him about being a perverted teenager. _I'm not! Dammit! _He buried his head further, also further repressing the involuntary thoughts that acknowledged her appeal that always lingered in the back of his stupid head. He knew she didn't see him like that, that was clear. She didn't treat him like the other girls, and never had. The behavior he had begun to realize as "I like you" behavior, especially from Orihime, had never been displayed by Rukia. She had always seemed above it all, close to him all the time, but never really reachable in that sense. _Maybe it's cause she's so freakin' old…_ He sighed. His head hurt now, Rukia was always a puzzle that couldn't be worked out. They held a connection unlike anything he had ever shared with anyone, they understood each other, but…_Since the war…_Something had changed. He didn't know what, but it frightened him slightly. And this current incident would only most likely continue to carry change. He grimaced against his mattress. _I hate change._

He suddenly stiffened, her reiatsu, something he no longer had to search for, he could feel it as easily as breathing, was approaching. _Shit, shit!_ He didn't want to face her now, he wanted just to pretend the whole thing hadn't happened. She had just been trying to help him, to offer comfort and reassurance, he knew, but that understanding didn't salve the awkwardness that a conversation about it would bring. _Though at this point, I dunno if it can get any more awkward…_

"Ichigo?" A sturdy knock came at the door, he cringed. There was no avoiding it now. The knock came again. "Ichigo, I know you're in there, idiot! I can feel you in there!" _Maybe if I don't answer, she'll think I'm asleep…_ "I know you're not asleep!" _Dammit, that bitch! How can she always seem to read my fucking mind?!_ He rolled himself off of his bed, slumping towards the door. He swung it open, presenting her with a horrific scowl as he did so. She only planted her hands on her hips and strode forcefully past him into the room, seating herself on his bed. He rubbed his eyes irately as he closed the door again, all too quickly irritated that she was sitting on his bed. Even more so when she spoke.

"You're an idiot." He grit his teeth at her, he heard that far too often, and was in absolutely no mood to hear it now.

"What." He grated out, eyes narrowing. She stood now, arms folding across her chest. He knew what that meant, she was in battle-mode, ready to fight out something until she got her way. _Fuck_.

"You really freaked out your family, Ichigo! Yuzu's on the verge of tears!" He blinked in surprise, all readiness to fight back leaving him. That wasn't what he had been expecting at all, he had thought she would tell him to stop being perverted, or would call him out on being embarrassed…Something like that.

"What?"

"Your family! They all care about you so much, it really scares them when you suddenly bolt from the table! Poor Yuzu. You should go back down there and apologize. _And_ just _be_ with them for a little while, you can't just ignore them and stay in your room for the rest of your life! They were so scared for you during the war, they need to see that you're ok!" He gaped at her, he had been expecting a lecture, but not this one.

"You—you…You don't want to talk about…last night?" He questioned, confused. She arched a delicate eyebrow at him, a corner of her mouth lifting into a slight smirk.

"I don't expect there's anything to talk about in that. Is there?" His face was hot, he could feel his blush and hated it. Shaking his head sharply, he muttered a "no", and quickly headed out the room to follow her command and talk to his family.

o o o o o

Kisuke Urahara hummed lightly to himself as he slide back the front door to the shop somewhat, far enough to let in the wandering black cat. Sticking his head out for a moment, he wondered where Yoruichi was now, they had been together so often during the war, but he felt like he never saw her since it ended. _Probably in Soul Society…_ Though he had lent aid to Soul Society during the war, he was in no means forgiven yet for his past discretions, his case was still being "considered". _Which means it will never happen… _It was partly understandable, most of Soul Society had been demolished during the war, and with so much going on right now for its recovery, his re-instatement case would likely take a very long time_. That is, if it were anybody but me_. He was well aware he had few allies in positions of power right now, his friends seemed to all be teenagers and the more minor officers, with a handful of Captains and Vice-Captains. _Ukitake and Kyouraku will fight for me…Perhaps Hitsugaya as well. And they'll be needing Captains now… _One had been killed during the war, and there were still holes left in the ranks from Aizen and the others' departure. _Though…Old Man Yama still probably doesn't like me much, and Mayuri will fight me coming back as well._

Urahara scowled, striding to the back of the shop, closing up for the night. _That guy's always been crazy. I was never that bad…Zaraki won't care either way, I don't think Unohana would fight me either…_ He wasn't sure which was Soi Fon would go. Although they were technically allies due to both being close to Yoruichi, it was for that very same reason that he was unsure. It was _because_ of his relationship, however off and on it was, with Yoruichi that Soi Fon detested him. Byakuya Kuchiki was the last of the living Captains, and quite frankly, Urahara was positive that the 6th Squad Captain would protest a re-instatement. _Kuchiki's always hated me…Calling me 'scatter-brained' and 'unreliable'…Humph. Just because I almost got his sister killed…But he was the one who was trying to kill her! _

His thoughts still troubling, he lay down in bed. Just the feeling of his head hitting the pillow caused it to hurt somewhat, he had been having headaches more regularly recently. The pain only broke through his thoughts briefly, though, Soul Society's upcoming judgment, however long it would take, weighing on him. He wasn't even sure at this point if he _wanted_ to return. His life in the real world wasn't so bad, he got to do what he wanted when he wanted. It was relatively quiet, peaceful, except for the occasional worlds-spanning war, freeloader, or loud, orange-haired teenager demanding to be sent to Soul Society._ But to be a Captain again…to be able to research, learn…To have my life back. And…to be close to Yoruichi again…Perhaps it would be worth it_.

- - -

Recap: Ichigo is all embarrassed about the previous night, Rukia knows it was just about support and understanding when he was having a tough time. She snaps him out of it, like always. Meanwhile, Urahara has the potential to be a Captain again-If Soul Society lets him. So that was it, what do you think? Thanks for reading! MissCyraf


	5. Comfort, Awkwardness, and Pain

Hello, hello! I thought I'd post another chapter of the story. This one's kind of short, but fluffy-fun for those of you that like that kind of thing. And for those of you that don't, no worries, it's all still plot-relevent, haha, with some super fun Hitsugaya awesomeness. ...sortof. Anyway, the chapter's short because the next one is so long, and I didn't want to break up the scene. A few more things. Firstly: I don't own Bleach, though I would like to. Secondly: This is still just a fledgling idea, but I've been thinking of making this story into a doujinshi. For those of you that don't know what that is, it's pretty much the manga of a fanfic. Good idea/bad idea? What dya think? ...I'm still thinking about it. I do have an account on DA, if you'd like to look at it, I already have a couple of Bleach pics posted and have several others in process. If you'd like to see, the link is posted on my profile. UMMM...I can't think of anything else I want to say, except that your opinions are always appreciated, and if you have any questions, just send them to me and I'll def get back to you. I like to respond :D

5

Comfort, Awkwardness, and Pain

Ichigo wondered if it would cost him too much of his dignity to thank Rukia for her "advice" earlier. _Probably_. Since going downstairs to apologize and reassure his family, it had been a relatively good day. He had spent the whole day with his family, at first it had been slightly awkward, but he had eventually fallen back into his old pace with them, fighting with his father, joking with Karin, and babying Yuzu with rare affection. Rukia had made herself absent throughout most of the day, he wondered at that. Despite dreading seeing her and talking to her this morning, he now missed her presence, a realization that bugged him. _Where'd that idiot get to, anyways? _She_ was the one who wanted me to hang out with the family, has she been hiding? …Maybe just giving me space._

Climbing the stairs, he considered that idea. _Most likely._ He appreciated that, and the fact that she wanted him to be able to bond with them without her disturbing him, not that she really ever did. _She was trying to be considerate. That moron. She must think that either they or I don't want her around, she doesn't realize that she's part of the family._ He tapped on his door lightly before stepping in, he really didn't need to knock at his room, but, in the spirit of being considerate…

"Oi, Rukia," She was on his bed, lying back with a manga clutched tightly in her small hands. It was like she didn't even hear him. "Rukia." He said louder, this time she actually jumped, emitting an uncharacteristic squeak. He grinned at her, chuckling. Flushed, she sat up, dropping the manga at her side.

"Don't do that, you dumbass! You scared the crap out of me!" He gave her a lightly annoyed scowl, bending over to see what she was reading. Snorting, he straightened.

"Then don't read something scary, stupid. C'mon, we're going downstairs." He grabbed her arm, she frowned.

"Why?" He glared back at her, trying to show annoyance he didn't really feel.

"'Cause Karin and Yuzu want you to come down, duh," She took that opportunity to tease him, but allowed herself to be towed behind him.

"Oh? Just Karin and Yuzu? You sure _you_ don't want me around too, _Ichigo_?" He snorted again, hoping that would convince her that he didn't. The last thing he would admit to her was that he did.

"Rukia-chan!" Yuzu cried as soon as she laid eyes on the small Shinigami. "You came down just in time!" Rukia grinned, seating herself down on the couch as Ichigo climbed over the back to drop himself onto the cushion beside her.

"Just in time for what?"

"Our favorite show! You'll love it!" Yuzu insisted, Isshin nodding emphatically next to her. Karin, next to Isshin, covered her face with her hand, and Ichigo rolled his eyes, groaning.

"…What is it?" Rukia clearly wasn't sharing the young girl's excitement, apprehensive.

"'Eternal Love: Boy and Girl'!" Yuzu chirped, Isshin cheered. Rukia glanced confused eyes over at Ichigo, who couldn't help curling his lip in distaste. He leaned over to mutter in her ear, she might understand more things about the real world than the average Shinigami, but she still didn't know bad TV when she heard it.

"It's a really dumb soap opera they seem to love for some reason. Got to be the most idiotic, cheesy thing you've ever seen…You'll hate it." He was positive she would, not remembering the content of the manga's she regularly devoured.

- - -

Over the course of the show, though, she began to laugh, shout, and tear up along with Yuzu and his father, annoying him. Another came on after, it was a marathon, Ichigo felt like he was going to gag from all the syrupy sap the show featured.

"I thought you had better taste than them," He commented sourly at her as she clapped with Yuzu that another was coming on. She elbowed him roughly.

"Shutup, Ichigo, or I'll make you watch some Chappy with me later." He shut up, recoiling. Karin, who had been fetching sodas from the kitchen, offered to order pizza, and with Rukia's elbow still resting against his side, Ichigo sighed. Though he hated the show they were watching, he couldn't argue against the company. He relaxed, leaning back. His family and Rukia were annoying as hell, but this is what he had been wanting all of those cold, dark nights in Heuco Mundo. And it felt good.

Wednesday, September 5th, 2007.

Some obnoxious noise teased at his ears, he squeezed his eyes tighter in response, as if that would block out everything. Something beside on his arm shifted, he stubbornly ignored it, not ready to be awake yet. He wanted to go back to sleep, his dreams had been pleasant, he recalled, so very unlike the dreams he normally had, soaked in blood. He was warm and comfortable, it would be easy just to drift back off.

"Morning, Ichi-nii!" The voice of Yuzu broke his concentration on sleeping, he frowned, still refusing to open his eyes.

"Yeah, _morning_, Ichi." Karin's voice this time, rippling with barely-contained amusement. _Uh oh_. He cracked an eye at her. "Good to see one of you is awake." She grinned down at him maliciously. _Huh?_

"What the hell are you talking about, Karin…" He grumbled, trying to sit up, his mind puzzling over why he was on the couch.

"Careful! Don't wake Rukia-chan!" Yuzu squeaked, Ichigo traced her eyes. Rukia. Sleeping. In his lap.

"What the hell!" Ichigo bolted up into a seated position, leaning as far as he could away from the small girl in his lap. She shifted again, he couldn't help from recoiling further.

"Stop yelling…idiot." She mumbled from somewhere within her mess of black hair, he couldn't see her face.

"Rukia, get the hell off me!" He demanded, his cheeks burning a brilliant scarlet. She sat up then, groggy confusion plain on her face beneath her ruffled cloud of hair. Meeting his expression though, he watched the realization of what was happening dawn on her. It would have been amusing if it wasn't so embarrassing. Karin grinned devilishly from her position of lazily leaning against the couch, watching the spectacle as Rukia gawked and pulled sharply away from him. She curled up away from him on the opposite side of the couch, her mouth twisted in a bitter scowl as she glared at him, as if it were his fault.

"You guys fell asleep like that…You were just so _darn_ cute, we couldn't wake you." Karin explained, heavy sarcasm coloring her voice. "That, and the old goat wanted pictures."

"What!" Both Ichigo and Rukia shouted, their faces identically red. Karin grinned, continuing to make it worse.

"Yeah, he said something about keeping a 'journal of your love', or whatever." She laughed then, even Yuzu joining her.

"WHAT!?" They sat in frozen horror, staring at each other. The sisters continued to chuckle.

"Well, whenever you guys want breakfast, it's almost done," Yuzu grinned at them over her shoulder as both sisters left the room, ignoring their dismayed looks. Suddenly one of Rukia's fingers was straight in his face, her expression furious and focused directly on him.

"_THAT didn't happen_." He returned the expression at her threat.

"You don't have to tell me!"

o o o o o

Toushiro Hitsugaya sighed, dropping his head onto his arm. _So much paperwork…_Things had begun to settle down in Soul Society, all the of the casualties had been accounted for and were now being treated. Reconstruction had started, and once the absolutely vital steps had been taken, like healing the injured, the paperwork had begun. _Mountains and mountains of it…._He sighed into his arm, wishing vehemently that if he believed hard enough, the paperwork would all be gone. Peeking over his arm, he grumbled, seeing that the paperwork was still there, piled in great stacks in front of him. In normal conditions, he would have simply sucked it up and done the paperwork, as he knew he couldn't expect too much help from his slumbering Vice Captain. He wasn't in normal circumstances now, though, his head had begun to hurt a few days ago, he assumed from stress giving him a tension headache. _Humph. That's it…_

"Matsumoto!" He was only answered by a snort in her snoring. He scowled at the back of the couch, he couldn't see her, but her snoring easily gave away her position. _Lazy drunk…_ He ground his teeth before calling out again. "Matsumoto, wake up! You've got work to do!" A louder snore, like she was subconsciously trying to drown him out. _Enough._

He thrust himself out of his seat, ignoring the pulse of pain in his head from his sudden movement. Striding over to the couch, he leaned over his Vice Captain, scowling. Her brows were drawn in tightly, she looked to not be getting a very restful sleep. He momentarily pitied her, it wasn't entirely fair to think of her as a lazy drunk. Even though she drank far too much, she had been extremely reliable and strong throughout the war, and now during the clean up. _She is actually working, if not on paperwork_.

He knew all too well what her drinking had been about recently too, he didn't think it was just for fun anymore. _It's to wash away the memories…_She herself had taken down Ichimaru Gin, and knowing her affections for him, it must have been extraordinarily difficult. He sighed, straightening, and decided not to wake her_. I'll let her sleep…but just this once._ Glancing back over his shoulder, he eyed the paperwork, all stacked up and waiting. _I feel like hell, and Matsumoto is probably worse off. …I suppose it can wait, at least until morning._ Rubbing at his head, Hitsugaya left the office to hopefully go sleep off his pain.

- - -

Ok! Recap time, just for traditions' sake. Ichigo and Rukia chilling out, they get all awkward. haha. Hitsugaya's stressed, and in pain. He thinks on Matsumoto, she's worse off. See ya next time for a long, super fun chapter. Toodles, MissCyraf


	6. Going to Lose Her

Hey all. Long chapter this time, I know the last one was pretty short. Not too much to say this time, only I like feedback a lot, and really take it into consideration while writing. Also, I don't own Bleach. I hope you like the chapter, and thanks for reading!

6

Going to Lose Her

Thursday, September 6th, 2007.

Dizzy dreams pulled at her mind, she grit her teeth in her sleep, unable to avoid surreal foes. A sharp beeping snapped her awake, she sat bolt upright, blinking. The beeping sounded again, her phone alerting her to the presence of a Hollow. For once, she was thankful for its interruption of her slumber, her dreams had been extremely troubled. Reaching upwards, she felt at her forehead, realizing that she had broken out in a cold sweat at some point. She grit her teeth, scenes from the dreams coming back to her. Blood. Pain. Fallen comrades, death. Ichigo bleeding, crumpled…_Ichigo. Ichigo!_ She shoved the closet door aside, needing to see if he was still there, still safe. She let out an audible sigh as she spotted him still in bed, completely safe, healthy, strong. Her nightmares and memories still haunted her everyday, it took almost all of her effort to push them aside and to try to be cheerful, to try to live again. She had created a sort of shell of forced happiness, pretending that she was alright, that she would _be_ alright. She found that it was the only way she could function, the only way to keep her guilt and pain from breaking her. Glancing over at the boy, still sleeping, but wracked in his own nightmares, her resolved hardened, determined to maintain her carefully constructed happiness and strength. _I have to._

Her phone beeped again, alerting her to the Hollow that would appear in a mere ten minutes. Throwing off her blankets, she pushed the closet door completely open, leaping out to wake Ichigo. His position gave her pause for a second, she snorted with near laughter, her mood lightening slightly. He was sleeping on his face, the pillow resting on top of his head and the blankets all at his feet. Her smile soured when she realized the probable cause, it was the idiot's unconscious reaction to the nightmare he was having, much worse than hers, most likely. She balled her fists. _Ichigo…He was even more affected than I was. I need to stay strong, not only for me, but for him. _

Yesterday's…_incident_…didn't help her. It had broken her concentration, her determination. She had been shocked, embarrassed, completely unnerved to find herself waking up in his arms. She had pressed upon herself frequently yesterday that it had meant nothing, nothing had happened. But it had confused her. _And that's the worst part._ She had been completely focused on returning to normal, more for Ichigo than herself. _I didn't have much of a life in Soul Society, but Ichigo had one here. The war hurt him so deeply, all I want is for him to recover, to live like he did before. To be happy._ Her goal had been shaken, her center thrown off. In that instant, their relationship, what she had always thought had been strong, had been altered dramatically, they were in an uncomfortable shade of grey. She didn't know how she could be as _normal_ as she had planned on being now_. I just hope he forgets about it. _

It had been a bad day yesterday, he had chosen to avoid her and hide in his room all day. And when she had gone in to talk to him again, he had hidden on the roof. Rukia wasn't sure how to handle this problem, not only was she now confused about where she stood with him, and—_perhaps_—her own feelings, she had never come across this _kind_ of problem before. _He was easy before. Like when he was so ashamed and disappointed in himself for letting Inoue get hurt when the Espada first attacked…_She had immediately seen the problem, understood it, and literally beat confidence back into him. It was different now. For all she knew, in his eyes, _she_ was the problem. _And he won't let me close enough to try to fix it. That damn idiot!_ It had pissed her off, and made her more stressed and confused all day, she had chosen to take several long walks just to get away, hoping that each time she returned, he would want to talk. He hadn't. And now she was in a state of emotional limbo, not knowing exactly how to act around him, her carefully built bubble forming a crack. _Bastard. _She had thought at the time,_ I'm just trying to help him and he hides from me!_ Now, his head still covered by the pillow, she couldn't see his scowl, but heard a faint groan, and watched his fingers tighten their grip in the sheets, distracting her from her thoughts. Concern for him washing over her own stress, she momentarily forgot about the Hollow. _Whatever. This just means I have to be stronger._ Her phone rang out again, reminding her. She sighed_. No time to think on this now._

"Ichigo! Wake up!" She demanded, pushing back the issues weighing on her mind. First and foremost, they were Shinigami, and they had a duty that was far more important than minor emotional squabbles.

"Ehhmm?" His voice rumbled from beneath the pillow.

"Ichigo, if you don't wake up now, I'm going to go fight the Hollow by myself." It wasn't a bluff, she really would do it, but she knew the boy would rise for a Hollow. _If not for me. Whatever._ He sat up, blinking rapidly to focus, then looking away.

"What, a Hollow? Where?"

"About five blocks from here, c'mon." He eyed her as she popped a soul candy into her mouth, her soul form thrust forward, her gigai flopping backwards and hitting the floor soundly before the soul inside fully awakened. Ichigo's eyes followed her dropping body for a moment, and then, apparently either having forgotten his grumpiness yesterday or deciding it was unimportant, he struggled out of bed. One hand at the waistband of his pajama pants, he attempted to stand, his foot getting stuck in a pants leg, nearly causing them to be pulled down as he fought to stay balanced. Rukia snorted as he fumbled_._ For a minute, it was easy to forget yesterday, and all the irritation it had been causing her._ He's so uncoordinated in the mornings…I'd better be extra careful to make sure he doesn't trip or something and get himself killed…_He slapped his hand to his badge, his own soul form ripping out of his body.

"Hey, Kon! We're going out, we'll be back in a few! Don't let my family in here!" He shouted as he pulled open a drawer of his dresser, an irate plushie lion climbing out yelling at him. Rukia knew his reasoning, he didn't want his family to see his body lifeless on the ground or her obnoxious gigai. _They might know it's all part of the job, but it's still a little disturbing to non-Shinigami. _As he leapt out the window, Rukia followed.

"What the hell is Kon supposed to do if they want to come in?" She demanded. Ichigo's usual scowl deepened as he responded gruffly.

"I dunno, that's his problem. He'll figure something out."

"…Sure he will…" Rukia muttered, Kon had no chance. _And he's definitely still mad. Idiot..._

o o o o o

_Things are getting a little bit too boring here for my liking…_Abarai Renji was seated on the railing of the 6th Squad barracks, watching his fellow Shinigami scurry around, all in the reconstruction effort. Parts of Soul Society, especially Seireitei, had been decimated during the war, and after reports of the death toll and damage were taken, emergency healing stations built, and basic order returning, things were starting to slow down. Too slow for Renji's taste. He wasn't particularly interested in helping rebuild whatever building, or being a make-shift nurse in one of the healing stations as many others of his remaining Squad were doing. He had his own injuries to nurse--_sort of_--and wasn't especially eager to attend to those of others_. The Captain hasn't given me any real orders yet…and my arm and side hurt like hell…_An idea formed in his head. _I haven't seen Rukia or that dumb Strawberry in a while…_With his idea firmly in mind, he began to file out the appropriate paperwork for a leave of absence due to health reasons. _Heh, yeah, health…More like, threat of death from boredom…_

o o o o o

The nightmare got worse. His dream replayed a battle with the Arrancar, Ichigo's every thought, every fear, was present. He could feel every knick, every scratch, every bruise, and every slice that the Arrancar had made on his body. His Bankai robes were torn, practically shredded around his shoulders, and his arm was bleeding so heavily he was worried that his sword might slip out of his hand. This time, though, his opponent wasn't Grimmjow, but Ulquiorra. He had managed to avoid being punched through the chest this time, but he knew it was coming. _I don't care, let it come! When it does, I'll just put Zangetsu through his face! _The Espada surged forward, a light dancing on the top of his finger. _Cero!_ Ichigo steeled himself in preparation._ If I can deflect it, I'll have an opening!—_The cero beam pulsed, growing exponentially, and fired toward him, Ichigo smashed it sideways with Tensa Zangetsu, thinking that he could now attack. Ulquiorra was far faster than he anticipated, drawing his sword and slashing out. Ichigo wasn't able to block this time, the Espada's zanpakuto dug deeply into his flesh, cleaving through his muscles. The pain was unbearable, he stumbled back, gasping for breath, the Arrancar lifting his hand again to fire another cero—he was helpless, he could hardly lift his sword—

"Ichigo! Wake up!"

"Ehhmm?" A sharp voice broke through his dream, broke through the blank dull green of the Espada's eyes as they held his terrified gaze.

"Ichigo, if you don't wake up now, I'm going to go fight the Hollow by myself." Rukia spoke again, bringing him fully out of the dream. His heart was pounding, he had been positive he was about to die. But the eyes that had caused him such fear were gone, replaced by familiar beautiful violet. He blinked, her face began to focus above his own as she leaned down, glaring at him. He dropped his gaze from hers, recalling yesterday. He still couldn't look her in the eye. She had given him an out though, she had said "Hollow".

"What, a Hollow? Where?"

"About five blocks from here, c'mon." She leaned back again, pulling away. He watched, not sure exactly what to say to her, even more unsure if he should say anything at all. _I messed everything up again yesterday, what the hell is wrong with me…_He had avoided her all day, humiliated and frustrated with himself, positive she would mock him. _Or think I'm weak...Know I am._ She had seen his nightmares, she had been doing all she could to calm them, but because she knew he couldn't do it himself, he couldn't even conquer not a real enemy, but simply dreams…_She must think I'm incompetent. Pathetic. Weak. That's why she must have stayed with me, 'cause she thinks I can't get over them myself. That I'm falling apart. …Maybe I am._ Disgusted with himself and his lack of control, lack of ability, and the fact that he didn't even have enough strength to fight his own fears, he had hidden from her, from everyone. He didn't want to even show his face. _I'm weak…She knows…How can she respect me…care about me when I'm like this?_ He easily remembered when she had returned from Soul Society after the Espada had attacked. How she had looked at him…it wasn't even pity. _More like contempt. She thought I was pathetic then, she _told_ me I was. And now there isn't even an enemy. There's only me. How can she stand to even be around me? _

He was distracted from his rising self-pity and revulsion by Rukia placing a soul candy into her mouth. Her spirit sprang forth out of her body, the gigai tumbling backward and hitting the floor hard. He cringed, no matter how many times he saw it, and despite knowing that it wasn't actually _Rukia_ falling to the ground like a lifeless corpse, the sight still rankled within him. He had seen her injured too often, always blaming himself for not being able to protect her. This time was no different, he hated seeing the gigai fall, it reminded him all too deeply of his failures, of how much pain she had undergone because of him. If anything, it made him feel worse, and he pulled into himself further.

Rukia herself paid the gigai no attention, preparing to leave. Pushing his pain and disgust back to think on later, he prepared to leave, struggling to get up and follow her. After putting Kon in charge of guarding his body, they left to hunt down the Hollow.

- - -

Approaching the park, he could feel the Hollow's reiatsu beneath his skin, and its nearness hung in the air like a heavy stench. His eyes instinctively narrowed, he momentarily forgot his own problems as his prey neared. Until Rukia took a step forward, the mid-morning sun glinting off her shining white blade. The discomfort and pain rushed back to him like a stab in the stomach, he turned his head away from her. _I can't be distracted. Not now. If I am, if I let everything get to me, she might get hurt._ His grip on Zangetsu's hilt tightened, he rotated to face away from her completely. If he could ignore her, he could protect her. The knowledge that she was a competent Shinigami who had fought Arrancar , far worse than a mere Hollow, and survived, didn't even enter his mind. He had to protect her, that was all there was. _And I refuse to be so weak that I can't. _

The breeze shifted, his senses pricked up, and the Hollow's roar caught the air. He spun on his heel to face it, it was a hundred yards away, but hurtling itself at them in startling speed for its size. A growl ripped from his lips, muscles tensed, he threw himself at it, Zangetsu raised over his shoulder into the air. A white ribbon whipped through his line of sight, a slender body following it. _Rukia!_ With her lighter frame, she was faster than he was, charging the Hollow in front of him. His eyes widened, he panicked. _No! Get away from it! _There was no real reason for his fear for her, it was merely a Hollow, she had fought far worse before. But logical thought hadn't entered his mind at all when he saw her charging the Hollow, only his need to protect. He was going entirely on instinct and irrational compulsions, afraid that if she fought it alone, she might get hurt, and he might lose her. She kept him sane, and he sure as hell wasn't going to lose her.

"Rukia! Move!" He screamed at her, his voice harsh out of panic. She must have taken it as an insult, glaring back at him for an instant before leaping into the air defiantly. Her blade poised to pierce its mask, her body arching in the air as she dived down towards its gaping mouth, she was ready to destroy it, confident, capable. But seeing her so close to danger, so close to the chance of getting hurt, he couldn't stand it. He flash stepped forward and up, catching her around the waist and tossing her to the side. He watched her descent, she rolled easily away, out of harms way. She caught herself to stop the roll, sitting up with an enraged expression, opening her mouth to quite obviously scream at him. She wasn't able to, her expression blinking to one of sudden horror.

"Ichigo—!" He turned his head just in time to see a fist come crashing at him from the side, knocking him cleanly off of his feet. The Hollow cackled then, swinging another fist at him. This time, he was prepared, flash stepping out of the way. A white glimmer caught at the edge of his sight, Rukia was coming again. He ground his teeth, he didn't want her anywhere near the Hollow. _I need to finish this now._ Stretching his blade upwards, feeling his reiatsu build with in it, he slashed downwards, releasing it.

"_Getsuga Tenshou!_" A blue arch streaked towards the Hollow, slicing through its body as it screamed and writhed. The body dissolved, he lowered Zangetsu, relieved that Rukia hadn't been able to get anywhere near it. Sheathing his zanpakuto, he grit his teeth as a dull pain shocked through his shoulder, alerting him that he had been injured somewhat when the Hollow hit him. _It doesn't matter. Rukia's safe. I protected her._ The knowledge that he was able to protect her salved his emotional wounds somewhat, it proved he wasn't completely useless. It was probably for the best that his confidence had at least improved, even if it wasn't totally restored. Turning to face Rukia, seeing her absolutely wrathful expression, he knew he was going to need what strength he had.

"You—" As she approached, he could see her more clearly, she was trembling with anger. "You—" Her lip curled into a horrible snarl, eyes blazing. "You IDIOT!" He winced back at the force of the scream. "How could you _do_ that! WHY? What's _wrong_ with you! I was about to kill it and you pushed me out of the way, just so _you_ could kill it instead! I knew your ego was too big for you, but I never thought you could be so _stupid_! _And_ you got yourself hurt! I can't believe you, you purposely endangered yourself just to prove what!? That you're some big, tough Shinigami who can defeat _anything_!? Well that didn't prove anything, only that you're an even bigger _dumbass_ than I thought!" She shouted up into his face, her fists balled behind her as she leaned into her tirade. He took a step back, his relief for her safety disintegrating into frustrated fury.

"Shut the fuck up! That's not why I did it, and you know it! God, Rukia, you call me an idiot? Look at you! You think you can do anything, don't you, that you don't need _me_! Well it wasn't _you_ who killed Aizen, was it! It was _me_! _It's always me_! 'Cause I'm _always_ fucking protecting you!" Her eyes widened, she inhaled sharply. In his anger, he had just started screaming back, not thinking about what he was saying. He was just as shocked at what had come out, he truly didn't resent saving or protecting her, he had always felt that it was simply his duty, and only his, to do. And that it would always be him to do it, he wouldn't ever let anyone else take care of her. Only him. _But what I just said…_The way she just stood in shock, seemingly frozen. He vehemently wished he could take the words back, seeing the wall begin to rise again in those violet eyes. _No—no! I didn't mean it! Rukia—_She didn't let him say it.

"…I don't need you to protect me, Ichigo. And I don't want you to, either." Her voice was ice cold, cold like he had only heard once or twice before. Each time it had been devastating, just as it was now. She spun away from him then, head held high, back rigidly straight, with all of the Kuchiki pride she had within her. He stood rooted to the ground, mouth still working around the thoughts he wanted to tell her. _If—if I could just explain to her—if I could just tell her what's been going on—_He wanted to believe she would understand, but at this moment, didn't think she would. As she paced away, a gentle breeze whisking her dark hair across her shoulders, his desperate, potential words died on his lips. It was too late now. Only when she disappeared from his sight entirely did he begin to react, pounding himself in the head with furious fists. _Now she'll really leave…I'm going to lose her…_

- - -

Recap: We see a little bit of Rukia's reactions to her own nightmares and pain, but she decides she has to stay strong for Ichigo. They leave to fight a Hollow, and I wrote the same scene from both of their perspectives so we could see how each felt. (If you were wondering, I like to do that sometimes :D Hope it wasn't confusing.) At the same time, Renji doesn't want to hang around Soul Society, so he files some paperwork to go to the real world. Ichigo and Rukia fight, Ichigo yells something completely irrelevant b/c he knows he's wrong and feels guilty, but can't explain why he actually did it. Concern for her would be too embarrassing. He immediately regrets it, though, because that's not the way he really feels. Rukia storms off.

Hate to break the mood, but...yay! Glad I got that chapter up, it was a toughie. Took several revisions to get it the way I liked. So, what do you guys think? Thanks for reading!! MissCyraf


	7. Fixed Eyes

Another shorter chapter, but one of my favorites. At first, I despised Byakuya, but now...I like him better. He's a pretty deep character, actually. Not that any of Tite Kubo's aren't, all of his characters are deep. ANYWAYS! Here's another chapter because I will be out of town next week and won't have internet access. So, I post a lot this week to make up for it. :D That, and I really like posting and reading you all's reaction and opinions on the story. They're always appreciated, so if there's something you like about it, please let me know! Ok, lastly, I don't own Bleach. Thanks guys, and enjoy! MissCyraf

PS: This "o o o o o" means a change in perspective, just in case you don't know...ok bye!

7

Fixed Eyes

Though no one would ever know it from his glacial disposition, Byakuya Kuchiki was in a foul mood. His head had been aching more and more instantly recently, and he was overwhelmed with paperwork. At the moment, he was reviewing the most recent status report on his division, things weren't looking good. The 6th Squad had been hit very hard, being one of the divisions on the front lines the most frequently. A large percentage had been killed, many more wounded and were now out of commission. In a rare show of emotion, Byakuya crumpled the paper in his hand, letting a scowl grace his lips for a brief moment. He knew why his squad had been on the front lines so often_. It is because of me. _

He was powerful, more so than even the other Captains, with the possible exception of Kenpachi Zaraki. He was also efficient, killing with an elegant ease that others lacked. It was because of him, not because the power of his squad, that they had been pushed to the front so often. And though he would never show any indication of it, he hated it. Absolutely loathed the fact, with a loathing that he reserved for few. He disliked many things, disdained many things, but as for loathing them…that wasn't common. _It is because of me that there were so many deaths… _

He was widely considered not just cold, but completely heartless. He never fought the image or rumors, a Kuchiki was supposed to be distant, above the rest, especially the Head of the House. But he wasn't. No one seemed to remember his less-than-dignified days, back when he had fallen completely and recklessly in love with Hisana. He had been a different person then, her death had changed him. He had frozen then, no longer letting himself reach out to others for fear of that pain again, hiding it behind his noble status and Captaincy. When Rukia had been nearly executed though, he had been inwardly torn apart. The need to never disappoint his family again, to obey orders and enforce the law had driven him to nearly bring about her death himself, but, after fighting the orange-headed fool, the part of him that was still in love with Hisana had been reawakened. And it was that part that cared for his men as well. That part that caused him guilt that he couldn't hide from.

He cursed himself again, standing and beginning to pace his expansive office, picking up a small stack of paperwork and sifting through it. One document caught his eye, one concerning his Vice-Captain. _So…Renji has decided to take a leave of absence, to the real world, it seems. He never said anything to me._ With any other, Byakuya might have been irritated. Eyeing the sheet in his hands though, he decided he wasn't. Renji had earned a break, he had fought longer than most, harder than most. He was eventually cut down towards the end, having to be taken from the front to get emergency care, but he had, though Byakuya wouldn't tell him, done his Captain proud.

Setting the document aside, the 6th Captain folded his hands behind his back, striding over to the large window that overlooked the gardens. The sakura trees were in bloom, reminding him of Hisana. He closed his eyes. _…And I know why he returns to the real world. Rukia is there._ The part of him that loved still lingered, he could understand the other man's need to see her. He knew, had known for a very long time, how Renji felt for his adopted sister.

He turned away from the window, he didn't want to open his eyes to see the blossoms again. Seating himself back at his desk, he filed away Renji's report, eyes darkening. For a moment, Byakuya felt a sort of compassion for him, instead of just pity, at his situation. The reality was, and Byakuya Kuchiki knew this, was that Rukia no longer saw Renji. Not like she used to. Her eyes were fixed on another entirely. As fixed as surely as Hisana's eyes had once been on him.

o o o o o

Rukia wasn't sure where she was exactly storming off to, she only knew that she was storming off with as much noble dignity as she could muster. She sheathed her sword as soon as she turned a corner and was out of his line of sight, it missed a couple of times before entering the sheath as she was still trembling from her fury. _That—that fool! Bastard! Jerk! I can't believe he said that to me! Dumbass, idiot, moron!_ She had hoped mentally tongue-lashing him would quell her fury some, it didn't. It really didn't help with the underlying problem to the fury either, her fear that maybe he really didn't want her around anymore. She had been doing her best to try to take care of him, knowing his damaged state, but knew that she had been failing miserably. _I only made it worse…_

Wrapped up in her thoughts, she hardly even noticed where she was going, surprised when she ended up downtown. _When did I get here? Damn him!_ Exasperated, fearful, and completely frustrated with herself, she slumped down onto a bench. People filtered by, none of them seeing the small Shinigami lazily watching them, trying to distract herself from her thoughts with the commotion of the city streets. Rubbing at her eyes, she paused as a familiar reiatsu surfaced on the edge of her senses. _…Renji?_

"Hey, Rukia." His voice sounded beside her as he leaned forward on the back of the bench. She jumped, squeaking in surprise, she hadn't felt him so close. He laughed at her, climbing over the back of the bench to drop down next to her.

"Renji! How—where—?" She stammered at him, still not believing that she hadn't felt him coming until just before he spoke.

"Man, Rukia. You _do_ spend too much time in the real world, your senses are shot to hell." He jibed easily, a wide grin stretching across his face.

"You idiot," She was moderately insulted, but was ultimately so happy to see him, to see someone who _cared_… Her generally trained expression began to crack around the edges, unshed tears of worry, frustration, disappointment with herself, and fear gathering in her eyes. Renji clearly became alarmed, eyes widening.

o o o o o

"Hey, Rukia—don't get so upset! It was just a joke—!" She flung her arms around his neck, effectively cutting him off. He was stunned for a moment, but his arms closed around her as she snuffled into his neck. Stroking at her back, though still perplexed at her outburst, he muttered soothing reassurances in her ear.

"Rukia, it's ok, it's ok. Everything's ok, nothing happened in Soul Society. I'm fine, everybody's fine…What's wrong, can you tell me what's wrong?" Renji asked as calmly as he could, it wasn't like Rukia to cry. She was usually rather eloquent when expressing herself, as well as being tough as nails. He knew there was always a wall protecting her real, pure feelings, and had never liked it, but it truly disturbed him to see it crumble. Unable to get out what was bothering her between the sobs, her detailed explanation dwindled into a pathetic and completely uncharacteristic whimper. He held her tighter, willing to wait.

After a few minutes, she had apparently calmed down somewhat, pulling away from him. The wall was returning, but he wasn't willing to let it completely rise again. She still hadn't told him what was wrong, and there was no way in hell he was going to let her shut herself off again with all that inside. Renji still gripped her shoulders, keeping her close, keeping his eyes on hers. Her gaze darted away, she was plainly embarrassed by what had just happened, trying to regain her noble pride. He released one shoulder to lift her chin, making her meet his gaze.

"Now can you tell me what's going on?" He had only left her with Ichigo a few days ago, he thought she would be fine. Both Rukia and Ichigo had undergone an immense amount of trauma, emotional and physical, more than even he had. When Rukia had been assigned to the real world with Ichigo to help him mop up the remaining Hollows that lingered around Karakura Town, Renji had figured it would be good for her, would help her recover and forget. True, he wasn't entirely happy it was with Ichigo, who he still found kind of obnoxious and was perhaps a rival for her attention, but at least she would be safe. He had thought Ichigo would take care of her, protect her. Lightly rubbing the tears from her cheeks with the back of his hand, worry clutched at him. _I guess I was wrong…_

She sniffled again, eyes still reddened and watery. Brows arching, she stared into his eyes, he figured she was determining whether or not it would be safe to tell him what was happening, safe for her feelings. That was one thing about Rukia that had always bothered him. She so rarely really let him in. As she opened her mouth, hesitating as she tried to find the words, he wondered with a fast pang of annoyance if she let Ichigo in.

"I—You—" She paused again. "Ichigo is a jerk." _Ah. So it is about him_. Inwardly sighing, Renji nodded once and pulled her back into his arms, not knowing if it was ok to feel a little bit comforted himself as she pressed her face into his chest. Resting a hand on top of her head, he knew all too well how fragile she was right now, even though she was trying so hard to be strong. _And that dumbass isn't helping…If he's done something to her, I swear I'll kill him…_

- - -

Instant replay action! Byaukya is troubled and all hurty, he thinks on Renji. Renji drops in on Rukia after her fight with Ichigo, she, uncharacteristically, cries at him. I usually don't see Renji porttrayed as a very good guy in fanfics. I mean, I know he was kind of a bad guy early on, when he was first introduced, but he actually is a really good guy. He cares about Rukia and his friends, he's ambitious and dependable, too. He's actually a lot like Ichigo, which I mention in this story. I always got something of a tension between him and Ichigo, maybe over Rukia or maybe because they're so alike, but I think they could be/possibly are really good friends. He's definitely a favorite of mine, and I'm trying to write him as true to his nature (as I see it) as I can. Anyway, thanks for reading! Lemme know what you think! MissCyraf


	8. Back to Normal

Alright, so the final chapter before I go on vacation is up! Show it some love, peoples! :D I hope you like it... I don't own Bleach.

8

Back to Normal

"…So, where exactly are we going?" Rukia questioned as Renji stood and stretched, waiting for her. They had talked for a little while longer on the bench, surrounded by hundreds of people, and yet, still completely alone. Although she hadn't decided if she wanted to see him, she was slightly bothered that he hadn't come looking for her yet. _I guess he really doesn't want me around._ So when Renji suggested they go somewhere, she had no reason not to accept. He doesn't care, and I'm not going to wait for him to. _There's no point to sitting around here and crying like an idiot some more._

She fell into step besides her redheaded friend, who hooked his thumbs into his pants, setting a leisurely pace. A bored scowl lingered on his face, his strange brows quirking as he glanced down at her. She withheld a vague smile. _He's so like Ichigo sometimes…Not that he'd ever admit it._ The inward smile fell away, her mood darkening again at the thought of Ichigo.

"Urahara's." He replied. Rukia let herself grin this time.

"Going to freeload off him again, hmm?" She poked him in the side and he loudly protested, squirming away.

"Hey! Cut it out! And no, we're not freeloading! I figure you need t' get some real exercise and work off whatever's goin' on in that little head of yours." Her grin dipped into a scowl.

"'Little head'?" He blinked at her, then took off running, a shout of laughter trailing behind him. Forgetting all of her troubles with Ichigo, she pelted off after him.

o o o o o

_"I don't need you to protect me, Ichigo. And I don't want you to, either."…Fuck._ Her words, her voice, refused to leave his head, they had been tormenting him all afternoon. The clock blinked from 9:45 to 9:46, Ichigo presented it with a scowl nasty enough to melt it. _She's still not back yet._ After their fight, he had returned home, figuring she would wander back in when she had cooled off. Reviewing the whole incident, he knew he was wrong, knew that her anger was deserving. They were a team, had always been a team. He had—for some reason—forgotten that, pushing her out of the way. _I…just didn't want her to get hurt._ There were other reasons, he recognized, but chose not to pay attention to them now_. I should have given her more credit…but I wanted to protect her. _He had even thoroughly considered apologizing to her earlier, but after spending an afternoon in hell because of her, he had reconsidered.

Her gigai had pounced on him the second he had climbed back into the window, squealing her utter delight to be spending the day with someone other than Kon, who, according to her, had spent nearly the whole time Ichigo was gone hitting on her. After freeing Kon from where she had placed him, duct-taped to the ceiling, he had attempted to relax and sooth the ache in his shoulder. Unfortunately, the soul in Rukia's gigai had found his ice-pack to be hilarious. That's when it had all begun, she had beaten him into the floor to see where else he would put the ice-pack, and if he had any others he would put on. He had eventually managed to fight her off, irritated but slightly guilty that her gigai was probably going to be a bit bruised. She had thought the whole thing had been fun, and demanded further entertainment.

He had briefly considered strangling her, but doubted Rukia would approve, and didn't want to do anything to further piss her off. So, he had swiped some of his sisters' crayons and coloring books, hoping those would suffice. They did for a while. Then she grew bored of coloring and decided more wrestling was in order. When he had finally managed to free himself, he had smacked her with his Shinigami badge, making the gigai cough up the soul candy. He left the soul candy on his desk, but now had to stare at Rukia's deadened gigai, which he decided, was worse. It was like looking at her after Grimmjow had punched the hole through her stomach, completely lifeless. Carefully picking the body up, he placed it in the closet. That taken care of, he had started waiting.

It had been four in the afternoon when Ichigo had put Rukia's gigai in the closet. Now it was 9:46, and he has long past tired of waiting. Though he didn't want to admit it, he was worried about her. True, he was still ashamed of his weakness, ashamed of what had happened this morning, angry and disappointed in himself, pissed that she hadn't returned without telling him _and_ form leaving him with her gigai…But worry was currently at the top of the list. That, and the steadily growing fear that she had left him for Soul Society. _…Would she really do that without telling me? …"I don't need you to protect me, Ichigo. And I don't want you to, either."…_The words burned through his brain again, and he sighed, trying not to let himself get frustrated again. After spending the whole afternoon, and now evening, alone, he had had plenty of time to think on them. They caused him probably more inner turmoil than anything she had ever said to him, even when she had left him for Soul Society to be executed.

He lied back in bed, folding his arms behind his head, soon shifting again, restless. _Everything has been going to hell recently…why?_ The war, the war was the only reason he could come up with. The war had traumatized him, Rukia too, had given both of them their nightmares, had created in him the need for reassurance, help. _I've never needed it before. I've never been weak. Even during. Even when I was going through all that shit…_

He sat up, stretching to try to relieve the stress his increasing anxiety had placed on his muscles. _That, and the damn aches that stupid gigai gave me._ He stood, pacing. _Rukia went through it too, maybe she's in just as bad of shape as I am._ He considered this, she hadn't acted any differently. She never said anything about nightmares, about fear or pain. She really had only focused on his problems. Ichigo abruptly stopped pacing, coming to a realization. _Rukia—she—she's been trying to help me so much, she's been ignoring her own problems, she must be having them too! Damn, no one could go through all that shit without them! I've been so stupid! _Whirling around, he grabbed the jacket lying over the back of his chair. Shrugging it on, he punched the sleeping plush lion that was sprawled on top of his dresser.

"Kon! Wake up!" The lion groaned, rolling over to snarl at his waker.

"Why are you waking me up, stupid Ichigo!" That earned him another punch to the head.

"Shut up. I'm going out to look for Rukia. If she gets back before I do, call my cell, ok?" Kon scowled, but agreed, rolling back over to sleep on his face again. Not sparing Kon another thought, Ichigo strode out the door.

o o o o o

"…So then he said he's always protecting me. It sounded like…" She paused, looking down at the sword in her lap. She and Renji had been training for most of the afternoon, talking while taking breaks. Though it had been a long time, decades, actually, since she had been this open with Renji, the more they fought, the more she wanted to tell him. "It sounded like he didn't want me around anymore." The redheaded man leaned back against the boulder he was resting in front of, mouth quirking, brows drawing together.

"What did you say?" Rukia ran her finger along the flat of the blade, not wanting to look at him while she admitted the rest of the story.

"I…I said that I didn't need him to protect me. And that I didn't want him to." Renji suddenly howled like a wounded animal, Rukia's gaze darted upward to watch him, alarmed, when she realized he was messing around. While still groaning, he mimed a knife stabbing him in the heart, groaning and falling over to his side. Her upper lip curled in un-amused contempt, she folded her arms across her chest. "…And what, exactly, are the dramatics about?" Putting all of her Kuchiki disdain behind the question, she arched a delicate brow. He grinned at her wolfishly from his position on the ground, pushing himself back up.

"You said that t' him? Jeez, Rukia." Her face flamed, not understanding, but becoming defensive none the less.

"What?! He was screaming in my face!"

"Well, you screamed in his first," Renji pointed out, shrugging.

"Because he did something so stupid! It's his fault!" Renji sighed, leaning to his side on his arm.

"He was just trying t' protect you, Rukia. Yeah, it was…really, _really_ stupid, but give a little credit t' the guy. He's an idiot, but at least he had good intentions." Rukia made a sour face, irritated that Renji was actually defending him.

"You're supposed to be on my side," She growled at him bitterly. He only grinned at her.

"Well duh, I'm on your side, Strawberry's a dumbass. He should know better, hell, you guys made it through the war together, he should know better than anyone else that you can handle yourself. …It doesn't make a lot of sense, really…" He scratched idly at his chin. Rukia looked away, though, causing him to glance at her, clearly curious. "…What."

"Nothing." She replied, not feeling like sharing anymore. He sat up at her response, his expression told her he knew it wasn't nothing.

"What's going on…?" She gave up trying to hide it, knowing he wouldn't stop asking until she spilled. Looking away, she hesitantly answered.

"Things…have been weird recently."

"Weird? How?" He pressed.

"I don't know. Just weird. Like, one minute, everything's fine, the next he's being all moody and won't even talk to me…" She didn't want to go into detail, especially to Renji. _I probably shouldn't even be talking to him about this at all…_She was aware of his past feelings for her, in the past, she had felt for him too. But, at least to her, that was in the past. She didn't know what Renji felt now, but going into embarrassing details of waking up in Ichigo's arms, despite how innocent it had been, didn't seem appropriate. Renji's expression darkened, and he suddenly reached over to her, covering her hand with his own. She glanced up at him again, eyes widening at his seriousness.

"Rukia. We've all been through so, so much. It's easy to forget that Ichigo is far younger than us, but we have t' remember that he's only 18. And that he's been through the most. I know you want t' help him, but…you have t' let him sort it out on his own. He'll come around." Rukia was generally surprised, it seemed that Renji had struck one of his rare veins of wisdom and maturity. _Or he's finally grown up…_ In either case, she was grateful, and set her sword down to embrace him. He hugged her back, and she let herself calm down in his arms, temporarily releasing her worries. He couldn't give her freedom from the pain that was still embedded deep within her, but he could at least give her a brief reprieve.

o o o o o

"God dammit!" Ichigo shouted into the night air as the first drops of rain began to hit him, he hadn't thought to bring an umbrella. "At least I'm almost there." He grumbled, seeing the light peeking out from the crack in the sliding wooden doors in the front of the Urahara shop. After checking a few of their favorite hang out spots, like the park, the river, and the ice cream shop, he had decided that Urahara's would be the next best place to go. _She better be there, I hate the rain._

It was now, officially, one of the worst days of his life. And he had had quite a few. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he hunched a little more as the rain seeped through his hood down onto his face. He supposed it was a sort of blessing that it was at least warm out still, cold rain in a cold night would definitely be worse.

He came to the door of the Shoten, knocking firmly. He heard some shuffling, the door sliding back a few inches, enough to let him see the blinking eyes of the shopkeeper.

"Oh! Kurosaki-kun! It's you!" Urahara exclaimed, his smile obvious even though his mouth was behind the door.

"Shove it, Sandal-Hat, you knew it was me before I even got here." Ichigo snarled, he was in no mood. Urahara disregarded his rudeness, sliding the door open further to allow Ichigo in.

"And how can I help you this evening? Though it is a little late…" He flipped his fan idly in front of his face, his wide smile still in his voice. Ichigo glared_. Trust Urahara to be as round-about as he can. _

"It's only ten. And you know why I'm here. Where's Rukia?"

"Kuchiki-san?" Urahara blinked innocently, fan still flipping. Crossing his arms over his chest, Ichigo waited. "Ohhh. Well…she's in the basement with Abarai-kun. Why do you ask?" That generally surprised him, but if they were in the basement, he wouldn't feel their reiatsu anyway. Not bothering to answer Urahara's question, he strode past him towards the basement door. He didn't distrust Renji, but the fact that she was mad at him and Renji had been the one she had run to…It irked him somewhat. He hadn't even known Renji had come back. _Did_ _she call him here? No, she couldn't have…Unless_. The idea that she ran to him after a fight with Ichigo stung enough, but the thought that just entered his head was worse. _What if she called him to replace her here…So she could go back to Soul Society? _He moved a little bit fast to the ladder, hurrying to climb down it. She couldn't go back. He wouldn't let her.

o o o o o

Renji felt him before he saw him, then the bobbing orange head as Ichigo ran to them became clear. Clearing his throat, he broke the embrace, ignoring Rukia's questioning look as he stood to meet Ichigo. He hoped that the younger man hadn't seen it, that would only cause complications. For all he could tell, Ichigo cared about Rukia, perhaps was even in love with her, he wasn't sure. But either way, he was noisy as well as possessive, and would certainly protest an embrace between Rukia and himself. Rukia stood as well, turning to see what Renji was looking at. Apparently, she hadn't felt him.

"Oi! Ichigo! What's up, man?" Renji called to him as he drew near, outstretching a hand to shake the other's. Ichigo gave him only a sharp nod, eyes flashing intimidatingly, then focusing back on Rukia. Renji dropped his hand, his ire growing as he saw her tense again. _Dammit! That stupid Strawberry! It took me forever to get her to relax, and as soon as he shows up, she gets all uptight again!_ Ichigo stopped in front of her, staring down at her with pain-filled eyes, it was weird for Renji to see. He had never seen Ichigo look like this before, only those fierce brown eyes flashing with anger, loathing, or annoying arrogance. That he would show this sort of look to Rukia, not to anyone else, discomforted him. Then again, he knew from first hand experience that Rukia could have this effect on people.

"Hey." Ichigo said weakly, pushing his hands into his pockets. She scowled, glaring at the ground. Renji suddenly felt awkward, a third wheel. Rukia had forgotten about him entirely, now completely concentrated on Ichigo even though she wasn't looking at him. He wanted to leave, but couldn't think of a subtle way to do it, so just stood there, helplessly.

"About earlier…" Ichigo started again. Rukia snorted, and Renji took a tiny step back. He knew that snort. She wasn't upset anymore, she was angry. _Great. Just great._ _And I'm stuck here in the middle of it. _

"If you don't want me around anymore, Ichigo, just say so." She turned her glare onto the orange-headed boy, her tone forceful and blunt. That seemed to surprise him, his orange brows drew together in confusion, his mouth opened and closed for a minute.

"Wha—What? Why the hell would you think that?"

"Why _wouldn't_ I think that?" She shot back at him.

"No, why _would_ you!"

"How could I not!"

"Don't be stupid!"

"_You're_ stupid!" Somehow, it had all devolved from a serious conversation into petty bickering, Renji's eyes went back and forth, resting on one of them, then shifting to the other. He didn't really know what was going on, but hoped it was progress.

"I just wanted to protect you!"

"And I told you that I didn't want you to!"

"Well, if you didn't keep getting your short ass in trouble, then I wouldn't have to!"

"Don't call me short! And I don't get in trouble, I'm usually stopping _you_ from doing something dumb and getting yourself hurt!"

"And I don't want you to!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!" They snarled at each other for another moment, both tense and glaring, then Rukia abruptly turned away from him, facing Renji.

"Renji, I'm going home with Ichigo. Are you going to stay here for the night, or are you planning on going back to Soul Society…?" Although he didn't know exactly how it had happened, apparently they had worked it out. Puzzled, but deciding not to ask her about it now, he merely answered the question.

"I'll be here for a few days, I got a leave of absence for my health." He ignored the snort from Ichigo, smiling down at Rukia. Lifting a hand, he ruffled her hair, hoping that would properly convey his concern for her. "You take care of yourself, Short-Stuff. And if this idiot gets t' you again, just call me and I'll beat his ass." Another snort. This time, he shot the Strawberry a significant look, met by the cocky smirk that he hated so much. Rukia grinned though, chuckling a little.

"Ok, I'll let you know when it happens, because I know it will. I'll see you tomorrow, Renji." Bending down, she picked up her sword and sheathed it, then turned and strode toward Ichigo, who gave him a vague wave. Renji bent to get his own sword, when he straightened, they were already pretty far ahead. Sheathing Zabimaru, he wondered how Rukia felt about Ichigo. Then decided he didn't want to know.

o o o o o

He had forgotten about the rain as they stepped towards the door of the Shoten, scowling in irritation, he removed his jacket, passing it to Rukia before stepping out into it. She seemed moderately surprised, but said nothing, merely accepting it. They walked back in silence, but not in the same uncomfortable tension they had been in the past few days. It was still uncomfortable, but not in the same way. It wasn't as negative now, he didn't feel like she hated him or was disappointed in him. He was actually relatively ok, despite the rained that was drenching him. Not even his memories were bothering him now, walking in peace back with Rukia. Glancing down at her as they approached the house, a rare smile tugged at his lips, she was completely swamped in his jacket, looking kind of stupid. Or perhaps adorable. _No, definitely stupid._ A small guilt abruptly pulled at him, breaking the smile, as he looked down at her.

"Hey, Rukia," He spoke for the first time since they started walking. She turned those brilliant violet eyes on him, for the first time in days not filled with irritation or anger. He looked away to speak again, his pride interfering. "Sorry." Once the word was said, he could look down at her again. To his surprise, she wasn't grinning maliciously like he expected, giving him a genuine, small smile instead.

"Yeah. Sorry." She replied. He appreciated that, he really did. But that didn't stop him from ruining the moment.

"No problem, Midget." He just couldn't help himself, it was a compulsion. She responded exactly as he knew she would, kicking him sharply in the shins. He hobbled the rest of the way as she stormed off ahead, he would be lucky if she didn't lock him out of the house. But that was ok if it meant things were finally back to normal.

- - -

Whew! That was a long one! Recap: Rukia and Renji go to Urahara's to talk and fight out her frustrations. Ichigo was forced to entertain Pyon, it didn't go well, and then went to go look for Rukia. Renji actually acts rather mature, a rare thing for him :). Ichigo cusses. I hope no one found that offensive, but as I was writing it, I was laughing really hard. Something about them talking calmly and him shouting cuss words into the night air I just found hilarious. Don't really know why. Ichigo finds Rukia at the Shoten, they fight briefly and Renji has no idea what's going on. They leave, and make up for real. Huzzah. This was a fun chapter... at least for me. So, tell me what you think, did I resolve it ok? In the next few chapters the real plot will begin to surface. Dun Dun DUUUN! ok. Bye. MissCyraf


	9. Pain Go Away

Hey guys! I'm back! And I have a nice, long chapter for you. This is the longest yet, actually. We get a whole bunch of perspectives changes, some fluff, some saddness, some fighting, and a lot of drama! Hahahaa...Well, I hope you like it, and thank you for reading. I don't own Bleach, I just loves it. MissCyraf

9

Pain Go Away

Friday, September 7th, 2007.

A low pattering touched at his ears, becoming louder as he was roused into consciousness. His eyes remained shut, he wasn't willing to admit he officially had woken up yet, that the day had begun. Despite his reluctance to be awake, his brain began to work, bringing back memories, thoughts surfacing. Images from the previous night's nightmares wafted through his mind, he did his best to ignore them, pushing his thoughts in another direction. He had dreamed about something else…something that he could almost reach, but couldn't quite recall. He strained for it, searching his mind, but it lingered just beyond his memory, somewhere back in the shades of grey.

From somewhere across the room, he heard a light shuffling, as if Rukia had already woken and was moving around in her closet. _Rukia…_She hadn't locked him out last night afterall, and didn't even fuss about his name calling, discovering her gigai without a soul in her closet distracted her. He grinned lazily thinking back on it, on how she had fussed about _that_ instead.

"Ichigo, why is my gigai in the closet without Pyon in it?" Her annoying bitching for some reason hadn't gotten to him, he had been in too good of a mood.

"Because she's annoying as hell and after she kept beating on me, I was tired of dealing with it," He had replied breezily, Rukia had only grit her teeth at him for a minute before dropping the subject, touching her gigai and being absorbed back into it.

Currently lying in bed with the covers drawn over his face, Ichigo frowned at what had happened next. It wasn't important, it wasn't even significant. _Nothing actually…happened… _Back in her body, Rukia had smirked at him, hands on her hips. Even though he had spent the whole afternoon with the Pyon in her gigai, it looked infinitely different with Rukia inside. Infinitely more comforting, more appealing, more…attractive. He had realized then that the shell meant nothing without the right soul inside, perhaps that's why Pyon bothered him so much. It looked like Rukia physically, but it wasn't her, it was just…wrong. _Damn wrong._ He was always moderately disturbed looking into those violet eyes and not seeing Rukia in them, they seemed less beautiful, less _real_. So when he watched her enter the gigai again, stand up and look at him with full recognition and understanding of who he was, _what _he was, he was momentarily astonished, frozen just _looking_ at her. One of her delicate brows had raised, she had asked what was wrong with him and given him a fast jab in the chest with her finger. He had only shrugged it off, responding with a "nothing, what's wrong with you?". She had scoffed then, and everything was back to normal. At the time, he had shoved the moment back in his head to think on later.

Now was that later, still lying in bed after having just woken up. _What the hell was that about…? _He grimaced to himself. _Whatever, Rukia's just_—He suddenly stiffened, the mystery dream launching forward into his consciousness. _Rukia!_ His face flushed as it came back to him, it had been about her. He was back saving her from the Hollow again, but it was different, oddly skewed. Instead of him merely dropping her out of the way, he had held onto her waist, taking her along with him as he leapt at the Hollow, piercing its mask with an easy swing of Zangetsu. They had landed together, she had turned in his arms to face him, her eyes bright, cheeks blushing, her arms encircling his neck. He had tightened his hold on her waist, leaning in, and—

"Ichigo!"

"Gah!" He sprung upright, chest heaving from the intense memory of the dream. Eyes wide and darting around the room, they landed on the one who had snapped him out of the memory.

"What's with your face, Ichigo?! I haven't even said 'Good Morning' yet!" Isshin leaned in to inspect him, planting his hands on either side of his son, getting right in his face. Lip curling, Ichigo leaned away from the peering eyes of his father, who began to poke him in the forehead insistently. "Your cheeks are all red! Having exciting dreams, my son?!" Isshin flung himself backward enthusiastically, arms waving in the air, tears beginning to leak down his stubbly cheeks. "MOTHER! Our son is finally becoming a man! What a joyous morning!!" Snarling, Ichigo threw his blankets off of him, standing to punch his father in the face.

"What the hell are you talkin' about, old man? You really have no respect for others' privacy, get out of here!" Isshin didn't seem to mind the punch at all, scrambling off the floor to continue to pester his son.

"So! Tell me, my son! Who was the dream about? Tough Tatsuki? Beautiful and peppy Inoue-san? Or…" _No—no, don't say it_, Ichigo plead with his father mentally, wincing. "Perhaps our lovely, dear third sister, Rukia-channnn?"

"Arrgghhh!" Humiliation flaming his cheeks, Ichigo pounced on his father, fists swinging.

o o o o o

Following the noise, Karin rolled her eyes as she saw the cause, actually bored out of not being surprised. She leaned against her door frame to watch them, her father and Ichigo grapple on the floor, beating each other mercilessly. A nervous squeak sounded beside her, she turned to glance at a frightened Yuzu, Rukia watching contemplatively behind her.

"They're really fighting hard today! And Ichi-nii's so red, he seems really angry! …I hope they don't hurt each other…" Yuzu whimpered worriedly. Karin only snorted.

"Like either of them really could hurt each other, they're both too dumb to feel the pain." Isshin was now yelling both words of encouragement and insults, only pushing his son further as Ichigo snarled. Karin caught a faint chuckle, looking over at Rukia. A vague smile graced her pink lips, Karin was mildly surprised. She rarely saw Rukia smile genuinely, knowing that the miniature Shinigami often flashed fake ones out of politeness and obligation. _Though, most the real ones she gives are directed at Ichi-nii…Then again, so are most of her scowls. _

"We should really do something, Karin! They really could be hurting each other this time!"

"C'mon, Yuzu, you say that every morning, and they're always fine. Plus, it's probably good for them, you know, …to get exercise in the morning or something," Karin wasn't making any move to break them up, she'd probably get an arm ripped off for her efforts. _I'm not sticking even a hand in that mess…_ Yuzu whined again, clutching her spoon tightly. Rukia then sighed, laying a light hand on Yuzu's shoulder.

"Don't worry, I'll take care of this," Stepping forward, Karin watched as the graceful girl shifted into her act. She grinned mischievously. _This is gonna be good…_ Unlike Yuzu and her father, Karin could tell when Rukia was faking, and she honestly liked the girl better when she wasn't. The real Rukia was good for her brother, she balanced him out, and often put him back into his place when he got carried away. But that didn't stop her acting from being useful sometimes.

"Ohh! Mr. Kurosaki, Ichigo-kun! How it frightens me to see you fight so seriously! I simply do not know what to do!" With that, Rukia Kuchiki, the proud, elegant Shinigami who had helped save the world with her brother, burst into tears. _Man, she even cries nobly._ Dabbing at her eyes gingerly with a handkerchief, tears slid down her slightly pink cheeks, she snuffled. And the reaction was incredible. Though it had seemed like her brother and father were completely oblivious to their presence, they both froze comically in place, heads turning to stare at Rukia. They seemed to blink for a moment, then Isshin immediately unwound himself from Ichigo, releasing one of his son's wrists and pulling free from Ichigo's grasp as well. Though her brother scowled deeply and crossed his arms over his chest, Isshin ran to Rukia's side, eagerly trying to reassure her that his "stupid son" didn't hurt him, that everything was fine. Rukia nodded, but continued to let tears drip down her face, focusing her startling violet gaze on Isshin.

"Rukia-chan! Don't worry, beautiful Rukia-chan! Daddy wasn't hurting stupid Ichigo—!" He was interrupted by Ichigo's "Hey, shutup!", but ignored him. "And little Ichigo could never hurt Daddy, we were just playing!"

"The hell we were…" Ichigo grumbled.

"We're all done playing now, Rukia-chan! How about we all go downstairs for some nice breakfast! Would that make you happy?" Rukia whimpered, made a dramatic effort of trying to smile, and nodded prettily, bring a wide smile to Isshin's lips. "Good! Family! Everyone downstairs!"

Yuzu cheered, leading the pack as Isshin took Rukia's hand, still muttering reassurances. Karin lingered in the doorway, seeing the absolutely smug look Rukia threw over her shoulder at Ichigo, and the wink she shot Karin. As they retreated downstairs, Karin chuckled, striding over to her brother, who was picking himself off the floor. Grinning just as smugly as Rukia, Karin clapped her brother on the back.

"She's pretty incredible, Ichi-nii. Sometimes I wonder if you deserve her," She sauntered out of the room, but caught his quiet mutter.

"…Yeah. Me too."

o o o o o

Ichigo didn't go to breakfast immediately with his family, but instead decided to take a hot shower to ease his aching muscles. _And bruises. That stupid old goat. _He grumbled to himself all the way to the shower, the hot water soothed his bad mood somewhat, but didn't help the subtle pounding in his head. Running a hand through his wet hair, he wondered at it briefly. _Idiot must have hit me too hard in the head or something…_He couldn't really remember being hit in the head, though. Several times in the face, but that wasn't where the pain was. _Whatever. I have worse problems._ The first and foremost facing Rukia after that dream. Clenching his jaw, he mentally reprimanded himself. _That's not a problem, get over it. Compared to all my other shit, that's nothing._ It didn't feel like nothing, it made him tense again after such a short reprieve. It wasn't fair.

Throwing his shoulders back and clenching his jaw, he strode back to his room to get dressed for the day. His room was empty, but signs of Rukia's inhabitance were everywhere scattered around his room. _Her books, her phone and soul candy dispenser…Even those stupid rabbit hairclips she likes so much. …Dammit._ His insecurities began to creep up on him again, he swore vehemently under his breath. Though his confidence in her and himself had been somewhat restored yesterday evening, the dream rankled, corrupting that confidence. Confidence he so desperately needed to fight off the memories of the atrocities he had experienced during the war with Aizen. _Why is it bothering me so much? It was just a dumb dream. Everybody dreams… I'm over-thinking this._ He sighed heavily, resting his forehead briefly against one of the closet doors and closing his eyes, unsure. Something about the dream had gotten to him, in a different way than his nightmares did. They were horrible, a constant plague in the back of his mind waiting for him to rest, relax. This dream, this dream wasn't horrible. And although he told himself it was ridiculous, he knew that he hadn't found it particularly disagreeable. He opened his eyes and scowled viciously. He wanted to push it out of his head completely, but worse things were waiting to take its place.

He wished he had grown used to the crippling memories of the war over the past few days, but knew they were a probable cause for all of the shit that had been happening with Rukia. They made him tense always, unraveling his nerves, putting him on edge. Things Rukia said and did got to him more than they ever had before. Ichigo had always been a pretty laid-back guy, he didn't let the small stuff bother him. In fact, he cared about very little, and the things he _did_ care about, he cared about with everything he had. _Stupid midget…_She had been added to the list soon after he had met her. _More like she clawed her way there._ He hadn't particularly liked her when they first met, she and her Shinigami job were an annoyance, and a demanding, time-consuming one at that. It wasn't until later that he had begun to appreciate her gift as well as her presence. _And now I'm fucking it up…First with all these dumb fights, then with this dream…It's like I'm coming apart at the seams._ And he wasn't sure he could tell Rukia, his confidence in his dealing with her had been shaken by the dream, despite how stupid he had decided it was.

o o o o o

"Whitey-chan…"

"Don't call me 'Whitey-chan'!" Hitsugaya grimaced, folding his arms across his chest as Hinamori blinked at him. He knew she didn't do it on purpose, that she only called him that now as a slip-up, but it still irritated him like nothing else could. Not even Matsumoto could irk him as much as that single name. "How many times do I have to tell you, Hinamori?! It's 'Captain Hitsugaya'!" She looked away shamefully, he inwardly smacked himself for hurting her feelings_. I'm just so damned tense recently…Probably because of my head hurting so much lately…_

"Forgive me, Captain." She whispered. He sighed, placing a tentative hand on her shoulder. "Captain" coming from her seemed only more offensive to him.

"Forget it. This just means I can still call you 'Bed-wetter Momo". He shot her a sarcastic, if slightly playful, smile. She brightened, laughing lightly, and hitting him gently on the shoulder.

"If you ever call me that in front of anyone…" She warned, equally as playfully. He broke his normally serious expression, allowing himself to chuckle somewhat. They reached the rooftop, Hinamori settling herself down, hugging her knees to her body in mild anticipation. After the war had ended, they had decided to continue the tradition that they had followed as children; to watch the sunset together every day. It wads a good decision, he admitted, the sunset calmed him, reminded him of simpler, if not easier, times in Rukongai with Hinamori, before either of them had become Shinigami. It was good for her as well, he knew the pain she still felt and hoped that the sunset would help sooth her wounds.

Hitsugaya watched her out the corner of his eye, seating himself down next to her. For once, he felt…content. _Mostly. There's no more war, no Arrancar, no Aizen. Nothing is wrong…I keep forgetting. Everything was in danger for so long, it's strange to not have something to worry about…_ His bright teal eyes landed on the girl next to him again. _Hinamori. Hinamori is the only thing I will worry about now. _

Even though she had recovered fully physically, she had never completely recovered from the emotional blow that Aizen had dealt her with his betrayal. She never spoke of him now, like she used to, but Hitsugaya could still see the pain in her eyes, just beyond the cheerfulness she forced. No one else knew. No one else saw. _…I know. I see. And these past few weeks, it has only become more strained. Something else is hurting her…But I don't know what it is…_

"Toushiro-kun, it's starting!" Her small hands shot out to grab his, excitement making her voice more shrill. But even as the sun began to set, his eyes never left her face.

o o o o o

Rukia was true to her word, she showed up at the Urahara Shoten at about noon. The shopkeeper had opened the door for her when she knocked, almost excitedly, then seemed to deflate a little when he saw who it was. She eyed him for a moment, irked by the reaction, but it wasn't like Urahara to act like that. _Something's up with him_. He covered by flipping his fan in front of her face, letting her in, a forced smile behind his voice. When Renji's red, spiky head leaned out behind a screen to see who it was, though, she made a mental note of Urahara's odd behavior and went to greet her friend.

"Hey, wasn't sure if you were gonna show," Renji grinned at her. She only scowled back at him.

"You think I forgot about you?" It was meant to be part of the banter they normally shared, but Renji's eyes suddenly darkened. _What…_ Pursing her lips, she leaned down to poke him in the head. She could accept Urahara acting weird, he always did. _But Renji… _"What's up with you?" The look vanished at her question, he reached back lazily to scratch at his head, glancing up a her vaguely.

"Nothing." She opened her mouth to push the issue, but Renji abruptly stood up, stretching. "So, what do you wanna do?"

"Well, we could—" She was cut off by his stomach loudly gurgling, she started to laugh, he at least looked embarrassed, folding his arms across his chest and scowling.

"What? I'm hungry, I always feel too guilty t' eat here…" She grinned up at him, still chuckling, and reaching into her pocket. She pulled out a handful of cash that she had "borrowed" from Ichigo earlier that morning, he was being grumpy and anti-social again today for unknown reasons, just thrusting the cash at her when she started to ask. She had been mildly insulted, but didn't turn the money down, thinking of buying some Chappy merchandise on her way back from Urahara's. _Oh well, it's been a while since Renji and I have really done anything fun… _She frowned. It had been years, decades. She held it up, watching amusedly as the warped eyebrows quirked in interest.

"We could go get something to eat... Ichigo's treat." She purposely gave him a mischievous smile, using it to hide the guilt at her realization. True, she wasn't the only one to blame for their falling out, but that didn't mean she was blameless. And because Renji had gone so far out of his way to make it up to her…_I could at least sacrifice Chappy to try to make it up to him as well. He fought Nii-sama for me, lunch is nothing! _Renji seemed to like the idea, cheering.

- - -

The guilt quickly dissolved over lunch, though, she was surprised by how quickly she fell back into step with Renji. They laughed and swapped stories about the "old days" back in Rukongai, and all of the trouble they had gotten into.

"And then he slipped in the mud, and you threw that rock at him, but the mud was so slippery, he couldn't get up to chase you!" Rukia burst out, hardly able to speak from laughing so hard. Renji roared with laughter, pounding the table with his fist, with tears leaking out of the corners of his eyes. After a few moments, it passed, and he sat back his seat, wiping the tears away with the back of his hand.

"Yeah…I'll tell ya, though, I was so scared he was gonna get up, I was gonna shit myself…" He chuckled under his breath again, and Rukia rewarded him with a genuine, brilliant smile.

"You didn't act like you were…But I knew it. I could feel it." The comment was supposed to be comforting, still caught up in reminiscing, but as they sat there staring at each other, the mood darkened somewhat. Her smile faded slightly, and she looked away. "I always knew what you were thinking then." The guilt raised its head once again, it felt much heavier than before, especially after such lightness with him over the meal. She had been reminded of how different things were now, compared to how incredibly close they were then_. So much has changed…_He looked away as well, tattooed eyebrows drawing together, eyes growing distant. She stirred her tea absently, Ichigo randomly coming to mind. _I don't know if I want things to be the same as they were before…or to change._

The unpleasant moment was broken by the sudden beeping of her phone. She flipped it out, even as Renji was already standing. He knew. She shoved some money onto the table to pay for lunch, shutting the phone, and hurrying out of the booth.

"Where?"

"Two blocks. Two of them." His eyes widened slightly, but he nodded, following as she ran out of the restaurant.

o o o o o

"Oi! Shutup, you loud-ass moron!" Ikkaku had been woken by the snoring of the Fourth Seat, breaking into what restful reprieve he had gotten from his raging headache. He had figured it was just a hangover at first, but when it didn't go away, he began to grow more irritable than normal. Swinging out of bed, he stomped over to the Fourth Seat's bed, raising his leg and kicking the snoring man in the face. The other shrieked, grabbing Ikkaku's foot and shoving him away, grabbing his sword in the process.

"What the hell, man!" The Fouth Seat raged.

"Shut up! You're so fuckin' loud!" Ikkaku shouted back, unsheathing his sword and waving it at the other threateningly. The Fourth Seat growled, pulling free his zanpakuto as well.

"Both of you, silence! You're disturbing my beauty sleep!" Ikkaku glanced over to look at a snarling Yumichika, looking none-to-threatening in his floral pajamas. The Third Seat knew better than to judge him on his appearance, Yumichika could be vicious if he thought his beauty was being endangered. The Fourth Seat, however, did not know that.

"Quiet, you sissy! This doesn't involve you!" That got Yumichika up, in a sense. The Fifth Seat actually threw himself at the man, pounding on him in sheer outrage. All of the noise was just too much for Ikkaku's head, he began to kick both of them as they beat on each other on the floor, shouting for both of them to shut up, or he was going to kill them. The fight, unfortunately, attracted others of the 11th Squad like moths to a flame, and the brawl grew to an enormous size.

o o o o o

Elsewhere in Soul Society, Matsumoto Rangiku was attempting to drink herself into a stupor. _So I don't feel the pain anymore…_ The memory of thrusting her blade through Gin's chest wouldn't release its hold on her, it just replayed again and again. She couldn't escape it. Her generally bubbly demeanor had darkened significantly after returning to Soul Society, even her Captain had noticed and was giving her less paperwork. _Good. More time to wash it away…_ She slumped against the table in front of her, closing her eyes against a passing light, interrupting the darkness she had surrounded herself in. She had loved him, she had loved him for almost as long as she could remember. They had met as children, grown up together in the Soul Reaper Academy, even becoming Vice Captains together. It was then, though, that she had noticed him begin to pull away, growing more and more involved in his squad. She had acted like it was fine, that she was busy as well. At the time though, she was miserable, having been assigned to the "prodigy" Captain, the automatic odd-man-out. People had laughed at her, mocked her, for being a Vice Captain to a child, for having to take a child's orders. Hitsugaya had been nothing like she expected though, he carried himself more like an adult than many actual adults she had met. And as Gin slipped away from her, she forced herself to become more involved in her position as well, getting to know her new Captain.

Gradually, Gin had become nothing more than an acquaintance, she wrapped herself up with the 10th Squad as thoroughly as she could. But she still loved him. Even then, even when he hadn't spoken to her or even looked her way in years. Then he had been promoted to Captain. They weren't even really peers anymore, they had absolutely nothing to talk about. _We had…only the past. _And to the new Captain of the 3rd Squad, the past was nothing. He had too much future to be thinking about.

_And then…everything went wrong._ The ryoka, Captain Aizen's murder, Hinamori, the execution, the assassination of Central 46. The betrayal. The horrible, crushing wound he had given her, siding with Aizen, advancing into the sky. She could have forgiven him for so much_…But the moment he appeared with Aizen and they took to the sky, I couldn't forgive him anymore, no matter how much I wanted to._ Reaching for her glass, she gulped down more sake. She used to drink for fun, now, now it was to numb the pain. Again, she saw his eyes, startlingly wide as she ran the blade through him, shocked and infinitely saddened that she had been the one to do it. _And all I want to do is tell him I'm sorry…_

"Gin…I'm sorry…" She sat up, clutching the glass only tighter as a tear slipped down her cheek. She shot to her feet, her grief and growing self-loathing fueling her sudden anger. With an anguished shout, she hurled the glass from her, smashing it against a wall. Panting heavily at her outburst, she sank down to her knees, silently sobbing. One hand around her waist, she lifted the other to touch her head. It ached, throbbing only harder as she cried. She drank to numb the pain, but it seemed to only increase. _When will the pain go away...?_

- - - - - - - - - - - -

A sad place to leave off, sorry 'bout that. Ichigo and Rukia aren't the only ones suffering :( . Man, though. Isshin makes me laugh probably more than anything ever. I love writing Isshin, one of the reasons he's in the story so much. He's just so crazy. Alright! Instant recap time: Ichigo has an embarrassing dream, Isshin interrupts his recollection of it, only embarrassing him further. They fight, Rukia breaks it up. Ichigo worries about his growing discomfort around Rukia, blames himself. Hitsugaya (yay!) watches the sunset with Hinamori, he has a headache, but ignores it. Rukia visits Renji, they have lunch and talk about the good old days in Rukongai. Things get a little bit awkward, but her phone rings and they leave to go after two attacking Hollows. Ikkaku isn't feeling very well, a fight break outs because of it. Matsumoto grieves over Gin, she isn't feeling too well either.

That's all so far, I hope you liked it! Lemme know what you thought, and thanks so much for reading! MissCyraf


	10. Won't be Repressed

Hey guys! THANKS SO MUCH for all of the lovely reviews you gave, I really appreciated them. I decided to update again partly as a thank you, and partly because I just really love doing it, haha. We start to get into the war memories in this chapter, tough stuff for Ichigo. We see little bits of the memories before, but here's the whole scene...So, lemme know what you think, and thanks for reading. I don't own Bleach. MissCyraf

10

Won't be Repressed

_A thin blade sliced the air in front of him, arching just inches in front of his face. He flash-stepped back and away, knowing instinctively that the blade would come again, and this time, would not miss its mark. It wasn't an Espada, only one of the lower ranked Arrancar. Ichigo smirked at the Arrancar, it wasn't really that much of a threat. Slashing Tensa Zangetsu out towards his opponent, they locked blades for a second, only to each go for another blow. Ichigo was faster, much faster. The Arrancar was as he thought, no real challenge at all. His smirk grew into a somewhat sadistic grin as their blades clashed again, but this time, he side-stepped, whipping the blade at his opponent from the side. Zangetsu cut in deep, a wave of blood spurted out of the wound, sprinkling him with droplets. It didn't matter, he was going to end this. Drawing Tensa Zangetsu upward, he pushed his reiatsu into the blade, about to release his favorite attack. _

"_Getsuga—!" He wasn't able to even finish, a new blade suddenly burst through the stomach of his opponent, surprising both combatants. The Arrancar, who up until this moment was alive, if not well, was tossed aside as the new blade lashed sideways, his body slumping as he gurgled his last breaths, then dissolving away. The intruder into their battle, his new opponent, he immediately recognized. Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. _

"_Bastard. Killing one of your own?" Ichigo snarled at him, readying himself for what he knew would be a difficult battle. Grimmjow's head dipped to the side as he scoffed at the Shinigami substitute, whipping his blade to the side to get the blood off. _

"_He was in my way." Taking a step forward, he grinned maliciously, eyes blazing with crazed hate. "Nobody messes with my prey." With that, the Espada launched himself at Ichigo, who only had a second to claw his hand down in front of his face, feeling the familiar drain and then surge of reiatsu as his Vaizard mask stretched across his face. _

_Grimmjow seemed to delight in his usage of the mask, shouting out taunts and insults as they slashed at each other, neither getting a bit in. They paused for a second, both pulling back as they analyzed each other. Ichigo's eyes flicked over the Espada, still in his unreleased form. The bastard had gotten stronger. He grit his teeth, but Grimmjow only stuck his hand in his pocket, his grin broadening. _

"_Heh. I had forgotten how strong that mask thing really is, it almost got me last time." Ichigo remembered their last fight, when he was trying to save Inoue. He had thought that the Espada had died after that fight, he hadn't seen him since. Grimmjow thrust his sword forward, to point at Ichigo with deadly intent. "But you didn't give the last strike…" He lowered his head slightly, but his eyes stayed locked on Ichigo's. "Your mistake." The Espada charged again. _

_He was stronger, so much stronger. It wasn't even comparable to last time. Now, having taken on his released form, the 6__th__ Espada easily dodged Ichigo's attacks, raking his claws forward to dig in Ichigo's flesh. Gasping, Ichigo twisted around to slice at the claws, but Grimmjow was faster, changing the angle of his attack. _

"_Kurosaki-kun!" The sudden scream echoed above the sounds of his own panting for breath, he saw Inoue out of the corner of his eye as she ran toward them. Even as his body was pounded by Grimmjow's fist, Ichigo recognized the irony. History seemed to be repeating itself. _And I'm not going to lose this time either!_ He ducked under the Espada's claws, grabbing his wrist. Tightening his grip on Tensa Zangetsu in thte other hand, he swung it downwards. _

"_Getsuga Tenshou!" The Arrancar was too close to dodge, taking the blow full blast, his body thrown back by the impact. Ichigo knew that Grimmjow wouldn't be down for long, and Inoue was in more danger this time than she was in their first head-on battle. _

_"Inoue! Get the hell out of here!" He shouted back at her, but she stood solidly where she was, refusing to leave him. Ichigo quickly scanned the area, his other comrades were also fighting nearby. His battle with Grimmjow endangered them all, he couldn't risk accidentally harming them, he had little control over his own strength in this form. _

_"Kurosaki-kun! Let me heal you—!" He cut off her appeal, the sickly yellow eyes that he knew terrified her locking on her. She was in the most danger. _

_"Get out of here, Inoue, you'll only get hurt!" An enraged howl erupted from not too far away, clouds of dust prevented him from actually seeing the Arrancar that would soon erupt from them towards both of them. He couldn't do it, he couldn't keep them all from danger, not here. That thought firmly in mind, he crouched and launched himself up into the air, meaning to take the battle elsewhere. To his horror, though, Inoue followed. _

_"Inoue! You have to get out of here!" He could see the tears running down her cheeks as she chased him, but he couldn't pause his battle just to try and reassure her. _

_"Please, Kurosaki-kun! Please, let me help! I—I want to be able to help—I want—" She fell to her knees, reaching out to him. The sight rankled in him deeply, but there was nothing he could do, he couldn't protect her, or anyone, if he let her stand by his side. _

_"I'm sorry, Inoue. You can't." A blue and white flash streaked toward him, Ichigo brought his sword down just in time to catch the other's, Grimmjow cackled in twisted delight. _

_"Tryin' to take this away from your friends, eh, Kurosaki? How weak." Grimmjow struck again. "Friends and shit like that tie you down, they keep you from bein' able to fight! I don't give a damn if I hurt anybody, they're all just in the way!" Below, the human girl was still trying to help, shooting Tsubaki up at Grimmjow. The Arrancar just brushed it aside, the attack only drew his attention down to Inoue. "Tryin' to help him, bitch!? Now _you're _in my way!" The Arrancar dived down at Inoue, clearly intending to simply wipe her out. _

_"Inoue!" Ichigo threw himself between them, unable to fully stop the attack. _

_Grimmjow Jeagerjaques thrust his fist through Ichigo's belly, blood spurting out of his body, he could feel it rise in his throat, hacking and choking on it as it drained through his mouth. _

"_You wanna protect her, fine! I'll just do it the other way around, I'll kill you, _then_ her! Ulquiorra's little pet, I just wish he was here so I could see the look on his face when I kill his stupid bitch!" The Sixth Espada began to laugh then, slamming his fists into Ichigo's face as the Shinigami tried to stand. The pain was excruciating, he felt that his head would soon burst from the constant impact. He couldn't even see the blows coming any more, thick blood flowing freely into his eyes, burning them. He couldn't think, couldn't breath, he hurt so horribly, collapsing completely under the weight of Grimmjow's fists. _

_The Arrancar's laughter was the only thing he could hear, another fist crashed into his belly, blood was forced out of the gaping hole in his stomach again and its impact sent him flying backwards like a limp rag into a stone wall. His consciousness was slipping in and out, he felt like he was dying and almost hoped he was just to end the pain. With one blood-filled eye, he could make out the blurry form of the Arrancar drawing near, pulling back his fists to end his prey's life. _

"_Ichigo!" A voice rose above the commotion, one he knew so very well. He couldn't see her, there was too much blood, but even with his pain-saturated senses, he could feel her. _Rukia…_ "Second dance! Hakuren!" The fist was stilled by a blast of ice. His vision was clearing somewhat, he could make out shapes, some colors. Enough to see what was happening. Half of the Arrancar was frozen solid, he was stuck in place, unable to continue his attack. Grimmjow lurched around as best he could to see his new attacker, the one preventing him from finishing off his prey. _

"_You! Didn't I kill you already, bitch!?" Rukia ignored him, her composure admirably fearless, almost bored. Like her brother. Inoue was the exact opposite, still on her knees close by, crumpled and tears falling freely as she watched the scene play out in clear horror. Still ignoring the Arrancar, Rukia addressed the sobbing girl behind her. _

"_Inoue, please heal Ichigo." Then turning to flash the red-headed girl a small, confident smile, she raised her sword again. "I'll take care of the Espada for now. Don't worry, it's going to be ok." Her eyes snapped back to Grimmjow, who was now loudly mocking her and clawing at the ice with his other hand, attempting to wrest his arm from the ice. Ichigo could see the scene more clearly now, shocked that Rukia's ice was now able to hold Grimmjow's arm. _He's so much more powerful…how is her attack able to stand up to him?_ He felt a wave of pride for Rukia, her own skills must have greatly improved as well. _

_"First dance—" Grimmjow cut her off, snarling._

_"Don't think you've finished me yet, bitch!" With that, he held his open hand over the ice-covered one, a glow beginning to form in the center of his palm_. Cero! He—he's going to blow his own arm off—!_ Like the wild animal he was, willing to chew off his own limb to escape the trap. "Better get out of the way little girl, or this cero'll take you out too!" He screamed at her as the orb in his hand grew larger. _

_"I don't think so! TSUKISHIRO!" A pillar of ice burst out from underneath Grimmjow's feet, shooting up into the air and enveloping him entirely. The cero in his frozen hand blinked out entirely, he was entombed. _

_"Inoue! Please, help me get Ichigo out of here! That ice'll only hold him for a few minutes!" Inoue struggled to her feet, joining Rukia as they rushed up to Ichigo. Surprising him, they managed to actually carry him sort of, one of his arms slung over each other their shoulders, his feet dragging behind him. _

_"Rukia…" He was still moderately shocked by her show of power, she was able to stand up to Grimmjow, however briefly. She wouldn't be able to stand his all-out attacks, but the fact that she could still them, if even for a short time, greatly impressed him. He made a mental note to never underestimate her again. Rukia, however, ignored his surprise, giving him a half grin. _

_"You're heavy as hell." She muttered. Though his wounds hurt, hurt more than he cared to admit, he couldn't help but laugh. Then he passed out._

.

_…Shit. I'm so fucking weak…I couldn't even protect them then…Much less now._

Another memory that wouldn't be repressed. The beginning of some of the worst. It was after the final push into Hueco Mundo. He, along with his friends, were in one of the many specialty squads created for storming Las Noches. It was the only specialty squad that didn't include any Captains, it had been decided that his strength, along with the strength of his "ryoka friends" would be enough to prove a veritable fighting force. Along with himself, Chad, Ishida, and Orihime, a small group of seated officers from various squads had been added as well. His team hadn't originally included either Rukia or Renji, but apparently both Byakuya and Ukitake had agreed that they would fight best with the "Special Squad", since they were so close to the leaders. Ichigo had been privately relieved, he had been planning to demand he get them even from the Chief Commander if he had to. He figured the least Soul Society could do was let him fight with his friends, since he was helping them in what wasn't technically his fight. He wouldn't let them know that he had made it his fight from the beginning.

Inoue Orihime had been the first to be withdrawn. She just wasn't strong enough, she couldn't bear to see all the blood and pain around her, she hated fighting. Worse than that, though, she was endangering herself and others by trying to so hard to help. Ichigo knew it. They all knew it. He and his friends had tried to their best abilities to keep her distanced from the fighting, but it became practically impossible, they were surrounded. There was no way they could spare her from what enveloped all of them. Being taken away from the front lines was best for her, but he still had felt like he had lost a small piece of himself, some of his constant mental, if not physical, support.

Ichigo was lying on his face, hoping to just go to sleep, but swept up in memories instead. The previous night's dream had officially put him in a foul mood, made worse by Rukia's little performance and his family's over the top worrying. She had gone out to visit Renji again, a fact that mildly irritated him. He liked Renji, but…Rukia was visiting him a lot. _Not that I care…not that I want her here bugging me either_, he sullenly thought, pulling the pillow down to cover his head more. He had been hiding from her still, not wanting to face her out of humiliation. He knew it was stupid, that he was being foolish, but hid none the less.

That wasn't the only reason for his sourness today. He had a lingering headache, and his memories seemed unwilling to stay repressed. Perhaps because of a cycle; he was in a bad mood and unable to think of anything positive, which made the memories surface, and because the memories kept surfacing, he was in a bad mood. Though usually Ichigo was apprehensive about sleeping, fearing the nightmares, they almost seemed better than his memories. Especially the one that chose to surface now, he still felt guilty about Inoue's withdrawal, feeling it was his fault. He hadn't seen her since then, though he knew she was fine and well back at home. His guilt kept him from wanting to see her, just as it kept him from seeing many of his friends. He couldn't protect them. _Soon though…soon I won't be able to hide from them anymore. School starts soon…_

A ripple of reiatsu cut into his sulking, he twisted around from his position in his bed so he was sitting upright. His first reaction was to yell for Rukia, to ask her where it was. _Dammit! She's not here!_ Another ripple coursed through him, and he reached for his badge, deciding. _But she'll probably be there, and this time, I'm going to protect her! And everybody else! _Slamming the badge into his chest, he was forced from his body, it crumpling behind him in a heap. Without a second thought, he leapt from the window.

o o o o o

Two monstrous Hollows came into view, trashing objects like mailboxes, benches, and lampposts on the street.

"Shit! How come we didn't feel them before!?" Renji shouted over at Rukia as she drew Sode no Shirayuki. Holding her zanpakuto aloft, she softly replied, eyes dead set on the Hollows in front of her.

"They only just appeared. _Dance, Sode no Shirayuki_." Renji only hesitated for a moment before springing into action as well, caught up in the sight of her as she released her sword. Although he had seen her fight with the magnificent blade countless times over the course of the war, it still briefly, like her enemies, made him freeze. She was so very graceful. Much like the way his Captain was, but with a pure, simplistic, captivating beauty that Byakuya seemed to lack. Eyes completely focused on her, he missed the enormous Hollow fist that came crashing down at him. Turning just in time to see that fist barreling towards him, he raised his own blade—but it struck nothing. The Hollow's whole arm disintegrated in front of him. Renji recoiled, not understanding for a moment.

"Slow as ever, idiot," Then he understood, glancing back at the orange-headed Shinigami who landed behind him, having just neatly sliced off the Hollow's arm.

"I didn't need your help, Strawberry!" Renji snarled at him, feeling incredibly stupid as Ichigo smirked disdainfully at him.

"Yeah, whatever. Stop zoning out and go help Rukia, this one's mine," He replied arrogantly, further pissing Renji off.

"The hell it is! You go help her, I got here first!"

"Well I'm the one who actually got the bastard, so _you _go help her!"

"Only cause you were gettin' in my way—!" They were screaming at each other now, both now forgetting about the Hollow entirely. Ichigo opened his mouth to shout back, when he suddenly cut off, glancing down at his feet in clear astonishment. Renji, as the same time, felt a rather uncomfortable sensation around his own ankles, looking down in horror as ice began to creep up his legs. He flailed his arms uselessly, protesting in shock, while Ichigo did the same. The ice continued to climb up their bodies until everything but their heads were covered. They couldn't move at all, completely frozen in place. Rukia, eyes closed, her expression calm, but the reiatsu pulsing around her strangling, stepping into their fields of vision.

"Rukia!? What the hell! Get this ice off of us!"

"Yeah, what the hell are you thinking!?" She opened her eyes now, they were flashing with her positive wrath.

"While you two were bitching, I defeated _both_ of the Hollows." Making direct eye contact first with Renji, then with Ichigo, she quietly sheathed her sword. "I don't need help. Especially not from two idiots like you. So," And she turned away, leaving both Ichigo and Renji to start sputtering again. "I'm going to leave you two here to think about it." She strode over to her gigai, got back into it, and walked away, seemingly completely deaf to their shouts of protest. They finally fell silent, both now seething and sulking in their ice shells.

"…Maybe she won't be angry anymore by the time this shit melts…" Renji suggested dully. Both knew that probably wouldn't be the case.

o o o o o

After nearly a half hour of struggling, shouting, arguing and then giving up, Ichigo now chose to ignore Renji, cursed at himself silently. _Fuck. I wasn't able to fucking protect her _again!_…Not anybody. What the hell is _wrong_ with me!?_

o o o o o

Deciding not to go immediately back to the house, Rukia made her way to the park, seating herself on a bench that she and Ichigo used to sit and talk before the war. Her anger was cooling off, she honestly wasn't too surprised by the way the idiots were acting. Once again bickering, once again underestimating her abilities. _Fools._ She knew how strong they were, stronger than her by far, Ichigo especially, but that didn't make her weak. Anything but. She had been to Hueco Mundo _with_ them, right? She had fought beside them, she had even lasted longer than Renji. _Though…The attacks he was brought down by…I don't think I could have survived them. And he did._ She sighed, scanning the duck-filled pond in front of her, watching distractedly as two ducks squabbled. Picturing them as Ichigo and Renji, she let a grin slowly spread across her face, even allowing herself to chuckle somewhat under her breath. _They really are idiots…_She thought, but not without affection. Momentarily, she considered releasing them from their ice cocoons, but dismissed the thought, deciding that it would be easier on her later if they got all of their bickering out of their system for a while. Maybe, if she was lucky, until Renji chose to leave.

She still cared about him dearly, she really did, but his presence was causing…complications. She had been so happy to see him in the beginning, was still happy to be around him, Ichigo seemed to almost resent his presence. He hadn't said anything, but she just got that vibe from him. That, and he was becoming moody more frequently. It almost seemed that in this tense time between Ichigo and herself, her time with Renji was only proving to be a wedge driven in between them. That, and she couldn't deny the awkwardness that she felt while they attempted to rebuild their friendship. Rukia couldn't help but wonder how he really felt. _It all happened so long ago…_They had only become friends again over the past couple of years. _After I met Ichigo._

She pursed her lips, the ducks were snapping at each other now. _Ichigo…I don't get him…not right now anyway. Things used to be so easy, but now he doesn't seem to make any sense to me._ Renji was good for breaks from Ichigo, but in all honesty, she didn't want to _have_ to take a break from him. She just wanted everything to be as it was. Comfortable. It seemed like last night they were finally back to that point, but now_…he's being a moody asshole again. _Her delicate, yet callused hand curled into a fist, and scowling bitterly, she punched the wooden seat of the bench, ignoring the pain in her fingers it caused.

_This is getting me angry…Stupid. _She pushed her thoughts elsewhere, not wanting to aggravate her emotions anymore by thinking her two fool friends. _Two Hollows attacking at once…_Not extremely unusual, but not entirely normal. She hadn't felt any strong reiatsu pulses in the area to draw them either. Actually, she didn't even feel enough to entice even one Hollow, especially not two. That was irregular, Hollows were drawn to high reiatsu levels in human souls, but that was just it. They had to be drawn. The fact that two of them just seemed to randomly appear was odd. _Well…Everything has been odd since the war. I can't expect it all to have gone back to normal as soon as it ended._ Rukia decided that it wasn't strange enough to merit a report to Soul Society, shrugging it off. After a while longer, spent wrapped up in her thoughts and watching the ducks, she hefted herself off the bench, heading back towards the Kurosaki household.

o o o o o

Renji was the first to get a free arm, attempting to smash the ice at first with a reiatsu-enforced fist. Ichigo only snorted at him from his own ice-prison, causing Renji to pause long enough to snap at him.

"What's so funny, _Strawberry_?!" The orange-headed substitute knew exactly how to piss him off, with nothing more than a simple noise.

"If Rukia's ice can hold off Grimmjow, it sure as hell can withstand your punches, idiot. You'll just have to wait until your sword is free." Renji hadn't seen her ice do that, he had been fighting elsewhere when that event during the war had happened, but had heard about it later. He hadn't believed the accounts related to him by several Shinigami at first, until he had seen her stop another Espada in his tracks with it. The ice hadn't killed the Arrancar, but had certainly held him in place. Renji gave up his assault on the ice, taking Ichigo's advice.

"Fine." They really would just have to wait.

- - - - - - - - -

Instant recap! We get some insight into some of Ichigo's memories about the war, they're not too pleasant. Inoue kind of gets in the way. (I'm not a huge fan of her, but I'm not going to bash her or anything in this story. She is a rather important character. This wasn't a brilliant scene for her, but she does get better, promise. Proud of Rukia, though, that ice sword is handy...) He's snapped out of the memories by the reiatsu of the Hollows, and meets Rukia and Renji at the scene. Renji's not paying too much attention, Ichigo fights his Hollow, they argue, and Rukia ices them. Lol. If I had that ability, I would too. Constant bickering is annoying... Ichigo gets pissed at himself for once again not protecting, I feel bad for the guy, life's not his friend right now. Rukia thinks on why the Hollows attacking, it wasn't normal. And finally, we go back to the boys sitting in the ice, haha.

Hope you liked it, the next chapter is a biggie. Thanks for reading, and if you have any comments, questions, please review! Miss Cyraf


	11. Little Light Taken Away

Hey all! So here's 11, it's the longest chapter yet. I wanted to shorten it some, but really didn't want to break up these scenes. I hope you don't mind the length. :) I don't own Bleach.

11

Little Light Taken Away

A loud thump broke into his dreams, shattering the hold the nightmares had on him. Ichigo sat up groggily, grateful to whatever had woken him, but mildly confused. The room was still, silent, moonlight steadily pouring in through his window, adding to the tranquility of the night. Brows wrinkling in a brief, confused scowl, he dropped back down onto his bed, rubbing absently at his eyes. The nightmares had chosen Grimmjow again, the damned Arrancar seemed to enjoy haunting him in his memory. He didn't really want to return to sleep, not at all eager to once again feel the Espada's fist plunge through his body, ripping his insides apart. _Shit…_ Lying awake all night didn't seem like a great option either. He was still contemplating whether it was worth staying up all night just to skip out on his normal dose of terror, when he heard another noise. At first a shuffling, then bumping, then finally a soft whimper. _…Rukia?_ Perplexed, for Rukia _never_ whimpered unless she was pretending, he slowly stood and crossed the room to her closet.

He hesitated before sliding back the door, not knowing if he should intrude. He caught another soft cry, and pursing his lips, lightly knocked on the door. No response. Scowling with slight worry, he carefully pushed back the door. Rukia was curled up in a tight ball, trembling, tears trailing down her cheeks. He drew back, startled. These weren't the fake tears she had shed earlier, these were real, and greatly disturbed him. Not knowing what else to do, he gently shook her, whispering her name. Her eyes shot open, wide and red, irises flicking around the room in plain fear. They landed on his face, and she sat up, just staring at him. He blinked back, now thoroughly worried. With a speed that made him jump, she flung her arms around his neck, still trembling.

"I…I thought you died…" She croaked into his neck, her voice ragged from her crying. Completely unsure exactly what to do, but wanting only to calm her, he wrapped one arm, then the other, around her waist, holding her against him. She continued to snuffle into his neck, he lifted a hand to stroke at her hair, making soothing noises.

"You were dead, there was so much blood…And I couldn't do anything, you just wouldn't wake up. He killed you, and I couldn't do anything—I tried,_ I tried_—but you just wouldn't wake up—" She had begun to ramble, her voice becoming more hysteric as she spoke. He carried her over to his bed, setting her down to kneel in front of her, gripping both sides of her head, staring straight into her eyes urgently.

"Rukia, Rukia, I'm fine. I'm alive, I'm not hurt. I'm ok, you have to calm down." The look she gave him was purely heartbreaking, there was so much pain behind her eyes that he could hardly bear to keep looking in them. She relieved him of it, looking downward at her feet.

"I'm sorry, Ichigo…I tried…" The hurt was still there, despite his comforts. Scared for her, he never knew her own dreams were so bad, that her own pain was so terrible. Her fears were clearly different, he always dreamed of himself, while her pain lay, seemingly, in the deaths of others. At this moment, him. And still feeling her shake, seeing the complete defeat in her eyes, terrified him. All of his stupid humiliation suddenly meant nothing, all of his annoyance at the stunt she pulled with the ice also gone. He had been rather quiet with her all day because of both emotions, humiliation more than annoyance, but now cursed his stupidity. _Rukia's in just as much pain as I am, and I just sit around and worry about my stupid ass…I'm so selfish…_ His jaw set, he felt an ounce of the resolve he had once carried with him all the time return. Straightening, he leaned over the crumpled girl, scooping her up in one fluid movement. Sitting down on his bed, still pressing her tight against him, he lay her down, then settled in beside her. He sat up to pull the covers over them both, she cast him a confused look.

"…Ichigo?" She questioned, though her tears had stopped, she was still shaking, still scaring him. Rukia wasn't weak, Rukia wasn't overcome by fear. She just wasn't. She was strong, capable, confident. The girl that was now laying beside him frightened him, he hadn't seen the damage before. _She hid everything so well…all behind that damned wall. _He was scared for her, angry at her as well for hiding herself, for focused all of her energy on him instead of thinking of herself.

"Idiot. Why didn't you tell me?" Was all he grumbled as he lay down beside her, staring irately into her eyes. To his further irritation and fear, she looked away, eyes downcast.

"It's nothing." She muttered. He snorted.

"You're still shaking, stupid. Here," Going on instinct, instinct commanding him to protect, he looped an arm around her waist, pulling her over to him. Her eyes widened, flitting to his face, he only scowled at her. _She can at least appreciate that I'm trying to help, dammit._ He shoved another arm underneath her, she now was completely encircled. She opened her mouth, most likely to protest, he flicked her in the nose to silence her. She squawked, but gave him time to cut in before she started to gripe.

"Shutup and go to sleep." He knew how well she was able to comfort him, how she was able to rid him of the nightmares, if only temporarily. And though their position was fairly awkward, he decided he never wanted to see those tears again_. And if this is the way, fine. _She grumbled, quite obviously feeling just as embarrassed as he was, but accepted the fact that he was trying to reciprocate the kindness that she had shown him only a few nights prior, even if this was a bit of a different arrangement. Sighing, she began to un-tense, allowing herself to try to relax. He lay awake, listening to her breathing, finally letting his own fear fade as her breaths steadied, signifying that she was falling back asleep.

He opened his eyes then, looking at her. Her cheeks were still damp, nose still red. But the tears were no longer fresh, the pain no longer raw. Even after crying, he realized, she was still rather beautiful. He frowned at the thought, his face momentarily burning at the memory of the last time they had spent the night together, and the hell it had caused. The dream was also still rather present in his mind, also irritating him. _Shutup_, he told his brain, refusing to let his own stupidity get in the way again. Her ice had efficiently prevented him from actually having to talk to her, giving him an excuse, that he was angry. He wasn't as angry as he made her think, actually welcoming that she had given him a way out. That way, he didn't have to be around her, talk to her, even look at her, knowing that if he did, it would only bring out his awkwardness. _Which was dumb as hell._ _Selfish bastard_. If he had known she was hurting this much_…I would have never let her out of my sight_. She interrupted his thoughts, sighing languidly in her sleep. He looked at her for an instant longer, checking over her for signs of any lingering pain, then just, though he wouldn't admit it, admiring her_. _She really was able to fight for herself against things like Hollows, but as for fighting for her own wellbeing…She seemed unable, hiding in her pain, but unable to rid herself of it. And that, he decided, was what he was going to protect her from, herself.With her calm face in his minds eye, he closed his real ones, pulling her in tighter. _ I won't let her out of my sight anymore…I'm going to protect her. _

Saturday, September 8th, 2007.

"_Is he going t' be alright?" Renji's question sounded from somewhere above him, he scowled while his vision began to come back to him again. _

_"Shut up. Of course he is. Even if Inoue wasn't healing him, he's too stubborn to die." Was Rukia's voice in response, her words confident, but her voice wavering slightly. _

_"Damn right I am…What happened?" Ichigo blinked a few times to try to speed up his clearing vision. Now wasn't the time to just be lying around. _

_"The battle's over for now. We retreated."_

_"We—what!?" Ichigo attempted to abruptly sit up, but was sharply pushed back down again by a small hand. _

_"Don't sit up, moron! We retreated, but only for a while. Not just our squad either, all of them. Needed time to get the injured out, and to regroup. Not to mention we had to heal your sorry ass." He could make out several forms above him. The one furthest away was undoubtedly Renji, he could see the red even through his clouded vision. One was also Inoue, he couldn't really make her out too well, but knew she was healing him. The third was Rukia. He could barely see her, but he could definitely feel her. That, and he knew she was still holding him down so he wouldn't try to get up again. _

_"Ishida and Chad…?" _

_"They're fine, don't worry. Ishida got banged up a little bit, but some of the Fourth Squad patched him up. Good thing he wasn't too hurt, or Inoue would have had to choose between the two of you." Inoue began to protest, assuring Rukia she could heal both, Rukia only chuckled. Ichigo only listened to them, closing his eyes. They were safe. Even if he didn't defeat Grimmjow, they were safe. _

_After a while longer, Inoue finished, being called to help heal others. He could see now, though he still felt a little dizzy. Inoue, despite hearing the call, was hesitant, lingering at his side with a pained look on her face, he didn't know exactly why. He certainly didn't blame her for anything, he understood that she wanted only to help. Though he knew, she couldn't. Not in the way she wanted to. Someone called her name again, she gave him a sad smile before standing and walking dully away. His eyes followed her, that expression had been greatly disturbing._

_A light form suddenly dropped heavily beside him, Rukia. She handed him a cup of water silently, her eyes following Inoue as well. He sat up, he was still sore, but technically was uninjured. _She did a really good job_… He raised the cup to his lips, wondering. _

_"She blames herself, you know." Rukia's comment broke the thoughtful silence that had been hanging between them. He choked on his drink, turning to stare at the petite Shinigami, who was still watching Inoue in the distance. The orange glow of her healing was still visible. "Can you imagine how that feels? To want to help _so _badly, to want to fight to protect the ones you care about and not be able to?" Rukia then cast him a significant look, he knew she was fully aware that he knew what it felt like. "…They're calling her back." He lowered the cup now, startled._

_"What?" She stared down into her own glass, eyes darkening. _

_"Soul Society. We all saw what happened with you, Grimmjow, and her. The Captains saw. They…decided she was endangering herself as well as others. So they're withdrawing her from the front lines."_

_"But—but that's not fair! She's part of _my_ group, _I_ choose—" She turned her full violet gaze onto him, making him recoil somewhat, cutting off. _

_"Can you deny the fact? This isn't the first time she's done something like this. She lets her emotions cloud her judgement."_

_"Wha—?" She dropped his gaze, sighing into her cup. _

_"I…I care about Inoue more than any of you. …Except perhaps Ishida." Ichigo blanked at that side comment, not sure what she meant. But she continued. "She is one of my best friends, second to only," She snorted. "to your dumb ass." He opened his mouth to protest, not the fact that he was her best friend—that was true, he knew—but that she just mocked him. "But…She _is_ endangering herself. I—I saw it. She was chasing after you, completely oblivious of everything around her!" Her voice rose as she spoke, Ichigo could only watch, not knowing what to say. He knew Rukia and Inoue were close, but Rukia rarely expressed her caring for others. And for some bizarre, twisted reason, he felt slightly jealous. Ignoring the thought, he focused back into what she was saying. _

"_She can't do that—she's going to get herself killed! And I…I couldn't…take that. All this is hard enough already, but…" She trailed off. Setting her cup aside, she ran her finger lightly along the top of the sand, seemingly entranced by the path it created. Ichigo knew better. When she got quiet, that was when she was most upset. She was shutting him out, putting up that wall he hated so much. Abruptly grabbing her hand out of the sand, he drew her gaze back to his. _

_"But…?" He pressured, he wouldn't let her continue to hide from him. She looked away again, but started to speak. _

_"I can see it. Every drop of blood that is shed hurts her. She's trying so hard to keep up with us, but she's just not the same! And I hate what this is doing to her, she's not the kind of person that can kill without a thought if she has to! She's doing the best she can, but it pains me seeing her like this. I think it really will be best for her to go." She curled her legs to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "Even if the war doesn't kill her physically, it will kill her spirit. And I couldn't stand that." _

_He understood what she meant. It was all too easy to let yourself be broken when day after day, all you see, hear, and feel is pain and death. He didn't want to see Inoue go, but…_Rukia's right. There is more than one way to die because of this._ He glanced down at Rukia, she looked extremely pained, a difference from her normally cool expression that really hurt him. Though his sore muscles protested, he dropped a heavy arm around her shoulders, pulling her in to rest against him. He wasn't very good with words, but he hoped that a gesture would at least reassure her somewhat. _

_Inoue said her good byes that evening. Ichigo was saddened by it, Inoue always brought a lightness to any situation, a cheer that always helped when life was weighing on him. Rukia was taking it harder though, he could tell even though her expression gave little away. Embracing the red-haired girl tightly, Rukia muttered comforts and reassurances under her breath, trying to convince the girl that everything was ok, and that they would be fine and would come back to her. When they broke apart, Inoue then turned to Ichigo, to his surprise, she seemed barely able to hold his gaze._

_"K—Kurosaki-kun…" _

_"Inoue…what's wrong?" She then lifted her eyes, they had tears in them. _

_"I'm…I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I got you hurt…" He opened his mouth to tell her that it wasn't her fault, she didn't do it, but she cut him off with a sharp wave of hand, and surprisingly snapping eyes. _Something she must have picked up from Rukia… _"Don't say that it wasn't my fault. It was. And I'm sorry, so sorry for that. But…I'm even more sorry…that I couldn't protect you." She gave him a light smile through her tears, he stood dumbly, once again without words. He simply stared at her, wondering what to say. A sudden push on his back had him stumbling forward towards her. _

_"Just hug her, idiot." Rukia commanded, pushing him forward again. That brought a rare smile to his lips, and obediently, he opened his arms to Inoue, who readily embraced him. Though slightly surprised by her enthusiasm, he stood embracing her for a moment while she buried her head into his chest, still crying. After several moments, she pulled away, smiling up at him again, then, with a final wave, joining a group of Shinigami sent to escort her back to Soul Society. _

_That was the last he saw of Inoue. She was just the first of his friends unable to make it through the remainder of the war. And though he worried about Inoue, he knew she would be alright. Rukia was the one he was really worried about, she was getting colder, hardened by what they had to live through everyday. Made colder still by the little light that was just taken away. _

_Rukia… _

Warmth pulled him out of the dream, a memory of what had happened after he had fought Grimmjow. His senses were beginning to wake peacefully, not snapping into consciousness due to fear like they normally did after dreaming. No, terror didn't wake him, just warmth, comfortable, relaxing warmth. His half-awake mind fiddled with an explanation of the source, he found it to be sunlight. More warmth, he found it to be the blankets, pulled over one of his shoulders. Another source, his mind worked hard to figure this one out. Rousing enough to actually form conscious thought, he frowned at his mind's struggle. It wasn't sunlight. It wasn't the blankets. _…Should there _be_ another source?_ He considered opening his eyes, but didn't. He was comfortable. Just continuing to float between sleep and wakefulness was fine for him, not knowing the source didn't bother him too much. _Whatever…_ He was content to just lie there.

Then the source moved. He froze. The source hummed lightly, more of a sigh than anything else. Ichigo really didn't want to open his eyes then, that would mean he would have to realize something. Though, if he was being honest with himself, he already knew. The warmth was his Shinigami companion, coiled around him with her face pressed into his chest. She wasn't awake yet…_But she's gonna wake up sometime. And when she does, she'll probably freak out at me. _

He then recalled the night before, how she had been having terrible nightmares and he had made her stay with him. _Only to help! Just that!_ His muscles complained at being held so rigidly, he was still absolutely frozen, fearing that she would wake up, be horribly embarrassed, and quickly beat the tar out of him. _She knows what I was trying to do, she has to have some sense!_ His brain tried to rattle off some comforts, but they didn't help. It wouldn't have been so bad, he realized, if they weren't in their current position, wrapped around each other. He had both of his arms around her, their legs were intertwined, and she was breathing in his shirt. _Ok…if I can just get us untangled…_He began to lift an arm, ever so slowly, eyes locked on her face to stop immediately if she showed any sign of movement.

A few minutes later, he had managed to stealthily remove an arm and untwist a leg, though, for all his efforts, she did have a pretty impressive grip on his shirt. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his clock flick to 9:58 AM. He tried to withhold panic now, his father woke him up at 10 AM on the dot every morning that wasn't a school day. _Oh, shit…_ He tried to extract himself even faster, his frazzled nerves getting to him. _Why do you have to be so damn clingy!?_ He demanded mentally of the sleeping girl.

He sighed, pausing, staring at her. Sunlight danced on her pale cheek, her smooth black hair contrasting it sharply. A very light smile was hanging on her lips, her face was relaxed, peaceful. Lovely, beautiful, radiant. Scowling, he cursed his current inability to think of negative adjectives. It was just that none seemed to fit with her at the moment. _Dammit, what the hell is wrong with me. It's just stupid Rukia. _Rukia._ The crazy, bunny-obsessed, irritating, shrill girl, remember?_ His scowl deepened, they still didn't fit. She was beautiful and every synonym of the word, plainly and simply. And, while he was being honest with himself, he didn't really _dislike_ her being entangled with him, or grasping his shirt so tightly. In fact…he rather liked it. That realization, or final lack of denial at least, wasn't as startling as he thought it would be, not like many of the other ones recently. Ichigo repressed the urge to hit himself, he was being completely idiotic. _It's just Rukia. _

His stream of thoughts, realizations, and curses were suddenly broken by a thunderous sound on the stairs, just down the hall. _Fuck! It's Dad!_ Not at all caring to be gentle, or to not wake her anymore, he grabbed the slumbering girl and launched himself upward, out of bed. The hands clutching his shirt squeezed tighter, he heard a tiny squawk of surprise. Ripping open the closet doors, he unceremoniously tossed Rukia inside, just managing to slam the door closed as his father burst into his room, screaming in exuberance.

"GOOOD MORRRNIIINNNGGGG, IIICHIIIGOOOO!!" His father pranced over to his bed, jerkily stopping when he realized that Ichigo wasn't actually in it. An irritated thumping sounded from inside the closet, Rukia was apparently showing her disapproval of being thrown around, and then locked in the closet. Ichigo grit his teeth, purposely leaning back against the door, hitting it with his back loudly enough to signal her to shove it. Isshin, meanwhile, spun around at the noise, his eyes widening on Ichigo.

"Very good, my son! You have managed to fool your old Dad! I have nothing more to teach you!!" Snarling and now officially in a bad mood, due to a combination of annoyance of being interrupted and at the fact that Rukia would most likely beat him into a pulp when she emerged, Ichigo raised a fist threateningly.

"You've been saying that for years now, and I don't remember you ever teaching me a damn thing!" An evil glint shone in his father's eye, Ichigo steeled himself for the worst.

"Hopefully I've at least taught you how to duck!" With that, the older man flung himself at his son, attempting to tackle him to the ground. Ichigo was in no mood. Thrusting his fist out, he let his father plow into it, efficiently knocking the man down. Isshin began to holler about how Ichigo was "so mean to Daddy!", loud enough to draw the attention of his sisters, who came pelting up the stairs. _Dammit! Everybody just go away! _Yuzu immediately was alarmed, starting to fuss, while Karin just laughed.

"Ichi-nii! Why do you have to be so rough with him?!"

"Because he's so damned annoying! No one else's fathers wake them up like this! What the hell is wrong with _him_!?"

"Don't be so mean, Ichi-nii!" Yuzu scolded while she helped a now sobbing Isshin off the floor. "Don't worry Dad, I made breakfast!" He instantly brightened, his tears drying up.

"Humph. Just what I thought, alligator tears…" Ichigo muttered under his breath as his father made a show of hobbling out of the room. Karin paused at the door, her smirk falling on him.

"Hmm, I wonder where Rukia-chan is…?" It wasn't a question. She quirked a brow at him, then retreated down the hall behind the others. Ichigo's face flamed, he stomped over to his door, slamming it shut. The moment he did so, the closet door whipped open, a flustered and clearly pissed Rukia jumping out. Planting her hands on her hips, she presented him with a glare that could peel the paint off the walls. Knowing that his cheeks were still flushed with color, he glared right back at her.

"What?! Did you _want_ him to wake us up like that? I don't think so!" Her eyes only narrowed further, but she didn't say a word, unnerving him. Then, with a flick of her hair, she brushed by him as she left the room.

o o o o o

Inoue Orihime smiled broadly as she flipped back the curtains, allowing the day's cheerful sunlight to stream into the room. She sighed happily, it had been raining so much that past few days, she had begun to wonder if it would ever stop. The rain always saddened her somewhat, it reminded her of Ichigo. Opening the window and leaning out on the window sill, her smile faded. _I used to think that somehow, the rain could connect us, just like how it connects the sky to the earth_. She smiled a little again, closing her eyes, but it wasn't a happy one like a few moments before. _It was such a silly idea… _

Turning away from the window, she made her way to the kitchen to start to prepare lunch, her thoughts now congested. She hadn't seen Ichigo since she had left Hueco Mundo, it had been months. Orihime had gone to the front lines with the rest of her friends, prepared to battle as best she could. But she had eventually started to feel like dead weight again, and apparently Soul Society agreed, pulling her back. She had then spent her time healing the injured, saving as many lives as she could. Even then, though, it had been difficult for her to remain strong, she had seen so much death and blood that it had weakened her, not only body, but soul. Eventually, she was sent back to the real world.

She remembered the day she was withdrawn from the front lines vividly still, feeling incredibly ashamed and weak for not being able to stay and help. For being useless. And feeling that it was her own fault, her own actions had forced Soul Society's hand. _If I hadn't followed him…I'm to blame. _

Once back home in the real world, Tatsuki had comforted her, had done her best to cheer her up, Orihime knew, but hadn't been able to remove the sad glint from her grey eyes. Orihime had heard that very day that her friends had penetrated the inner circle of Aizen's palace, preparing, with Captains and Vice Captains along with them, to make the final push_. They were all so strong…so much stronger than me._ And it was at moment that she realized that she couldn't follow Ichigo, couldn't be strong for him. Couldn't support him like he needed. The realization had inflected a deep wound, she had been heartbroken. Not by him, but by herself. So she spent her days after that trying to make herself stronger. _Not for him, but for myself._

A knock at the door distracted her, the sunny smile returning to her face. She didn't entirely feel it, but wanted to make others, especially her best friend, think that she did. Opening the door, she let in Tatsuki.

"Hey, Orihime. How's it hangin'?" Tatsuki swung into the room, flashing Orihime a half-smile.

"What's that, Tatsuki?" The auburn-haired girl pointed to the container under her friend's arm.

"Oh, leftovers from last night. Mom thought you might like some," Orihime grinned, Tatsuki's mother was an excellent cook, even if her dishes weren't the kind of things that Orihime generally ate.

The girls seated themselves around the table, Orihime putting away the leftovers and offering Tatsuki some of what she was already preparing. The other declined, saying she already ate, Orihime had learned not to push the issue, even if it still disappointed her somewhat that no one but Matsumoto liked her cooking. _At least that's someone…_

"So. Anything going on…?" Tatsuki asked, her voice sounding a little odd. Orihime glanced up at her, reading her face.

"No…Tatsuki, what's wrong?" She looked away for a second, then locked gazes with Orihime.

"I was out on my jog this morning, and I ran into Mr. Kurosaki." Orihime waited. "Ichigo's back." Tatsuki finished, staring straight at her friend, as if trying to gauge her reaction. Orihime blushed a little, she knew that Tatsuki was aware how she still felt for the boy.

"I—I know." She whispered, she had felt him the moment he had come back. Shame swelled. _…My fault…all my fault…_She lowered her eyes, she didn't want to let even her best friend read her, she wanted only to shut those feelings away.

"…Rukia came back too." Orihime only nodded this time. She had felt that as well. She was just as ashamed in front of Rukia as she was Ichigo. Rukia was her closest friend there, and yet she felt like she was letting her down. _She must dislike me now…She must think that I abandoned her in that horrible place._ She blinked rapidly, to cut off any tears before they formed. Then she smiled, as widely as she could, reaching out to grab Tatsuki's hand.

"I'm just so happy they're all ok! It will be so wonderful seeing them again!" She was terrified of seeing them again, at least Rukia and Ichigo. At the same time, she _was_ happy, so, _so_ happy they had made it out alive. She had been overjoyed when Ishida had come back from Soul Society early, telling her that everyone was alright, and letting her know about the end of the war. He had been forced to leave the front early as well, he had been seriously injured and was taken back to Soul Society to get healed. His healing had been complete towards the end of the war and he was able to come back and give her a full account of what had happened. Despite her joy that they were all ok, Orihime now felt a sort of sinking sensation. Perhaps similar to dread. _If they're back…School starts in a few days. I'm going to see them._ And…I'll have to see Ichigo… Orihime felt a swell of hope mixed in with the mild apprehension. She cared for Rukia greatly, but she still held feelings for Ichigo. She didn't _want_ to feel for him anymore, she knew he wouldn't feel the same way. And that he might not even be the same person anymore. _This is just so hard…and it's going to get worse. How can I face them?_ Her feelings jumbled, she gave up on the smile, touching lightly at her forehead. It all seemed to be ganging up on her at once.

"Orihime…" Tatsuki started, gripping her friend's hand tighter and looking pained. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, it's only a headache." Tatsuki frowned at the response.

"_Will_ you be alright?"

"Yes…I'll be fine."

- - - - - - - - -

Ok, ok. So there's fluff in this chapter...I admit it. But! It was still relevant to the story! Hahaha, yes... Anyways. Instant recap time! Ichigo discovers Rukia has nightmares as well and attempts to comfort her. He's still rather gruff about it, but at least he's trying. :) Memories surface in his dreams, this time of what happened shortly after his battle with Grimmjow in which Orihime interrupted. She was sent home because she was endangering herself and others. Ichigo is sad to see her leave, but more worried about how Rukia will handle it. He wakes up in a rather awkward position, attempts to remove himself from the girl before his father bursts in to wake him, ends up throwing her in the closet. Something she didn't appreciate. Finally, we pop over to Orihime's perspective and we see that she's still struggling with guilt and shame about what happened. She is also not feeling so well... If there are any Orihime lovers out there, I hope that I made you happy. :D While I don't love her, she is a good character, and adds to the story quite well, I think.

Hope you all liked it, tell me what you think because I love hearing opinions and critiques! Thanks for reading, MissCyraf


	12. Won for Once

Hey guys. A shorter chapter because of all the longer ones recently. I hope you still like it though. I don't own Bleach.

12

Won for Once

"Do you have all your school supplies ready, Ichi-nii?" Yuzu asked as she set a plate down in front of her brother. He shrugged, digging into the plate.

"I guess. I mean, I got paper, pencils, and some of the other basic crap. What else would I need?" Yuzu nodded, turning to Rukia, who was also eating, but far more daintily than Ichigo's shoveling.

"What about you, Rukia-neesan? I have some things you can borrow, if you don't." Rukia, who hadn't spoken much but occasionally shot a scowl across the table at Yuzu's brother, smiled up at her.

"That's very kind of you to offer, Yuzu, but I think I'll be fine. I'm going out with Renji later to get supplies." Ichigo, who had been sipping at his juice aloofly, set the glass down firmly.

"Why're you spending so much time with that guy, anyway?" Yuzu worriedly looked up at her brother, then back at Rukia. Something was going on here, though she didn't know what.

"What's wrong with me spending time with him? I _should_ spend time with my _best friend_, it's only natural." Her tone was unlike anything Yuzu had heard her use before, sharp, but cold. Ichigo grimaced at that, Rukia ignored him, patting her mouth gently with her napkin, and standing. Setting her plate down in the sink, she smiled at Yuzu, who was still mildly disturbed by what was going on between them, she didn't understand. It seemed like one minute, everything was fine, and the next, they were angry with each other.

"Thank you very much for breakfast, Yuzu. It was delicious as usual. I'm going to be gone most of the afternoon, but if you need me, you can reach me on my cell. Your brother has the number." As Rukia left, Yuzu caught Ichigo's low grumbling as he stabbed at the remaining food on his plate. He finished quickly enough, then left the table as well, muttering his thanks to Yuzu before retreating up the stairs to his room. Yuzu plucked at her lip, she hated fighting. A low snort sounded behind her, Karin stood up from the table as well, handing her sister her plate. She had observed the whole thing as well, but had remained silent.

"What?" Yuzu asked at the sardonic expression on her sister's face. Karin smirked even more broadly. "Aren't you worried? They're always fighting…"

"Not really. Neither of them are very good at expressing themselves, so they both just get angry. They do it in different ways though, Ichi-nii gets aggressive and loud, Rukia-chan gets distant and quiet. He yells, she seethes." Yuzu, who didn't get angry very often and didn't understand other peoples' anger very well either, pursed her lips, her brow wrinkling in slight confusion. Karin sighed. "It's like hot and cold. They're really different, but it's good for them. They balance each other out and challenge each other." Apparently seeing that her sister wasn't at all comforted, Karin tried again. "Don't worry, Yuzu. It isn't a bad thing, once they figure their damn stubborn selves out, everything will calm down again…" She patted Yuzu on the back lightly, leaving her alone in the kitchen. Yuzu frowned, still a little upset.

"I hope so…"

o o o o o

Hanatarou Yamada slouched beside Kiyone and Sentarou as they tapped lightly on the 13th Captain's door, waiting. He had been asked to check on the Captain's health, he seemed especially poor today, the two Third Seats insisted. The Captain must have said something, the Third Seats pushed open the door and beckoned for Hanatarou to follow them inside.

Kiyone gasped at the sight of her Captain, Sentarou cringed. Hanatarou gathered from their reactions that their Captain was relatively worse than he had been earlier when they had first left to go fetch the 4th Squad healer. Ukitake was lying on his back on his bed, he was awake, as far as Hanatarou could tell, but looked like he was in intense pain. He didn't move at all, except for his hand twitching compulsively. His pain was evident in his face, his eyes were open partly, but there was no real consciousness behind them, they were deadened. Worst yet, a tiny trail of blood was leaking down from his partially open mouth. Hanatarou sucked in his breath, Ukitake looked nearly dead, he didn't look just sick.

The Captain of the 13th Squad suddenly began to cough, though, at least reassuring Hanatarou that he was still somewhat conscious, not comatose, not dead. He leaned down beside the Captain's head, resting his hand lightly on his forehead. And quickly withdrew his hand, shocked.

"He's feverish…" He turned to look at the anxious Third Seats over his shoulder. "How long has he been like this?" Kiyone looked away, biting her lip, Sentarou answered heavily.

"We don't know…He wouldn't let us in. We thought he was just working…" Hanatarou gave them a single nod, significantly worried now. Sighing, he stood back up.

"I—I don't know what's wrong, we have done extensive research on Captain Ukitake's illness and it has never involved a fever. I believe it would be in his best interest that we move him to the 4th Squad's Ward. His life may very well be in danger, Captain Unohana must see to him." The others nodded numbly. With that, Hanatarou called a Hell's Butterfly to send a call for help to the 4th Squad, he would need help transporting the Captain. Sniffling caught his ear, he turned to see that both Third Seats had tears running down their cheeks, it would have been comical perhaps, in a different situation, but in this one, it wasn't. "Don't worry. Captain Unohana is the best healer Soul Society has ever had, she will do all she can." He attempted to reassure them. But just with his moment of assessment of the Captain's condition, he wasn't exactly sure what could be done.

o o o o o

Ichigo seated himself at his desk, making an industry out of pulling out paper, pencils, binders, anything he could find that he might need for school on Monday. It was the beginning of his senior year in highschool, and he was determined to make the highest grades he could for college. _Especially after last year. I'm gonna need top grades if I'm going to get into college…_He scowled bitterly at a pencil case as he set it next to everything else. The war, including the preliminary battles and Inoue's rescue had lasted over a year, and he had been gone from home for a good portion of it. He had been fighting in Soul Society as well as in Heuco Mundo, and with many of his friends, hadn't been able to attend school. Soul Society, valuing them as forefront fighters, had provided specialized mod souls along with the help of Kisuke Urahara. Urahara had watched their bodies at his Shoten while the souls were developed, and had personally programmed them with information about the personalities of the people they were inhabiting and substituting for. The mod souls didn't attend school often, only often enough to pass, most of the time having excuses such as being sick or having fallen down the stairs. Whatever the case, Ichigo was grateful, having to return home after such a traumatizing experience and repeat the 11th grade was something he had dreaded. He had passed, barely, but his grades had suffered. The mod souls were not exceptionally good at class work, and incidents still happened, requiring the memories of his classmates to often be wiped. _Whatever. It's over now…And I'll work my ass off to bounce back. Hopefully this time there won't be any freaking wars or psychopath Hollows interfering… _

School supplies sitting in a small pile on his desk, he drummed his fingers on the top lightly, restless. _Stupid Rukia…_He recalled his thoughts from last night, how he had silently promised her and himself that he would protect her. That he wouldn't let her out of his sight. His pride had been injured since that vow was made, and he stubbornly crossed his arms over his chest. _I'm not going after her_, he thought indignantly, he refused. _She's fine._ He had once again reached out to her, to give comfort this time instead of receive, and had exposed vulnerability, his real caring for the girl. Even though he knew she probably had reason to be upset with him this morning, he was slightly stung, pulling into himself and responding as best he knew how. With forced nonchalance and anger.

He shoved himself out of his chair, folding his arms tensely across his chest, completely determined to push all thoughts of Kuchiki Rukia out of his head. But with nothing to do otherwise, it proved more difficult a task than he had thought. _Not going after her._

Grimacing, he dropped onto his bed, staring up at the ceiling. A dull throb had taken over residence in the back of his head, he decided to ignore it just as he was ignoring Rukia_. I said I would protect her… _The thought floated through his head. _I know she's hurting…_ He ignored the thoughts, too. Continuing his attempt to not let Rukia's stupid bad mood affect him, placed his earbuds into his ears, cranked up his music, and pulled out a manga. Pursing his lips, though, he only read a few pages before growing too restless for his interest in that to last as well. _Not going. If she's going to be an emotional dumbass after everything, fine. I don't care. And…and if she wants to run off to _Renji_, that's fine too. I really don't care. She can do whatever she wants. I don't want her crazy ass around me anyways._ He lingered for a few seconds more, then stood sharply up. _Fine. I'll go after her, but I still don't care!_ Grabbing his jacket and wallet, he jogged out of the room.

o o o o o

It was hard to explain why she was angry this time, she grasped for a solid answer but came up with almost nothing_. Stupid Ichigo. It must be because he threw me into the closet… _She chewed on her lip, irked, but knew that that wasn't the real reason. Sure, it had been upsetting being woken up to be roughly tossed into a closet and having the door slam shut behind her, but considering the circumstances, with Ichigo's father exploding into the room a second later, it hadn't been completely unreasonable. _True, the idiot could have been more freaking gentle… If Nii-sama knew what was going on, that a Kuchiki was tossed into a closet…_She snorted at the thought. _Ha! That's not was Nii-sama would be upset about, he'd be angry with me for sleeping beside Ichigo. For sleeping anywhere _near_ Ichigo._ She shuddered, deciding it was for the best that no one had found them that way. If her brother caught any word of it, of anything she was doing, Ichigo probably would be sliced to pieces by Senbonzakura. _That idiot deserves a firm kick in the ass, but not to be chopped up. He really was just trying to help_. She recalled the previous nights events, how caring Ichigo had been. Yet another side of him that she rarely, if ever, saw. And she was grateful, as well as impressed.

…_So what am I so mad about? _She probed at her feelings, the anger was barely even there anymore, just…_a mess_. She had been _happy_ there in his arms, too happy. Embarrassingly, startlingly happy. Happy that left her vulnerable, happy that threatened her whole system of dealing with her feelings, how she would keep people at distance. Happy that wouldn't let her push Ichigo away anymore, happy that made her only crave to get closer. And that was a problem. She cursed under her breath, wishing that she had more control over herself. _I've never not had myself under control, this is ridiculous. What's wrong with me? _

She had arrived at the Shoten, and was decidedly grateful. She didn't want to think on her feelings anymore, they frightened her. They threatened to change what she had, and she wasn't willing to compromise any of the friends she had made or the life she had finally returned to for her confused emotions. _I'll just have to watch myself more, keep in control better. _

Striding into the shop, she ambled over to a seated Urahara, who was lazily fanning himself while reading over something. He didn't even lift his eyes to greet her, an oddity for the normally cheerful shopkeeper. _He's still acting weird…I wonder what's up?_

"What are you reading?" Normally, she didn't involve herself in the business of others, especially personal business, but she was moderately worried about the strange man. He was devoid completely of his silly manner, his abnormally sunny smiles.

"A message from Yoruichi." Was all he said, his voice low, eyes hidden by the brim of his hat. Rukia considered that, she knew Urahara was up for re-instatement, if Central 46 would ever get their act together. She wasn't, however, aware of any recent developments in that, nor with his relationship status with Yoruichi. She didn't know how to ask either, it was his business, and very obviously close to his heart. There was no way to ask without hurting him, without tracking in unwanted filth. Instead, she just nodded, placing a reassuring hand on his arm. They had grown closer during the war, but still weren't close enough for her to entirely understand him. Giving him support was all that she felt she could do.

"Oi. You two done snuggling, or should I wait?" Renji's voice caused her to snap around, she presented him with an annoyed scowl, patting Urahara's arm lightly before standing up.

"Shutup, Renji. Could you try not to be an idiot for once?" He only gave her an affable grin, shrugging innocently.

"I dunno, I could try." She laughed a little, elbowing him.

"Yes. Please do." Leading him out of the shop, she glanced back at the dulled shopkeeper. "We'll be gone for a few hours. Call us if you need anything." And she meant it, it disturbed her seeing the man this way.

Grabbing Renji's arm, she lead him out the front door, clobbering him in the head as soon as they stepped out into the light.

"Ow! What the hell was that for, Rukia?!"

"Idiot," She sneered, planting her one of her hands on her hips, the other pinching his ear and dragging him downwards to her level. "Can't you see something's bothering him? He doesn't need you being stupid around him, too! Be considerate for once in your life!"

"Am I interrupting anything?" Another voice cut in. With Rukia still squeezing Renji's ear, they both turned to find Ichigo, leading indolently against the outer wall of the Shoten, his usual scowl a little more harsh than normal. Releasing Renji, Rukia snarled at the newcomer.

"Ichigo! What are you doing here!" All of her previous thoughts flowed back to her, and in response, she could feel her flush creep into her cheeks. _Happy to be in his arms…No. Have some damn control, Rukia._ He smirked, and stood straighter, seemingly ready for battle.

"Why, afraid of me messing up your _date_?" Rukia balked at that, sputtering, while Renji only blinked.

"Date? What's a date?"

"Shutup, Renji! No, it's _not_ a date!"

"Then you won't mind me tagging along. I remembered I have to get some stuff for school too, and since you're using _my_ money…" She ground her teeth at his growing smirk, he had trapped her. Not able to think of any response to get rid of him, she whipped around, stretching her short legs as much as she could to create distance between herself and him, not caring at all if Renji was left behind. It wasn't far enough, though, for her to miss Ichigo's victorious chuckle, he knew he had won for once.

- - - - - - -

hahaha! Crafty Ichigo...Hmm, ok, instant recap!! Yuzu and Kain talk about Ichigo and Rukia, Karin's positive they're made for each other and that everything will be alright. I never used to like her so much, but she's probably one of the smartest characters in the series. She knows what's going on... Anyways, Hanatarou (love him!) is asked to check up on Ukitake, who is in extremely poor health. The state of the Captain's condition, though, shocks him and he decides it's best to go to Captain Unohana for help. Ichigo's sulking, but decides to go after Rukia, perhaps because he's jealous. Perhaps. Perhaps also because he feels guilty. lol, he's complicated. Rukia tries to figure some things out on her way to Urahara's, and is alarmed by her feelings. She decides she needs more control. Speaks to Urahara briefly, something seems to be up with him. Meets Renji, then Ichigo pops up, pissing her off.

So that's chapter 12. I'm only a few chapters ahead at this time, so I'm going to have to do some serious writing in the next few days. I would have before, but I was working on a **contest entry for a Bleach contest on Deviant art. **I just posted it! SO-if you want to see, go to **www . misscyraf.deviantart . com/** without any of the spaces. I hope that works... it's called **Bleach JUMP**, and I'm pretty proud of it! Huzzah!! Lemme know what you think of the chapter and maybe the picture too, if you like it, haha! thanks guys,

MissCyraf


	13. Fear on Her Face

Hey all. Figured it was about time to post another chapter. Another shorter one, sorry bout that, but it's only because the next few are kind of long. THANK YOU to everyone who has been reading, and all those that review, it really makes my day. I don't own Bleach, I just lurv it, haha. Enjoy!

13

Fear on Her Face

Renji was lost in their fight again, not knowing at all what was going on or what they were fighting about this time. He inwardly sighed, walking back with Ichigo as Rukia stomped on ahead of them. He knew that stomp, she was determined to make Ichigo's life a living hell now, and Renji would once again get caught in the crosshairs. This really hadn't been how he was planning the afternoon at all, he had been looking forward to another afternoon of just the two of them. He liked Ichigo, he really did, but couldn't help but feel a competition with the other Shinigami, not just over Rukia, but everything. Ichigo had charged headfirst into the world of the Shinigami, without any knowledge or experience. And yet, against all odds and the fact that he was a human, he had become something like an all-star, making all of Renji's accomplishments, his fast promotion to Vice-Captain, his success in achieving Bankai, his struggles and victories in the war, seem almost meaningless. And worst of all, he felt he was losing Rukia to this…_boy_. _She doesn't even really look at me anymore, she only sees him._

He glanced at the orange-headed Strawberry with the corner of his eye, sizing him up. Ichigo's expression was, as expected, twisted in a scowl, but there was a negativity that hung around him that Renji hadn't picked up on before. He looked elsewhere, considering the other man. He knew that if the circumstances were different, he could probably be very close with Ichigo. He was aware that they had similar temperaments, attitudes, ideals. The things they valued were even similar, they worked to get stronger in order to protect those that they cared about. But the circumstances were what they were, there was nothing he could do to change them. _I can't force Rukia to leave him, and she really does believe them to be just friends._ He didn't believe that the status would last long, not with her staying with him. _…Am _I_ just a friend to her?_ They had cared for each other before, he recalled frequently when they were each others' world. _And I fucked it up._ Scowling down at his feet while he walked, he couldn't help but feel that if Ichigo were just somehow out of the picture, he could really fix everything that had gone wrong between them so long ago, he could get Rukia back. He felt guilty about the idea, after everything they had been through together, he really did consider Ichigo a friend, but… _I still love her_.

"What's her deal, man?" Ichigo's voice startled him, Renji snapped his gaze back up to stare at the other man. Wrinkling a tattooed brow, he frowned slightly.

"Whaddya mean, 'what's her deal'?" Ichigo shoved his hands into pockets, scowl growing exasperated.

"You're her friend, right? Has she always been insane, or is it a recent development made just to piss me off?" Renji snorted a laugh at Ichigo's bothered question. "What!" Ichigo snapped, his frustration was plain, amusing Renji immensely. He could empathize with the man, he really could, but at the moment was enjoying his struggle too much. He shrugged good-naturedly.

"Meh. She's always like that. Don't worry 'bout it." Pausing, a question came to mind, he wondered briefly how to phrase it. "…What's goin' on with you guys, anyway?" Ichigo turned to give him a startled look.

"Huh?"

"Like…what's this fight about?" With that question, Ichigo actually laughed.

"Damned if I know." Renji grinned at the answer.

"Yeah, I know what you mean." They walked in comfortable silence for a few moments, both relaxed in mutual understanding. Then Renji noticed Ichigo was looking at him with a slightly perplexed expression.

"What." Blinking, Ichigo pointed to his head.

"Why's your hair down? You look like a girl." The comfortable companionship and mutual understanding was gone.

"What! You bastard! My head freakin' hurt, that's all! But I promise your's is gonna hurt more!" Renji proceeded to pounce on him, determined to punch Ichigo upside the head as much as possible. The orange-haired man fought back, arms swinging. With their yelling, they began to draw the attention of others on the street, eventually gaining Rukia's as well. A third body was thrown into the brawl, the small girl effectively ending it with sharp, swift punches of little fists.

"Stop it! Both of you!" Both panting heavily, Renji and Ichigo glared at each other for second before both cracking up. Rukia, apparently annoyed by this, kicked them both in the shins and went back to walking on ahead.

o o o o o

Ishida Uryuu cleared his throat nervously, pushing his glasses up his nose. Facing him was the front door of the girl he had long cared about, long admired from a distance. Over the past few years, they had grown closer due to strange, and generally negative occurrences, but despite all the pain and trauma they had brought him, he couldn't regret them. Just because they had really brought Inoue Orihime into his life. He cleared his throat again_. Just do it. _Squaring his shoulders, he reached up, forcing himself to knock on her door. Ishida wasn't in any way a coward, he stood up for what he believed in and fought for it with everything he had. This was different. In talking to girls, he was in a whole different world, one in which he was somewhat afraid, no longer confident in his abilities. He considered turning around and fleeing now, before she could open the door and see him there. _No. Stop being foolish._ So, he stood there and waited, each second that passed, a lifetime in his anxious state. The door opened, the object of his long admiration blinking at him from behind it.

"Oh! Ishida-kun! …Why are you here?" He fought back a frown, that wasn't the welcome he had hoped for. _But…That's Orihime for you. She just says whatever she's thinking, she's honest and straightforward._ He liked that in her.

"…Good afternoon, Inoue-san…I just wanted to—" He tried to fight the sense of panic that had begun to flood his senses. _A minute into the conversation, and I'm already going down! Damn! _"To—to see if you wanted—if you…" She blinked her wide grey eyes at him, slight worry in her voice.

"Ishida-kun? Are you alright?"

"Um—" He was cut off by her suddenly grabbing his arm.

"I made lunch! Why don't you come in and have some?"

"Uh—" Lunch in general didn't sound bad. _But Orihime's cooking…_ She didn't give him much of a choice, pulling him inside. Flustered, he allowed her to push him to the table, watching her as she hummed to herself as she moved about the small kitchen in her apartment. He cleared his throat again as she placed a plate of dubious-looking food before him, wondering if it would be too impolite not to eat. She plopped herself down on the other side of the table, seemingly happy to have guest. But as she smiled at him and began to eat, he could almost _feel_ that something was wrong.

They hadn't spoken since he had told her the news of end of the war, weeks ago. He remembered too clearly how she had desperately pleaded with him to know how Ichigo was, if he was even alive. With the memory brought back the sight of all the tears in her eyes as she had asked, how she had clutched at his arm in fear for another. It had all been rather painful—_extremely painful_—to watch, especially since she was crying out of her caring for someone else. Though he hated himself for it, he hadn't been able to visit her again, knowing that her feelings for Ichigo would practically hang in the air around him.

Now was different. He had missed her, missed how her cheerfulness lit up the room, her sunny smile lifting him from his troubles. He had worried about her as well, knowing how distraught she was about Ichigo, he had hated seeing those tears. And he had realized, that even tears from Inoue Orihime was better than not being around her. _I have to be stronger for her, Ichigo isn't going to be. She has so few people in her life…Just like me. We can, if she wants…lean on each other. _With that thought firmly in mind, he picked up his chopsticks and began to eat, not allowing himself to cringe at the taste.

Her face had fallen again as she ate, but the sight of him eating as well seemed to delight her. She smiled at him broadly.

"Do you like it? I made up the recipe myself," He gave her a weak smile back, nodding.

"It's delicious, you've outdone yourself, Inoue-san." Her smile widened further, he decided that whatever the taste, it was worth it.

"Now, what did you want to talk to me about, Ishida-kun?" She reached across the table to refill his glass, much to his relief.

"I…was in the neighborhood, and I wondered how you were." He answered simply. It was a partly a lie, he did want to see how she was, but he had come here directly from home just to see her. He wasn't just "in the neighborhood".

"Oh! That's very kind of you. I'm fine, just trying to get everything together before school starts." Her voice lost some of its happiness while she spoke, something was wrong. _She's worried about school? No._ He knew. _She's worried about seeing Ichigo. And Rukia. _He had seen, when she was withdrawn from the front lines, how she had reacted, he had _felt_ her sorrow and shame. At the time, he hadn't been able to comfort her, but now…_we have a whole new start._

"Yes. I am too." Conversation lagged, he was never very good at making small talk with her. Or in general. "…Perhaps, Inoue-san…" She looked up at him. "Well…I was speaking with Tatsuki the other day…" It was difficult. "She said she was unable to walk with you on Monday due to practice being before school…" Orihime wrinkled a brow at him prettily, not seeing where he was going with this. He sighed inwardly, then grit his teeth. _Now or never_. "If, perhaps, if you are interested, I could—accompany—you Monday morning instead. It—It's on my way, you see—and—"

"You want to walk with me to school, Ishida-kun?" She asked, now understanding. He looked away, pushing his glasses up his nose.

"It—it's understandable if you would rather be alone…"

"No! No, that's ok! Of course you can walk with me, Ishida-kun! If it's not out of your way,"

"No, no. Not at all." She smiled at him, he could have shouted his success to the world. Instead, he cleared his throat again, and chose to take a sip from his glass.

"Ok, well, I'll meet you at seven, then, Ishida-kun." Meeting her eyes, much lighter than they were before, he decided to push a little further, hoping his luck held.

"Please, Inoue-san. Call me Uryuu."

o o o o o

Hanatarou wrung his hands nervously as Unohana bent over the ill Captain of the 13th Squad. She made no real outward sign of concern, but he could tell she was worried. The way she moved, for one who knew her well, betrayed it. Straightening, she placed the cool poultice back on his forehead, and turned to the anxious Third Seats who were waiting nearby.

"I…I have never seen an illness such as this. There seem to be few symptoms, but his pain is quite clear. And I fear that it is only growing worse." Hanatarou didn't want to see their reactions, he hated seeing the pain of the family and friends. It was something he had to see quite often, healing the sick, and he was never able to remain impassive to it. As he expected, Kiyone and Sentarou's reactions were distressing, Kiyone broke down in tears, with Sentarou trying to comfort her, but proving unable to do so in his own grief.

"Is…Is there anything you can do, Captain?" Sentarou asked, wrapping a firm hand around Kiyone's shoulder as she pressed her face against him, sobbing. Unohana's face was gentle, slightly sad, like always. If she was disturbed by Captain Ukitake's sudden turn for the worse, she wasn't expressing it. _At least not in front of them…_

"I will do all I can. Please, try not to worry. He is a Captain, and has reserves of strength that others do not have. Now, I will have to ask you to leave him, he needs quiet to rest." They nodded, and with a backward glance at his Captain, Hanatarou led them out of the room. Unohana stayed at his side, and as they left the room, Hanatarou could now see the fear on her face.

o o o o o

_…The decision is yet at a standstill. Central 46 is deadlocked on the issue, and it does not appear that they will come to any conclusion anytime soon. Many are pushing to simply move on. _

_Without them, the decision falls to the Captains. I know you are aware of the rules that dictate the induction of a Captain, that someone must pass the Captain's exam in the presence of three of more Captains, including the Commander General. That option is not available to you because of the current chaos in Soul Society, it will be long before they are ready to hold Captain's exams. Another option is to defeat a current Captain in the presence of over 200 guardsmen, but, as you are currently not allowed in Soul Society, you have no way to engage them. The final option is to receive the recommendation of six current Captains with the approval of the seven remaining. There are, clearly, complications with this option. Soul Society only has nine living Captains at the moment. But, I believe this to be your only choice. As Central 46 is unlikely to resolve the problem and allow you to return themselves, I believe it to be vital for you to gain support of the current Captains to gain re-admittance and acceptance. _

_Therefore, I have been, naturally, finding out how each one feels. Unsurprisingly, many support you. Even Soi Fon, though that is a surprise. Probably because I made her. We feared that Byakuya would be your biggest opponent, but he has been disturbingly silent on the matter, not expressing his opinion either way. As predicted, Mayuri doesn't support you, and Zaraki doesn't care. Hitsugaya is for you, along with Unohana, and Shuunsui. Here we come to a problem. The Commander General dislikes you, and will most likely vote against. And…I'm sorry to have to tell you this, Kisuke, but Ukitake is very ill. Even more so than usual, no one knows what's wrong with him, not even Unohana. Not only is that upsetting on its own, but it brings about the problem that Ukitake, who would normally support you without question, currently cannot. And without his vote, we don't even have a majority to support you. Therefore, I plan on staying in Soul Society to try to sway the neutral parties for our favor. _

_I'm sorry, Kisuke. I won't be coming home any time soon, but with hope, you will be coming here. _

_I love you._

He set the letter aside, closing his eyes. _She's not coming back... I suppose I should be used to it._ Yet, that didn't stop the hurt. Standing, he crumpled the letter and strode towards the back of the shop, lifting his hand to his forehead. It had been hurting even more lately, though he wasn't sure which pain hurt worse.

- - - - - - - -

Instant recap! Renji's guilty about sortof wishing Ichigo wasn't so attached to Rukia and resenting his power. Poor Renji, I really feel for the guy. Just from his practically life-long desire to catch up to Byakuya, you can tell he really hates being below others. And he pushes himself not only for his own goals, but to make himself worthy of Rukia too...SAD. It must really suck for him that Ichigo suddenly busts onto the scene, kicks everybody's ass, and pretty much wins Rukia too. Poor guy. They're friends, and they respect each other...but it still must suck for him. (I don't actually dislike Renji-Rukia, though I hate Ichi-hime, haha, but I just don't see it as very likely. You can tell Rukia's all about Ichigo.) Renji and Ichigo discuss Rukia and are cool, and then Ichigo insults him and their typical fighting begins. Rukia ends it. Meanwhile, Ishida visits Orihime, awww! This isn't an un-cannon couple, you can see its potential in the manga, and just by the glances Ishida is always giving Orihime, especially when she's fawning over Ichigo, you can see he cares for her. Ukitake is getting worse, it's even scaring Unohana. She's never seen anything like this before. And, finally, we get to see part of the letter Urahara was reading in the earlier chapter.

ok, that's it! until next time, tell me what you think! MissCyraf


	14. Nothing Natural

Hey all. We get a little bit more of Ichigo's memories this time. Lot's of drama, lot's of heartache. Sorry bout that you guys, all part of ze plot. Don't worry though, I love these characters too, it'll all turn out alright in the end :D I adore the reviews, they really brighten my day, so if you have any comments/questions, please let me know. Much love, and thanks for reading. I don't own Bleach.

14

Nothing Natural

Rukia leaned on the clear counter, scanning all of her choices. _So many colors…Every color of the rainbow. _After getting school supplies, and some Chappy merchandise she had demanded, they had wandered over to the ice cream parlor. Over the course of the afternoon, she found it more and more difficult to pretend she was still angry at Ichigo, but still tried to be careful with how comfortable she allowed herself to be. The memory of him holding her was still too close to the surface in her mind, just waiting to embarrass her again. And to threaten the denial she was currently enforcing. Instead, she remained slightly aloof, a fact that seemed rather lost on the two loud boys with her. Both of them now, who had been bickering and threatening each other noisily all afternoon, were attracting the attention of the other customers, all of which blatantly staring. She firmly ignored them all, laboring over the ice cream choices instead.

"Oi, Midget. Hurry up, we can't stand here all day," Ichigo complained behind her, poking her insistently in the shoulder. She swatted his hand away, still struggling over a decision.

"You should get that one," Renji pointed at a blue, clearly thinking he was being helpful.

"No, that's a gross flavor, get the orange." Renji scoffed at Ichigo's suggestion.

"Heh, you only like that color 'cause of your hair, _Strawberry_," With that, Renji promptly attempted to give the substitute Shinigami a noogie.

"Aah! Get off me, you bastard! Besides, you should talk about hair, look at _you_! You look like a freakin' red pineapple!" Snarling at each other, they began to slap wildly about, swinging fists and trying to club each other. _It's like dealing with five-year-olds. _

"Shutup, you morons! You're embarrassing me!" She shouted at them, causing the other customers who were watching to start to whisper amongst themselves. _That's it_. Rukia went into "poor, innocent, little girl" mode, taking out a paper napkin and pretending to cry.

"Oh, how terribly upsetting! Your fighting scares me so, whatever shall I do?" She dabbed at her eyes. Much like she expected, it stopped their fighting, but in a different way than with the fight between Ichigo and his father. This time, both men stopped only to gripe at her.

"Cut it out, Rukia, that's so damn annoying!"

"Yeah, seriously, I always hated that shit." She tossed the napkin away, mission accomplished. _At least they can agree on something…_

"I've made my choice, Ichigo." He rolled his eyes, as if he knew what was coming.

"Lemme guess…"

"I want—" She began.

"Strawberry." They both finished together. He snorted, ordering for her. "I don't know why I even bother to ask," He muttered, passing her the ice cream cone. Rukia caught him then glancing over at Renji, a devious gleam in his eye. _Here it comes…he's going to say something stupid and start another fight…_ "And what flavor will the lovely lady have?" Rukia only turned away when Renji acted as predicted, slamming his fist into the viciously grinning Ichigo's face.

o o o o o

Hitsugaya frowned darkly as he strode out of Juushirou Ukitake's room, his thoughts heavy with concern. All the Captains—_well, not all_, he thought of Zaraki—had been in to see the 13th Captain, he was well-liked throughout all of Seireitei. Rumors, followed by an official statement at the latest Captain's meeting, had spread quickly throughout the Gotei's barracks, whispers and gossip traveled faster than even the best Shunpo. Hitsugaya was the last of the Captains to visit, he had been feeling slightly under the weather himself.

The 13th Captain hadn't looked well, not that he ever looked a hundred percent healthy. _No, this is much worse, whatever it is_… Hands folded behind his back, Hitsugaya barely noticed Shinigami who passed and greeted him, worries chewing at him. _Matsumoto is ill as well, though that could be because of the drinking…And at the last Captain's meeting, even Kuchiki looked off…What's going on around here? Some sort of flu or virus?_ He considered the possibility, but it didn't seem at all realistic_. We don't have _bodies_, we are made up of reishi…There is no way _our_ bodies could succumb to the same kind of illness as humans do. Besides…I've never seen any human's eyes look the way Ukitake's did…_Blank, dead.

Hitsugaya recalled stepping into the ward room, pacing to Ukitake's side. Unohana lingered as well, checking her patient's vitals and replacing the cool cloth on his head. The 10th Captain, brows drawing into a firm crease, had inquired of the other Captain's symptoms, Unohana had only hesitated a minute before replying.

"I have never seen anything like this. He is feverish, and falls in and out of consciousness…He is incredibly weak, I can hardly feel his reiatsu at all. …And…I cannot stop the blood." She had looked down at Ukitake, nodding towards the slow blood dribble down from his lips, then closing her eyes with apparent pain. _At first I had thought it to be simply exhaustion on everyone's part, due to the war. It would only be natural. But...A fever…occasional consciousness…blood flow…and a reiatsu drain? That—there is nothing natural about this. _

Deeply disturbed, he blinked in surprise when he realized he had reached the top step of the staircase leading to the rooftop of his barracks. Rubbing idly at his forehead, he sat, in his usual spot on the rooftop, waiting for Hinamori to arrive. The sun was beginning to set, he decided to think on it later, this was his time to relax. His time with Hinamori. The sun glared over the rooftops, drifting steadily downwards_. Where is she? She's late, she's missing it! _He frowned again, then forcibly relaxed his expression as it hurt his head. _That girl—_

His eyes went wide. He felt her, her reiatsu flaring and wavering behind him. Whirling with wide eyes, he could only watch in horror as she stumbled up the last step, hand outstretched, eyes fearfully wide. It wasn't merely a trip, her reiatsu suddenly pulsed once again, then dropped to a dangerously low amount, dwindling to almost nothing.

"Sh—Shiro…chan…." He watched her fall, feeling frozen, unable to move. She landed heavily, letting out a soft, terrible whimper. He shot from his seat, was immediately at her side where she collapsed. Hesitating for a moment, he didn't know if he should touch her, or if it would be safer for her to remain where she was. Then panic overcame his better judgment, he turned her over as gently as he could, needing to see her face, needing reassurance that he had somehow sensed wrong, that she was fine. When his gaze fell upon her face though, he sucked in his breath, a slow terror crawling up into his chest.

"No…Hina…mori…Hinamori! _Hinamori!_" Her eyes were blank, just as dead as Ukitake's.

o o o o o

"Oi, Renji," Ichigo broke the silence between them as they finished their ice cream, now both seated on a bench in the park, both pairs of eyes fixed firmly on the short Shinigami feeding the ducks a few yards away.

"Hm?" Renji grunted out a response, lazily watching as Rukia attempted to throw the feed Ichigo had bought further. They both grinned in moderate amusement as she failed, the feed only falling into the water a foot or so farther, the wind having caught it. They knew better than to laugh outright, she was still close enough to be dangerous.

"Aren't you here 'cause you're hurt? You don't seem all that hurt." This time, he tore his gaze off of Rukia to look over at the other Shinigami, who idly stretched, as if to encourage Ichigo's point.

"I was hurt, yeah. But I figure I'm about healed up now." Ichigo snorted at him.

"Skipping out, huh? Lazy ass." Renji whipped around to glare at him, snarling.

"Hey! Shut up, not all of us had the luxury of bein' completely healed, you know! When I came in, there were hundreds of other casualties that were jus' as bad as me! So, they fixed up whatever was life-threatening, and then sent me on my way." Ichigo considered the answer, that wasn't how his healing had gone. He had been nearly completely healed in about a week, though he didn't remember any of it, he had been unconscious at the time. He had only been told about how fatal his wounds had been. He hadn't believed at first, but remembering Rukia, her strained expression, when he had been told…_I…died. They said I was pretty much dead, that somehow, I had come back…_He didn't see how that was possible, but had absolutely decided that it didn't matter now. He was alive, so were his friends, so was Rukia. He refused to let himself worry about it, he had enough things to worry about. His thoughts must have been clear to the redheaded Shinigami, who, after eyeing him briefly, continued, looked back at Rukia.

"Yeah, you were a different case entirely. You pretty much died, man. They had t' heal you up, or you would've been totally gone as soon as you got back into your body. With me, they just fixed up the really bad stuff and let everything else heal, with you, _everything _was bad." His gaze turned from Rukia again, she was now shouting obscenities at the ducks, who had stolen the bag of feed, and locked his eyes with Ichigo's. Ichigo was mildly startled, Renji's actually had quite a lot of obvious pain in them. "You were really messed up, man. _Really_ messed up." Not knowing what to say to that, Ichigo only nodded, looking down into his lap. _"Really messed up", huh? Then why…why did I live?_

"Stupid ducks! Stupid, _stupid!_" A shrill voice cut into this thoughts, he raised his head in time to see Rukia chasing after them, fist shaking in the air as she raged at them. A dull smirk caught on his lips, growing as he watched her_. I lived…because of Rukia._

.

Rukia suddenly froze in her shouting, in her abrupt silence the beeping of her cell phone could be heard. _A Hollow!_ He stretched out his senses, he could now feel it. It must have just appeared. Rukia whipped out her phone, scanning the screen and shutting it quickly.

"Ichigo, Renji! Five blocks!" Ichigo stood sharply, digging into his pocket for his badge. The three Shinigami broke into a run, all alarmed. Though Rukia hadn't said so, he could now feel there was more than one.

They arrived at the scene only a few minutes later, Rukia grit her teeth as she quickly swallowed her soul candy, being thrust out of her body. She immediately drew her sword, seeing Renji bursting from his gigai nearby. All three of them were apprehensive, at the sight of the Hollows, there wasn't one or two, but four. Four Hollows. Ichigo, already out of his body and charging, savagely swinging Zangetsu, a shout ripping from his throat. _All apprehensive except for that idiot…_ Renji then charged as well, drawing his own blade.

"Howl, Zabimaru!" The Vice-Captain's blade released, the pieces unhinging and shooting out at the Hollow in front of him. Rukia focused on the third, Ichigo would most likely try and go for the fourth himself. The fourth seemed to be distracted by him anyway, lashing out at the substitute Shinigami with unusual, whip-like spines. The third, however, was focusing on Rukia just as much as she was on it, attacking with great swings of its arms.

All of the Hollows were rather large, larger than normal, and seemed to have higher reiatsu than normal as well. She didn't have time to think on it now, ducking away as the Hollow side-swiped at her, but she noted the information to think on later. The Hollow swiped at her again, this time she was able to dig her blade into its arm. It screamed, wrenching backwards, and clawing out at her with its other hand. When she was able to duck from that one as well, the Hollow apparently chose to use a different tactic. It fired the cluster of spikes that had been on the back of its hand at her, she was just barely able to dodge them.

"Bastard!" She growled under her breath, deciding it was time to end this battle. "Dance, Sode no Shirayuki!" The spikes re-grew, replacing themselves, and the Hollow attempted to fire them again. One caught her shoulder this time, only scratching the skin, but embedding into her robes, forcing her to the ground with its momentum. She was pinned to the ground, the heavy spike buried into the pavement beneath her. She struggled as it shrieked its victory, its arm bleeding heavily as it crawled towards her in its intent to finish its victim.

"Rukia!" Ichigo saw, as he swung Zangetsu at the Hollow in front of him, Rukia take the hit of the spike, it slamming her into the ground. Renji must have seen it too, his call to her echoing out as well. A panic rose within him, clogging in the back of Ichigo's throat, and his sword swings became only more vicious, more desperate in his need to finish his battle more quickly in order to get to her.

_They were closing in on Las Noches, the gate surrounding the balance having been breached by Zaraki's squad only hours earlier. A battle had immediately commenced, Arrancar, lead by Stark the Espada, poured out of the broken wall. Few Espada were actually still alive, several had been killed during Inoue's rescue, several more in the false Karakura Town in the real world. Now back in Hueco Mundo, they were hoping to penetrate the palace and corner Aizen in the center of his own empire, and bring him down without any more damage to either of the other worlds. He seemed to be holding back most of his remaining army. Besides his Espada, all of the other Arrancar sent out to defend the palace were expendable. _Doesn't matter_, Ichigo thought, whipping Zangetsu out of its cloth sheath, preparing to cut down any and all Arrancar that stood in his way. It was Rukia's opinion that Aizen was still planning something, just buying time by tossing them a disposal barrier. Though he inwardly agreed, that didn't matter either. _All that matters is getting these bastards out of the way so I can kill Aizen with my own sword.

_The Arrancar force, though not being made of Aizen's strongest, proved to be difficult anyway, certainly going along with Rukia's theory. They were buying Aizen time. A giant Arrancar turned to face Ichigo, roaring as it charged him, massive, solid fists swinging downward in an attempt to crush the substitute Shinigami into the ground. Un-intimidated, Ichigo ran at the Arrancar as well, blocking its attacks with Zangetsu. Just beyond him, his eyes caught on Rukia, blasting a beam of ice at her opponent. He felt a swell of pride for her, she was more than keeping up. His pride suddenly froze in his chest as she was unable to block her opponents blows, the Arrancar she was battling smacked her heavily with its tail in the face. She was thrown several feet, crashing backwards into a piece of the broken wall. A moment of utter blankness washed over him before the rage came, he was only able to watch in stunned horror as she struggled to sit up, gripping at her shoulder. Her sword had been knocked out of her hand, sticking out of another piece of wall several yards away. Her eyes fell on it, he could see her thoughts as she sat up, wanting only to get her sword back. The Arrancar she was fighting, though, saw its advantage, not willing to give her that chance. It charged her. She was in trouble. _

_A cut suddenly sliced into his side, Ichigo grit his teeth, forcibly being drawn back into his own battle. The rage was building now, all he wanted to do was get to Rukia. Teeth gnashing, he could feel his reiatsu surge about him as he swung Zangetsu over his head. _

_"Get out of my way! GETSUGA TENSHOU!" Zangetsu arched downwards, slicing into the Arrancar's chest as it released the wave of solid reiatsu, practically exploding the rest of his opponent, and several others behind him. It was reckless, but he barely recognized the fact, focused entirely on getting to Rukia. The Arrancar was nearly on top of her, she had her hands thrown out, shouting out the chant to a kidou spell while the Arrancar approached, about to drive its claws into her body. Ichigo, using Shunpo, reaching it first, smashing his zanpakuto into its face before it got to her. The Arrancar screamed, dissolving as its mask was shattered. _

_She grit her teeth up at him, cutting off her chant. Even amongst the chaos that surrounded them, his focus was still entirely on her, he didn't even notice anything else. He knelt beside her, reaching to touch at her wound, to survey how bad it was. She only swatted his hand away, arrogantly, as if nothing was wrong. _

_"I'm fine." She muttered, but he could see the blood that leaked out around her hand. He was able to save her, but it wasn't enough. _

The memory almost overwhelmed him, it seemed so similar to the one in the war. And just as they had in the war, his instincts forced him to get to her, no matter what was in his way. He would crush it.

She didn't seem injured this time, but was still vulnerable, maybe even helpless. As he slammed Zangetsu into the Hollow's body, driving it downward until he had effectively cut it in half, he tried in vain to push away the panic. He had been reckless before, and Rukia, after being healed, had deservingly chewed him out. _Rukia…!_

"Rukia!" He cried again, the fourth Hollow swung in front of him, blocking him from her again. _Helpless…! NO! I need to protect her—! _

But she then proved how very un-helpless she was.

"Hadou number four! _Byakurai!_" _White lightening!_ A beam shot from her now outstretched hand, firing directly through the Hollow's mask. It screamed, throwing itself backwards, its body disintegrating as it clawed at its face in pain. She had protected herself. She didn't need him. He was so relieved, so very, very relieved. But…also hurt. _She doesn't need me…I failed._ With an enraged shout, he slashed Zangetsu through the fourth Hollow savagely, but it did nothing to lift his crushing feeling of uselessness.

o o o o o

Renji watched in pure amazement as she shoved her white lightening right down the Hollow's throat, effectively destroying it. _Man…I always forget how good at that she really is…_ He finished off his own Hollow, trying to calm himself as she twisted in an attempt to pull the spike out of her robes and stand. She seemed unable, and he ran to her to help. Grabbing the spike, he ripped it from the ground, it quickly dissolved as the rest of her former opponent vanished as well. Reaching down, he offered her a hand, which she took gratefully, rotating her previously pinned shoulder.

"You ok?" He eyed her, a little worry picking at him. She was tough, he knew, but any Shinigami would be hurting after that landing. She nodded, pulling the collar of her robes away to reveal her shoulder so she could inspect it. A little bruise was forming on the soft white skin, but she only shrugged.

"Seems like," He frowned, he could do a minor healing spell if she needed it. His kidou wasn't so bad that he couldn't help heal a bruise. It wasn't like she had broken bones or anything. Renji opened his mouth to suggest it, but his words died on his lips as Ichigo joined them.

Though the expression on his face was abnormally fierce, his eyes were startlingly pained. Renji recoiled, the expression almost frightened him. Rukia apparently had also noticed, turning to stare up at Ichigo. Her face, surprised, quickly fell into something like contempt.

"What's with that pathetic look, Ichigo!?" They stared at each other for a minute, Renji once again felt completely left out. Something must have passed between them, Ichigo suddenly looked down, closing his eyes.

"Let's just go." He muttered, turning away. Renji watched Rukia eye the substitute for a moment. Though he didn't understand what was going on with them, he abruptly felt colder.

o o o o o

They re-entered their bodies, Ichigo before Rukia and Renji. What she had seen in his eyes deeply disturbed her, she knew that he was blaming himself for something. Something that was hurting him deeply. And something that he likely wouldn't tell her. _Dammit…we were so…so much _closer_ than this before. He told me things, what was going on with him. Now…_ It hurt her, he didn't seem like he was going to let her in, or that he wanted her help. _I've been trying to so damn hard to stay strong for him, but I'm failing. He's blocking me out, and we seem to only be able to fight. And now…now that I'm feeling for—that I care for…_No_. I—If I—_

"Grrgh! I can't take this!" She suddenly cried, slamming her fist into the pavement before standing up and stomping viciously at the ground. She only felt frustration and defeat, too much to care that Renji was watching her tantrum in astonishment. She forced herself to cool down, now wasn't the time. Especially not in front of Renji. She hadn't thrown a tantrum in front of him since she was little in Rukongai, certainly not since she had become a Kuchiki. If her brother saw her now, he would be appalled. Sighing, she started walking back to the Kurosaki residence.

- - - - - - -

Instant recap: Renji, Rukia and Ichigo hit the ice cream parlor, those silly boys are always causing a scene. Hitsugaya remembers visiting Ukitake in his ward room, and talking with Unohana about the symptoms. He is deeply worried. While waiting for Hinamori to show up for their daily sunset-watching, she collapses, terrifying him. (You might wonder, if you've read my other Bleach story, why bad things always happen to Hinamori. Hahahaha! Firstly, she has a really important relationship with one of my favorite characters, Hitsugaya. Though duty moves him, I feel that nothing motivates him more than protecting her. Secondly, I just plain don't like her much. Lol. Even though I like them as a couple, I've never been a big Hinamori lover. She's just too crazy about Aizen, it bugged me. BUT-that being said, I still love Hitsugaya, and if he loves her, that's good enough for me.) Renji and Ichigo discuss the past a little bit. They're interrupted by another Hollow attack, this one worse than before. Rukia is put in a troubling situation, Ichigo recalls a similar time in Heuco Mundo. He tries to save her again, but she saves herself, causing him to feel like he failed. In either the next chapter or the one after, I'll discuss Ichigo's little saving penchant more, lol, and an inner conflict. Finally, Rukia understands that something's going on with him, but it only frustrates her. She wants to help, but is terrified of getting too close again due to her feelings.

That's it this time, I hope you guys liked it. Reviews make me smile!! Lol. MissCyraf


	15. Cure It

Hey all. Sorry it's been so long since I've updated, there was a death in the family recently and I just haven't in the place to write, if that makes any sense. This chapter was harder than all the others to get out, but--here it is! The longest one yet too. I'll be curious to what you have to say about it, the content is a bit different than normal. I really hope no one finds it boring... Anyways, hope you like it, and I don't own Bleach.

15

Cure It

Ichigo had walked on ahead, but they gradually caught up with him. Rukia had since calmed herself, starting to discuss the attack with Renji. Ichigo, only a few paces ahead, apparently got over his sudden slump and lingered back to pay attention to the conversation.

"I think I should report the attack to Soul Society," Rukia stated, pulling out her phone and ignoring the mild ache in her shoulder at the movement. Renji nodded.

"Yeah, four of 'em? Random attacks?" Rukia's brow furrowed as she dialed at the phone.

"Their reiatsu alone warrants it. They were more powerful than Hollows of that level should be. Just the fact that I had to resort to Kidou and you released your zanpakuto proves it. That, and the fact that there were four…" Rukia mumbled. Ichigo apparently decided then to enter the conversation.

"What? Why is that important?" Renji shot him a disdainful smirk at the question.

"You should know this, stupid. Random attacks are incredibly uncommon. There's always a source of reiatsu that draws the Hollows, some sort of prey." Renji looked down at his feet, odd brows wrinkling in moderate confusion. "But we were there, there weren't any sort of reiatsu sources that would draw those Hollows, especially four of 'em."

"There _were_ people around though, it was out in public. There were souls in the area too." Ichigo pushed, clearly not understanding the problem. Rukia responded before Renji could.

"That's true. But none of them were in any way strong enough to attract those Hollows. Not four, not of that strength."

"They did seem a little bit tougher than normal…" Ichigo muttered, now picking up on their wariness. His expression then congested, he aimed a horribly bitter scowl down at the sidewalk, falling silent. Rukia didn't miss it, and her own mood darkened as well.

- - -

Renji returned to the Urahara shop to ask the shopkeeper if he had noticed anything, Rukia and Ichigo went back to his house. Ichigo had remained silent for the rest of the walk, clearly mulling over their conversation from before. Rukia had thought about trying to talk to him, but had eventually given up, not even sure what to say. She had made the report to Soul Society, but had only received a dull answer from the Shinigami on the other line. She didn't even know who had taken her call, but got the distinct feeling that whoever it was wasn't too interested.

Now, she was lying in her closet, bedding down for the night. Worries were chewing at her, her shoulder still hurt, and over the course of the evening she had developed an irritating headache. Still, though, she'd rather suffer in silence, hidden away, then face Ichigo right now. Just being around him made her tense, and he clearly didn't want to talk. Even if sleeping nearby each other seemed to bring calm to their restless dreams, she wasn't willing to be around him right now. It was just too damn awkward. And she hated it.

Sunday September 9th, 2007.

o o o o o

Hitsugaya sat numbly at her bedside in her recently acquired ward, eyes unfocused as his body slumped in the chair. He felt someone brush by him, was mildly aware of a presence next to him. He couldn't concentrate on it, though, couldn't even look up. _Hinamori…_She had woken up from her state of unconsciousness, but now was asleep. He was grateful that her eyes were closed, he couldn't bear to see their blankness anymore, and felt guilty because of it. But the war had taken so much out of him, he hadn't enough strength to fight off those eyes as well. He doubted that if she cast that deadened stare on him again, he could maintain the strength the position of Captain required.

"So she is still sleeping," The visitor's quiet voice sounded, he remained stoic, there was no need to respond. Captain Unohana, whose presence he had gradually recognized, moved past him, reaching to touch at Hinamori's head and face. "Has she been complaining of any pain, anything…?"

"Anything like what Ukitake has? No." Hitsugaya was also grateful for that, even if it was selfish. It let him continue to hold hope that her case was different. That she might have simply succumbed to exhaustion, which was much less threatening in his eyes. He didn't—_couldn't_—believe that she was ill as well.

"I see." Was Unohana's soft response. She delicately continued her inspection as if Hitsugaya wasn't there, which was just as well for him. He didn't want to be worried or pitied, he didn't want any concentration on him. It all had to be about Hinamori, there was no room for anyone to be concerned about _him_. _And I don't _want_ them to worry about me either…I don't want to be comforted or cajoled like a child. _

Unohana gently placed a hand on the side of Hinamori's face, opening her mouth slightly. Hitsugaya watched intensely, trusting that she was doing this for a reason. Even with her back turned to him, she seemed to understand his confusion at her actions, closing her patient's mouth and turning back to him.

"I opened her mouth to look for any traces of blood, like Captain Ukitake. There was none, so I believe that that particular symptom is only in his case, due to his other illness. However…" She paused for a moment, brief concern visible in her eyes. And not just for Hinamori, he realized, but for him. He immediately hardened himself, that meant the news was bad. "Her other symptoms…they seem to be developing in a similar way to Captain Ukitake's. I am…concerned." The blow was as he anticipated, yet still seemed to drain what little energy he had from him. _She…she's sick…_ Once again, as if sensing his thoughts or feelings, Unohana reached forward and placed a compassionate hand on his head. Normally he would have brushed off the gesture, not wanting to be treated as a child, but this time, he welcomed it. He needed whatever support he could get at the moment, he doubted he could rely on his own strength at the moment.

"I will continue to monitor her, and will do everything I can, Captain. Vice Captain Hinamori is a fighter, she always has been." He nodded, barely even hearing her words now, hardly registering when she lifted her hand away and left the ward. _Is she—is she _dying_? No…no. She can't! _He stood up sharply, approaching the bed and grasping her hand tightly in his own. He couldn't lose her, he refused to lose her. She was…_She _is_ everything_. He was too weak to deny it anymore. He loved her. And he wasn't going to lose her.

o o o o o

"MOTHER!" Kurosaki Isshin screamed, running towards the poster of his late wife, tears of joy pouring out from his eyes as he attempted to embrace the wall. "Look how clever and prepared our children are! They have gathered everything they need for school, Daddy is so proud!" Ichigo rolled his eyes at his father's cliché outburst, he seemed to shout the same thing every year.

Yuzu and Karin were packing their backpacks for the first day of school tomorrow, certainly nothing to be so excited about. _Idiot…_Ichigo mentally sneered, seating himself at the kitchen table. He had grown bored of being upstairs alone and increasingly restless, wandering down to see what his father was ranting about this time. Rukia had gone out with Renji _again_ for the afternoon, leaving him "some family bonding time". He knew it was just an excuse, she wanted to be away from him. He could feel it. And it was slowly driving him crazy.

He leaned heavily onto his elbow, drumming his fingers idly. _Stupid Rukia…leaving me here…What's her freaking problem this time…? _He could feel though, that it wasn't just _her_ problem. She was acting this way because of yesterday, because of how _he_ had acted. _It's my damn fault._ He had had fun yesterday. _At least until the Hollows had shown up and everything went to hell._ The three of them hanging out had been like old times, but… It was kind of awkward sometimes. It had never been awkward before, when they were fighting. They were a team then, everything in sync. He had identified the cause of the awkwardness, it was again his fault. He had found himself kind of wishing that Renji wasn't there, and that he would just return to Soul Society already. The feeling had stuck in his mind, bothering him slightly. He couldn't really track the reasoning behind the feeling, not that he wanted to pursue it anyway. His feelings and thoughts had become somewhat like a minefield recently, what with the nightmares and reminders of the war springing up and bringing with them all of their emotional damage. And now, even thinking on Rukia had become a problem. He couldn't place exactly how he felt about her anymore, their relationship wasn't like it was before.

In the beginning, their relationship was a mentorship, she was teaching him the ropes of how to be a Shinigami. They had slowly become friends and partners because of that, he hadn't cared for her at all at first. In fact, he had fond her and her job to be beyond annoying. But by the time she had been taken from him, it had developed into something more. Within the two or three months she had lived with him, teaching him, he felt that he had come to understand her, and she had understood him. He had trusted her like he had never trusted anyone else, save his mother, and knew she felt the same way.

Then, she had been stolen away from him when he had finally gained a friendship unlike anything else he had ever experienced, someone that knew his true self, not a façade he put on at school, and still accepted him. Someone that knew there was something behind that scowl. His reasoning for saving her had not simply been "owing her", as he told everyone, though that was important to him. It was because he wasn't willing to give that friendship up. Not even just friendship, something stronger than that. _A connection._ He had pursued her, had overcome every obstacle, every opponent. He had been seriously injured numerous times for his effort, but was in the end, rewarded. The expression in her eyes when he had blocked the Soukyoku, the feeling in them. _"I…I won't thank you for this! Idiot!"_ She had insisted, though her voice wavered with her tears._ …"Fine_." Was all he had to say. He never expected thanks anyway. Just those eyes were more than enough.

Sighing, he dully watched as Karin and Yuzu bickered over the pencil cases, then faded back into his memory. Rukia had chosen to stay in Soul Society after her rescue and Aizen's escape. He couldn't say he had been pleased with her decision, he had assumed she would return with him, stay in his closet, and everything would be normal. _Though, "normal" isn't exactly the word for it…_ He had been shocked when she said she was staying. Unhappy as well. _But…It was her decision. It's what she wanted to do…As long as it was her choice, I had to respect it. What else could I have done, slung her over my shoulder and carried her back to the real world? _He snorted at the thought. Rukia wasn't one to accept that kind of thing. _She would have fought me tooth and nail the whole freakin' time. Doesn't matter anyway._ The memory of her face on that sunny afternoon as they approached the gate to return was forever burned into his mind. _"Thank you…Ichigo."_ He had turned back to give her a smile, a real one. _Somehow…she stopped the rain._

And he had been grateful for that, unaware that the rain would begin to fall again soon. It had begun with Hirako's appearance at school, and with the knowledge that the Hollow would eventually devour him from the inside out. He had kept pushing away that voice, pushing and pushing, denying that he could hear it, that it was getting louder, closer. _What Hirako said…._ It terrified him. That his body would slowly be taken over, eaten away within until there was nothing left of himself. That he would no longer be able to protect his friends and family, that his power would be manipulated for the dark purposes of another. And that he could do nothing to stop it.

The rain only got heaver when the Arrancar—Ulquiorra and Yammi—attacked and his Hollow threatened to take control, causing not only his defeat, but injuries to his friends. _I…couldn't protect them. Chad…Inoue. They were hurt because of me._ To this day, it still rankled within him, he hated the memory, he hated his fear, his weakness. At the time, Ichigo lost the resolve that pushed him towards victory, he could only concentrate on his weakness and fear that he would only let everyone down again. And then Rukia had returned.

As soon as he had spoken her name, she had seen something wrong with him, taking action with a flying kick to the face. Now, at the table, he smirked to himself, chuckling low under his breath, not even realizing that his sisters paused in their argument to look at him.

"What's so funny, Ichi-nii?" Karin inquired, poking him in the head when he didn't respond. Blinking out of his memory daze, he looked up at her with widened eyes.

"Huh, what?" Karin frowned at him, prodding him again in the side of the head.

"Why're you laughing?" He scowled at her, brushing her hand away before shrugging noncommittally.

"Nothing. …Rukia's just funny," He muttered, standing up from the table. Hands shoving into his pockets, he wandered over to the front window to look out at the street. Sunny, a few clouds floating lazily by. Normal. Boring. He faded back into the memory of that day, how Rukia had continued to pummel him before sharply grabbing his hair, yanking him forward out of his body with her red glove. He had been shocked, stunned to the very core at seeing her, even though all the others from Soul Society had showed up. Seeing her again…he hadn't even realized how much he had missed her. Missed the stupid cocky smirk that played on her lips, that stupid arrogant edge to her violet eyes. Missed the happiness at seeing him, behind both the expression and the eyes. She never outwardly expressed being happy to see him, but it was always there, just beyond everything else. That's what he had missed the most.

She had forced him into his Shinigami form, which he hadn't been in since fighting the Arrancar the day of his defeat. Just a regular Hollow, but he struggled with it, not willing to completely fight out of fear of releasing the Hollow within him. _Then…Then what Rukia said… "Don't think that I don't know!! You…Ever since losing to those Arrancar, you haven't taken the form of a Shinigami even once! What are you afraid of!? Chad got hurt!! Inoue got hurt!! So what!! Have you always been a man who loses his spirit over little things like that!? Is it scary to lose!? Is it scary not being able to protect your friends!? Or is it scary to face the hollow inside of you!?"_ She had hit the nail right on the head, that was _exactly_ what he had been afraid of. If he faced the Hollow inside of him, or if he fought too hard, he might release it and might not be able to regain control. She was right. And all he could do was stare. _…"If you're afraid of losing, just get stronger. If you're afraid of not being able to protect your friends, swear to get stronger until you can protect them. …If you're afraid of the Hollow inside you…just get stronger until you can crush him!"_ She had pointed to herself then, eyes hardening as she stared him down, challenging him to prove himself again to her. _"If you don't want to listen to others, then hold your chin up and yell those words to yourself!! That's the kind of man you have been in my heart, Ichigo!!"_ He could have sworn his breath left him, he just stared at her, unable to do anything else for an instant.

Still staring blankly out the window, he lowered his gaze, closing his eyes and strangely allowing himself to give a small smile to the floor. _"That's the kind of man you have been in my heart, Ichigo!!"_… It was funny to him now, the memory of those words. How much faith had been in them, how much complete and utter confidence. He believed her, the words weren't spoken simply to cheer him up. They were real. And the idea that she held him in her heart_…amazing_. Just with those words, his resolved had steeled again, strength and ability returning to him. A blazing gleam in his eye, shoulders thrown back, he had turned to face the attacking Hollow, easily deflecting the blows that had proven to be such a challenge for him before. He had regained himself. All thanks to Rukia.

Their relationship had shifted yet again during the beginning battles of the war. He could easily recall his anger at her, during that battle against D-Roy—the16th Arrancar, when she had told him to step aside. He hadn't understood at first, but could hear her words again as if she were there beside him now, speaking them again. _"Step back, Ichigo."_ He had protested, but seeing her pull out her Soul Candy dispenser made his arguments die away. _"Leave this to me, you can go and pull out for now. You have already exceeded your strength, when you fought them. …If this situation turns bad, you can loose control as before."_ She was looking out for him. Trying to help him keep his control. If he hadn't been watching her transform back into her Shinigami form, the first time he had seen it since they had met, he would have valued the words more. But he had been distracted by her as she elegantly stepped out of the smoke, swathed in her Shinigami robes. He had always known before, that she had power and ability, but it still shocked him. It seemed so right seeing her like that, like she had finally was whole. _And damn if she wasn't beautiful…_ He snapped back to the present at that thought, shaking his head to dispel it. It was Rukia, he refused to think that way about her.

_But then she released her zanpakuto…well, after I was tackled by that damned gigai. _He hadn't actually seen the battle, her gigai pinning him to the ground. It had been beyond frustrating, he wouldn't have been able to help her, protect her, if she needed him to. He knew now, though, that was the purpose. She was forcing him to respect her abilities, to trust in her strength. _Shit…Even through the war…I've tried my damndest to always protect her, to keep her safe from all harm. No wonder she's been so pissed at me, I haven't been trusting in her. How insulting._ The first time he had seen Sode no Shirayuki was when she had come back after her battle, apparently having won easily.

"_Sode no Shirayuki. It is one of the most beautiful zanpakutos in Soul Society. A weapon that's bound to the ice and snow family of zanpakutos, the blade, the handguard, even the hilt, everything about this zanpakuto is pure white."_ Pyon had informed him, adding an annoying "Pyon" at the end of her awe-filled explanation. Ichigo, inwardly deeply impressed, had outwardly shrugged it off. _"What a bunch of crap…"_ He had muttered. Pyon, as if not hearing him, though, had continued. _"…Rukia-sama always had the capabilities to become a seated officer, Pyon. However, the risk associated with mission given to a seated officer was much higher than that of a foot soldier's…And in order to spare Rukia from that danger, he talked to the other Captains…making sure her seated officer promotion candidacy would be removed." "But…who…?"_ He had been shocked. Not only that someone would do that to Rukia, but that she had the power to be an officer at all. _"It was…Kuchiki Byakuya-sama."_ The blow was unexpected, he actually hurt for her. It was a betrayal. _Damn Byakuya…_ Once again, though, he had decided to hide his feelings, brushing Rukia's potential pain off completely. _"So. She is a spoiled brat after all." _He now regretted the words. _She must have been so mad at me for doubting her…Just like everybody else, even her own fucking brother. And I still doubt her. Every single time I say I'm going to protect her._

It was then that he had first met Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. A monster so heartless, so cruel, that he had struck Rukia down while she was telling Ichigo to flee. She hadn't even seen the hand coming before it pierced through her stomach. It was then that he had first experienced the boiling rage, pure, white fury that overtook him whenever she was harmed. It gave him unbelievable strength, but a recklessness that made him vulnerable to enemy and inner Hollow alike.

He hadn't won. The most damage he had done was give the damn Espada a scar. Not even a very serious one. He hadn't won. And he hadn't protected Rukia either. Watching her be healed later, his guilt overwhelmed him. And he had sworn that he would protect her.

Ichigo pulled out of the memory, scrubbing at his face with his palms in frustration. _Not only did I fail to protect her, I doubted her again. Hell, why did she stay with me? I wouldn't want to live with someone that never believed in me…Like now. I don't trust or believe in myself._ He turned away from the window then, striding down the hall to climb the stairs to his bedroom. _Rukia though…she's never doubted me, she always has believed in me. _

It irritated him that he was just reaching these realizations now. After years. After everything they had been through. They had become even closer during the war, he would now like to say that he had trusted in her strength_. More than I did then…and a hell of a lot more than I'm doing now. _Two different needs conflicted when it came to Rukia, a need to protect, to keep the person he so valued from harm, and the need to trust in her, to be confident in her. The first was almost involuntary, it had become more of a reaction than a conscious decision. The second, though, _was_ a conscious decision, a thought that he had to force on himself whenever he felt panic or anger rise at her being hurt. _Man…I'm a dumbass. Everything's always so complicated when it comes to Rukia. Everything else is so simple to me. Something tries to hurt my friends, family, or innocents, I fight it. When someone needs help, I help them. When someone tries to freakin' destroy the world, I stop them. Heh. Simple, no complications. So why the fuck is Rukia so hard?_ He snorted, irritated. _Stupid Rukia._

He dropped onto his bed, feeling slightly overwhelmed with life right now. A feeling he didn't get often. He was always the type to face challenges head-on, but all he wanted to do now was hide. _Then again…all this shit that's going on with me seems impossible to deal with too._ He didn't want to think on his own problems, focusing back on figuring out the puzzle that was Rukia. Something was up with her, something was weird with them, and it was threatening their relationship, whatever it might be. _We've been through so much already…I'm not going to let this friendship fall apart just because I'm messed up. Or if she is, either._

o o o o o

"Dammit!" Renji shook out his hand furiously, attempting to get the blood off of it. It was only a bit of a nick, but had surprised him. "Geez, Rukia, you tryin' to cut off my fuckin' hand?!" He demanded, scowling as he wiped away the blood. Rukia straightened, momentarily pushing Sode no Shirayuki's tip into the dirt.

"Oh please, Renji. Stop your whining. It's just a scratch, you act like I hacked into your arm." Despite the disdain in her voice, he saw the hint of a smirk on her lips, she was clearly proud of herself. In a way, he was proud of her too, her skills had increased so much in the past few years. _…Though…I'm not sure that the process was worth it…with the war_. Even now, as she fought him, he could see the pain under the skin. She was pushing herself too hard, fighting with everything she had. This wasn't just a normal practice session. At least not to her. It was like she wasn't even fighting with him, she was fighting with whatever was plaguing her mind _…and heart_. Renji raised a hand to hold her off for a minute, he needed to catch his breath. She relented, sheathing her sword.

"Oi, Rukia…." He leaned back against one of the boulders Urahara decorated his basement training room with, Rukia paced in front of him, like a caged animal. Her eyes flicked to him, waiting for the question she seemed to know what coming. "What's this all about? Why're you fighting like this?" Her expression darkened for a second, but then she forced a breezy laugh, as if she didn't really know what he meant.

"Just blowing off a little steam." She smiled at him, but it was that fake smile he despised, especially when it was cast on him. _Fine. She doesn't want to tell me, I won't push her. Won't do any fuckin' good anyway._ He pushed off the boulder, holding Zabimaru aloft again.

"That's a hell of a lot of steam, then. Let's go again," _If all I can do ta help is fight, then that's what I'll do…_ He'd do anything to help. Anything she needed. If it kept her by him, it was worth it. He had known the pain of her absence before, and never wanted to experience it again. Especially not now. Not after the war. _Even if she never sees me like she did before again, doesn't matter. So long as she lets me stay with her. …She's the only one that eases my pain. And I want to help her ease hers._ Her fake smile gave way to a small real one, and, unsheathing her zanpakuto, she charged.

o o o o o

Ikkaku tried to roll over, miserable. Made even more miserable when he found he couldn't. Most of the commotion in the 11th Squad barracks had died down for the night, though he could still hear some drunken bastards laughing in another room. He couldn't sleep. He hadn't slept in days. The pain was too bad, it had gotten progressively worse. He had kept pushing himself though, forcing himself to get up, fight, yell, cuss, and act like he always did. It was too important to him not to, staying in the 11th Squad under Zaraki. He wanted to die under that man. And sure as hell he wasn't going to get his ass thrown out of the Squad because of a headache. And Ikkaku would be thrown out if he couldn't fight. So, he used all of his strength to act like he always did. And now he could barely move. It wasn't just the pain, it felt like his remaining strength had left him. _If I can't move…I can't fuckin' fight. I'll be thrown out for sure… _He groaned, mentally running through a list of curses. For the first time that he could remember, he was afraid.

o o o o o

Rangiku Matsumoto slumped over in her seat, her energy seeming to leak away from her. _Ugh…damn sake…Never been this tired…_ She was seated at her desk in the 10th Squad barracks office, paperwork sprawled out in front of her. She was trying to help Captain Hitsugaya pick up the slack while Hinamori was in the infirmary, she knew that her Captain wanted to spend all his time with her rather than do paperwork. _Though…he did try to take it with him…_ She snorted in mild amusement. She would never understand his need to do it, no matter how much he got done, there was always more paperwork. _And there always will be. What's the point of screwing with it? It's not like it's important…_ Another pulse of pain ran through her head, she shuddered, it was a bad one. _Hell…they've all been bad. I gotta go lie down. Screw all this paperwork_. The couch was looking beautiful right now.

Pushing on the desk to haul herself up, she gasped as she felt her knees give way, causing her to crumple forward. She landed heavily on her side, crying out as she hit. Though she hadn't hit her head, the pain shot up, causing her to curl into the fetal position. She lay motionless for a few minutes, concentrating on breathing and attempting to ignore the pain. _I—I have to try to get up…_ Inhaling deeply, she tried to push herself off the floor, only managing to drag herself forward a few feet. _The pain…_It was too much, it overwhelmed her. Her vision started to cloud, blacken, and what little strength she had left gave way. The elbow she had been resting on slipped forward, causing her to sink back to the floor as she fell unconscious. She never even made it to the couch.

o o o o o

"Captain Unohana!" Hanatarou pounded on the doors to her chambers, panicking. "_Captain!_" The door abruptly opened, a rather frazzled Unohana emerging, eyes wide.

"What, what is it?!" It was late, nearly midnight. He regretted having to wake her, but it was an emergency.

"Captain, more have fallen ill, two were found unconscious, the others just barely awake! They're being placed in wards, but I don't know what to do, _please_, you must come!" Unohana stared at him for a second, as if not wanting to believe, then gave a sharp nod, following quickly as he lead her to the infirmary.

When they arrived, Hanatarou took her right to the new patients. They were being carried on stretchers to individual wards, placed in beds and examined by healers. Hanatarou didn't know exactly where to take her, which ward she should visit first. So they simply stood in the hall, three more stretchers with Shinigami on them passing them by. Though it was barely audible, he heard her sudden intake of breath at the sight of the sick. Another officer of the 4th Squad spied them, hurrying over to report.

"Name and rank of the fallen, Captain! Ootani Mihanu, 3rd Squad; Tatisawa Chihiro, 11th seat of the 8th Squad; Hiraku Mioshi, 6th Squad…" The list kept going, as stretchers continued to pass them. Hanatarou ripped his eyes away from the passing patients to look to his Captain, but was hardly reassured by her appalled expression. His Captain was always calm, always comforting. To see her like this…frightened him.

"How…why…So many. How could this have happened so quickly? How did they suddenly…" Her voice died away. He couldn't answer her anyway. He simply didn't know.

o o o o o

Yoruichi's fingertips beat impatiently on the hardened wood of the 6th Captain's desk. _Bastard…arrogant as always, no matter what his age_. He was late for their meeting, an oddity for him, but she wasn't too surprised. Ever since he was a child he had tried to prove his superiority to her, in strength, ability, even wisdom. Yoruichi had always liked him, especially enjoyed messing with him and bothering him. _He was just so easy, with his hot-headedness, he would get upset so fast…Heh._ She felt that despite their "competition", he held some sort of affection for her as well. He at least respected her, even if it was expressed in his fixation on surpassing her.

The fire in him seemed to chill somewhat as he aged, with the pressure of becoming Head of the Kuchiki House on his shoulders, as well as a Captain. Despite this, Byakuya committed his final act of recklessness; he fell completely and totally in love with Hisana, an urchin from the poorest section of Rukongai. And, continuing in the act, he married her, against his family's wishes. _…She was what really made him grow up, even with his family's pressure, she kept some warmth in him._ She was his little light in the darkness of a rigid fate set by his family. _Then they made him pledge to never disobey them again…A more misguided mistake than any I've ever seen. When she died…that pledge consumed him._ He became almost obsessed with law and order, eventually nearly destroying his own adopted sister in the process.

Yoruichi sighed, she honestly pitied the man. She had seen nothing of him since the war, but had heard mildly disturbing rumors about the Captain. That he was weakening, that he was hiding himself away, allowing his division to fall into disorder. She didn't know if these rumors held any truth, but expected she would soon find out. She had set up a meeting to discuss Urahara's reinstatement with him, hoping to get the Captain's support, if possible. _Even if he is weakening, though, he's probably still a hard ass. …But for Kisuke, dealing with him is nothing. _

She felt him approaching now, not hearing his silent steps. He passed behind her, sweeping into the room as elegantly as ever. Yoruichi sat up straighter, noticing a change in the feeling of his reiatsu as soon as he entered. She wanted to whirl in her seat to look at him, but in consideration for his dignity, rather than her own, she stayed immobile. But when he sat down in front of her, her fears were confirmed. The man that sat in front of her looked much different than the great, indomitable Byakuya Kuchiki, paler, thinner. A dullness hung around him, and his reiatsu wavered momentarily. She tried not to show her alarm on her face, forcing herself to relax. He eyed her, as if measuring her reaction, then folded his hands on the desk in front of him, just as smoothly as ever.

"Yoruichi Shihuoin." He spoke her name crisply, but not without that classic touch of arrogance. She hid a small smile, even in this state, he was still just as arrogant as ever.

"Little Byakuya." He didn't so much as blink at the jibe, the nickname she always had called him by, just to piss him off. That was to be expected, he had changed so much from the quick-to-anger child he once was. She moved on, he was waiting for her to state her business. "I have come to discuss with you former Captain Urahara's reinstatement."

"I suspected as much. You wish for my support?" Despite all of his finely-tuned skill at pleasantries, an art for the nobility—she knew, Byakuya was generally straight to the point.

"Yes." She shrugged, there was no reason for her to try to sugar coat it. Byakuya leaned back in his seat, closing his eyes for a moment, and lifting his hand to touch at his head. Yoruichi watched him shrewdly, something was clearly wrong with him. The 6th Squad Captain opened his eyes again, almost startling her with his piercing gaze.

"Kisuke Urahara will have my support. But I have a condition." Yoruichi raised a brow, waiting. Byakuya stood, turning towards the large window behind him and folding his hands behind his back. "As you have undoubtedly seen, I am not…doing well. Something has been affected me, as well as many others in Seireitei. I am…unaware as to what it is. An illness, perhaps, but nothing like what I have seen before. You have visited Ukitake yourself, he is by far the worst off, and was, it is thought, the first that succumbed to it. I do not know if you have been briefed to his current condition; he is comatose as of early this morning. His reiatsu hardly registers." Byakuya's voice suddenly hardened. "It is as if his very life-force is being drained…" He trailed off, falling silent, but continuing to stare out the window. Yoruichi stood, striding to stand beside him, but not looking at him.

"And your condition?"

"Kisuke Urahara was the most brilliant researcher in Seireitei, even more so than his second and the current Head of the Technology Development Bureau, Kurotsuchi Mayuri." He turned towards her now, his eyes meeting hers and holding fast. "I would like him to return to Soul Society…and discover the cause of this illness. To cure it."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

DunDUnDUUUN! Hahahaha.

Instant recap: Rukia, Renji, and Ichigo discuss the strange attacks and strength of the Hollows they've fought. Rukia and Ichigo are feeling particularly awkward around each other. Hitsugaya thinks on Hinamori's illness, and determines that he's going to save her. Ichigo reviews his past with Rukia, trying to figure out what's different with their current relationship. He still doesn't know, but refuses to just let their friendship end. Renji helps Rukia attempt to work through her frustration, but knows that something is really bothering her. Ikakku and Matsumoto are feeling really badly now, Matsumoto passes out. More Shinigami have fallen ill, much to Unohana's alarm. Yoruichi goes to visit Byakuya and is shocked at his current state, he seems to be suffering from the same illness. He agrees to support Urahara's reinstatement if Urahara will discover the cause of the illness and cure it.

So that's it, lot's of perspectives this time! I hope it's not confusing or anything, with so much going on. Lemme know what you think, and thanks for reading!! MissCyraf


	16. No Cut Ties

Hey all! Another longer one for you. I like this one :D I don't own Bleach.

16

No Cut Ties

Monday, September 10th, 2007.

Uryuu cleared this throat out of nervous habit, then squared his shoulders and knocked lightly on Orihime's front door. He heard some muffled noises from inside, and turned slightly away from the door, not wanting to look like he was all that interested in what was going on inside. He was, but he didn't want her to know it. Instead, he watched a blob of clouds float lazily by in the early September sky, deeply inhaling the brisk air. It seemed almost like a new beginning to him. Aizen and the Arrancar were no more, his friends had survived with no lasting physical injuries, if not emotional, and school was just starting again. And after this year, he would be off to college, probably far away from Karakura, his father, all things Soul Society and Shinigami related_…And all the pain those things have caused over these past years…_ Standing on Inoue Orihime's front porch, he felt as if his future was _finally_ as clear as the morning sky. Hardly a cloud or misfortune in sight.

With a particularly loud thump, the door finally swung open, revealing a sheepishly grinning Orihime, bending slightly as she tried to put on her shoe. With a small hop, she managed to fit the shoe, and stepped out, her school bag clutched in her other hand.

"Sorry, Ishi—Uryuu-kun. I couldn't find my shoe…" Her cheeks were a little flushed, and the morning sun glinted glowingly off her hair as it framed her face. As sorry as she seemed about keeping him waiting, he truly didn't mind at all, he would wait all day just to see her if he had to.

"Not a problem," He gave her his best smile, which he could feel was still horribly awkward, and tried to cover by offering her his arm. "…Shall we go then?" She grinned back, linking his arm in her own, not really what he was expecting. Then, practically dragging him down the stairs to the sidewalk, she set a quick pace with a tiny skip in her step, starting to make excited conversation about the new school year. He listened, responding only with nods here and there at the appropriate place. For the first time in a long time, Ishida Uryuu felt perfectly content with the world.

o o o o o

"Would you just hurry your slow ass up?! We're gonna be late for school!" Ichigo shouted rather harshly as he pounded on the door to Rukia's closet. Just as he raised his fist to beat on it again, the door burst open, and Rukia neatly caught his fist, kicking him squarely in the stomach as she prevented him from dodging away. Releasing him as he doubled over, she daintily hopped out, marching over to the window purposefully.

"What the hell was _that_ for?!" He demanded, gritting his teeth at her. She climbed up into the window, sitting in a crouch for a second. Throwing a disdainful glance back at him, she tossed her hair.

"For being a loud, obnoxious idiot." Before he could argue, she leapt out of the window. Ichigo grumbled under his breath as he stomped downstairs. He could tell already, everything from here on out was going to be hell.

o o o o o

Renji hefted himself out of bed, still groggy and increasingly irritable about having to wake up for school. _Damn Rukia…There's no reason why _I_ have t' go, I'm not freakin living here!_ Rukia had mentioned something about wanting him to come to school today while they were training yesterday, when he had questioned her, she had only glared, making him promise. Thinking on it, he slumped to the kitchen to try to get something to eat before the crazy ass shopkeeper or one of his employees discovered him. _Rukia….what's going on with her…? I know this has something ta do with Strawberry, but there's somethin' else definitely there. And she's not telling me…Fuck._ Nothing was prepared, it seemed, and he certainly wouldn't have time to cook anything before being found raiding_. Fine…I'll just mooch off of Ichigo. Heh_. The joke withered away along with his extremely brief good mood. He headed back to his small room to get dressed. _Stuck all day between Ichigo and Rukia…_He sighed_. Today's going to suck._

o o o o o

Captain Hitsugaya staggered backwards into a wall in the hallway of the 4th Squad clinic, trying to hurriedly get out of the way of the stream of stretchers being carried past him. His eyes widened as he watched a dozen or so Shinigami, all twisting and writhing, their sallowed skin moist with perspiration, be taken to ward rooms by 4th Squad members. His fists clenched involuntarily as their pain-filled groans hit his ears, he couldn't help cringing. _Hinamori…_ He had spent all night at her side as she slept, her condition was still worsening, she was just barely above unconsciousness. But for the first time since she had fallen ill, he was glad she was asleep. Her skin had become sallow like those that had just passed him, if she were awake, she would be in just as much pain as they were. And that was something he knew he couldn't stand to see. _This is something that I don't know how to fight…I don't know how to fix! How am I supposed to help her…_

He slumped back against the wall for a minute, trying to steady himself. I just feel so weak… Not only because he couldn't help Hinamori. His own condition had worsened substantially over night, slowly but surely draining him of all of his energy. Now, it was only his sheer will that kept him functioning, and even then, just barely_. I just…I can't let myself be weak. Not for Hinamori, not for my division…_ It wasn't about himself…his own health would be one of his lowest priorities, if so many people didn't count on him. He lifted his hands to grip at his forehead, the pain seemed to drain the very lie out of him. Closing his eyes, he didn't even feel himself begin to slide down the wall until he was sitting, only upright because the wall was propping him up.

"Captain! Captain Hitsugaya, sir!" A startled voice rattled through his head, he peeled an eye open forcibly, attempting to understand who was speaking, if anyone was speaking at all. The shape of a familiar-looking Shinigami fuzzed into view, he blinked a few times and groaned. "Captain…Captain, are you alright?" The worried voice sounded again, this time more clear.

"I know you…" Hitsugaya almost accused. The 4th Squad member's eyes widened momentarily, he gave the Captain a small, nervous smile before introducing himself.

"Yamada Hanatarou, Captain…" Hanatarou knelt beside him, clearly worried as he began to check Hitsugaya's vitals. "Captain, I believe you should be checked into a ward…" Hitsugaya's eyes shot fully open at that. Pushing away the healer's hands, he sat up straighter, pushing all of his remaining strength forward.

"No. Absolutely not." Hanatarou recoiled, but tried to reach out to the Captain again, as if to convince him. Gritting his teeth, the Captain of the 10th Squad stood with all of his dignity, ignoring his trembling muscles. "Do not misunderstand. I cannot afford to let myself rest. I'm going to save Hinamori."

"But—but Captain…I—I'm sorry, but there's nothing you can do…We don't know what's causing her condition…or anyone else's. Captain Unohana is trying, but all we can do right now is try to sooth the symptoms…" Teal eyes sharpened on the practically quivering Shinigami.

"That's not good enough. Tell Unohana that I'm leaving for now…but that I shall return soon." Hanatarou nodded, and with his sense of purpose renewed, Hitsugaya left the infirmary.

o o o o o

"Rukia!" Mid-step, Ichigo froze, all of his muscles tensing. Immediately after, the all too familiar sound of a Hollow's scream echoed through the air, confirming his suspicions. They were only three quarters of their way to school, but duty came first. School could wait. Rukia's phone started beeping then, and his Shinigami badge's alert only added to the sudden noise. "Where?" Snapping open her phone, she answered crisply, grabbing his sleeve and pulling him behind her as she took off running.

It was disturbing to him, as they ran, the sudden shift in their attitudes towards each other. They hadn't started the day well, with her uncalled for—in his opinion—kicking, and then awkwardly silent walk to school. He remembered when they used to argue their whole way there, and still neither had been actually upset with each other when getting to school. It was actually kind of fun, both usually getting to school with satisfied smirks, if occasional pain in his shins. Now was different. He had spent the whole walk trying to think of something to say to her, trying to keep with his pledge not to mess it up. But…he had found the temptation to mess it up hard to suppress. Being in this situation, he had felt the urge to pick a stupid fight like they used to, prodding at her to try to get a reaction. He had resisted though, knowing that a stupid fight might just go too far, and bring out hurt feelings that lingered too close to the surface.

Then, he thought he should say something nice. Perhaps even sweet. Girls liked that, right? Rukia was a girl. She should like that. But everything he had thought of, "your hair looks nice today", or "have you gotten taller?", didn't seem like anything she would like to hear. Rukia was a natural at detecting bullshit, she would probably just be pissed off at him for saying something like that. A pissed off Rukia meant pain for him, but that wasn't what he was afraid of. More than anything, he was afraid of unintentionally causing her to pull away from him. In his clumsy attempts to keep them close, he didn't want her to put up more of a wall than she already had. One that he felt she was now always laying, brick by distant brick. But what he found so disturbing now was that it even seemed like their teamwork while fighting was off as well. They had always been the perfect team before. They could anticipate each others actions and reactions, knew exactly how the other would think. _Not anymore. Something's just fuckin' wrong. _

As she burst out of her gigai, quickly drawing her zanpakuto, he could feel that something was wrong even in this. _Rukia…_ And when Rukia momentarily winced and touched lightly at her forehead, for just a second, he wasn't so sure their problem was entirely because of him.

o o o o o

"…And then we'll eat lunch! I've always said that lunch is the only reason why highschool girls go to school!" Inoue chirped happily, pleased to have an enraptured audience. And by the way Uryuu was staring at her, wide-eyed, she could only assume that he was enraptured. Never did it even enter her head that he was simply shocked that she thought the reason for her to go to school was to eat… She paused in her excited talking to smile at him sunnily, he really was making her morning walk so much more enjoyable. _If he wasn't here…I'd probably be worrying about seeing Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san…_ He only continued to stare, and she felt a faint flush touch at her cheeks, and looked away.

She actually hadn't thought about her nervousness at seeing them at all since he had shown up this morning on her doorstep. Inoue had been incredibly frazzled this morning, worrying at what she could possibly say to them to make them forgive her. The weight of her own guilt had been growing steadily as school's beginning neared. Now, though, as Uryuu tightened his hold on her arm, she felt that weight lifting away. It was easier to not be afraid when he was with her, giving her that silly, awkward smile of his. He was a wonderful distraction, from her thoughts, from her loneliness, from her guilt…She didn't feel like such a bad person, because although he didn't say it, she could practically feel his support radiate from him. _Uryuu…he's always supported me, even from the beginning, when we both went to Soul Society with Kurosaki-kun to save Rukia-san_. She turned another brilliant smile on him, giggling a little to herself when he actually blushed, looking down and pushing his glasses up his nose. _Uryuu…Why didn't I ever see him before? I guess I was just so focused on Kurosaki-kun…_

The thought suddenly vaporized at the wave of biting reiatsu that washed through her. She shuddered, letting out a tiny gasp of surprise. At the same time, Uryuu abruptly froze, spinning on his heel to stare in the direction of the reiatsu's source.

"Wha—what was that—?" She hissed, eyes wide.

"They—they feel like…_Hollows_…"

"But—" A blood-curdling shriek ripped through the air, unlike anything a human could produce, and drowning out the rest of her words. Their eyes locked, and at the same time, they both took off running towards the source.

- - -

The very first thing Inoue saw as they turned the corner to where the Hollows were was the bright orange shock of hair that lay ahead. She involuntarily sucked in her breath. _Kuro…Kurosaki-kun…!_ Then, she took in the whole scene, Ichigo and Rukia, both in their Shinigami forms, charging the Hollows. From her eyes, they seemed to move together like they always had, effortlessly and thoughtlessly moving in sync. It hurt. Along with the hurt came the guilt, crashing into her. She cringed. Seeing them there, fighting so hard, she wanted to help, but was terribly afraid of their reactions to her, and that they wouldn't want her to help. _After I messed up so much before…How could they want my help? How could they forgive me? _

A hand suddenly tightened on her arm, and she turned to stare into the bold blue eyes of Ishida Uryuu.

"Uryuu….kun…" She was shocked at the clear emotion in his eyes, it seemed like he was trying to convey so much just with a single look. And he did. He cared about her. He supported her, he trusted her, he didn't blame her. And…he cared _for_ her, he really, really did.

"Inoue-san." He grabbed her shoulders then, holding her gaze intensely. "It will all be alright. It will all be fine, I promise you. They care about you, and so do I. You're going to be ok. …Alright?" She bit her lip, then slowly nodded. He had never been so…assertive. At least not to her. She briefly recalled that moment in Soul Society when he had saved her from Kamaitachi Ziroubou, the huge Shinigami with the projectile zanpakuto. He had been assertive then, but not aggressively so. He had been strong, confident. _A little like Kurosaki-kun, but…without the temper._ Now she saw that again. There was no doubt in his eyes, only strength and belief. Belief in her. Surprising even herself, she hesitantly placed her arms over his shoulders and around his neck, even more hesitantly pulling him close in an embrace.

"…Thank you, Uryuu-kun." He nodded, stiffly, she felt the lightest of touches on her back as he obviously debated hugging her back or not. After a second she pulled away, giving him an empowered, brilliant smile. His returned smile was shy and hopelessly uncomfortable, but only seemed to endear him to her even more. She turned to face the Hollows in beyond, the three that were still proving to be, _somehow_, a challenge for Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san. She regretted not immediately rushing in, but the moment she had seen them…she found herself unable to. _What Uryuu said…_It had really made all the difference. Glancing over at him, she lifted her hands to the sides of her head, ready to call forth her barrettes. Ishida, looking grim, nodded. Reaching into his shirt, he extracted the Quincy Cross.

Inoue blinked away as there was a blinding light, only for an instant, and as the mist cleared away, Ishida now stood in his beautiful white clothing, almost gleaming in the early morning sunlight. His brilliant blue bow, looking more like a star than a bow was gripped tightly in his hand, his face a mask of determination. It had been months since she had seen him like this, and she felt a pulse of odd pride in him. This was the true Ishida Uryuu, not the goofy highschool kid who was head of the crafting club. Aiming his bow, he called out to the two Shinigami ahead of him.

"Kurosaki! Kuchiki-san! Move!" They whirled almost simultaneously, neither had apparently noticed Inoue and Uryuu's arrival. Not even taking the time to pause and think about it, they threw themselves out of the way as Ishida began to fire a barrage of reiatsu arrows. Inoue watched in horror as the arrows failed to do what they normally did—easily tear through the Hollows and dissolve them. No, this time, they seemed to mostly stick in the Hollows' flesh, some eve disappearing. The Hollows turned all their attention on Uryuu, ignoring the arrows as they charged at him.

"Why…why aren't the arrows working!?" Uryuu hissed to himself, continuing to fire. With the Hollows growing ever closer, one wrenched its arm around and blasted some sort of spine things right at their new prey. Inoue didn't even blink, sidestepping in front of Uryuu and holding her hands up.

"Santen Kesshun—I reject!" She screamed, her shield exploded in front of them. But the spines didn't bounce away harmlessly, they dug into the shield instead, creating cracks. Orihime cried out in a combination of surprise and pain. She was thrust backwards, right into Ishida, but he thankfully caught her. The Hollows were still coming, and with only her shattering shield in between them and their opponents, Orihime felt real fear, closing her eyes as her hands dug into Uryuu's shirt.

The impact never came. Her eyes blinked back open, just in time to see Kurosaki-kun and Kuchiki-san landing in front of them, blades still drawn. _Wha…what happened?_ _Did they save us?_ Both Shinigami turned towards them, Rukia offering her hand to Orihime, while Ichigo did the same for Ishida. Inoue fought as the guilt rushed back to her, almost expecting Kuchiki-san to turn away from her there in disgust. But that didn't happen. Rukia suddenly pulled Orihime into a tight hug, letting out a loud sigh of relief before abruptly releasing her. Inoue stared at her, stunned, while the petite Shinigami grinned broadly back.

"Are you ok, Inoue?" Rukia asked, her smile dissolving into an expression of slight worry.

"Wha…? Uh…yeah, I'm fine…"

"You're making a weird face." Kuchiki-san pointed out blankly. With that, the rest of Inoue's guilt began to break apart. A slow smile spread across her face, she giggled, then laughed outright. _She doesn't hate me!_ She crushed Rukia in another embrace, absolutely delighted.

"Kuchiki-san! I'm so happy to see you!" Inoue let her go, smiling down at the girl. "…I really missed you." Kuchiki-san returned the smile.

"Yeah, I missed you too, Inoue." And almost everything seemed right in the world. Rukia then turned away from her to face the boys, who Inoue had forgotten were there. Seeing Kurosaki-kun, she fought a wince as her feelings suddenly lurched again. _Well…almost right._ He gave her a sharp nod in greeting, partnered with one of those half-smiles. The closest she had ever seen to a real one.

"Hey, Inoue. How's it going?" She flushed, she had forgotten how attractive he was. _Not good…._

"Um, fine…" She muttered, averting her eyes. She felt a sudden pressure on her arm, and glanced to see the cause. Uryuu's arm had wrapped around her back, and he was now holding her lightly to his side, with his hand on her arm possessively.

"Ah! Ishida! How're ya feeling?" Ichigo clapped the man on the side of the arm that wasn't holding Orihime, giving him a wide grin. Straightening himself beside her, Ishida responded staunchly.

"I'm well, Kurosaki. Though I can't say the same for you." He waved vaguely at Kurosaki-kun, who, Inoue just noticed, had what appeared to be several puncture wounds.

"Ohh! Kurosaki-kun, you're hurt!" He glanced down at where she was looking, his shoulder, then back up at her with mild surprise. Wrinkling an already furrowed brow, he gave a harsh glare at Rukia.

"Yeah…'cause Rukia nearly got herself pinned again. Stupid." _Pinned? Again?_ Rukia scowled right back at him, actually swatting him in his uninjured side.

"Who are you calling 'stupid', stupid?! I was trying to push YOU out of the way!"

"I don't need you to protect me, Rukia, I was doing fine!"

"Like hell you were! If by 'fine' you mean 'about to get yourself killed', then yeah, you were doing fine!" Ichigo was now bent over her, snarling, while Rukia only glared back up at him, also snarling. Inoue was beginning to be concerned. Though the content of the fight seemed normal, the intent and feelings behind it…_Is something wrong? _Ichigo opened his mouth again to retort angrily, but Inoue didn't want the fight to get any worse. Holding up her hands, she cut in.

"Kurosaki-kun! Why don't I heal your wounds! And Kuchiki-san, you're not hurt, are you?" Their focus broken, they turned to both stare at her, then began to both talk at the same time.

"Pssh, I'm fine, I don't feel a thing, they don't hurt—"

"Don't listen to him, Inoue! He's an idiot, heal his wounds. _I'm_ fine, though—"

"You're not fine! You've got scratches all up your arm—!"

"Shut up, Ichigo, you're the one bleeding everywhere—!" They were fighting much harder than normal, it was really starting to disturb her. Apparently seeing her discomfort, Ishida cut in.

"Hey! Both of you, _quiet_!" They both shut up, staring at Uryuu, who wasn't one to raise his voice like that. Regaining his composure, he pushed his glasses up his nose. "Forgive me…but you're upsetting Inoue-san. Now, I believe she asked to heal your wounds. Even if they don't hurt, why don't you be gracious and just accept her offer? I'm sure it would make everyone feel better." Ichigo opened and then closed his mouth in surprise, while Rukia blinked once, then smiled.

"You're right. Sorry, Inoue. I just get a little carried away sometimes. I would be very grateful if you could heal us."

o o o o o

Once Kurosaki and Kuchiki-san had been healed, and had returned to their bodies, the four of them ran the rest of the way to school. The teacher had greeted them with pure suspicion, not that Ishida was surprised. _All four of us coming in that the same time, with the excuse that Kuchiki-san was feeling faint?_ Rukia had put her acting skills to work, fanning herself and leaning heavily on Ichigo. The teacher had eyed them, asked if Rukia needed to go to the clinic, and after her denial, gestured for them to take their seats. All the students had begun to gossip, like always, as they sat down. It annoyed him somewhat. _…You'd think we'd be used to it by now. Or they would be. _

"Oi." Ishida glanced over his shoulder to see Renji leaning over to poke at Kuchiki-san. "Oi, Rukia." He continued to prod her in the back with his pen.

"What, Renji!?" She whirled around to hiss at him.

"Is something, wrong, Kuchiki-san?" The teacher's voice rang out, Rukia turned again in her seat to nervously shake her head. Pulling a face, the teacher went back to the lesson. Ishida watched out of the corner of his eye as she sighed, then carefully turned back around to talk to Abarai.

"Why were you late? What's goin' on? Was it that reiatsu….?"

"You felt it? Then why didn't you come, we could have used your help!" She narrowed her eyes at him.

"'Cause I felt that you guys were closer. By the time I would've got there, they'd be gone, so I came here instead ta wait for you." He grumped back, defensive. Then he paused, raising a warped brow. "…Were they _that_ tough?" She turned back to the front hunching over and resting her chin on her hand.

"Yeah…they were." Ishida didn't miss her dark tone. _They were having difficulty before we got there…we created a distraction, even though that wasn't our intention._ "We'll talk about it later, Renji." She muttered, as Abarai began to poke her again with the pen. Ishida was going to pay attention to the lesson, when his eye was drawn to the movement of orange. _Kurosaki._ The substitute Shinigami's expression was an even harsher scowl than normal, it was easy to see something was bothering him. _He's worried…he's never had that much trouble with just a normal Hollow before. Then again…neither have I. _Uryuu's own mood darkened. _My arrows…they didn't kill it. I must have been firing at full blast at the end…Those arrows have destroyed Arrancar, why the hell wouldn't they kill plain Hollows?! It makes no sense!_ From that point on, he couldn't concentrate at all on the lesson. Not that he took it that seriously anyway, it was the first day, anything they would cover he could easily catch up on all by himself. He grew more anxious to talk about it as the hours passed. More questions kept springing forward, it just didn't make any sense.

He wasn't the only one. Kurosaki had taken to impatiently drumming his fingers, and glaring out the window. Kuchiki-san wasn't paying attention either, but, for once, wasn't drawing little pictures of bunnies on her notes. Instead, she was staring at her desk with a brow furrowed much like Ichigo's, her lips moving as she silently thought something over. He fought back a snort._ Kurosaki's really rubbing off on her_. Renji, he saw as he glanced over his shoulder, had put his head down on his desk, but wasn't sleeping. Ishida wondered briefly why he was even here anyway, but then shrugged it off. He doubted it had anything to do with the unusual Hollows, simply because of this morning's events, how he hadn't shown up to fight. Continuing to scan the class, his eyes landed on Chad. He mentally debated whether Chad knew or not. _Probably…though his senses aren't great, he does _have _them. And if you can feel any reiatsu at all, you'd have to be pretty much dead not to feel _these_ Hollows… _

Lastly, his gaze landed on Inoue. She looked beautiful, as always, but her expression was fallen. _She's worried too…Not that I can blame her. Damn! I thought we had gotten away from all these problems…I mean, there will always be Hollows, but these kind of Hollows?_ Turning to glare back at Kurosaki, he scowled. _I guess my ties to the Shinigami will not be cut yet…_

o o o o o

_…Damn…_ Hitsugaya paced back to his barracks, his bad temper growing exponentially with each step. He had gone to visit Hinamori once more before leaving the infirmary, it had been immensely painful for him, but he just couldn't help it. _This makes absolutely no sense. I don't understand. Unohana really has no idea…no one does_… A slow idea began to creep on him. _At least…no one in Soul Society. Is it…can it be possible that that crazy shopkeeper…might know what this is? He's a researcher, maybe this is an illness he's tested or worked with!_ Hitsugaya grit his teeth suddenly. _Or created._

Silently fuming, he slid back the screen doors that were an entrance to the barracks, striding quickly down the hall. _No…Stop being irrational, Toushiro. Though…he did create the Hougyoku, the orb of distortion. …And to think what that ended up doing, blending Shinigami and Hollow together…warping them into hybrids….Can this be that much different? Fever…unconsciousness…and reiatsu drain. Yes, those were the symptoms. _The fever and unconsciousness didn't worry him as much as the reiatsu drain. That was a sign of something completely unnatural. _Perhaps not a sickness at all. …What if he created something that's doing this? …What if he created it before he left in Soul Society, like with the Hougyoku…and somehow it's been released or is just becoming affective now? That would explain why he would want to return to Soul Society, perhaps to destroy it before it falls into the wrong hands, like with what happened before? …But that would mean another who wants to destroy Soul Society. I can't think of who it could be, not after everyone just fought so hard in the War. No, their loyalty is unquestionable. It couldn't be anyone in Soul Society. _As he pushed opened the door to his office, he was still deep in thought. _That would mean an enemy outside. …And Urahara Kisuke is the only one of considerable strength and dubious background outside. That we know of. _He didn't really know the man, though knew that he had helped Soul Society in the past. Still, even if he had no connection to this "disease", it was possible he still could know something about what was happening. His fists clenched unconsciously. _I believe it is about time that I pay a visit to our dear shopkeeper "ally"…_

Grinding his teeth, he fought the urge to simply run out of the office to the Gate. He was a Captain, he needed to approach this responsibly. In time of crisis, it wasn't wise to dash headfirst at the problem. _Like Kurosaki._ No, it was best to prepare and plan.

"Matsumoto!" He shouted, making his way to his desk as he looked around for her. "Matsu—" His voice cut away as his foot touched something. He looked down, he had been looking everywhere else than besides where he was going. He choked, balking in horror. At his feet lay his crumpled, unconscious Vice Captain. His knees began to give way, he knelt before he fell. "Matsumoto…" He tried to lift her just enough to turn her onto her back, that accomplished, he brushed the hair out of her face. At first, he had thought that she had finally drowned herself enough in alcohol to ensure passing out, an incredible feat even for her. But as soon as he touched her, he knew that something was terribly wrong. Her reiatsu was low. And now, as he pushed the strawberry blond strands out of her face, he knew. The eyes were still open. Blank.

He choked again, shocked at the few tears that trailed down his cheeks. _First Hinamori…now Matsumoto…shit, shit! Matsumoto… _He placed her gently back down on the floor, standing and summoning a Hells Butterfly. He would need help to get her to the 4th Squad clinic. Once that was done, he sat back down beside her heavily. _I promise you, Matsumoto. I'm going to save you too._

- - - - - - - - - - -

Whew! Lots of perspective changes in that one. Ok--Instant recap! Ishida walks Inoue to school, feeling that everything was going to be great. At the same time, Ichigo and Rukia have a morning fight before school, Ichigo feels that everything is going to suck. Renji feels the same way, not wanting to be in between Rukia and Ichigo as they dance around each other. Meanwhile, Hitsugaya is struggling in Soul Society, trying to puzzle things out. He talks briefly to Hanatarou, then decides that he has to take some action to save Hinamori, because no one seems to know how. Ichigo and Rukia are alerted to the Hollows, and take off running. Ichigo notices that something is wrong with Rukia, though he doesn't know what it is. They arrive where the Hollows are first, and start fighting. Inoue is telling Ishida her theory about lunch, completely comfortable with him, when they hear the unmistakable reiatsu and scream of Hollows. When they arrive see that the Shinigami aren't doing very well, and try to help. They don't really succeed, but the distraction helps Rukia and Ichigo to kill the Hollows in the end. Everyone is reunited, and it isn't as bad as Orihime thought it would be. Ichigo and Rukia fight again, Orihime and Ishida break it up. Go Ishida! It becomes clear to him that he cannot stop dealing with the Shinigami yet. Finally, Hitsugaya begins to make a plan. He suspects that Urahara might know something, or have something to do with the "illness", and decides to go visit him. But upon arriving at the office, he discovers Matsumoto, who has fallen ill. He promises to save her.

So that's it, what did you all think? Thanks for reading and reviewing! MissCyraf


	17. Confusion's Call, Suspicion's Visit

New chappie! lol I don't own Bleach...alas. Just so you guys know, this is another chapter with two perspectives written about the same scene. The first is Rukia's point of view, the second is Ichigo's. I like to do that sometimes...hehe...ok.

17

Confusion's Call, Suspicion's Visit

"So what did Soul Society say?" Ichigo asked as soon as Rukia closed her phone. She sighed, it wasn't good news.

"They weren't interested, it seemed." She muttered, shoving the phone back into her bag. Despite her discomfort in being with Ichigo alone now, she realized that this was different. This wasn't about them, this was business. She could take business. They were climbing the stairs to the roof to meet everyone else for lunch, and she could tell that the others would be anxious to hear Soul Society's answer as well. Right now, though, she was most worried about Ichigo's response. _Here it comes…._

"They…weren't…_interested_!? What the hell does THAT mean?!" Rukia ground her teeth.

"Shutup Ichigo! At least let me explain with everybody else, so I don't have to say it a hundred times!" She shouted at him, her patience with him seemed to always be rather low. He immediately clammed up, looking away. Rukia paused, noticing. _That's unlike him…usually he just argues back, harder. He should be cursing right now._ He shoved his hands in his pockets, and though she was still a little disturbed, she felt at least some relief. Shoving his hands in his pockets generally meant he was in a sour mood, but was keeping it in. Very Ichigo behavior. _I'm going to have to talk to him…_She didn't want to. There was a reason she was avoiding him, she had begun to feel...not in control. Loose. Like emotions she really had no power over were always leaking out, unguarded. _And…even with Ichigo, who I'm so close to…it's scary. …Especially with Ichigo.…What if he doesn't…like me? Who I really am? _She chewed thoughtlessly on her lip, suppressing the real fear that once she really, really let him in, he would turn away from her. _I always put on such a tough act…to keep people away, to not let them hurt me. …It's like it's become a part of me that I never wanted. _She was scared that it was this Rukia that he liked, the strong Rukia. If he really knew of her weakness, of her flaws, he wouldn't want to be around her anymore. Ichigo respected the strong, needed the strong. He needed her to be strong. Especially right now. _And as long as he needs it…that's how I'll be._

"Kurosaki-kun! Kuchiki-san! Over here!" Inoue was waving to her hands vigorously to Ichigo and herself, Rukia forced a bright smile, trying to forget her previous thoughts. Admitting her weakness, her fear, and her ridiculous need for Ichigo to stay by her mildly offended her. She pushed her shoulders back, telling herself that she didn't _need_ anyone. She _chose_ to be with them. Rukia greeted them, sitting down beside Inoue, Ichigo walked past them to lean sullenly against the fence that lined the edge of the roof. The fact that he didn't sit next to her like he normally did bothered her, but she said nothing, pretending not to notice. _Fine, he can be a grump over there by himself_, she told herself, forcibly deciding that she didn't care. In front of him sat Chad, silent as ever, with Ishida and Inoue seated beside him. Rukia noted their curious position, Ishida seemed a little closer to her than normal. Tatsuki sat on the other side of Inoue, Rukia liked the girl, and didn't have to put on the act in front of her. She had known about the Shinigami since the Winter War. Renji was standing beside her, lazily slumping against the fence. Luckily, Keigo and Mizuiro were out buying lunch, so they had a little time to talk about what had happened this morning.

"So. What did they say?" Ishida asked, politely, but not without an edge. Clearly, he was eager for answers. They all were. Rukia withheld a sigh. _Leave it to Ishida to get straight to the point. _

"They…didn't really say anything." There was a confused silence as they all stared at her, Inoue was the first to speak.

"Wha…what do you mean?" Rukia looked at the ground, hesitant.

"I called…and made my report about the Hollows." How strong they were. How dense their reiatsu was. How she, and even Ichigo had had problems. "And the Shinigami I spoke to seemed to be distracted. Told me that Hollows weren't anything to report…"

"The hell…Why wouldn't they care? Especially since what happened—the Arrancar, the Vizards, the whole damn war! Why wouldn't they care!" Renji straightened, slamming a fist into the fence.

"It doesn't seem to make sense…perhaps the Shinigami receiving the reports simply isn't telling anyone? Just because _he_ deems it unimportant?" Ishida theorized, slight disdain coloring his voice.

"No…This is the second time I've called, and there were different Shinigami answering. This isn't just because of one lazy fool," Rukia leaned back on her elbows, a frown settled on her delicate features. "It's like…they're distracted." Renji snorted.

"Distracted by what? The reconstruction was almost done when I left, that was the only thing really goin' on anyways. Nothing that would distract them from Hollows. Doesn't make any fuckin' sense."

"…How many Hollows have you fought that have been strong? Stronger than normal, I mean." The Quincy asked. Rukia glanced back at Ichigo, who seemed to not be paying attention, staring intently at his feet. Noting this, she turned back to Ishida, shrugging.

"I'm not sure…maybe ten? …Ever since we got back, they've seemed stronger." Ishida seemed to analyze her answer.

"Ever since we got back…" He mumbled, brows knitting.

"Maybe one of us should go back to Soul Society. Talk ta them." Renji suggested dully. Rukia nodded in agreement.

"Yes…that might be necessary."

No one else said anything, all apparently thinking over what she had said. Rukia's eye caught on sudden movement, Ichigo had pushed himself from his position against the fence, and now was striding quickly to the door that lead off the roof. Just at that moment, Keigo and Mizuiro returned with lunch, stopping to greet Ichigo. He didn't say anything to either of them, just blew right by them. The others who were still sitting watched in mild alarm or curiosity, only Rukia stood to follow. She knew he probably wouldn't want to be followed, but that didn't matter. She still needed to see if he was ok. Rukia hurried to catch up with him, he ignored her, shoving open the door and jogging down the stairs, as if he wanted to outdistance her, but also didn't want to lose any dignity by simply running away. _Ichigo doesn't run away. _

"Ichigo!" She called down to him from the flight of winding stairs above, hoping to get him to stop. _Why is he acting like this?!_ "Ichigo, where are you going!" He left the stairwell, striding into the hall. Stretching his legs, he increased the distance between them, and Rukia cursed her shorter stride. He then turned the corner, ducking into a little room with vending machines. When she came to stand in the doorway, she saw him, hunched over with his arm propped heavily against a machine, his forehead against the glass.

"Ichigo…" She took a cautious step forward, not really knowing how to approach him. Afraid to. Something was going to happen, one of them was going to say something. And she dreaded it, terribly afraid that things were going to change.

"Why the hell did you follow me, Rukia." His voice slightly strangled. She still couldn't see his face, it was as if he was hiding from her. Ichigo doesn't hide.

"Because you're acting like an idiot." She responded crisply. As soon as the words were out of her mouth, though, she regretted them. It just came so easily… To her surprise, he snorted.

"Yeah. I know." Now she was concerned.

"Ichigo…" She took light steps forward, laying a lighter hand on his arm. He slowly lowered it, turning towards her. His expression…was pained. "What's going on?" She asked, concern growing. He stared at her for a minute, their eyes locked. She felt that strange happiness again, that loss of control. His gaze pressed into her, intense. Her breathing grew heavier, feeling completely vulnerable as the inner wall seemed to be pushed away. At the same time, he was allowing himself to be vulnerable to her. There was so much pain, so much guilt and sorrow in those brown eyes. Weakness, sadness, loss, regret, fear. So much fear. For the moment their gazes met and held, it was like she could see his entirety, everything he felt. And there was something…_something_ in his eyes that frightened her. Real, earnest _caring_. Perhaps even beyond that.

She didn't want to know, looking away. If he…_cared_ for her…that would change things. That would change them. After living her whole life having her heart broken by those she loved, she wasn't willing to change. It scared her to the core that the same thing might happen with Ichigo. _No…it's impossible that he might feel anything for me besides friendship. Impossible. Stop thinking about it, have more control!_

He straightened, sighing weakly, after their eye contact broke. Turning his attention to the machine, he offered it a bill, pushing some buttons.

"Nothing's going on. I'm just getting a drink." She nodded numbly, not wanting to look at him again. Without another word, he pulled two drinks out of the machine, one a citrus flavor—his favorite, the other fruit punch—her favorite. Still not saying anything, he pulled the straw off of hers and poked it through, passing it to her. She took it automatically, taking a sip without really thinking. He then did the same for his own drink, turning to walk back to the stairwell, pausing for a second for her to fall into step beside him.

At the top of the stairs, Ichigo held open the door for the roof. Rukia stepped through, raising the juicebox to her lips again. Then froze. She quickly mentally went over their whole interaction. So much had happened, yet it didn't appear that anything had. She held the juicebox up, staring at it. _He didn't even ask…He just did it._ She gave the little box a brilliant smile. _He remembered…_ They had had a process, before the war, which had become something like a tradition. Whenever she had had a juicebox, he always opened it. It was stupid, pointless. And yet, to her, extremely significant.

"Oi, Rukia. What're you doing? C'mon." Ichigo scowled at her over his shoulder, waiting. She stared at him for a moment, seeing him suddenly differently. _It's Ichigo…Just Ichigo._ Though her fears were still present, they lightened somewhat. He was the same as he had always been, still there for her like he had always been. After everything they had gone through, he hadn't abandoned her, not like everyone else. He had stood by her. _And I have to trust that he always will…_ He raised an irritated brow, but she only gave him the same brilliant smile she had given the box.

o o o o o

"So what did Soul Society say?" Ichigo asked, falling into step beside Rukia when she closed her phone. He wasn't so sure about approaching her alone like this, this morning had only gotten more ugly. Those fights hadn't been the normal squabbling they did, they had meant something. Right behind those angry words were angrier feelings, about other things. He sucked it up, now though. _How am I supposed to fix everything if I'm not fuckin' brave enough to even talk to her?_ Besides, this was work. It wasn't like he was asking about her feelings or whatever. Her brows furrowed darkly, he knew the news wouldn't be good.

"They weren't interested, it seemed." That stunned him.

"They…weren't…_interested_!? What the hell does THAT mean?!" He demanded, it was insane. How can they not be interested! We're getting attacked by Hollows that were more freakin' powerful than some of those lower Arrancar!

"Shutup Ichigo! At least let me explain with everybody else, so I don't have to say it a hundred times!" Rukia then yelled at him, closing her eyes in perhaps frustration. He was a little shocked by her reaction. _Isn't she mad? Isn't she freaking confused?! I am! Why the hell isn't she!?_ He soured immediately, refocusing his anger on her. Honestly, though, he was slightly embarrassed at being yelled at, and a little hurt. It was like she wasn't taking his side. _We're a team. We've always been a team, even if one of us is wrong. What the hell…_ He fell silent, mentally cursing in his head, then shoved his hands in his pockets. He wanted to continue to vent, but didn't really want to do it in front of her. _If she wants me to shut up, fine. I will_. Rukia was silent as well, he guessed she was thinking on it. _Whatever. I don't care._

Inoue called them over, they had taken their normal places on the roof, waiting for Rukia and himself. Rukia seated herself next to Inoue, like always. Normally, Ichigo would then sit down beside her, but instead wandered over to lean aloofly against the fence. If Rukia noticed, she ignored him.

Ishida, unsurprisingly, asked her about Soul Society, getting right to the point. _Leave it to Ishida…_He hid a smirk, the man was so predictable. The others discussed the situation for a few minutes, everyone seemed to be just as upset as he was about Soul Society's disinterest. Rukia turned to look at him at one of Ishida's questions, Ichigo pretended not to notice her. He knew he was being stupid. He knew he was being immature. But that knowledge wasn't going to stop him from acting this way. He was hurt, and was irrationally reacting by lashing out in an odd way. He scowled even more deeply than normal at the thought that Rukia, with only a few simple words, had made him feel this way, that she held such power over his emotions. _Stupid Rukia_. Their conversation had continued, he quickly tuned back in.

"Maybe one of us should go back to Soul Society. Talk ta them." Renji commented, scratching at his chin. _Yeah. Go back Renji_, Ichigo couldn't help the thought.

"Yes…that might be necessary." Rukia replied. Ichigo's breath caught in his throat. _She's…_she's_ going to leave?_ A mixture of feelings suddenly surfaced; shock, sadness, guilt over his childishness, resentment towards her, denial that she would leave, and especially anger that she would even think it. _No, she can't leave. Not again._ His fists clenched as anger overpowered him, defeat and loss threatening to then do the same. Then the fear. Fear that she wouldn't return this time, that he'd never see her again. He couldn't stand it. Not in this state, he couldn't lose her. _Or I'll lose myself. GODDAMMIT!_ He wanted to hit something, scream, kick, and flail. Tell her she wasn't allowed to go, demand that she take back the agreement and forget the idea. All of that rushed to him the minute the words left her lips. Feeling like he was very well about to lose his composure in front of everyone, expose himself in such a way that he couldn't recover, he did the only thing he could think of. He stormed off. He just had to get away before he lost it.

He could feel the others' stare as he strode quickly away, even meeting Kiego and Mizuiro before he reached the roof door.

"Hey, Ichigo!"

"Ichiiigoooo!" Though Keigo came at him, Ichigo dodged away to avoid the boy's usual pouncing, not responding to either of them. He heard light footsteps behind him now, could feel Rukia follow. _No. No, stop_. He wanted to tell her, pushing out the thought mentally as hard as he could, as if she could somehow pick it up. She clearly didn't, following him into the stairwell. She was the last person he wanted to reveal everything he was feeling to, if she knew how desperately he didn't want her to leave, how pathetically he clung to her, she would probably just laugh at him. Or at least not understand.

He realized that she would soon, if hadn't already, figure out that he was running from her, something that shamed him. _I have to stop. At least then I can act like nothing's happening._ So he turned into the vending room, stopping before a juice machine. He wanted to put on his classic scowl, buy a drink, shrug, and not care at all. But he slumped forward against the machine instead, knowing that as soon as she walked in, he would give himself away. He hid his face in behind his arm, against the machine, just as she entered.

"Ichigo…" She called softly. _Go away. Go! Just leave me alone._

"Why the hell did you follow me, Rukia." He croaked, then regretted it. _My voice sounds like shit._ It didn't seem to faze her, she quickly retorted.

"Because you're acting like an idiot." For some reason, he found that actually kind of funny. _She's right._

"Yeah. I know."

"Ichigo…" She repeated, her voice even more tender, more compassionate, completely unlike the tone she had just used to scold him. She laid a soft hand on his arm, he fought the urge to cringe away. It hurt… "What's going on?" She asked. He couldn't help himself now, he wanted to tell her. Really wanted to. But fear held him back, fear that she would see what he really was and turn away from him. That she would think he was weak, and that would only hasten her choice to leave. _Rukia respects the strong. I have to be strong. _So instead, he turned to look at her. She met his gaze, and he just couldn't help himself. He poured everything he was feeling, _everything_, out of him with that look. He wanted her to know, but couldn't possibly tell her aloud. This was the only way. _Rukia…I…_

She looked away. He blinked as she took to staring down at the floor instead. That hurt. It hurt so very, very much. _She…doesn't want to know. She doesn't feel the same way…._While his mind reeled and emotions boiled, he made like he was fine, turning back towards the vending machine.

"Nothing's going on. I'm just getting a drink." She only nodded, cutting him a little again. _Don't be stupid_, he told himself. He was being really, really stupid. Without even really thinking about it, he bought two juiceboxes, once for himself, the other for her. He punched the straw though hers and handed it to her. When she accepted it an sipped, he realized what he had done. It surprised him for a moment, then he shrugged it off. _Good…maybe then she'll at least think that everything really is fine. If everything's fine…maybe she won't leave. _

They hiked back up the stairs to join the others again without speaking. When they reached the top, he held the door for her. As soon as she stepped through, though, she stopped. _What's her problem?_ He watched as she lifted the juicebox to look at it, staring at it like it was the most amazing thing she had ever seen. _Rukia's crazy. _She was smiling at it in a way that irritated him, it almost made him jealous. Realizing how stupid that was, he called out to her.

"Oi, Rukia. What're you doing? C'mon." With his command, she turned her gaze up at him, eyes slightly widened. He was going to ask her what was wrong with her, when she then gave him the same amazing smile she had given the juicebox. It was weird, but he would take it.

o o o o o

Toushiro Hitsugaya followed the stretcher that was carrying Matsumoto to the 4th Squad clinic. He lingered in the doorway of her ward as she was placed in bed, and a healer began to examine her. A familiar, almost strangling reiatsu abruptly brushed against his senses, he turned in time to see the Captain of the 11th division, Zaraki Kenpachi, striding down the hall towards him. In his weakened state, it was difficult to be around the man, but he absolutely refused to show it.

"Hey, Ten." The Captain nodded down at him, turning his attention to the Vice Captain within the room. He grunted then, visible eye narrowing. Hitsugaya could only assume that the other under the eye patch was doing the same. "Your kid down too, eh?" That struck Hitsugaya as odd, he glanced over his shoulder up at the enormous Captain.

"What? What do you mean?" Zaraki's lips thinned in a grim expression at the 10th Captain's question.

"My 3rd seat, Madarame, is down too."

"…Down? You mean he's sick?" Zaraki nodded, keeping his eyes on Matsumoto and the healer.

"Yeah. My 5th seat found 'im unconscious this morning. What about you?"

"I…found her." It was painful to say. Zaraki grunted in response, Hitsugaya didn't know if that meant he understood, or not.

"Hurry, hurry, Cat-lady!! We have to find Ken-chan!" A shrill voice cut through the air, echoing down the hall to grate on Hitsugaya's nerves. "Ken-chan, Ken-chan! Baldy's still sleeping!" _Oh no…_ He was distracted by Matsumoto's condition, he had forgotten that generally wherever Kenpachi was, his hyperactive Vice Captain Yachiru was too. _"Cat-lady"? Yoruichi's still here…? _She had spoken to him about a week ago about getting his support for Urahara's reinstatement. He didn't know the woman very well, but felt he could trust her. The fact that she's a close friend of Urahara's though…_Perhaps I should speak with her_. So he stayed, as much as he wanted to flee the incoming Yachiru.

"Oi, Zaraki. Take this little monster, will ya?" Yoruichi sauntered over to them, Yachiru clinging to the back of her head while she sat on her shoulders. Though Yoruichi had a grin on her face, like she was joking, Hitsugaya doubted she actually was. Her yellow eyes landed on Hitsugaya as Zaraki retrieved his Vice Captain, she nodded to him.

"What are you still doing here, Yoruichi? I spoke with you nearly a week ago." _She was trying to get me to support Urahara. …I like her, I thought I could trust her, but…she _is_ an outsider now. And a known traitor, like Urahara, even if she did redeem herself later. The fact that she still aligns herself with him…_It worried him.

"Trying to get this big lunk here to support Kisuke's return. Stubborn as a mule, this one. Insists he doesn't care." She grinned over at the 11th Captain, who was paying attention to Yachiru. Hitsugaya would have normally been amused, would have reacted as much, but instead remained grave. "…Something happen, Captain?" She inquired, not insensitively. Despite that, the 10th Captain's expression darkened further. He couldn't remain as impassive as he would have liked.

"Matsumoto…She's ill. Found her this morning." Yoruichi frowned, crossing her arms over her chest.

"What the hell is going on here…"

"I've been wondering the same thing." He didn't mean to have so much acid in his voice, but her relationship with Urahara, whatever it was, associated her with his suspicion. She turned those unusual eyes on him again, raising an arched brow.

"Is there a problem, Captain?" She asked politely, but with a similar edge to her voice to the one he had just had. He knew of her power, she had once been a Captain too. He didn't exactly know what had happened for her to no longer hold that position, but that didn't matter. Yoruichi wasn't one he wanted to antagonize, but if he had to, he would.

"When you were still Captain, Shihuoin Yoruichi, a strange event occurred with several Captains and Vice Captains becoming Vizards. Right after Urahara Kisuke was appointed Captain of the 12th Squad and created his Technology Development Bureau. …Then, a century later, the Hougyoku was discovered, and used to nearly destroy Soul Society. It was created by Urahara Kisuke. Both of these incidents directly involve the former 12th Captain, and change one's reiatsu…Now. Tell me. This "illness"…One of the symptoms that is most disturbing is the drastic change in reiatsu of its victims. Am I wrong to be suspicious?" He was too exhausted to play any games, and had too little time to try to ease any information out of her. She might be insulted, but, he wasn't outwardly accusing her of anything, and desperate times called for desperate measures. She stood, staring at him with those piercing eyes, as if she was summing him up.

"An interesting theory, Captain. But a wrong one. Kisuke has done nothing but support Soul Society and the Shinigami since he was banished. It was because of _him_ that you even discovered the Hougyoku and Aizen's betrayal in the first place, and he fought the bastard to the very edge of his life." Her voice had lost its warmth, the steel behind her words clear.

"I realize that. But I also realize that it was because of _him_ that the Hougyoku existed at all. _Giving_ Aizen that power. _Causing_ the war."

"I respect you greatly, Captain. But I warn you not to make false accusations. Especially against the people I care about." Everything about her was a threat now, from her voice to the very way she held herself.

"Both of you, shuddup." Came the booming order from above. Hitsugaya whipped his face upward to stare at Zaraki, who he hadn't even remembered was still there. Yoruichi did the same, raising a brow at the 11th Squad Captain. "Seems ta me that yer bitching over nothin'. Just go ask the man yourself, Ten. Seems ta me that that Urahara's a pretty straight up guy, why else would 'e fight in the war? He didn't _have_ to." A slow smile spread over Yoruichi's lips at Kenpachi's suggestion.

"The man has a point, Captain. I was planning to return to discuss some things with Kisuke myself. Care to join me?"

"Yes…I believe I will."

"Hey. I'm comin' too." Zaraki piped in. "My man's down jus' like yours." Yachiru cheering with delight.

"Ken-chan! We should visit Ichi!" A dangerous grin crossed Kenpachi's face.

"Yeah…we should, Yachiru."

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

hahaha! Love Zaraki...ok-instant recap! The bunch is sitting around at lunch, discussing the Hollow problem and Soul Society's disinterest. Of course, they don't know about the the sickness that's spreading around there, so they don't know why. Rukia kind of unintentionally snapped at Ichigo, they were already at odds and that only made it worse. He's kind of sulking, and they try to ignore each other. Renji suggests that someone go back to SS to really explain what's happening, Rukia agrees. Ichigo wasn't listening up until that point, then he freaks out that Rukia will leave him. I imagine that to be a somewhat constant fear of his. He trusts her with everything, but knows that she values her duty, and will leave him if she must. Especially if things are so uncomfortable between them. Ichigo gets pissed off, among other things, and storms off, Rukia follows. He realizes that he really does feel something for her, even if he still doesn't know what. When she asks, he begins to really admit his feelings, not only to her, but to himself, when she looks away. He thinks it's because she doesn't feel for him, while she is actually afraid of knowing. Rukia has gained so much with Ichigo-friends that have become her family-that she's terrified of change. She doesn't want to lose them. It isn't a really rational connection, but I thnk that after she has become so close and dependent on them, she's afraid of being alone again. I would be too, in her situation. The conversation kind of ends there, Ichigo acts like nothing's happening, gives her juice and opens it involuntarily. Rukia realizes that this is important, then it hits her that this is Ichigo, the same person as he's always been-even if a little more fragile than he was before. That encourages her and relieves her a little. Meanwhile--Hitsugaya gets Matsumoto to the clinic and runs into Yoruichi and Kenpachi with Yachiru. They have a heated discussion, and it is settled that all of them are going to see Urahara. Yachiru wants to see Ichigo. I can just imagine Ichigo, at lunch, getting a sudden chill...lol.

Alrighty, that's it for now--lemme know what you think!

MissCyraf


	18. Hollows

Hey all! Sorry it's taken me longer than normal to post-hard to get writing in between funerals, my sister's graduation, recitals, and entertaining the hordes of family that have taken over my house. Was able to finally get this chapter done though, I hope you like it. I usually post in the mornings, but...decided that ASAP would be better and nicer for you guys who are waiting for the next chappie. Haha, I know I hate to wait for updates, so I don't want to drag you out any more than necessary. Man, I love writing Ichigo. He's so much fun :D

18

Hollows

Ichigo was probably more confused now than ever. His feelings blurred into each other, a mess. He had finally allowed himself to really open to her, to admit the weakness he had been trying to hide from her and everyone else so desperately, and_…She looked away._ That had been a crippling defeat in his mind, as soon as she angled her face away, looking at the floor instead of meeting his earnest eyes as he silently pled for understanding and acceptance, he had felt as if he was drowning. But instead of allowing himself to acknowledge it, he had turned away from her as well, focusing entirely on the vending machine and squashing his crushing disappointment. Despite his determination to heal their breaking friendship, at that moment, though, he wanted to be as far from her as possible. His thoughts had been that if Rukia wasn't around, maybe his pain would be less, his life would be easier. That maybe it would be _better_ if she went back to Soul Society. And stayed there.

But as soon as they had stepped back out onto the roof, and she had lifted that brilliant, honest smile onto him, he had taken every thought back instantly. That smile brought not only reassurance, but possibilities. Like the possibility that she wasn't rejecting him, that she might not want to leave him. That maybe she really _did_ care. And he knew then. He knew that if Rukia wasn't around, life wouldn't be easier or less painful. If she wasn't around, his life would be nothing but a constant downpour. _Che. That's not a life at all. _

They now strode back to the others together, Rukia catching up to him and walking alongside. He now accepted that yes, he felt something for her. "What" exactly was the question. Perhaps "why" was also a question_. "Why"…A damned good question. She's just Rukia. Nothin' special._ _She's actually really annoying_, he grumped to himself, his elation at her smile dissolving into sullen embarrassment at his realization and confusion at pretty much everything. Embarrassment and confusion also kept him from further probing his emotions for more information. He didn't want to know how deep the feelings ran, how much he actually cared. One admission of caring beyond simple friendship was more than enough. He refused to admit anything else to himself, his gripping acceptance that he needed her nearby was all he could take at the moment. That admittance was plenty to frighten him slightly. It meant he couldn't act the same way around her, that they probably couldn't just "go back to normal" like he had been hoping for.

And he wasn't sure he _liked_ this new development. He was positive that Rukia wouldn't, if she knew. Rukia plunked herself back down beside Inoue, and Ichigo, still deep in thoughts he found just as disturbing as his memories, followed without thinking, seating himself next to Rukia. _…I came so close to freakin' telling her back there too…I didn't know what the hell I was doing, it just all started to come out. What the hell…what's wrong with me? Did the war turn me into some sort of nutjob or dumbass? She would have done worse than just look away…_He didn't want to think about what her reaction would have been if he had blurted out his realization of his feelings at her. If she would kick his shins black and blue for calling her short—the truth—then her reaction for idiotically shouting his bumbling feelings at her out of the blue would definitely be far worse. _Far_ worse.

The worst part, he decided, was that now he had no idea how to proceed. He felt something. For her. He allowed the realization to come. _I—I …_like_ her. What the hell…for how long? How much?? WHY!? Why does this have to happen to me??_ Momentarily blinking closed his eyes, he opening them to tune back into conversation. Keigo was jumping around, animatedly telling some stupid anecdote, while the others laughed. Even Rukia was chuckling. It then dawned on him that he was seated beside her, far from his aloof position at the fence. _Shit—! _He leaned away from her, irrationally worried that if he sat too close, or even looked at her, she and everyone else would suddenly become aware of his newfound emotions. _Shit, shit._ He scowled even harder, glaring at his feet as he considered what to do. He didn't know how to act around her now, if he should still act like he didn't care…or…._No. _Hell_ no. I'm not going to fucking _moon_ over her like some idiot! Psh, it's not like I even care that much. Whatever._ He cursed himself, demanding of his dumb emotions what they even saw in her. Crunching his juicebox in his hand, he angrily wished that he could control it, could just stop feeling on a whim. Or at least go back into denial so sound that he would be ignorant yet again of any feelings.

Keigo must have said something funny, everyone laughed. Rukia gave a charming peal of delighted laughter, distracting Ichigo from his own thoughts. Acting purely on instinct, he fixed his angry glare on Keigo, the current receiver of her smile. The brown-haired boy noticed her reaction, finishing his story ever dramatically to continue to hold her attention. Ichigo started to snarl, defensive possessiveness striking out of nowhere. He then caught himself. _What the hell—! Something's fuckin' wrong with me…_It occurred to him then that he had never liked Keigo's focus—or anyone else's—on Rukia, that he had _always_ been defensive when it came to her. That he would normally punch anyone that lavished too much attention on her. _Damn! Does that mean—gah!_ Perhaps he had felt this way longer than he had thought. Forcibly making himself ignore everyone, especially Keigo and Rukia, Ichigo ground his teeth, rubbing at his temples. All this was giving him a headache.

o o o o o

"Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!" Yachiru trilled. Again and again. Hitsugaya could feel his weathered nerves wear further with every one of her excited chirps, knowing that he was reaching his limit. Yoruichi, who was leading their rag-tag team to the Senkaimon gate, must have felt the same way, glancing back to give Zaraki and his Vice Captain and pointed glare.

"Zaraki, do you think you could calm her down a little bit?" He pursed his lips for a second, then reaching into a inside pocket in his Captain's jacket, whipping out what appeared to be a cookie and shoving it into her open mouth. She gave a muffled squeal of surprise, then happily, and thankfully in Hitsugaya's opinion, _quietly_ chewed. They reached the gate, Hell Butterflies joining them as they stepped through. Within moments, they were in the real world, the screen doors of the gate opening to reveal the human buildings and vehicles. The 10th Captain had come to know this area quite well, he could find the Urahara Shoten without even thinking. Zaraki and Yachiru, though, were clearly quite new to Karakura Town and the human world, a fact made even more evident to him by Yachiru's awe-filled exclamation. Hitsugaya rolled his eyes, wishing for probably the millionth time that they hadn't come along. _Why is Kenpachi coming anyway? Because he wants to figure out what's going on too? He did say that his subordinate was ill…but I didn't think he cared that much. It seems unlike him. Usually, the only thing he's interested in is fighting. Though…he did say they would make a stop at Kurosaki's. Perhaps that's why, he just wants to fight him._ He frowned in disapproval, this was no time to mess around, making trips to the real world just to pick a fight. That sort of thing should be beneath a Captain.

"Zaraki," Yoruichi interrupted his thoughts. "We're in the human world. I know that you probably don't visit very much and don't know how things go around here, but we tend to try to suppress our reiatsu when we're here. And your's…" She eyed him, raising an elegant brow, "is suffocating. Try to tone it down, ok?" The 11th Captain only grunted in response. Hitsugaya figured that meant that he wasn't going to do it, but then the Captain's crushing reiatsu did actually decrease. It mildly surprised him."Where's Ichi? I want to see Ichi!" Yachiru shouted from her perch on Zaraki's shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. We're gonna see Urahara first, so can it." Once again, the 11th Captain surprised him, Hitsugaya wondered if he wasn't giving enough credit to the man. His thoughts were cut into again, but this time not by Yoruichi. A biting wave of foreign reiatsu hit him, he cringed against it. The others must have felt it to, they stopped dead in their tracks. Yoruichi turned on her heel to look at them, shoulders back.

"There're reasons why we subdue our reiatsu. Not only to prevent impacting the human world too much…but also to not attract Hollows." She looked grim as she spoke to the 11th Captain, brows furrowing. "I think we failed." A roar split the air, seeming to jar Hitsugaya's very bones. _This reiatsu…_these_ are Hollows?_

o o o o o

"…And then, he was laughing so hard, orange juice came out his nose!" Another round of laughs followed as Asano mimed juice coming out of his nostrils, wiggling his fingers in front of his face like a moron. Like normal, he was paying special attention to Kuchiki-san, and the fact that Kurosaki was wound as tightly as possible wasn't lost on Ishida. Uryuu found Asano-san's story dull and crass anyway, the laughter undeserving. He was willing to forgive it though, Inoue-san was laughing in delight. If it made her happy, he wouldn't argue. "So, I told him…" Ishida ignored the rest of the story, watching Kurosaki intently out of the corner of his eye as Asano focused on Rukia. His scowl was especially harsh, and he had seemingly unintentionally crushed his drink. _Interesting…I wonder if he's aware of his jealousy? Heh. Serves you right, Kurosaki. Finally, a problem you can't just swing your sword at and solve!_ It amused Ishida immensely, though he knew that if Asano was fawning over Inoue the same way he did over Kuchiki, that he would most likely feel the same way as Kurosaki. His humor faded as he continued to watch the orange-haired Shinigami, and he actually felt a little bit of pity for him. _Once Kurosaki cares about something, he cares about it with everything he has…It must be difficult for him now, he probably doesn't know that Kuchiki-san adores him. Idiot. _

He glanced over at his own object of affection, Inoue was grinning from ear to ear. That warmed him, he had noticed that she had seemed to dull since the war, affected just as much as the rest of them. _She feels guilty…She looked so relieved when Kuchiki greeted her with such kindness._ He frowned then. _She shouldn't be alone…I know I wanted to have her lean on me, that we could be each others' comfort, but…If she could be real friends with Kuchiki-san, that would be best for her. And if Kuchiki-san leaves for Soul Society…_His frown folded into a grimace, and he tore his eyes from the sunny girl. It wasn't fair. Things were just starting to look up for him, for everyone. _Then these damn Hollows, and Kuchiki returning to Soul Society…_He turned his eyes back to Ichigo, who was still pouting at the ground. _Kurosaki. He has to make her stay. She'll listen to him, if he can get over himself enough to ask her. _

"So _then_, I went to go get my sister some juice, and—" Keigo's voice suddenly cut out as a surge of reiatsu crashed into Ishida's senses. "…What was that?" He continued, scratching at his head. He was ignored though, as Ishida and nearly everyone else shot to their feet. An instant later, Kuchiki-san's phone started to beep, alerting them of what they already knew. Hollows. Big ones.

"Where?!" Barked Abarai. Kuchiki pulled out her phone, checking the location of the Hollows.

"Not far." She responded, pulling out some Soul Candy and passing a piece to Abarai.

"Hey guys, what's going on?!" Asano demanded, seeming offended that he was being "left out again".

"Oi, Keigo." Kurosaki strode up to the other boy, Keigo turned just in time to receive Ichigo's knuckles full in the face as he was punched. Ishida snorted, he was willing to bet that Kurosaki had been waiting for an excuse to do that simply because of Keigo's fixture on Kuchiki-san. Asana-san flopped over, probably not unconscious, but certainly stunned.

"Ichigo! Was that really necessary?" Kuchiki scolded, hands on her hips. Kurosaki only shrugged in response.

"Well, he _was_ askin' questions…" Abarai put in his two cents, surprisingly defending the substitute. Kuchiki only ignored him, popping her Soul Candy into her mouth.

"Good thing Mizuiro is getting more food…" Tatsuki muttered. She could see them just as well as Asano could, but unlike him, knew about the war and Kurosaki's Shinigami form. Ishida, preparing for his own transformation with the Quincy Cross, paused, sensing something else. Other reiatsu, familiar reiatsu. _Yoruichi-sama and Captains._

"…It wasn't necessary. If you all will just stretch your senses, you'll see why. It seems we have some guests."

o o o o o

"Heh. Looks like I'm gonna have some fun first, afterall." Kenpachi's lips twisted into that vicious grin he always got when he was about to do battle, something Hitsugaya always found rather unsettling.

"Yay! Ken-chan, some Hollows want to play!" Yachiru cheered from his shoulder.

"Careful, Zaraki. These don't feel like normal Hollow. …Their reiatsu…it's at the level of some of the Arrancar…" Yoruichi's eyes narrowed as the fallen souls came into view, they appeared to be much like regular Hollow. But, they were larger, resembling Adjuchas. Their power resembled that of Adjuchas more than regular Hollow as well. _But their reiatsu…it's much higher than Adjuchas. They couldn't be Vasto Lorde, their shape is wrong, it isn't humanoid at all._ The 11th division Captain only snorted at the warning, not at all worried.

"Good. Maybe they'll last longer," Was his response as he drew his zanpakuto, his warped grin only stretching further. The Hollows attacked first, four of them. But by the reiatsu that kept clogging Hitsugaya's senses, more were on their way, undoubtedly drawn to Zaraki's high reiatsu. _He's like living bait…Too bad we don't _want_ to lure them out. _

Hitsugaya was sorely tempted to simply let Kenpachi deal with the Hollow, his head was worse than ever, his muscles weak and body drained of almost all energy. He felt sluggish, and the oppressing reiatsu given off by the 11th Squad Captain and the surrounding Hollow did nothing to help. _Damn! Focus, you can't forget your duty simply because you're tired! _Tired was by far an understatement, but he refused to acknowledge that it could be worse. Kenpachi threw himself into battle as Yachiru hung back, watching happily, Yoruichi attacking the Hollow as well. Drawing his own zanpakuto, Hitsugaya wouldn't allow himself to be seen as the dead weight or a weakling.

"Captain! What are you doing!" Yoruichi, who had been deflecting a Hollow's attacks with kicks so fast they couldn't be seen, leapt into a graceful arch, landing neatly beside the 10th Captain.

"What does it look like I'm doing!? I'm going to crush these bastards—" Her firm hand gripped his shoulder, and he turned to find her staring him square in the eye.

"Don't." She whispered. Despite her low tone, though, her voice held command enough that he very nearly put away his zanpakuto right there. He ripped his eyes away instead, watching as Kenpachi sliced through his third Hollow.

"I'm a Captain! If I don't fight—!"

"And if you _do_, you'll only be hindering us." She cut him off gravely, effectively silencing him. "Don't try to push yourself beyond your limits, Captain. I am well aware of how this illness is affecting you, and I don't want you to only quicken its onslaught. I think that using your reiatsu might do just that." He didn't want to hear that he was succumbing to it as well. Not for himself, but because if he was, he couldn't save Matsumoto or Hinamori.

"But—" He tried one last feeble protest, again cut off by the former 2nd Squad Captain.

"Zaraki and I are more than enough to deal with these Hollow. Plus, if it tires him out, maybe it'll spare Ichigo." She gave him a half-smirk, then with a final piercing look, threw herself back into battle.

o o o o o

"This way!" Rukia cried as they flash-stepped towards the source of the Hollow reiatsu. The amount of reiatsu was massive now, as if Hollow were being drawn from the woodwork towards something. Ishida had been correct, she could now easily feel Captain reiatsu through the Hollow, as well as Yoruichi Shihuoin's. She just wasn't entirely sure which Captains through the mess. The group, herself, Ichigo, Renji, Ishida, Inoue, and Chad, turned the final corner, and seemed to all simultaneously skid to a stop in utter surprise. Over a dozen Hollows were attacking the three Shinigami. _So many…! And if they're all as powerful as the ones we've been fighting—!_ The rest of them must have been thinking the same thing, Ichigo was the first to speak.

"_Kenpachi_?! _He's_ here?! What the hell!" Rukia blinked, she had been paying more attention to the Hollows rather than the Shinigami fighting them. She agreed mentally, it was surprising to see _him_ out in the human world, but pursed her lips at that being what Ichigo was so startled about. She returned her focus onto the mass of Hollows that had the Captains and former Captain nearly surrounded. Yoruichi was fighting as well as Kenpachi, but for some reason the third Captain, Captain Hitsugaya she now saw, was simply watching his comrades. Though they weren't exactly losing, more and more Hollow just kept coming. _Drawn by their reiatsu, shit! Unless they can cover it completely, the Hollow will just keep being lured to it! It's like an endless battle!_ Rukia quickly said as much to the others.

"Well, so what! We'll just keep fightin' them until there aren't any more to fight! C'mon!" _Classic Ichigo._ Though her thought was scornful, she couldn't help a small smirk as the others rallied with him. Pain-soaked nostalgia crept back to her then, it was just like how their group had been when starting out in the war. The same people, the same brazen attitude. _How things changed over the course of the war…_She pushed away the reemerging memories of her friends falling, and squeezed her eyes closed to the worst memory of all; Ichigo's deadened body bleeding across the marble floors. _This isn't the same!_ She screamed at herself, reaching to draw Sode no Shirayuki. It wasn't the same, and there was no way she was going to let it end in a similar way either. She turned to lock eyes with her closest teammate, who had apparently been thinking the same thing. Ichigo gave her a small nod, the corner of his lips tugging in a humorless, but sure smile. They were going to protect all of their friends, finally not separately, but as the team they had been in the past.

o o o o o

_Dammit! These Hollow! They're unlike any I've ever fought before…I was right, they're strength more closely resembles the Arrancar rather than normal Hollow! Can they really be just regular fallen human souls…?_ Yoruichi ducked the massive swinging arm of one of the largest Hollows, it smashed into the building beside her, causing the building's walls to crumple. She added tougher skin to her mental list of the Hollows' peculiarities to tell Kisuke. They had not only tougher skin than normal, they seemed to not be injured as easily. A kick to the face that would have usually would have crushed its mask hardly made a dent now. They moved faster, and their attacks seemed far more coordinated. They weren't attacking individually like they normally did either, it was as if they had made strategic plans. _Impossible…Hollow seldom work together, usually they're not smart enough! _Those didn't seem to be the only differences, she kept adding to her mental list as the battle continued. The differences didn't make them necessarily _difficult_ for her, but they certainly made her uneasy. _Something is definitely wrong here, I have to talk to Kisuke!_

In a firm contrast to her agitation, though, Kenpachi seemed to be really enjoying himself. The Hollows provided little real challenge for him, each of his cuts would slice through their thickened armor as cleanly as if it were butter. The only real problem was how quickly more kept appearing, making it so the Shinigami couldn't make a dent in their numbers. _Not with only two of us fighting…And especially when this one seems too stubborn to die!_ Yoruichi slammed a fist into its mask, the Hollow reeled, but continued to stand, charging again_. Damn! It just refuses to just go down! _ Kenpachi's laughter caught at her ears, she threw a glance over to him, shock momentarily flooding her when she saw actual blood on his Captain's jacket.

"Heh! Great work out, keep comin' ya bastards!" Must have been nothing more than a minor scratch, but still…_If they could cut Zaraki…what the hell are they!?_

Yoruichi then saw the substitute and his friends coming out of the corner of her eye, she didn't have time to be surprised that she hadn't noticed their approaching reiatsu before. Stretching her senses, she pushed back mild alarm. She could feel them now, but…_they feel different_. _Shit._ She shoved the thought away, she had to concentrate on the Hollows now. They just kept coming, their shapes collecting and forming out of blackened particles as they shifted out of the space between the worlds.

"Rukia—that one!" Ichigo's voice sounded, the two Shinigami both drew their zanpakutos to attack their chosen Hollow. Yoruichi started to call out to them, to warn them to be careful, that these Hollow were unlike any they had fought before. Her own common sense caught her. _They must have been fighting these before we even knew about them—why didn't they warn Soul Society?_ She was distracted by her thoughts as another Hollow's roar cut the air nearby. She hardly had the time to react, using Shunpo to dodge the attack just in time. As she rolled away, the released form of Abarai Renji's zanpakuto dug into the Hollow's side, drawing its attention from Yoruichi.

"This one's mine!" The Vice Captain snarled as he whipped his blade back, then thrust it forward again to slam into the Hollow's neck. Unsurprisingly to Yoruichi and apparently Renji as well—confirming her suspicions that this group had been fighting these strong ones for a while—the hit didn't kill the Hollow. Instead, it pulled backwards, wrapping its talon-ed hand around Zabimaru's blade, making as if to drag the Shinigami grasping the swords hilt forward. Yoruichi didn't give Abarai the choice to decide if he was going to allow himself to be pulled to the Hollow or release his zanpakuto, gaining speed, she leapt right at its face while it was concentrating on Renji. Enforcing her fist with a surge of power, she plunged her hand straight through its mask, the Hollow dissolving around her with an earth-shattering shriek. Abarai withdrew his blade, giving her a quick nod of thanks.

"A Hollow's never done that before…" He muttered, expression dark.

"They haven't done most of the things they're doing," She replied, surveying the battle. The Shinigami had the lead now, with Kenpachi's constant killing, the Quincy and human named Chad putting holes in their opponents with arrows and fists, and Rukia freezing as Ichigo slashed. Inoue was off to the side, her shield protecting the clearly anxious Captain Hitsugaya and cheering Yachiru. _But they still keep coming…Maybe not Kenpachi, but the rest of us will eventually grow exhausted. We have to cover our reiatsu and stop luring them to us before that happens! But I don't know how to—_

A Hollow across the battle suddenly was knocked backward by a small explosion on its shoulder, crying out as more explosions came. Yoruichi whirled around to see a familiar form stride out of the heavy dust, followed by three others. _Kisuke!_ She grinned broadly as he approached her, his hat covering his face, his zanpakuto drawn and in its released state.

"Finally decided to join us?" Though she was happy to see him, he should have arrived sooner. _Why did he take so long? _

"Well, I thought you all could use the work out. Clearly Zaraki did," He pushed his hat back to watch the 11th Captain crush another opponent in mild awe.

"He's the only one." Yoruichi returned as Urahara gestured for his young assistant Ururu to keep firing her cannon. The other Shinigami noticed the now constant onslaught of the missiles, falling back as the Hollow were showered in explosive. "Taking them longer to go down, Kisuke." Yoruichi stated grimly, eyeing Kisuke to see his reaction. His lips only thinned into a line, his eyes serious. That made her nervous. _When Kisuke gets serious…things aren't going well._ Only then did she notice that something was off with him. Furrowing her brow, she tried to not be obvious in her attempt to analyze him. _Something's wrong…_Real fear now burrowed deep in her gut. Kisuke Urahara had always been a constant in her life. Even when they had been banished from Soul Society, he had always been there. And he always had answers. _If he looks like this…I doubt even he knows what's causing the illness in Soul Society. Otherwise…he wouldn't have fallen ill himself._

- - - - - - - -

Instant recap! Ichigo finally allows himself to realize he feels something for Rukia, about time! Stupid boy, haha. Now that he's aware of it though, he doesn't really know how to act around her. He's certain she doesn't feel the same way, and would probably be offended if she found out. So, he suppresses it. For now. It frustrates him though, he believes its giving him a headache. Meanwhile, Hitsugaya, Yoruichi, Zaraki and Yachiru are on their way to seeing Urahara to discuss the illness in Soul Society. Zaraki, as we know, isn't able to really suppress his reiatsu, and it lures some of the super Hollows that have been attacking recently. Ishida has his own reasons for wanting Rukia to stay in the real world, he hopes that Ichigo will say something. They feel the Hollow attack as well, Ishida points out that Captains have arrived in the human world. Yoruichi doesn't let Hitsugaya fight, knowing that will only make his sickness worse. Rukia fights her memories of the past, reminded by the people with her. She refuses to let her friends get hurt again, thinking the same thing as Ichigo. They finally start acting like a team again, at least just in battle. The Hollow keep coming because of such a high reiatsu build up, and though Ichigo and his friends make a dent, Yoruichi is unsure if they can keep it up forever. Luckily, Urahara shows up with his handy-dandy cannon thingy and blasts the crap out of them. Yoruichi notices though, that he has fallen ill as well.

So-that's the new chapter. Not my favorite of what I've written, but I think it's alright. Whaddya think, you guys? Good, bad, somewhere in the middle? Thanks for reading anyways! MissCyraf


	19. Rely on Him, Rely on Me

Hey! Sorry for making everybody wait, my internet went out for a few days. LOOONNNGGG chapter this time, I'm super proud of it. Big plot, then memories, then some happy fluff to end with. Perhaps I should have broken it up, but really didn't want to, I didn't want to end in a depressing place. So, it's long. I hope you all like it as much as I do. ALSO--I'd like to thank everyone for reading, but ESPECIALLY those who have been reviewing! I got my largest number for a single chapter yet--9! lol. Yeah, it's not huge compared to others', but it's a big deal for me. **Idiotic-Ice**, thanks for my biggest number so far! If I get higher than that, I'll thank that person too with my next post. I don't own Bleach! MissCyraf

ps- "- - -" means passing time, while "o o o o o" means perspective change. I use both this chapter, just want to remind you :D

19

Rely on Him, Rely on Me

"Hey! What the hell do ya think yer doin', Urahara! It was just startin' to get interesting!" The Captain of the 11th Squad strode over to Yoruichi and Urahara, that disturbing smile sliding into a vicious scowl. Though Kenpachi seemed upset by Urahara's arrival, Hitsugaya was deeply relieved. It had been _painful_ for him to watch his friends and allies fight off a horde of Hollows as he stood idly by, unable to help. _So I don't drain what little energy I have…damn! I've never felt so useless!_ Hitsugaya attempted to control himself, pushing back anger tinged with panic and slight despair. _Now's not the time…I _will_ get my strength back, and I _will_ save them_. Getting himself firmly under iron control, he forced his attention back to the conversation, fixing his teal eyes sharply on Urahara Kisuke. _He might have saved us, but that doesn't make him innocent. _

"Quiet, Zaraki. We don't have the time or the energy to be fighting off flocks of Hollow. Now, everyone back to Kisuke's before we draw more. Quickly." Yoruichi took easy command, turning to give Urahara a pointed wave. "Lead the way, Kisuke." Urahara apparently was used to following her orders, nodding obligingly and turning to gather his assistants and lead the group back to his Shoten. Yoruichi began to follow, glancing over her shoulder at the large group of Shinigami behind her. "Now, let's try to keep our reiatsu under wraps as best we can to not draw unwanted attention to ourselv—" She was cut off my a sudden high-pitched shriek and a flying pink object that latched itself to Kurosaki.

"ICHIIII!!" The substitute clawed wildly at the enthusiastic 11th Squad Vice Captain as she clung to his face, he teetered and stumbled, unable to walk as she was covering his eyes. His muffled shouts of protest could also be heard, and he backed into Renji, who began to complain. The Quincy started to scold all of them, while Inoue worried, asking if he was alright, and if they should do anything. The young Kuchiki made a sarcastic comment, smirking, while the large human called Chad remained as silent as ever. It wasn't clear if he was even paying attention. The last of Hitsugaya's nerves frayed then, the commotion was just too much.

"ENOUGH! _All _of you!" The entire group, from Urahara to Kenpachi, the silent human to the Yachiru-covered Kurosaki, froze, turning to stare at him. "I really am beginning to doubt that you all are aware of the severity of this situation! Matsumoto and Hinamori, they could be—they could—they…." The words wouldn't be forced, they lodged in his throat, refusing to come out. All of his indignation and anger that was fueling him fell away, he sagged into himself. They were all silent for a moment, he could feel their eyes digging into him. He was too tired to care, his repressed grief had risen as soon as he had spoken their names. It had just become very real to him that if he didn't hurry and find the cause to their illness, and cure it, they could die.

"Wait…What's wrong with Matsumoto and Hinamori?" Renji quietly asked. Hitsugaya's eyes flashed up to the red-head's face, brows knitting in confusion.

"You…you don't know?"

"Know _what_? What the hell are you talking about!" Kurosaki had removed the pink girl from his face, she was now seated on his shoulders, her hands gripping some of his orange spikes. Hitsugaya opened his mouth to explain, as best he could. _There's still so much I don't know…_His eyes darted up to rest on Urahara, whose eyes were hidden in the shadow cast by his hat.

"Not here, Captain. Might I remind you that we're still out in the open? The device Kisuke brought is helping cloak our reiatsu, but it doesn't cover it completely. It won't be long till more Hollows show up." Yoruichi had a valid point. He gave her a sharp nod, gesturing for them to continue on.

o o o o o

Yoruichi kept her eyes on Kisuke as he amiably pushed back the door to his Shoten, inviting them all in. The rather large crowd shuffled inside, seating and arranging themselves in the back room. Rukia, Inoue, Ishida, and Chad sat at the table with Urahara and herself, while Ichigo and Renji lingered in the back. Ichigo leaned against a back wall, Renji took to impatiently pacing. Kenpachi stood near Ichigo, while Yachiru climbed between them. Hitsugaya also chose to stand, his arms crossed over his chest, his scowl clear. Finally, Ururu and Jinta sat slightly away from the main group, present but not necessarily involved. Once everyone was settled, Urahara spoke.

"Tessai, maybe we could offer our guests some tea? Since they came all the way from Soul Society." His voice had the usual chipper tone, but Yoruichi could hear the stress beneath it. She tried to keep her expression smooth as she settled herself, but was worried that he wouldn't tell her about what he was going through. _He's always been one to keep secrets... I know he wants to return to Soul Society, but the way this illness is spreading, and how bad off he already could be, will it be safe for him to return? …I could simply not tell him of Byakuya's offer…but I don't keep secrets from him. Even if he does from me._ Despite Urahara's cheery act, the mood in the room was rather grim. As to be expected, with tidings such as these. She glanced around the room, surveying everyones' expressions. All dark, worry and concern clear. Tessai brought the tea, serving each of the guests before seating himself. "Well! It's not every day that I'm visited by some of the most influential people in Soul Society…What do I owe the honor?" Kisuke asked cheerily, flipping his fan in front of his face. Classic sign to Yoruichi that he was slightly nervous.

"Enough with the pleasantries, Urahara. I have some urgent business with you." Hitsugaya announced, stepping forward, his expression accusatory. The shopkeeper's act fell partially away.

"Oh? And what would that be?" His voice had cooled somewhat, his tone growing more serious. _This is bad_. Though Urahara enjoyed playing his little games and was generally good-natured, he did have a limit. _Especially now_. Sitting beside him, Yoruichi could feel his reiatsu waver, it seemed weaker than normal. _Whatever is causing this illness…it's not Kisuke._ Her eyes flicked to Hitsugaya. _Now I have to convince them that Kisuke's not to blame. _The 10th Captain opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off by an agitated Abarai.

"No. First, what's wrong with Matsumoto and Hinamori?!" Hitsugaya grimaced at him in response.

"If you let me _speak_, I'll tell you." He shifted his piercing teal gaze back to the shopkeeper. "Hinamori, Matsumoto, and many others in Soul Society are succumbing to some sort of unknown illness. Many have gone unconscious, and it seems to impact their reiatsu. Almost as if it is draining it from their bodies. We are spirit beings, Urahara. Made of spiritual particles. The loss of our reiatsu could destroy us, and I—_fear_…that Hinamori Momo and Matsumoto Rangiku will be some of the first…casualties." It was plain on his face, the words were extremely difficult for him to get out. Despite the way Hitsugaya Toshiro always carried himself, like he was cut off and distant from everything, it was clear that he was very closely tied to some. While the others absorbed his words, he continued. "With your history of being intimately involved with substances that can cause a change in reiatsu—from the events that occurred a century ago to the creation of the Hougyoku—it is unsurprising that I would first turn my suspicions onto you." His voice was hard now, his hand resting lightly on the hilt of his zanpakuto. Everyone started to react to that at the same time, protests to calm down, demands to repeat the information, exclamations of surprise, and firm denials. Everyone was in an uproar except for Hitsugaya and Urahara, who seemed to be locked in a war of wills as they measured each other up. Urahara Kisuke suddenly stood, his cool gaze hanging on Hitsugaya a moment longer before he swept it across the room, flipping his fan shut. The room fell silent.

"Those are some interesting theories, Captain. And I must say that if I were you, I would have come to the same conclusions. But—" His eyes met the Captain's again. "I assure you that, for once, I am not involved."

"How can I be sure? Banished from Soul Society, your word means very little to me." The 10th Captain snarled back. Yoruichi felt herself now grow extremely antagonistic towards the Captain. He was accusing her—_friend?_—of deplorable crimes, and seemed to be on the verge of attacking. She had always liked the 10th Captain, finding his seriousness at such a young age amusing and endearing. She focused on him, she could see the near panic and desperation for answers to help his friends pushing him on, and tried to calm herself. He was doing this because he wanted to save those that were dear to him, even if that meant setting himself against those that were dear to her.

"That comes as no shock to me. But perhaps…if I offer my services in trying to find a reason and perhaps a cure of some sort, you would accept my innocence?"

"I see that as a ploy to return to Soul Society. A plot to infect Shinigami with a sickness that only you can 'discover' a cure to, and then—"

"Then what, Captain? Attempt to destroy Soul Society from the inside out? Try to—so originally—try to take over the world?" Urahara interrupted, giving a bark of humorless laughter. Everyone was watching the exchange intently, most had never really seen Kisuke's serious side. It was rather intimidating, even Yoruichi had to admit. Here, Hitsugaya faltered. "Make no mistake, Captain. I have no interest in disrupting Soul Society, especially when my ambitions to rejoin the Gotei 13 are so clear. Believe it or not, I do feel rather…_cut off_ here in the human world. And was generally quite bored before our dear substitute Shinigami here," He gestured to Ichigo, whose eyes widened slightly, "showed up. I doubt I can really say anything to change your mind, especially when my record argues against me…All I can say is…" He hesitated, as if considered his words. "I already have started to experience your illness." With that, he pushed up his hat, letting everyone see his face. He was unusually pale for being in a gigai, an evident sign that the spiritual body within was suffering. Worse yet, his eyes were strained, and pain-filled. Yoruichi hid a wince. His condition was clear to everyone in the room, even Hitsugaya.

"You…you're suffering…from it as well?" Came the 10th Captain's weak question. To that Kisuke gave him his classic playful smile.

"Unfortunately. It's hard to study something when you're personally invested. Can't hold it at a distance. ...But I promise you that I will do everything I can to help you save them." The Captain of the 10th Squad seemed to deflate a little, showing how weak he had become.

"You…would do that? After…" Urahara's playful smile disappeared.

"You were right in saying that as spiritual beings, we are all in danger. If this…"illness" spreads, it could potentially destroy Soul Society, and then, the balance within our universe."

"What the hell does _that _mean, '_destroy the balance in the universe_'?" Kurosaki spoke up then, classically breaking up the grave mood in the room. Yoruichi couldn't help but be mildly amused when Rukia leaned over to punch him in the arm. "Ow, what was that for!"

"Don't be a fool. This is something all Shinigami should know. I told you once that there is a balance in our universe, souls that flow in and flow out through Soul Society, the human world, and Hueco Mundo are all balanced. Shinigami are necessary for the flow of souls, they keep the number entering and leaving the human world in check, as well as making sure the number of Hollow never grows too large. If one of those worlds is destroyed, that would shift the balance, and the _whole system_ would fall apart. Our worlds cannot support the flux of souls alone…if a world is gone, the rest would collapse as well."

"...Holy shit." Was the boy's response, Rukia nodded solemnly in agreement.

"So…what do we do?" Inoue Orihime piped up, causing everyone to look at her blankly. Her question was obvious, but a startlingly good one. No one really knew what could be done, this was suddenly bigger than anyone had really realized. Hitsugaya was taking it the hardest, it was apparent that this was a revelation for him, that he hadn't thought past his sick friends. Urahara gave a heavy sigh, sitting back down. Taking a sip of his forgotten tea, he fell deeply into consideration.

"Well…my offer still stands. I will return with you to Soul Society, Captain, and…with luck, will be able to figure this out." His voice was lighter now, as if were kind of a game or joke. Yoruichi easily saw through the act, he only did this when he wanted to reassure himself, as well as everyone else, that everything would be alright. _He doesn't know._ Hitsugaya nodded in acceptance of this plan, but the way the expressions across the room had darkened, it was clear that no one was sure of it working. Kisuke stood then, putting on his fake cheery smile. "Well! This has been an interesting afternoon for us all…I think we could all use some rest before returning to Soul Society. Tessai will show you Captains to some rooms, and I suppose I'll see the rest of you later. …Hopefully." He joked, giving a dismissive wave to Kurosaki and his friends.

"Hey—wait—that's _it_? You're not going to let us _do _anything?!" Ichigo protested. Urahara flipped his fan.

"And what would you do, Kurosaki-kun? Point Zangetsu at all the sick people and order them to get better? I'm sorry, but I don't think that'll work…" Kurosaki grit his teeth at the shopkeeper in response, obviously not caring for the sarcasm.

"We could help—we could do _something_." Yoruichi took this as a time to step in.

"No, what you can and _will_ do, is go home, take care of your family, go to school and graduate from highschool, and fight all the Hollow who attack in between." As if he suddenly had found a foothold, Ichigo suddenly found a new angle to protest from.

"That's right! The Hollows, we haven't talked about the Hollows! About how—"

"They're just Hollows. Maybe this bunch is a little stronger than the last, maybe they're some of Aizen's old experiments, who knows? It doesn't matter now, we've got more important things to consider now, Ichigo." Yoruichi cut him off sternly. Seeing the boy's sullen response, how much he wanted to help, she softened. "Ichigo, I promise, if we need anything, you all will be the first we'll contact. You've never let us down before. But…we really do need people here to keep everything in control while we're gone. There's no point in trying to save one world if Hollow overrun another." She smirked at him, trying to show that the last comment was sort of a joke. It wasn't so much, but she did have a point. Someone had to be here. Sighing, he consented, nodding.

"Right, yeah." Yoruichi caught Rukia's movement out of the corner of her eye as they turned to leave, the petite Shinigami placed a light hand on Ichigo's arm. _About time…_She let a small smile slip for them, but then turned to focus on the problems at hand. Inhaling deeply, she went to go talk to Kisuke.

o o o o o

Kisuke Urahara settled himself in his room, knowing that Yoruichi would soon finish with the substitute and his friends, and come to speak with him. _Something's on her mind…_He could tell just by looking at her. _Besides, why else would she have come back?_ He couldn't help the bitter thought. He knew she was in Soul Society for him in the first place, trying to either pressure Central 46 into coming to a decision or gain the support of the Captains, but it still didn't subdue the slight resentment. Even with Tessai, Jinta, and Ururu, he was lonely, bored, and sick. The war had thankfully finally ended, but getting back to regular life hadn't been easy for him. He had grown used to Yoruichi being by his side for all that time, his partner and constant companion. Now she was gone again, leaving him. And it was difficult for him to admit, even to himself, how much he missed her. Almost to the point of wishing that they had never been together during the war at all simply so he could be as free as he used to be.

Their relationship had always been on unusual terms, growing up together, joining the Protection Squads together, then being Captains together. And yet, despite all that time together, they were never exactly on equal terms. Yoruichi was the leader of a noble family, she had been born and raised as such. And even though she allowed her formality to slouch, that sense of born authority and discipline still remained. It coursed through her very being, she was strong and proud. Capable, powerful, a leader to the core. He had never felt exactly worthy of her, sometimes wondered what she was doing with him. _That is, when she _was _with me_. She often became busy with family and Captain responsibilities, especially since she was the supreme commander of the Secret Mobile Corps, as well as the commander of the Disciplinary Corps along with being the 2nd Squad Captain. He would see her off and on, sometimes not for months at a time. Their status would often change as well, sometimes she was loving and affectionate to the extreme, other times she acted as if they were just friends. It had bothered him, yes, _that_ he would admit to himself. But he understood…mostly. Family and duty came first, they both had obligations. His Captains' duties were important as well, along with his Technology Development Bureau.

And then, everything had soured. The events with the creation of the Vizards, and his other creations that Soul Society had disapproved of…He had been banished, cast out of Soul Society for the real world. _And…she came with me_. That had astonished him, he had _never_ thought she would chose him over her duty, family, and rank. But it had caused him to fall even more in love with her. She was, simply, the most phenomenal person he had ever met.

Still, though, she was always here and there, present and not. True to her alley cat form, she would breeze in when she felt like it, or needed something. He trusted that she still loved him, but staying…it was against her nature. The human world was too mundane, too simple for one like Yoruichi Shihuoin to live happily. She needed a more active atmosphere to thrive. He understood that as well…mostly. In the particularly lonely nights, it was tough for him to be as understanding. _But she always came back_, he reminded himself. Her visits might be unexpected, and at times, infrequent, but she always came back. And for all he knew, there were no others. There really was only him. Their love might be a strange one, but for the most part, he had been content.

_Until the war…_He had been spoiled by her constant presence, falling just as head over heels again as he had been when he was younger. But after the war, she seemed to see him even less regularly than usual, worrying him. _And with this "illness", as they're calling it, it's even harder now. _Though he knew she came back now for answers, he had never been happier or thankful to see her. It was surprisingly easy to tell himself that she came back for _him_, no other reason. He needed that comfort.

"…Kisuke?" Her voice sounded outside of the door, just before she slid it aside. As she neared, her face broke out into a gorgeous smile, her yellow eyes centered right on him. His physical pain even seemed to lighten at that, he found himself returning the smile, standing to embrace her. They then seated themselves, Yoruichi across from him. She sat forward on her knees, reaching over to push his hat off of his head, staring into his eyes. He watched her expression crumple, the deep worry show in her eyes.

"It's not so bad," He tried to reassure her, but it didn't help at all.

"Why didn't you tell me." Her hand lingered on his cheek, tenderly, but her voice was hard. He gave her a small smile, his eyes still sad.

"What would I have said? 'Dear Yoruichi, my head hurts, come home to give me noodle soup'?"

"You could have said _something_, Kisuke. You know I would have come back." The comment hung in the air…He wasn't so sure. It had been a long time since she had left Soul Society with him, and since the war, he had spent far more time without her than with her. Doubts and worries had clawed at him all those nights alone, sick, and miserable; that maybe she just didn't really love him anymore. He started to look away, but the hand on his cheek shifted to catch his chin. She forced him to look at her, meeting his eyes with her vibrant yellow ones. "Kisuke. I would have come back." She said each word slowly, clearly, staring straight into his eyes to emphasize and enforce their meaning. To make him believer her, to trust her.

"I…I can't keep you here," He whispered. It was his fear, his shame. He wanted so much to keep her, but that simply wouldn't be fair. He half-expected her to release him in amusement or disdain then, but instead, she held fast.

"You don't have to _keep_ me. If you need me, I'll _choose_ to stay. I _want _to be with you, Kisuke. I just…I never was able to break away from Soul Society as easily as you were. You made yourself a whole new life here—"

"Until Kurosaki-kun ruined it," He joked, grinning and receiving a broad grin in return.

"Yes…until he dragged you back into it all. Though…might I remind you that it was _your_ Hougyoku?" She smiled to soften the words, his humor fell away as he nodded.

"A mistake I will never forgive myself for…I never intended anyone any harm…" His words were a low whisper again, saturated with regret and pain. He didn't see her reaction, staring at the floor now, but she seemed to sink into herself a moment, her smile draining off her face. After a second, Yoruichi embraced him again, squeezing him.

"I know. Everyone who knows you knows that. Even Captain Hitsugaya….He just needed someone to blame, and some sort of course of action. He's even sicker than you, and absolutely terrified he's going to lose his friends…"

"An honorable cause." He mumbled into her long hair. After several long seconds of silence, Yoruichi pulled away to look at him again.

"...Why did you offer to help him, Kisuke? He was nearly ready to kill you at that point…" He gave her another small smile.

"Maybe…I thought this would be a good way to make up for my past mistakes?" Pain colored his voice even though he shrugged indifferently. Yoruichi opened her mouth to respond, but Urahara continued, cutting her off. "That, and the whole saving-the-universe thing _is_ rather exciting. ..._And_, I wouldn't mind being let back into Soul Society with open arms…"

"Kisuke…about that…" He raised a questioning brow. "Central 46 still has made no headway on the their decision…And I only received the approval of five Captains…Without the approval of six Captains, I very much doubt that Chief Commander Yamamoto will simply let you waltz back into Soul Society."

"I take it he doesn't know about the current situation?"

"Even if he did, you know him. It would take forever for him to come to a decision. And, even with a clinic full of sick people, we _still _wouldn't have enough reason for him to want to let you back in. ...The old bastard."

"By then it might be too late…" Urahara trailed off, at a loss. This wasn't about him becoming a Captain anymore, this was about simply being allowed back into Soul Society at all. _I need too be able to actually _meet _with the sick to fully understand. My pain alone isn't enough to base my whole research on._ He would need six Captains' approval just to be able to enter a gate.

The screen door to his room suddenly slammed open, the massive frame of the 11th Division Captain stood in the doorway, his peppy Vice Captain on his shoulder.

"Oi."

"Captain Zaraki—!" Yoruichi started.

"I heard ya need another Captain's approval?"

"You—you were listening? How long?" The Captain shrugged indifferently, clearly having no problem with eavesdropping.

"Long enough."

"A long time!" Hollered Yachiru from her perch.

"To get Kisuke into Soul Society, we'll need another Captain's approval. Are you offering to actually _help_ us?" Again, the Captain shrugged.

"I don't really know much about this whole saving-the-universe shit you guys were talkin' about…but I _do _know that my man is down. I figure the best way ta fix that is to get _you_ inta Soul Society. So, yeah. I approve."

o o o o o

The five of them split up at a crossroads, Chad going home, Ishida volunteering to walk Inoue home, Ichigo and Rukia heading back to the Kurosaki household. Ichigo's scowl was record-breaking, he slumped as he walked, hands shoved deep into his pockets. Rukia thought about saying something, but with how weird things had been between them lately, and how clearly surly he was, she decided not to. So, it was Ichigo who actually started conversation, even if it was just a gripe.

"This sucks." He grumbled, kicking at some weeds growing through a crack in the pavement as they ambled down the sidewalk. She nodded in response, not knowing if that little comment was an invitation for her opinions, or just an odd complaint. "This _really_ sucks." He clearly wasn't going to drop it, Rukia sighed inwardly. The truth was, she was just as irritated about not being able to help as he was, there were many people she cared about in Soul Society. Maybe she wasn't _friends_ with anyone, but she did care about them. _Even if the feeling isn't mutual…_She thought of her older brother. _Nii-sama…I wonder how he's doing? Probably the same as ever. _She could practically hear him now, _"Anyone who is weak enough to fall ill most likely deserves it." Yes, that's what Nii-sama would say_. "I mean, how could he not let us help?! Soul Society has always needed our help before…"

"He was right, though, Ichigo. This isn't like the fights we've had before. We really can't point a sword at it and just expect everything to work out." He folded his arms stubbornly over his chest.

"That's _not_ how it was before." He replied sourly. She rolled her eyes.

"Yes, I _know_. But you know what I mean. We're not doctors, we don't even know what's causing this!"

"What if it _is_ a person, then? We could point a fucking sword at _them_!"

"We'd have to find them first." Was her doubtful reply.

"…Fuck." He mumbled under his breath. Rukia could understand his frustration. _And he doesn't even really know all that many people in Soul Society…yet he's still willing to risk his life to save them. _A light smile touched at her lips, she felt a swell of pride in him. _That's Ichigo for you though…_

- - -

They arrived back at his house, thankfully in time for dinner, sparing them from Yuzu's scolding. Ichigo got into a minor scuffle with his father, and Rukia relaxed as best she could into her chair, silently eating. She didn't want to be thinking about this new danger, but…_It's better than other thoughts_. During class earlier, as soon as she had stopped thinking about the Hollows, memories of the war had come back to her. Memories she certainly didn't want to relive in front of everyone_. Seems like I can never really find peace. Damn. The only time I've really ever felt at ease was when_—She lifted her gaze to settled on the brawling Kurosaki father and son, her expression shifting involuntarily as emotions hit her. _Is with Ichigo. When he…held me._ She ripped her eyes from then again, her cheeks heating with color. Staring hard down at her plate, she hoped that no one saw her gaze followed by her blush.

No one brought any attention to it, and Rukia soon got herself under control. Though heavy thoughts were now wracking her brain, she made pleasant conversation and smiled at all the appropriate times, even though they were fake smiles. Her adopted Kurosaki sisters didn't seem to notice her tension, scolding Ichigo and their father and discussing their days. Rukia was even able to forget a little by the end of the meal, somewhat warmed by the family. The girls had asked about her day as well, genuinely caring how her first day at school had gone. She helped them clean up, then retreated up the stairs to bathe before going to bed. She was exhausted, mentally, physically, emotionally…_Bath and bed…sounds wonderful_.

"Oi, Rukia." A firm hand grasped her arm, Ichigo had apparently followed her upstairs.

"What?" She asked, wondering what he wanted, and if it threatened her wonderful, if simple, evening plans.

"We gotta talk, I can't stand it." He was awfully close, his breath touching at her ears as he spoke. He then dragged her into his bedroom. Rukia's face flushed, her breaths shortened, she could feel her heart-rate speeding up. _Talk about what…?_ She tried to calm herself, there was absolutely no reason to be this nervous or excited. He released her when they entered the room, not knowing what else to do, she seated herself on the edge of his bed, hoping. _Hoping for what, idiot? Calm down, nothing's going to happen, _she chastised herself. He didn't join her, pacing in front of the bed agitatedly, hands on his hips. "I think we should go to Soul Society."

"Wha—what?" She stammered, that hadn't been what she was expecting at all. _Not that I was expecting anything. _

"We can't just sit here and do nothing!"

"You dragged me in here for _that_?" She wasn't sure why, but she was somewhat insulted. And very disappointed. He paused in his pacing to blink at her.

"Yeah. This is kind of a big deal. ...Why? What did you think I pulled you in here for?" She dropped her accusatory eyes then, not wanting to meet his questioning gaze.

"I—I dunno." He eyed her for a moment longer, then went back to pacing.

"Ok…Well, I think we should make Urahara let us go too." Rukia shot him an ironic look.

"There's no way we can force him, Ichigo…It's _his _gate. Besides, Yoruichi told us to stay too. They're the only ones who could get us there from the outside."

"Can't we get there some other way?!"

"Not unless it's official business…Though, Nii-sama has his own gate…"

"Your brother!? _He _would help us?" Rukia pursed her lips.

"All of the noble families have their own gate. But as for helping us…No…that's unlikely." Ichigo grimaced at her, then sat down on the bed beside her, crossing his arms back over his chest.

"That doesn't help, Rukia." He groused, leaning back so he was lying down with his legs off of the bed. Rukia grunted in response, lying down beside him.

"Hmm…I suppose, before they leave tomorrow, we could try again…Though—" She broke off.

"What?"

"Well…what about the Hollows?"

"Huh?"

"If we leave…someone has to be here to fight the Hollows. Yoruichi had a point, even if she was just trying to placate us. If we have another attack like this morning…I doubt just Chad or just Ishida alone could defeat them. I mean, it took all of us, Yoruichi and _Captains_ to even make a dent in their numbers."

"Yeah, but they were being drawn to Zaraki's reiatsu." Ichigo reasoned.

"Yes, but the others haven't been. They've been attacking randomly, and have been just as strong. That's dangerous, Ichigo. We can't just leave Karakura undefended."

"Whoever stayed would have to be strong." They sat in silence, neither had a solution. "…I guess if we do end up going though…they'll send someone." He offered eventually, but he didn't sound too confident. Rukia wasn't so sure either.

- - -

Rukia bent over the tub, checking the temperature of the water. She undressed, then sat on the edge of the tub as she waited for it to fill. Mistakenly, she allowed her exhausted mind to wander.

_The moon leaked a little light out onto the sand, illuminating their path as they smashed through the final wall surrounded Las Noches. She heard Ichigo's voice ring out as he called out another order to his "Specialty Squad", this time calling for Chad to give the wall a final reiatsu-enforced punch, essentially disintegrating the last barrier. Rukia's grip on Sode no Shirayuki's hilt tightened as she stared at the palace ahead, the moonlight gleaming off of the castle's walls. The reiatsu in the air spiked, a harsh, grating feeling against her senses, and she stood taller, throwing her shoulders back. Approaching, Arrancar were climbing up from the ground, likely from the hidden staircases that lead into the basement of the palace. Another battle was swiftly approaching. _

_Inhaling deeply, Rukia forcibly squashed the nervousness that prickled within her. Apprehension always came before a battle, a tiny fear for herself, for her friends and loved ones that were soon about to throw themselves into the fray. Something heavy suddenly landed on her shoulder, her eyes darted to find the cause. Ichigo was now standing beside her, a grim but determined expression on his face as he looked out at their incoming foe. _

_"Hey." Was all he said, still staring at them. _

"_Hey." She replied. For some reason, the nervousness fell away then, she grew more confident by simply looking at him. _

"_You ok?" He asked, now meeting her eyes. She was ok, now. _

"_Yeah."_

_- - -_

_Four Squads—the 10__th__, the 11__th__, the 6__th__, and Ichigo's special—clashed blades with the enemy. It wasn't the largest battle Rukia had been in, but for what she could see, it was clearly the bloodiest. Though it was still early on in the battle, Rukia was struggling to shove away the sinking feeling that the Shinigami weren't winning this one, that they were slowly but surely being crushed under Arrancar feet. Gritting her teeth, she did her best to ignore her rising sense of panic, and scanned the fray, searching for anything orange. Rukia's pride had almost always carried her through moments like these in the past, but since Ichigo crashed into her life, she hadn't needed it as much. All she needed was his quiet—_or sometimes loud in his case_—confidence, his fierce determination, as inspiration. As she spotted the bright orange of his hair and began to make her way toward it, it struck her how strange it all was, how oddly dependent she had become on him. _But…it's not like a bad thing…is it?_ It took some of the pressure off of her, she didn't have to be strong all the time. She could rely on him when she had to__**. **_And he can rely on me. _The realization firmed her nerves, her will hardening. _He can rely on me, I can rely on him. That's what we are—partners.

_Her attention was suddenly diverted by ear-piercing screams from the right, whirling, she caught a flash of distinctive blue and white through the crowd. An all too familiar blue and white. The released state of Grimmjow Jeagerjaques, massacring all the Shinigami in reach with cero blasts and swiping claws. She sucked in her breath, the Espada wasn't playing with his prey like normal, he was pushing through them. She spun again, his path was abruptly clear to her. He's—he's going after Ichigo! Bastard! Her desire to get to Ichigo's side increased drastically, shoving her way through the battle, she avoided any opponents if possible. There was no time to fight her way through. _

_"Ichigo! ICHIGO!" Rukia belted over the raging battle, getting closer. But, with a glance over her shoulder, she saw that Grimmjow was too. He was wasting no time, thoughtlessly slaughtering any and all who were in his way now, even his own Arrancar troops. She caught up to Ichigo, thrusting her hand out to grab his shoulder and force him around to look at her, as he was facing away. The face that turned to greet her startled her though, not Ichigo's face, but the stark white, maliciously grinning mask of his Vizard form. The eyes weren't his light brown, either, but the black and gold of the Hollow within. This was the first time she had seen him in this form so close, he stared down at her, his chin only inches above. Violet eyes locked with gold, she fought a gasp and a twinge of distinct discomfort, the vague sense of not knowing what was behind those eyes curdling within her. The battle seemed to fade away almost as she stared at him, knowing her expressions must be twisting as much as her feelings were. _

_"…Are you afraid of me too?" A voice, not unlike Ichigo's but with a ragged harshness rasped out form behind the mask, her eyes widened at the question. Blinking at him, it occurred to her that it, somehow, was still him behind those blackened eyes, that the look in them was so distinctly Ichigo that she was surprised in herself for ever even doubting it. Lifting her hand from where it had stilled on his shoulder, she lightly grasped a chunk of his orange, spiky hair, a small smirk touching at her lips. _

_"Who would be afraid of you, idiot?" The black eyes lost their almost fearful look, wrinkling the way they always did when he was mildly amused. He then reached back and wrapped his hand around hers that was still in his hair, holding it lightly for a moment before gently making her release his hair. The exchange only took a minute or two to pass, but Rukia suddenly remembered why she had run to him in the first place. "Ichigo, Grimmjow is—"_

_"_Here_." A snarl from behind her sounded. Rukia spun around, she was now in between Grimmjow and Ichigo, but didn't want to move away. She wanted to protect him. The battle seemed to have paused, if only for a few moments. Shinigami and Arrancar alike watched Grimmjow, grinning, approach the leader of the Specialty Squad. _

_"Hiding behind yer friends, eh, Kurosaki? Heh. Weak. You're _weak_!" Ichigo said nothing in response, but Rukia could practically feel him tense behind her as the barb sunk in. The Espada's sneer wavered for a second when Ichigo didn't rise to the insult, then he raised a blue brow. "Ehh? Not chargin' at me like usual? Maybe that woman there isn't letting you, maybe she's gettin' tired of savin' yer ass." Grimmjow's eyes focused on Rukia now, his lip curling contemptuously. "Yeah…I remember you, woman. You're the one who got in my way last time." He grinned nastily, eyes back on Ichigo. "Well, that's not gonna happen this time. You wanna hide behind your friends, Kurosaki? Fine by me." He lifted a claw, there was some sort of scuffle behind him. Rukia's eyes widened as the mass of Arrancar that had gathered behind the Espada split, revealing the crumpled body of Chad. _

_"Chad!" Ichigo cried out just as Rukia did, her gaze ripping up from Chad back to Grimmjow. "You bastard!" He made to charge past her to Chad's side, she gripped his jacket, holding him back. _

_"Don't, Ichigo! That's just what he wants. Chad's alive—"_

_"Not for long." Was Grimmjow's interruption. The 6__th__ Espada opened his fist, pointing his palm in the direction of the unconscious Chad. In the center of his palm, a cero began to form. Ichigo didn't give him a chance to fire it, surging forward with Vizard Bankai speed. Grimmjow seemed prepared for that, and their battle began. _

_Knowing she was unable to help him this time, Rukia turned to rally the stunned Shinigami, and they attacked again with renewed morale. Rukia dodged around the enemy, and with the help of two other Shinigami, picked up Chad. After making sure that he was being taken out of the battle, she stared into the sky. _Ichigo…_Far above, the two collided again and again, stabbing and slashing with sword and claws. She would wince every time Ichigo took a hit, but soon her attention was drawn back to the battle around her. Trusting in him, that he would be alright, she threw herself back into an attack._

- - -

_When the battle ended, the Shinigami had emerged triumphant again, but just barely. The casualties were heavy, the death toll even heavier. Among the injured being healed was Ichigo, sitting with grit teeth as his body was slowly and painfully mended by a 4__th__ Squad member. Rukia sat beside him, staring at her feet. She had trusted him to be safe, to live. He lived, but was quiet, his demeanor dark. His battle with Grimmjow had ended with the Espada's death, finally struck down by Tensa Zangetsu. Yet, he clearly felt no triumph, no satisfaction. The mask was still on his face, but had been broken several times, only pieces now clinging to his flesh and hair. His eyes were still blackened. They sat in silence until his healing was finished, then he abruptly stood, striding off without any real direction. Rukia followed, he was upset. _

_They moved through the Shinigami camp, Rukia tried to keep herself cool and distant as she saw the real impact of the battle. The injured were everywhere, the pain on their faces and the stench of blood sinking into her subconscious despite her attempts to shut it out. When he finally stopped walking, they had come to the crest of a massive sand dune, Las Noches lying ahead. Ichigo dropped himself down to sit, a soft hiss sounded from his lips as he apparently jarred sore muscles and freshly-healed wounds. Rukia stood for a second, then seated herself beside him. He looked down at her with those black eyes, but just beyond the black was a crumpling boy. She couldn't stand looking at that mask anymore, she wanted to see Ichigo, just Ichigo. Not the Shinigami leader, or frighteningly powerful Vizard. Just Ichigo. Reaching up, she slipping her fingers around the edge of the mask, pulling it free. It shattered in her hands, the pieces dissolving into nothing, the black clearing from his eyes. _

_"You're…you're really not afraid of me?" His voice was his own this time, without the gravel of the mask. Her brows drew together as she considered her answer, knowing that this was important to him. _

_"It…sometimes it seems like it's not _you_ behind there…And I know that times it hasn't been." She was referring to all the times before when he hadn't had control, before he had fought his inner Hollow with the Vizards. She hadn't seen him when he wasn't in control, but knew that there had been times. _And it's easy to picture him not being there…That gold instead of his brown…it's discomforting._ "But, I know it is. This might sound stupid, but, I can feel you there. So, no. I'm not afraid." His expression was unguarded for once, and everything, from this posture to face, spoke of his relief. "…Why do you ask?" She needed to know why this was so important to him. His Bankai Vizard form was one of immense power, he was respected by everyone for his power, even those of the highest rank in Soul Society. She thought he would be proud of it, but he didn't seem to be. Several moments passed before he answered, Rukia thought he had simply chosen not to answer at all. _

_"…A lot of people are scared of me like that." His face hardened. "Inoue is." Rukia processed this information, trying to make herself ignore the little stab of hurt when he mentioned Inoue. _Does her opinion mean something special to him….?_ She wondered fleetingly. Ichigo began to poke at the sand, and she pushed past her thoughts, focusing back on him. _

_"Anyone wielding that much power is going to be feared, Ichigo. It's natural. That…and your Vizard form is so far out of many people's understanding that it frightens them, anything unknown and misunderstood is also feared. It's not you their afraid of, and it's not your fault. Don't let their ignorance get to you." He grunted in response, she wondered if that wasn't what he was looking for. _Inoue… If…he's worried about what she thinks of him, I guess I have to reassure him about that too…_She wasn't sure why the words didn't come as easily. Rukia looked down, unable to look him in the eye while she continued. "And as for Inoue…don't worry, Ichigo. She…_cares_ about you, and I know that will conquer any fears she might have." There. I said it. Though the words might have eased him, but they had an exact opposite affect on her. _

_"I just…I don't want any of my friends to be afraid of me…I can't protect you that way! That's all I want to do…But even with all of _this fucking power_, I couldn't protect Chad…" _This…this is about Chad and not being able to protect? …Not about Inoue?_She grabbed at the hope, but felt slightly guilty for it. _

_"Ichigo. What happened to Chad wasn't your fault. Each of came here knowing what could happen to us. Chad did this because he wanted to protect what's important to him too."_

_"But…I didn't watch his back."_

_"You can't watch everyone's back, Ichigo. …I spoke to the Vice Captain of the 4__th__ Squad earlier, it's his opinion that Chad should go back to Soul Society to finish recovering. I think it's for the best." Ichigo nodded. Conversation died away after that, both of them silently staring over the dunes of Hueco Mundo. Rukia wasn't sure if her words had reassured him any, knowing that he blamed himself. All he wanted to do was protect those he cared about, but it seemed like fate was slowly taking them away from him, even if just temporarily. _He just wants to protect…Just wants to help…I can rely on him, and he can rely on me.

_He just wants to protect…Just wants to help… _She was back in the present. _  
_

"I can rely on him, and he can rely on me." She opened her eyes, whispering to herself. The memory had been painful, washing up old fears and hurt. _Ichigo…that's why he wants to help so badly. He's worried about us, and all those other people in Soul Society…He still wants to protect._ "I have to find a way to get him to Soul Society." _Maybe Urahara and Yoruichi will reconsider…Or maybe we can get someone else there to get special permission? Afterall, he can rely on me. _

She got out of the bath, putting on Yuzu's old yellow pajamas. On her way to Yuzu and Karin's room, she paused by Ichigo's door, then pushed it quietly open. He seemed to be asleep, all the lights were out and in the spot of moonlight creeping in through his window, she could see some of his hair sticking out from underneath his blanket.

It seemed like with everything they had just found out today, that everything they knew was being threatened, all their stupid fights and her mixed up feelings towards him were nothing. _Well…not nothing, but certainly less important._ Like what she had thought earlier today, he was still Ichigo. It was still that same boy she had been with these past few years. The boy she had created a new life with. _Ichigo…_She lightly padded to his bedside, now unsure. She wanted to apologize for everything, to tell him a million things she had been thinking and feeling. To tell him how important he was to her, how much she cared. …_He's really important. He's the most important. I…_care_ for him._ Care for him unlike anyone else she had ever cared for. A light smile touched her lips at the realization. _Idiot…Well, both of us_. Normally she would have fled from him _and _her feelings after admitting something big like this to herself, but she felt strangely brave, going on pure instinct and poking him firmly in the head where the top of his hair was visible. Still, when he rolled over to look at her, she experienced the sudden urge to flee anyway.

"Oi…Rukia. What is it?" He mumbled, blinking as he sat up.

"I…" Her need to tell him everything vanished, her million things getting stuck in her throat. "Uh…" He scowled at her.

"Did you really wake me up just to stutter at me?" He grumbled. She frowned at him, this wasn't the romantic moment she had been very secretly hoping for.

"Shut up and scoot over, idiot." She ordered back, gesturing for him to move. That actually surprised her, the words seemed to have come out of nowhere but her usual urge to snap back at him. _...Did I just really say that...?_ He blinked at her once more, then obliged, shifting to give her room. Her breath caught somewhere in her chest, she climbed in next to him, rolling to her side to present her back to him, almost afraid to touch him. For a few seconds, he didn't move. But then, he slowly curled an arm around her, his chest now against her back. She pushed a startled, overjoyed, triumphant smile into her pillow, not daring to let him see it. She didn't care if he did it because he thought it was nightmares, the fact that he did it was enough for her.

- - - - - - - - - - -

HUZZAH! wow, that took forever to read through and re-edit. WHAT DID YOU THINK?! lol. Sorry, this chapter is my child, I love my child...hahaha.

Instant recap: (long one! I'll try to make it short) The whole gang- Ichigo, Rukia, Inoue, Ishida, Chad, Renji, Urahara, Yoruichi, Hitsugaya, Kenpachi, and Yachiru all go to Urahara's to talk about the sickness after Hitsugaya has a minor freak out at them all. Poor guy. He tells them all what's going on in Soul Society, then starts demanded answers. Urahara offers help, Hitsugaya doesn't immediately believe his intentions are pure. Then, Urahara reveals his own sickness. Urahara explains the seriousness of the situation--this disease this threatening Soul Society's very existence and the balance of the three worlds. DUN DUN DUUUN! hahaha. Sorry-it's late, and I'm a tad bit loopy. I just didn't want to make anybody wait anymore, including me :) Ok--so it's decided. Urahara is going to Soul Society. Ichigo wants to help, but they won't let him, frustrating him to no end. Urahara thinks on his relationship with Yoruichi, he's so happy she's back, but it's been hard for him since the war. His discussion with Yoruichi soothes him somewhat, everyone needs to be reassured every once and a while. Kenpachi interrupts, having eavesdropped, and gives them his approval, ensuring that Urahara can get to Soul Society without too much conflict. Meanwhile, Ichigo and Rukia return to his house. The have dinner, Rukia and Ichigo talk about getting into Soul Society somehow. Later that evening, while taking a bath, Rukia remembers another battle in Hueco Mundo, and some conversations with Ichigo. She decides to do whatever she can to help him after remembering how things were before. Acting on impulse, she goes into his room, realizing how much he means to her, how dependent on him he has become, and how much all the stupid things they have been going through don't matter. She wakes him up wanting to tell him this, but kind of gets scared to and settles just for making him scoot over for her. He accepts this without even questioning.

good, bad, ugly?? Lemme know what you think, I'm dying to know!

Thanks, MissCyraf


	20. Only A Short Time Solution

Whew! THANK GOD this chapter is done, lol. It wasn't so hard to write, but the editing took forever!! I just had a lot of ideas and they were all out of order...grah. Hopefully you guys still like it though. I think we still get a pretty good variety. Some memories in dreams, some action, some drama, some fluff, haha. Some foreshadowing--Dun Dun DUNN! Oo lol. I don't own Bleach, it belongs solely to the lovely and genius creator Tite Kubo.

20

Only A Short Time Solution

Tuesday, September 11th, 2007.

Chad! I have to save him!_ It was barely a thought, Ichigo just surged forward with all of the speed he had. Grimmjow Jeagerjaques was prepared for his attack, whirling just in time to whip the cero towards Ichigo instead. _

_"Hahaha! That's more like it, Kurosaki!" The 6__th__ Espada shouted in vicious delight, grinning broadly and showing off his fangs. Ichigo focused entirely on Grimmjow, counting on Rukia to help Chad. There would be no mercy this time for Grimmjow, no backing off once the Arrancar was defeated. _No, this ends now.

_Grimmjow was then airborne, Ichigo following intently. The Arrancar slashed at him, missing Ichigo's stomach by millimeters. Seeing an opening, Ichigo thrust Tensa Zangetsu forward, hoping to end this as quickly as possible. Laughing, Grimmjow only ducked away. The next few strikes missed as well, it was almost as if the Arrancar was toying with him, taking smug pleasure in messing with Ichigo's seriousness. _

_"You're fast, Kurosaki, but not fuckin' fast enough! Looks like you can't get a hit!" He cackled, swiping and catching the side of Ichigo's arm with his claws. "Maybe I should go after one of yer friends again, that seems ta really piss you off! Just look how pissed you got when I was gonna kill your little human trash!" Gritting his teeth, Ichigo could feel his blood really begin to boil, with his anger his attacks were getting more reckless. "…Or maybe I'll just kill that Shinigami girl you always got hangin' on you…Almost got her once, remember? Punched right through 'er stomach. Shit, that was fun! The look on her face, and the look on yours!" The Espada was laughing heartily now, as if seriously injuring and nearly killing Rukia was the funniest thing in the world. That was enough. An odd sort of burning sensation seemed to grip at Ichigo's limbs then, slowly crawling up his body. His arms kept slashing, his body continuing to press forward, the need to cut—to kill, fueling him. His vision grew a little fuzzy, his mind blurring. He wasn't in control. _Shit!_ The sensation was all too familiar, the substitute Shinigami's mind seemed to freeze in chilling horror for an instant, then he desperately began to fight against the sensation._

**…What's wrong, King?**

Get the fuck out! I don't need you!_ Ichigo screamed at the soft voice that echoed in the back of his mind. The voice gave a quiet chuckle, growing a little louder, a little closer. _

**…But don't you want to _kill_ him? Pickin' on your friends like that…then saying those things about _your_ _Rukia-chan_…He has to pay... **_The way he spoke Rukia's name made Ichigo's stomach turn._

_Grimmjow was talking again, laughing. Ichigo didn't hear it, only hearing the foreign voice in his head. The voice he had thought he had defeated many months ago, the voice he had hoped he would never hear again. Truth was, he had felt little twinges of the Hollow's presence before, lurking just around the edges of his consciousness. He had never lost control though, not in any way. And the Hollow never seemed to try to take it either, seeming to be content with merely watching. This was the first time he had spoken._

_Ichigo recalled all too clearly the day he had won his control from the Hollow while training with the Vizards. The Hollow's warning still hung in his mind. _"**…You got me. I guess there's nothing I can do…For now, I'll admit _you're_ the King. _…But don't you forget…_The King and his horse can change places at _any_ time. If I see even a slight opening…_I'll buck you off and crush your skull._ …So here's some advice. If you _truly _want to master my power, take care…_to at least stay alive…until I appear again_!!**"_ That had been months ago. Now, with the Hollow threatening to rise again, Ichigo's determination steeled. _

No. I don't need you, and I won't let you._ Ichigo was calm now, the panic leaving him at the sound of the voice. He couldn't let his fear make him weak. _My friends are down there. You don't care about them, all you care about is power and control. I do this for them. As long as I have them, I will _never _need you._ The Hollow hissed, then retreated back into the shadows of Ichigo's mind. _

**_…Still strong, King…Just remember…When I get the chance…I'll crush you._**

You won't have that chance. _Though the Hollow was still present, he was far away, hiding, watching. Ichigo forced himself to now ignore the waiting threat, he had more prominent ones to worry about now. His vision cleared, he could now focus entirely on Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. To his surprise, the Espada was bleeding from various wounds all over his body, and he was no longer smiling. All the humor and pleasure was gone from his eyes, he now understood that he was facing a very serious opponent. Ichigo didn't recall doing any of it, he scowled underneath his Vizard mask when he realized that the Hollow must have done it while he was arguing with him. _Too close…He gained too much control. All this shit is getting to me, I let Grimmjow make it worse. …That will not happen again. _Grimmjow then coughed loudly, hacking up some blood, eyes sharp on Ichigo. _

"_...Wh—what's wrong, Kurosaki, run out of steam? I'm still standin'!" He snarled. "An' when I finish with you, I'll slaughter yer friends, one by one!" Ichigo, his blood no longer set to boil by the Espada's taunts, only stared at his opponent. His anger was cold now, not the irrational hot that made him reckless. _

"_No. You won't." Was all he said, then gathering his power around him, shot forward, Tensa Zangetsu piercing through the Arrancar's stomach. Grimmjow curled forward, his face a mask of shock. _

"_D—damn…you…" The strike was a staggering one, this battle would soon be ending. The Arrancar was now desperate, his will driving him more than his strength. He slammed his claws into Ichigo's chest, pushing them as far in as possible. "You…can't…beat—me! I'll kill—you! I'll—kill…them!" He cried, blood draining from around his mouth. Ichigo wrenched his blade from Grimmjow's middle, forcing the claws out as well. Though he was injured, he barely felt it, strength flowing through him. He wouldn't let Grimmjow hurt his friends. _

"_This is over." With that, Ichigo raised his blade. "Getsuga—Tenshou!" Slashing downward, Grimmjow couldn't escape the arch of black reiatsu that hurtled towards him. The Arrancar took the hit, blood spraying across the dark sky of Hueco Mundo. He thrashed, screaming denials as his extremities began to dissolve, his talons first, then it spread up his limbs, claiming his bleeding body. Finally, his face as well. Ichigo watched coldly as Grimmjow Jeagerjaques's eyes stared at him in pure shock and horror, the scream silencing as the mouth faded away. The last were those piercing blue eyes, looking so utterly disappointed before they were gone too. _

_Holding himself stiffly as he watched, Ichigo remained frozen even after his arch enemy was gone, not entirely believing it. After a few dragging minutes, he finally allowed himself to sag, slowly descending. The battle below was ending as well, the Shinigami apparently the winners. _Not that it matters…_Just from those left standing below, he could see that the death toll was extreme. He felt slightly sick, not at all triumphant about Grimmjow's defeat or the Shinigami win. With so many lives lost, it still was a loss. His body ached, his heart even more as he touched ground. He legs could barely hold his weight, he tipped forward as a knee buckled. He didn't bother to catch himself, just closed his eyes against the incoming ground. He never hit though, something stopping his fall. Eyes opening again in mild surprise, he caught Rukia's ironic expression. _

"_Stupid. Can't even keep yourself upright, making me catch you…" She frowned at him, but he gave her a light grin. _

"_Yeah…I'm surprised you can even hold me up, bein' so freaking short…" She scowled at him in response, but thankfully, probably because she saw he was injured, she didn't kick him. _

"_Idiot…C'mon. I'll help you over to get your dumb ass healed…" She muttered, his grin only widened. _As long as I have my friends…I don't need anything else.

He woke.

Ichigo wasn't too sure of what he woke into, it seemed to be a cloud of black. Blinking his grogginess away, he pulled away from the black, realizing abruptly that it was hair. Rukia's hair to be specific, spread out over his pillows as she slept. _I…I must have been holding on to her pretty tight to have her hair all in my face…_His face flushed at the thought, he sheepishly gave a small smile. He remembered last night now, how she had commanded him to "shut up and scoot over". Though he had made a face at her, acted like it was so not what he wanted to be doing, he had scooted, and inwardly rejoiced. His smile returned to a normal scowl as a prickle of guilt struck him. She didn't know he wasn't just being a good friend, that he had been so _happy_ when she had climbed in next to him. _Probably would think I'm a pervert_, he thought grimly, lightly rubbing his eyes and then his temples. _Damn…my head hurts. Stupid dream. Stupid memory...  
_

He turned his attention back to the slumbering girl, mentally debating if he should wake her or not. Pretty soon his alarm clock would go off and wake her up anyway, they had school. Inhaling deeply, he decided that he would let her sleep. Resting on his elbow, he looked at her, gently brushing some of her hair away from her face so he could have a better view. It was strange to him, how fragile she looked when she slept. It was the only time he could ever think to describe Rukia as fragile, as soon as those violet eyes would open and flash, the adjective wouldn't fit at all. Grasping a small lock of hair, he ran it through his fingers, letting his mind wander. His dream was the first thing that came back, he grimaced. _Grimmjow…_ He didn't feel guilty about killing the Arrancar, not when he had threatened Ichigo's friends. What he really felt was a slight twinge of fear, how close he had come to losing control. _I was just _so_ angry, I wanted to just hurt Grimmjow _so badly_…did that summon the Hollow? …Maybe. But it made me weak,_ _reckless. I have to have more control of myself. Or else…_ The Hollow had spoken like he would help Ichigo protect his friends, but the substitute Shinigami knew better. The Hollow cared for nothing and no one, he certainly didn't value Rukia or any of the others. Frowning, Ichigo very lightly ran his fingertips along her jawline, thoughts continuing to darken. _Rukia would fight him…would fight for me_. Of that, there was no question in his mind. It touched him, it really did, but he knew that that would put her life in certain danger. She couldn't win against the Hollow, not when _he_ struggled with him. _And I doubt he would stop at simply beating her…no, he would hurt her to try to get to me._ Ichigo closed his eyes at that, fear swelling at the thought_. I…I can't let that happen. I won't._ Squeezing his eyes closed now, he angrily searched his mind for any evidence of the Hollow, after a few seconds came up with nothing. It seemed like he wasn't there. Opening his eyes again, Ichigo lie back down beside Rukia. _He's there. I can't feel him, but he's there. _

The alarm clock began to ring now, causing the girl beside him to scowl and turn over to face him. He grinned at her, amused as she muttered an irritated curse through her departing sleep. The brows drew together again as one violet eye, then the other, slowly opened. His breath caught as she stared right into his eyes. They were just so oddly striking, whenever her gaze fell on him, especially this close, it just made him freeze up.

"…Ichigo." She said softly. Adrenaline was pumping through him, the only thoughts that clouded his mind now were hopes for what she might say next, for what _might_ happen. And then, as she stared at him, the bizarre realization that he _really_ wanted to kiss her. That kind of _really_ freaked him out, and threw him into an inner battle of want verses fear. As a delicate brow raised, almost as if she was challenging him to make a decision for his course of action, he forcibly pushed his fear of violent rejection away. Attempting to gather his courage, he shifted a little closer to her, staring straight into her eyes, hoping, _pleading_ that he saw understanding and acceptance of his intentions, and that he wasn't making the biggest mistake of his life.

But then she spoke, lifting at hand to rub at those eyes as she grimaced. "Ichigo, your alarm clock makes the most god-awful sound I've ever heard. I swear I'm going to throw it out the window." He blinked in utter surprise, his already heated cheeks only reddening further as it occurred to him that she hadn't been thinking the same thing. At all. She had raised her brow not to encourage him, but to cast him a sarcastic look. He opened his mouth a little to try to stammer out some sort of response, but his brain seemed to only want to concentrate on his complete and utter humiliation. Just as she started to shoot him a confused look at his lack of response and insanely flushed cheeks, his gaze shot to the clock as he gave her a sharp nod, the whole time mentally cursing at himself and feeling incredibly stupid and awkward. _Shit…I'm such an idiot. _

Rukia turned away, sitting up and stretching gracefully on the edge of the bed, then left his room for the bathroom to start getting ready for school. Ichigo threw himself back down on his pillows, covering his face with his hands and letting loose a string of the worst curses he could think of.

"…Damn, I'm _such_ an freakin' dumbass! …If I really did it, she would have kicked my ass…fuck." He groaned, beating on his head a little with frustrated and humiliated palms. "…Or worse. She could have gotten her _brother_ to do it instead." _Rukia might leave me somewhat whole for my funeral, but Byakuya…there probably wouldn't even be enough pieces of me _left _to bury._ Shuddering at the thought, he stood, forcing himself to start getting ready too.

o o o o o

Shuffling and high-pitched squealing broke into Captain Hitsugaya's relieving slumber, he opened his eye only to be hit full-force by his absolutely throbbing head. The squealing continued, he recognized it as Yachiru's excited blabbering. _Damn…damn all of them…_He ground his teeth for a second, immediately stopping when he found it only made his pain worse. As carefully as he could, so not to jar his head unnecessarily, he sat up, then got to his feet. Sliding open his door, he followed the noise, if somewhat reluctantly, and found the group of fellow Captains, Vice Captain, and his host eating breakfast. Lingering near the doorway by the back wall, he gave them a small nod at their greetings, hardly more than the basest of acknowledgements. He didn't want to move if he didn't have to, it hurt too badly. _With every passing day, it only gets worse. …How much worse will it get before I too fall unconscious? And will my reiatsu be nearly gone by that point…?_ He felt his first real twinge of fear for himself, but shoved it away. _Matsumoto and Hinamori are more important, stop fearing for yourself, fool. They are in far more danger than me, I have no idea how long they have before—_He couldn't think "death". _…Before their reiatsu drains completely._ He chose that instead. It was still terrifying, but—not as much. If he admitted they could die from this, and soon, it only would make him panic. _And I must be calm. I have to have a clear head to think. _

He tuned back into their conversation, they were talking about recipes or something, completely surprising Hitsugaya. And immediately angering him. _We don't have time to fool around!_

"So when are we leaving." He cut into the conversation abruptly, irritation coloring his voice. They stopped, and glanced at him, Yachiru waved.

"Tessai is preparing the set up for the gate. We will be leaving momentarily." Urahara answered, flipping his fan playfully.

"Oi, Urahara," Renji interjected. "I'm comin' to, I gotta see them, I gotta help…" His expression was clouded, voice hard. It was easy to tell he was thinking of his friends there too, especially Hinamori and Matsumoto. Urahara considered him for a moment, then slowly nodded.

"I suppose we should all head down now then, no use in waiting up here." Hitsugaya eyed Urahara as he stood, he leaned heavily on his cane as he did so. That bothered the 10th Captain, it was quite clear to him now that Urahara was indeed ill. _…I need him to cure them. Only he can do it, that idiot Mayuri wouldn't. Too busy caught up in his own twisted projects, probably hasn't even realized what's going on in Soul Society at all…That bastard. Even if he did know, I couldn't trust him. And I wouldn't let him near Matsumoto or Hinamori, who knows what the freak would do to them all for the "sake of science"? No, I need Urahara Kisuke. _The shopkeeper almost hobbled to the trapdoor, still leaning on the cane. _Only he can do this…so from now on, it's his life before mine. I'll protect him from anything and anyone as best I can. He's the only one that can save them. _

Hitsugaya followed as best he could. For some reason, he felt especially weak, his knees shaking every time he put weight on them with each stride. Scowling, He tried to force himself to continue as if nothing was wrong, but secretly wished he had a cane to lean on as well. _Idiot…_He sneered at himself, gritting his teeth from the strain of just walking. The pain in his head was so incredibly intense, he could barely even see. He tried in vain to ignore it, repeating Matsumoto and Hinamori's names in his head with each unstable step. Urahara, Renji, Kenpachi, and Yachiru were already on the ladder down, Yoruichi just stepping down onto the first rung. So she was the only one that saw Hitsugaya's knees give out and his body crumple to the floor. The last thing he saw in the growing dark was her look of utter surprise and fear.

o o o o o

"Ah…Inoue-san? Where are we going? School is that way…" Ishida pointed uselessly, Inoue didn't even look at him as she continued to march in the wrong direction. Fearing that she would leave him behind, Ishida hurried up beside her, stretching his long legs just to keep up with her fast pace.

"I think we're going to Urahara-san's shop_." "I think…"? What does that mean? _

"But we have class in fifteen minutes! We'll be late!" He insisted, lightly placing a hand on her arm to try to tug her in the right direction. She looked at him then, smiling at him patiently, but still with the same look of determination in her eyes.

"It doesn't really matter to me, Uryuu-kun, but if it bothers you, you can go on without me." She replied. That gave him pause. He didn't want to go on without her, that would be completely ungentlemanly. _Besides…she still hasn't said _why_ she's headed to Urahara's…_

"Uh…No, if you think this is important, Inoue-san…But, why are we going there?" She didn't look at him this time.

"Because Kurosaki-kun is headed there." He would never tell her how much that one comment hurt.

o o o o o

"Hurry up, we have to get there before they leave!" Rukia insisted, leaning back and grabbing his hand to make him hurry. She didn't see his light blush and then horrible scowl at his reaction due to the contact, intent on only getting there. He cursed at himself mentally for what seemed like the millionth time this morning, it seemed like any look, any gesture toward him made him blush, reminding him of his near-brush with her lips and his potential death because of it. _And now I can barely even look at her without turning freaking red…_shit_, I'm a dumbass._

They arrived at the Urahara Shoten within a few minutes, only to be stopped by Inoue and Ishida. _What the hell are they doing here? Do they think they're coming to Soul Society too? _Inoue joined them in front of the Shoten's door quickly, dragging Ishida along behind her.

"Hey, Inoue, Ishida. What are you doing here?"

"We followed you, Kurosaki-kun! Whatever it is you're doing, we want to help! Right, Uryuu-kun?" She turned to ask Ishida, who was looking uncharacteristically dark. The Quincy didn't respond, but that didn't seem to bother Inoue, focused entirely on Ichigo.

"Uhh, thanks…but I'm not sure you guys should—" He was cut off by a sudden shout inside.

"Captain! Captain Hitsugaya!" A shuffle, then more shouting. "Kisuke! Help!" _What the hell!_ Ichigo didn't wait to be invited in, he threw back the door and ran inside towards the voice, freezing in shock when he saw what was happening. Captain Hitsugaya was lying in a heap on the floor, face-down, while Yoruichi was worrying over him, calling for Urahara and the others to come back up out of the trapdoor beside her. They did, gathering around the fallen Captain. Urahara was the last to climb out, the others seemed to wait for his instructions before attempting to touch Hitsugaya.

"Yoruichi, turn him over, as carefully as you can." The shopkeeper ordered, leaning over to place a hand on his head as soon as the Captain was lying on his back.

"What's wrong with him?" Inoue's voice sounded somewhere from behind Ichigo. Urahara pursed his lips, seeming to be checking the Captain's vitals.

"Shorty Captain's DEAD!" Yachiru cried, tears already beginning to leak out of the corners of her eyes.

"Shutup, he's not dead. He's still breathin'." Kenpachi observed. "Stop crying."

"Ok!" Yachiru was clearly easily swayed, her tears stopped immediately.

"No…he's not dead…But his reiatsu level has dropped significantly. …I'm afraid I'm not entirely sure what to do…It's so _sudden_…" Urahara trailed off. Everyone was silent for a moment, the weight of the situation really sinking in. Though Ichigo wasn't particularly close to the young Captain, he had known him for quite a long time, and certainly respected him. To see him like this…was beyond disturbing. Despite his young age, Hitsugaya always had given off such an air of cool confidence, control. _…Like Rukia._ The thought drifted through his mind, then realization sunk in. Ichigo's gaze ripped from the Captain to Rukia, who was now kneeling beside Hitsugaya. _Rukia…What if—this illness drains reiatsu, anyone of us could be the next victim! _The situation suddenly became so much more personal, striking him so strongly that he nearly rocked on his feet. _Rukia could get sick. Rukia could die—And I couldn't do anything to stop it!_

"Can't we do something?!" Inoue cried, kneeling next to Rukia. Lifting her hands, she touched her clips. "Souten Kishun!" The clips burst open, the restoring shield forming over Hitsugaya's unconscious body.

"Inoue-san! How do you know that will—" Renji started, just to be cut off by a sharp gesture from Urahara.

"We don't know if it'll work, but it's all we can do now!" The entire group just watched in silence, the room tense. After a few moments, Inoue dropped the shield, her clips returning to normal. Urahara hesitantly reached out to touch at the Captain's head.

"…His reiatsu…It's increased." He raised his head to smile at Inoue, who blinked in clear astonishment.

"R—really? It helped!?" Before Urahara could answer, Hitsugaya's eyes fluttered open. He blinked at all of them rather dazedly, then, relieving them further, he gave them that familiar disapproving scowl.

"What is it?" He mumbled accusatorily. A collected chuckled circled the room, though Zaraki's was a loud "Heh!" and Yachiru cheered. Urahara continued his inspection.

"Captain, how do you feel?"

"Like hell. Why?"

"Your head? Does it still hurt?" The shopkeeper ignored the Hitsugaya's question, still demanding answers of his own.

"Of course! What are you all doing just standing there, we're wasting time!" Urahara removed his hand, standing back up. Ichigo leaned over to help the 10th Captain up, but kept his eyes on Urahara.

"Hmm…His condition seems to have improved somewhat….But considering the pain is still there…I believe this is only a short-time solution."

"What does that mean, Kisuke?" Yoruichi asked.

"It means…His condition will continue to worsen. Inoue-san's shield is only something of a temporary fix." Disappointment was thick in the air, all of them had been inwardly hoping that a healing would work, that everyone could just be healed and the problem would be solved. _Nothing's ever that simple. …Fuck._ Hitsugaya then demanded an explanation, everyone's attention focused on Urahara as he enlightened the Captain to the situation. A sudden pressure on his arm drew Ichigo's gaze downward, Rukia's hand was now clasping it. Seeing his movement, she cast him a deeply worried glance, he gave her the barest of nods. He watched as she then schooled her expression, turning her violet gaze back to the others. _She's worried…maybe even scared._ He clenched his jaw at the next thought. _But she won't let anyone see it. …Well, I guess not anyone but me_. That both disturbed him and oddly comforted him. Rukia rarely showed anything but a hard, confident surface.

"Inoue-san." Urahara said. Ichigo turned his concentration back to the conversation as well, following Rukia's example. "As you know, we are returning to Soul Society to conduct research and to try to heal the sick. I believe your abilities will be priceless in that, and you could bring some relief to everyone who has fallen. Will you consider joining us?" Urahara asked.

"Go with you?" Inoue repeated, her brow wrinkling for a moment. "Well…if it can help people, even if it's only temporary, then I have to say yes!" For some reason, Ishida, who had been silent since arriving, now protested, reaching out to almost touch her, then seeming to think better of it.

"But—Inoue-san—"

"Hey, wait a minute! If Inoue goes, we're goin' too!" Ichigo interrupted, indignant. He knew that he, nor any of the others, possessed Inoue's unique skill set, but _knew_ that he could help as well.

"Kurosaki-kun—" Urahara started.

"We can help!" Ichigo insisted, reaching over to grasp Rukia's hand that was still on his arm. _If I can help in any way, I'm going to. It's the only way I can make sure Rukia—or anyone—doesn't get sick!_ "We can do something—if you just let us—"

"No." Yoruichi then broke in, her voice and expression both uncompromising. "We talked about this before. You have an obligation here, Ichigo. And you will only be in the way in Soul Society." He wanted to protest further, but the small hand in his hand suddenly jerked, causing him to turn to look at Rukia. Her expression was blank, but her eyes spoke volumes. She was telling him to shut up. He ground his teeth, but listened. They were going to get there. With or without Urahara and Yoruichi's help. Seeming like he was accepting Yoruichi's decision, he relented, closing his eyes. He was still vastly frustrated, but as he fell silent, the little hand moved again, her slim fingers wrapping around his thumb in silent reassurance. Ichigo forced himself to relax.

"Yeah." He sighed. Yoruichi smiled at him then, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Good boy." Her smile became a slight smirk, and then she gestured back towards the trapdoor. "Let's go." Ichigo made himself focus on the fingers wrapped around thumb as they made their way down the ladder, it especially bugged him that Renji was going too. He mentally snorted. _And to think, I wanted him gone for any reason before…To leave me and Rukia alone. Shit, the irony is fuckin' killing me. _Finally, only Rukia, Ishida, and himself were left, the three of them all staring down the entrance to the training room below.

"Well, let's get to school then." Rukia said, turning away and withdrawing her hand.

"…Yeah." Ichigo agreed. Out of the corner of his eye though, he saw Ishida still standing there, staring down the trapdoor, his hands balled into fists. "Oi. You comin'?" He asked, slightly confused. Ishida glanced up at him and his expression soured as he nodded. The Quincy didn't walk with them, but paced slowly behind, looking all depressed. _…What's his problem?_

- - -

"Oi, Rukia," Ichigo caught up with his Shinigami partner at lunch, after spending the entire morning in class trying to think up ways for them to get into Soul Society. Placing an arm around her waist, he steered her to vending room for a hopefully quiet place to talk. He hadn't even realized what he had done until they had entered the room and they had stood for a second or two, both quiet, with his arm still around her. Then, she shifted so she was facing him, and his arm lingered around her in a sort of half-embrace. She lifted gaze up to stare at him, and, almost involuntarily, lifted a light hand to rest on his chest. This was the most intimate position they had held while both awake, his breathing seemed to slow into a complete stop. Her lips looked just as soft as they had this morning, his hold on her tightened. They simply stood there for what felt like hours, but could have only been a handful of seconds, until the moment was shattered by a couple of other students walking into the room to get snacks. The moment they walked into the room, Ichigo jumped away from her, as if she had burned him. Both Ichigo and Rukia looked away from each other as the other students gossiped and grabbed their snacks, then left them both alone again. Rukia was the first to look up, Ichigo could feel her eyes on him.

"…What do you want, Ichigo?" He wasn't sure what she was asking. _Does she mean what I meant by...what just happened?? I don't know, it just happened! I didn't mean it! Or maybe I did—I dunno, shit!_ He didn't know how to explain himself.

"Uh…" Mentally swearing, he tried to gather his thoughts, it was frustratingly difficult. Knowing that his cheeks were burning red, he couldn't help but clam up a little bit, wishing she would just go away so he could hide in his embarrassment. Before, in class, he had had so many things to tell her, so many ways they could maybe slip into Soul Society. Those ideas seemed to have disappeared. He cursed his stupid brain, which was now blank of everything but the feeling of Rukia so close, with her hand resting on his chest, her lightly flushed cheeks and unsteady breathing as she stared up at him with brilliant eyes. So instead of answering her question, a task that now seemed quite impossible, he just pushed past her to the vending machine instead, buying them some juiceboxes. He could practically feel Rukia roll her eyes at him, and gave a blazing scowl to the machine. Opening and passing her a juicebox, he hurried to the stairs to the roof, thoroughly embarrassed. He didn't even wait for her or hold the door this time, wishing heartily that he wasn't such an idiot.

On the roof, his friends were already gathered, with the exception of Inoue. Without her there, Ishida looked almost out of place, sitting awkwardly to the side, chewing blandly on his sandwich and ignoring Keigo as the boy animatedly told a story. Ichigo dropped down beside the Quincy, ignoring the slightly disdainful but curious gaze he received from Ishida. Rukia then joined the group as well, Ichigo could once again feel her eyes on him, and hunched more into himself. _Idiot, idiot!_ He yelled at himself, unable to meet her gaze just yet. The moment downstairs between them hadn't been anything drastic, but for some reason, he still worried if she would think less of him for it. Would think he really _was_ an idiot, like she always called him. _Dammit, I never cared about this kind of shit before I—well, before I realized… Now I'm freaking self-conscious!_ He really never had cared what others had thought of him so much, just did whatever he felt like. Even with Rukia, he didn't worry what she thought of him, just taking confidence that she would stay by his side anyway. _I guess I did care what she thought of me then…but I dunno. I never felt like I _had_ to worry. Even though she calls me an idiot all the time, I never felt like she really truly thought that. Well, or at least not for long, anyway. _Now was different. He wasn't an awkward or unconfident person, he spoke his mind and he made fast decisions. Now he felt like whatever he said or did could somehow change her opinion of him immensely, like one simple action could shift the whole world.

Rukia sat down next to Tatsuki instead of Ichigo, setting her already half-finished juicebox aside and pulling her lunch out of her school bag. They had told Tatsuki and Chad where Inoue was, but Keigo and Mizuiro were left in the dark. Keigo appeared to not have noticed yet, trying to engage Ichigo as well with his story. It didn't work, Ichigo couldn't help but listen in on what Rukia was saying, half-expecting her to laugh at the really weird, awkward thing he had just done. He wanted to still talk to her about getting to Soul Society, he had thought that maybe Renji could somehow let them in, or maybe somehow, Rukia could talk her brother into letting them use his private gate. Now though, he just felt stupid and self-conscious, not wanting to interrupt her in front of everyone else. After about ten minutes though, the urgency of the situation, as well as the urge to somehow redeem himself in her eyes, pushed him into finally speak to her again. He stood, pushing his shoulders back and putting on his classic indifferent attitude.

"Rukia, I gotta talk to you." He grumbled at her, scowling hideously the whole time. She glanced up at him from where she was seated, then stood as well. He was about to lead her away when Keigo interjected.

"Ichigoooo! You're not taking beautiful Kuchiki-san away, are you!? Without the lovely Inoue-san here, there won't be any girls left! We'll just be a group of ugly, gross men again!" He whined overdramatically.

"Hey!" Tatsuki cried from where she was sitting. Keigo ignored her, focusing on Rukia alone.

"Shut up, Keigo." Ichigo growled. "C'mon, Rukia." She paused, and Ichigo blinked at her, wondering for a split-second if she really was suddenly interested in Keigo's attention. Keigo apparently thought she was interested in him as well, his pout at Ichigo's reprimand clear.

"Kuchiki-san…" Rukia flashed the boy a beautiful, if fake, smile to dislodge him, reaching to grab her juicebox to shake it at him.

"It's fine, Asano-san. I have to get another juicebox anyway, and I was hoping Kurosaki-kun would help me…"

"Oh! Let _me_, Kuchiki-san!" He quickly dug into his pockets, handing her a handful of coins, clearly too much for just a juicebox. Rukia blinked widely at him, still very much in her "innocent" character.

"Oh dear, Asano-san! This is too much! You don't have to—" He leaned in to place a hand on her shoulder, grinning at her broadly.

"Don't worry about it, beautiful! I _want_ to." Rukia blushed appropriately, looking away. Ichigo watched the whole interaction, a low growl curled from his throat without him really intending it to.

"Fine, whatever. C'mon, Rukia, we don't have all day." With that, he grabbed her hand and jerked her away from Keigo's lingering grasp on her shoulder. Distinctly irritated, and irritated that he was irritated, he pulled her to the stairs, and barked at her the moment they were out of earshot.

"What the hell was _that_, Rukia!?" She actually snorted, annoying him further.

"What do you mean, 'what was that'? I _do_ want some more juice, and Keigo wanted to pay. If he pays, you don't have to. What about it?" Ichigo only grunted, his scowl extremely bitter. It wasn't just that Keigo was hitting on her, it was that she didn't deny him or knock him on his ass. The normal Rukia would have beat the idiot's head in. _Rukia and her stupid act…_

"I _hate_ that stupid act you do," He snapped, still wanting to fight but not having anything else to say that wouldn't give his jealousy away.

"Ichigo." Rukia's voice caught him. "What's wrong with you, Ichigo? You've been acting weird all day." She accused as they continued down the stairs. _Wanted to kiss her again…All because of this morning, fuck. Well, I'm sure as hell not going to tell her. _

"I guess I'm just tired," He muttered. _Lame excuse, she won't believe it._

"Right." She replied doubtfully, clearly not believing him, as he expected. _She knows something's wrong…Always can read my freakin' mind…_ "Well, anyway. I assume you wanted to run some theories by me?"

"Huh?" He was distracted.

"About Soul Society?" She prodded him in the side insistently as they met the bottom of the stairs, now walking to the vending room.

"Oh, yeah." He fought down a blush as she met his eyes. Still reminded him of this morning. And of his most recent stupidity. "…Well, I was thinking maybe…Renji? Or someone else there, they might help us get through the gate?" He ventured. She immediately dismissed the idea.

"Not without an official order."

"Shit. That was my best idea." He complained, leaning against a wall in the vending room as she got herself her drink. His eyes never left her, finding just the act of her getting juice bizarrely fascinating. She wasn't doing anything special, but the brush of her hair across her shoulders, her slim, graceful fingers as she punched out the numbers of her selection on the vending machine, the very way she stood, was just so oddly captivating. He frowned at himself, closing his eyes and blocking her out. Stop being stupid. It was just that those past incidents, first this morning and then just a few minutes before in this very room were still so fresh and vibrant in his mine. He kept his distance now, not trusting himself and feeling distinctly awkward sitting alone with her. He opened his eyes again just in time to see her smirk at him over her shoulder as she grabbed the vended juicebox. Avoiding her direct eye contact, he spoke again, hurriedly. "Well…maybe…_maybe_ your brother…? He has that private gate, right? I mean, if you really asked him…Maybe he would let me in…"

"Nii-sama wouldn't use the gate without a _very_ good reason. There are rules about its use." Ichigo frowned. "And, Nii-sama _really_ doesn't like you." She continued, completely serious. He knew it already, but it still bothered him. He wasn't sure why it bothered him, but he knew it had something to do with Rukia.

"Ehhhhh… Yeah, yeah, I know. …Bastard." Ichigo sank down along the wall until he was seated. Rukia sat down beside him, juicebox in hand, but gave him a swat on the shoulder.

"Don't insult Nii-sama."

"Whatever. Ok, well, what if _you_ went back to Soul Society and—"

"What, let you in?" She snorted. "Nii-sama would never let me work his gate, and I can't use the main gate either without an order." She turned to give him a harsh look. "And I'd rather not be thrown into detainment again." He frowned deeply at that, he didn't want to have to rescue her either. _And I don't know how I _would_ without Urahara and Yoruichi. _

"…So what the hell are we going to do?" He asked, more of the air then of Rukia. She was quiet for a moment.

"…I—I don't know."

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Instant Recap: While dreaming, Ichigo recalls his battle with Grimmjow, the one Rukia remembered in the last chapter. This time, it's from his perspective, and we learn what exactly happened. Ichigo's Hollow tried to take control again because of Ichigo's incredible anger making him reckless and loose, but Ichigo luckily fought him back down. He still remembers what the Hollow told him several months ago when he was first battling for control against the Hollow with during his training with the Vizards. (That's a direct quote from the manga, by the way. I SO didn't make up something as genius as that, haha.) And so, we find out how Grimmjow dies. Sorry for Grimmjow fans, but he's one bad lil kitty, and he had to go, lollol. Anyways, Ichigo wakes up with Rukia. When she wakes, he thinks that she might let him kiss her and leans in, only to be interrupted by her complaining about his alarm clock. Big relief for him there that he didn't do it, she clearly wasn't thinking the same thing as him. Meanwhile, Hitsugaya wakes up and tries to get everyone going, but as they are heading down to Urahara's gate, the pain finally overwhelms him and he passes out. Ichigo and Rukia were already heading to Urahara's shop before school, Inoue and Ishida followed their reiatsu and met up with them. They got there just in time to find unconscious Hitsugaya, Inoue tries to heal him. It works, but only for a while. So, Urahara invites her to join them in Soul Society to help with his research and to give the sick some temporary relief. Ichigo complains, but is shot down by Yoruichi (who is SO awesome in the new manga, btw!!) So, Inoue goes with them, and Ishida's all pissed. Poor guy. They go to school, but spend the whole morning trying to think of ways to get to Soul Society. At lunch, Ichigo pulls Rukia aside to discuss it, but unintentionally has something of an awkward moment with her. Unable to really recover from it, he buys her a juicebox and flees upstairs, lol. At lunch, Keigo hits on Rukia waaay too much, Ichigo tries to take Rukia aside again and Keigo is annoying. They talk about Soul Society again, but still can't think of a solution. Sad :( haha.

So that's the new chapter, did I do good? lol. Hope so. Thanks for reading, please let me know what you think!! MissCyraf


	21. Enjoy the Last Few Days of Your Reign

Hey all. A little bit of a shorter chapter this time, but action-packed with drama and...more drama! lol. thanks to everybody who has been reading, and especially to those of you who have been reviewing! I take your comments to heart, and they definitely impact the way I write the next chapter :D **A very special, super special thanks to Crimson Quincy, who made a WONDERFUL piece of art to go along with this story--with quotes right out of chapter 20!! I encourage you all to see it, go to ht tp : / / xxsharingankakashixx . deviantart . com / without the spaces :D The picture is in her gallery, it's called "Embrace" Huzzah. I've done some Bleach fanart myself, but nothing actually for this story O o I should get on that, lol.** Anyways, much love to all of you, and I don't own Bleach!!

21

Enjoy the Last Few Days of Your Reign

Orihime wrung her hands together nervously, the last time she had passed through the gate was when she was leaving Soul Society during the war. Old guilt pressed on her, being in the gate quickly brought back all the unpleasant memories and feelings she had been repressing for the fast few days. The shame was the worst, the shame that she was useless, unable to help her friends. Biting her lip, she kept on walking forward, following the Captains. _…Maybe I can make up for not being able to help before by helping the best I can now._ The thought helped. She held her head higher, squaring her slim shoulders, looking dead ahead. True, her view of the end of the gate was completely blocked by Captain Zaraki's massive form, but that probably actually helped, seeing it would only waver her confidence as it would most likely also bring back for feelings and memories. A quiet, dull groan suddenly caught her attention, she glanced behind her to see Captain Hitsugaya. One hand on the side of his head, his expression utterly miserable and his feet dragging, he looked nearly as bad as he had earlier this morning when he was unconscious. She worriedly watched him, wondering what to do.

"…Um, Captain?" She asked quietly, hanging back until she was next to him. His teal eyes shifted over to settle on her, but seemed slightly out of focus.

"Yes, what is it?" He replied, his voice barely over a whisper.

"I was thinking…maybe once we reach Soul Society, you might like another healing?" She asked, hoping to help. Hitsugaya only grunted, scowling.

"No. As soon as we get there, you have to heal Hinamori and Matsumoto," He paused. "And anyone else who needs it." He added as an afterthought. Unable to argue with a sick man, Orihime nodded. As they approached the end of the gate, though, she got a very bad feeling.

o o o o o

Now in a worse mood than before, with his discomfort with Rukia and their lack of solution, Ichigo felt somewhat helpless and useless. They climbed the stairs and met with the rest of the group again. They only had a little while longer to finish eating, Ichigo planned to finish his lunch in moody silence. It seemed like a rather futile plan, though, with Keigo immediately swooping in on Rukia again. Ichigo had never noticed before how much of a difference Inoue's presence made for his own comfort, whenever Inoue was at lunch, Keigo would divide his attentions between them. Without her, Keigo was all about Rukia, which annoyed him immensely.

"Kuchiki-san…" Keigo began, starting to tell her some sort of joke about people walking into a bar. Ichigo sulked, taking an enormous bite of his sandwich. _She won't get it anyway_, he mentally grumbled.

The joke ended, Rukia just blinked at him, completely clueless. Ichigo smirked viciously into the sandwich, glad that Keigo was crashing and burning. The idiot boy was grinning at her, waiting for her to get it, she didn't, so he tried to explain it.

"Oh! I see. That is very amusing," She commented, rather insincerely, putting on her "innocent" act. She turned away then, bringing up conversation with Tatsuki and apparently ignoring Keigo's presence. Something he didn't seem to take kindly. He butt into the conversation, trying to steal back her attention. Meanwhile, Ichigo was growing more and more irritated. Almost irrationally so. He was getting far too annoyed at just Keigo's normal behavior, anger seeming to boil up from somewhere beyond his consciousness. If Ichigo wasn't so focused on what was going on with Rukia, he would have felt the tiny, but dangerous shift in the back of his head. _Damn Keigo, just leave her the fuck alone!_ The sandwich in Ichigo's hand was slowly becoming mush as he watched his friend flirt with her outrageously. Rukia always brushed off his advances, but the boy, strangely, wasn't backing down. Finally, she appeared to grow frustrated, cutting Keigo off as he tried to tell another story.

"Kurosaki-kun, would you please open this for me?" She asked sweetly, reaching over Keigo to pass Ichigo the juicebox. The building anger paused, her actions seemed to soothe it for a moment. He snorted, making a show about how "annoying" it was for her to ask this, but was inwardly glad she was paying attention to _him_ and rebuffing Keigo. Just as he extended his hand for the juicebox, though, Keigo interrupted again.

"Ichigo, you don't know how to treat a classy lady like Kuchiki-san! Don't worry, beautiful, you won't have to give your juiceboxes to Ichigo anymore, I'll take care of you!" With that, he snatched the juicebox away, easily puncturing it with the straw and handing back to her with a wide, and what he probably thought was charming, smile on his face. Rukia only blinked at it, then at Keigo, then at Ichigo, finally slowly accepting the offered drink. She sipped at it, turning back to Tatsuki. As much as she seemed rather unbothered by this, Ichigo was still staring at Keigo, what had just happened playing over in his head. It was nothing, it was classic Keigo behavior, and Rukia didn't seem to care, but…He had to admit, he was mildly insulted. More than mildly, the anger in his head made him think the whole thing was a personal slap in the face.

Keigo's attention to Rukia had always bothered him, even before he realized his current feelings, but this seemed somewhat different. The boy had broken into what had become something like a tradition between them. However lame and inconsequential it was, Ichigo _always_ opened her juiceboxes, it was like a nod to the past, of when he and Rukia were just starting to get to know each other. But it bothered him, especially that she had simply shrugged it off so easily. He ground his teeth, trying to calm himself, telling himself that he was being stupid to get so angry over something that meant nothing. Still, though, it felt like something was silently fueling him, pushing him into action. He forcibly relaxed, inhaling deeply. _I just need to calm down._ Just as he was about to make himself let it go, though, turning back to his mushed sandwich, Keigo proceeded to make it worse, elbowing Ichigo in the side playfully.

"Heh, I guess you're not needed anymore, Ichigo! Don't worry, though, I'll take good care of her!" It was such a dumb thing to say, dramatically over the top and completely unnecessary. Ichigo knew that, but it still rankled, hauling the anger back into full force. **_Do it. Squash him…_**An echo of a voice drifted through his mind, so light, he didn't even really think on its source. Twisting to face Keigo, he leaned forward, not really knowing what he was going to do, but certain he was going to do something. And it would probably end in pain for Keigo. **_Do it—!_**

Rukia suddenly laughed then, clearly at something Tatsuki had said. That caught him, he lurched away from Keigo, now starting to wonder why he was so upset. _What's wrong with me? Keigo's just an idiot, a harmless idiot. Rukia doesn't like him anyway, why am I getting so freaking upset?_ With every inch of his determination, he took an enormous bite of his sandwich and concentrated completely on chewing. And ignoring Keigo. It was difficult, the boy seemed to just drape himself over Rukia, joking and teasing. Ichigo could handle that, perhaps, telling himself repeatedly to be calm. But then, Keigo wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her against him playfully as she, still in her act, tried to push him off. That was the final straw. White hot fury overthrew his senses, seeming to blind him to everything but the need to squash the offender. Even if it was a friend.

Ichigo's sandwich hit the concrete as he shot to his feet, grabbing the boy's collar and wrenching him away from Rukia. Lifting the smaller boy off of his feet, Ichigo full-out snarled at him, seething. Everyone was silent for a few fleeting seconds, totally shocked by his behavior. Ichigo had always held himself rather apart from everyone else, the pinnacle of cool and aloof. The fact that he had very suddenly ripped his friend away from the rest of them and was now threatening to cream him was astonishing.

"Woah, woah, Ichigo! What—what're you _doing_!" Keigo stammered, grabbing at Ichigo's wrist. The boy's familiar voice cut through the black anger like a beacon of light. Ichigo blinked. He didn't _know_ what he was doing. He had been just so suddenly angry, _furious_…He had acted without even thinking. Keigo thrashed in his hand, and then suddenly everyone seemed to come to their senses, yelling out for Ichigo to stop.

"Kurosaki! Put him down—!" Ishida shouted just as Rukia cut him off, dropping the innocent act.

"Ichigo, you idiot! What the hell are you doing!"

"_Ichigo_! Let him go!" Tatsuki insisted, standing and holding up her own fist threateningly.

"Kurosaki-san!" Mizuiro also added, while Chad stood imposingly, as if to perhaps break them up if he had to. Ichigo's brows lifted in surprise, he started to lower his arm and drop Keigo, but something stopped him. His vision blurred for a second, he felt a wave of dizziness overtake him and cloud his senses. The anger was back, but he realized now that it wasn't just his own. Keigo was talking again, everyone else was shouting, Ichigo barely heard it, blinking rapidly to clear his head. But then another voice, his own, cut into the others', shocking him.

"_Stay away from her, or I'll crush you_."

"Wha—what!? I wasn't doing anything!" Keigo insisted, his expression now showed fear, it wasn't just surprise anymore. Ichigo's own face scrunched as he tried to fight back the hazy darkness in his mind. His anger was his own, and not his own. Another source was fueling him, pushing him, and the harder he tried to fight, the more angry he became. Another emotion rose within him, fear. "What's your _problem_, Ichigo!? You're being so _fucking crazy_! 'Stay away from her', what, are you in _love_ with her or something!?" Keigo shouted in his face, writhing to try to break Ichigo's hold. He panicked, his control was slipping. Irrationally, he lashed out, his focus gone. Without warning, he was shouting, words spilling forth without him summoning them.

"Fuck! _Of course I'm not in love with her_! Who could _ever_ love a _fucking retard_ like _Rukia_!" The words hung in the air. He was horrified. _I—I said—_His eyes darted to Rukia, who was watching him without any expression at all. Not even in her eyes. It reminded him deeply of Byakuya, of the impenetrable coldness that always was with him. And he was terrified by it.

Ichigo lost, then and there. Whatever had prompted the words to tumble out of his mouth had won, his grip tightened on Keigo's shirt, his arm jerking to the side without his consent. The boy was tossed to the side, a wide, oily grin spread across Ichigo's face. Ichigo screamed on the inside, but his voice didn't follow him, his body moving on its own. His head cocked to the side, he flashed the repulsive grin at Rukia and gave her a wink, laughing.

"Hey there, _Rukia-chan_." His voice sounded, jovially. Ichigo pounded against what was holding him back, fighting with all his strength. Though he felt terrible about what he had just done to Keigo, he was _really_ afraid of what was happening now, of the Hollow's attention on Rukia.

_Get away from her, you fucking bastard!_ He cried, grabbing some control and shoving the Hollow aside.

**…"_Get away from her", eh, King? …How very interesting._ **The Hollow gave a thick chuckle. _**Why** _**_should I? When Rukia-chan and I could be such good friends?_** Giving a shriek of pure outrage, Ichigo blasted the Hollow away, seizing full control.

_No! I won't let you! _

**_Heh…You're back in control. Not for long, though. It's just sooo easy when you get all worked up about Rukia-chan... Next time, I'll buck you off _for good**_**. Enjoy the last few days of your reign, King.** _With that, the Hollow admitted temporary defeat, retreating back into the shadows of Ichigo's mind, waiting. Now in complete control again, Ichigo sank forward onto his knees, gripping his head. After a few seconds of just sitting there, chest heaving, while he tried to calm himself, someone spoke.

"…Kurosaki?" Ichigo's eyes darted up, meeting the open-mouthed stares of all of his friends, astonishment and occasionally fear clear on their faces. The only one what wasn't looking at him, at all, was Rukia.

o o o o o

Byakuya Kuchiki held himself upright and rigid while the meeting continued, he even managed to maintain his severe posture and demeanor until it ended. But as soon as the elder of the Kuchiki House left his office, he couldn't hold on any longer. Forgetting entirely about his Kuchiki dignity, he slumped forward on his desk, a breathy groan of pain escaping his lips. The pain was intolerable, it had stretched down from his head into his limbs and joints, he ached everywhere.

He had tried to keep up business as usual, not wanting to let himself give in to weakness. Earlier, when the pain wasn't as intense, he had chastised himself, thinking that it was below him to whine about a headache while there were things he had to attend to. Now, he regretted the thought, almost thinking that he had somehow jinxed himself. _Don't be ridiculous_, Byakuya scolded himself, pushing his weary body upright again to stand. _"Jinxing", ha. There is no such thing. It is merely pain, something I have experienced many times before_. He didn't allow himself to acknowledge the fact that this pain was unlike anything he had ever experienced before. _I can overcome this._ As soon as he was on his feet, though, steady doubt settled in the back of his mind. He tried to shake it off, exuding all the confidence and poise he could manage. His strength was wavering, though, his knees wobbling threateningly. Disturbed by this, he tried to flair his reiatsu to enhance his strength, and to reassure the growing doubt within him.

It was a mistake. As soon as his reiatsu surged, it drained away, leaving him with next to nothing. Eyes widening in pure shock and horror, the Captain of the 6th Division stumbled forward. An unfamiliar feeling washed through him, panic. He tried to recover, pushing his legs to keep moving, but knew he was in trouble. His legs carried him a little further, into his private chambers in the next room. The only piece of furniture in that room was a wardrobe, gasping for breath now as his vision began to cloud, he staggered toward it as fast as he could. His knees couldn't carry him any longer, one buckled as he reached up and dragged open the door of the wardrobe, revealing his goal. The portrait of his beloved deceased wife, smiling at him from the frame. A few tears pooled in the eyes that had long been dry of them. He smiled back at her, wanting her image to be the last thing he saw before the world went black.

"…_Hisana_." Then he was gone.

o o o o o

It was terrible. Just terrible. Orihime's breath caught in her throat as she stared at dozens of unconscious Shinigami being carried past her on stretchers, to be taken to wards. This was far worse than she had ever thought it could be. _Why is it so bad here? Everyone in the human world isn't too bad… _Beside her, Urahara, Hitsugaya, Renji, and Yoruichi stood watching as well, Zaraki and Yachiru having left to go visit their 3rd Seat as soon as they entered the clinic. Surprisingly, Yoruichi voiced Orihime's very thoughts.

"It's much worse than it was before…Did we only leave here yesterday? …How could it have gotten this bad so quickly, there must be over fifty victims! And why is it so much worse here than in the real world…?" Urahara, next to her, grunted and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Just more pieces to the puzzle. Now. As much as I would like to stay and begin immediately, I believe I should report in to the Chief Commander as soon as possible…The gate let me pass, so he must already know that I have returned, but no doubt will have some things to discuss with me on the matter." He turned to Hitsugaya and Yoruichi. "He will also most likely request your presence, as well as the presence of the other Captains. Certainly all of those who approved of my return…" He sighed. "Inoue-san." Orihime tore her eyes away from the sick and looked up at him. "Please, while we are gone, go see Captain Unohana and try to heal as many as you can." With a quick glance at Hitsugaya, he continued. "And please start with Matsumoto-san and Hinamori-kun." Orihime slowly nodded, nerves still picking at her as they others turned to leave.

Suddenly, the hall erupted into commotion. Orihime whirled to see what was going on, when she froze with new horror. A new patient had just entered the clinic, the 4th Squad members carrying him were clearly extremely distressed.

"Someone get Captain Unohana! Someone get the Captain!" One of them cried, as they pelted down the hall with the stretcher. After a few slow seconds of chaos, the 4th Squad Captain emerged, blocking Orihime's view.

"What is it—Oh! Oh my—!" Unohana cried as she approached the stretcher. Urahara and his group hadn't left yet, running up to the new patient. "Kisuke! What—You're back?" Unohana exclaimed, clearly not understanding what all was going on.

"Holy—! How…_how_—?!" She could hear Renji over the rest of the noise.

"Inoue-san!" Ignoring Unohana and cutting Renji off, Urahara leaning around the 4th Captain to call to Orihime. Only hesitating for a second, she slid past the 4th Squad Captain to the side of the stretcher.

"Captain Unohana, this is the ryoka girl who helped us heal in Hueco Mundo, do you remember her?" Yoruichi asked, urgently. Unohana's eyes shifted down to Orihime and she hurriedly nodded. "Good. We discovered that her abilities can temporarily help the sick. Please, let her attend to him." It wasn't a request, it was more of an order. But, Unohana stepped back, gesturing for her subordinates to step back and give them some space as well. They set the stretcher down, and Orihime knelt beside it, placing her hands on her clips.

"Souten Kishun!" Oblidgingly, the clips burst apart, and the shield unfolded over the patient. Concentrating, Orihime almost didn't catch Yoruichi's next order.

"Send out a Hell's Butterfly. Inform Kuchiki Rukia that her brother, Kuchiki Byakuya, has fallen severely ill and is now unconscious."

o o o o o

"_Stay away from her, or I'll crush you._" Ichigo's voice sounded warped, his low growl didn't sound really like him at all. All the blood in Rukia's veins ran cold as sudden realization came to her. _Ichigo…?_ This wasn't Ichigo. Not really. She watched in cold horror as Keigo tried to struggle his way out of Ichigo's grip, protesting.

"Wha—what!? I wasn't doing anything!" Ichigo snarled at that, his face crumpling as the inner war within him became more obvious. His reiatsu, which Rukia could feel as effortlessly as breathing, darkened, pulsing dangerously. He wasn't in control. Keigo continued to protest, not understanding the danger he was currently in. This wasn't his friend he was screaming at, this was a twisted creature that delighted in others' pain. "What's your _problem_, Ichigo!? You're being so _fucking crazy_! 'Stay away from her', what, are you in _love _with her or something!?" Growling in apparent outrage, the man that was her best friend combined with her greatest fear spat out a response, one that made all of her emotions reel.

"Fuck! _Of course I'm not in love with her_! Who could _ever_ love a _fucking retard_ like _Rukia_!" The words were out there, out in the open. All of their friends watched the scene in complete shock, confusion, and slight fear. Apparently Ichigo still had some control, his brown eyes shot to her as soon as the words had left his lips, widening in obvious surprise. It was all Rukia could do to bury her emotions deep within, staring back at him with a separation she hadn't looked at him with since they had first met. She wasn't sure if it was Ichigo or not who had said that, but she sure as hell wasn't going to let him or the thing that was trying to control him see how much it hurt her. Either way, it would make her far too vulnerable. And as the thing within her best friend gained strength, she had to be strong as well. She had to fight for him, even if he didn't love her. _It doesn't matter_, she told herself firmly, further suppressing her wrenching feelings.

Suddenly, his reiatsu gave a horrible sort of shiver, and darkened almost completely, making a chill run down her spine. "Ichigo's" grip on Keigo tightened, Rukia prepared herself to attack if the creature threatened the boy's life. All he did instead was whip Keigo to the side, his eyes locked on Rukia. Then that smile.

_"You're…you're really not afraid of me?" His voice was his own this time, without the gravel of the mask. Her brows drew together as she considered her answer, knowing that this was important to him. _

_"It…sometimes it seems like it's not _you_ behind there…And I know that times it hasn't been." She was referring to all the times before when he hadn't had control, before he had fought his inner Hollow with the Vizards. She hadn't seen him when he wasn't in control, but knew that there had been times. _And it's easy to picture him not being there…That gold instead of his brown…it's discomforting._ "But, I know it is. This might sound stupid, but, I can feel you there. So, no. I'm not afraid." His expression was unguarded for once, and everything, from this posture to face, spoke of his relief. "…Why do you ask?" She needed to know why this was so important to him. His Bankai Vizard form was one of immense power, he was respected by everyone for his power, even those of the highest rank in Soul Society. She thought he would be proud of it, but he didn't seem to be. Several moments passed before he answered, Rukia thought he had simply chosen not to answer at all. _

_"…A lot of people are scared of me like that."_

Rukia remembered their discussion in Hueco Mundo months ago. _Ichigo…He was so afraid of the Hollow, and of people fearing him…I can understand why. _This wasn't the same form as he had been in when they were talking, there were no Shinigami robes and Hollow mask to make him seem…less Ichigo. Now, he looked exactly the same as ever. Even the eyes. The only difference was that disgusting smile, and the _feel_ of him. _But I was wrong. When he's like this…I'm afraid._

But it didn't matter. Her friend was in there, and she knew he wouldn't give up control by choice. He needed help. The Hollow chuckled, winking at her playfully.

"Hey there, _Rukia-chan_." She fought back the urge to cringe, despising the way her name sounded on his lips. Lips that were Ichigo's, and the voice that she normally _liked_ speaking her name. She stared up at him, trying to figure out what to do. _I'll let him make the first move…I don't want to attack in front of all these humans if it might not be necessary._ "Ichigo" suddenly straightened, hand on hip. His eyes were unfocused, and his lip curled into a sneer. His eyes were back on her, she locked onto his gaze defiantly, but poised to attack. Abruptly, his reiatsu shifted again, the darkness draining away. Ichigo, himself again, fell forward onto his knees, grabbing at his head. He was shaking.

Relief flooded her senses, she was hardly able to keep herself from crying out just out of relief. Closing her eyes for a moment, she struggled to calm herself. Now that the fear and adrenaline were subsiding, her remaining emotions were a mess. Relief, hurt, fear for Ichigo, confusion… She inhaled deeply, then let out the breath slowly, hoping to regain her composure. The sudden appearance of the Hollow had scared her, especially for Ichigo. _How could he lose control? What's going on…?_ Something was seriously wrong with him, which frightened her more than the Hollow alone ever could. Staring down at the concrete, she didn't notice Ichigo's pained expression as he looked down at her.

"…Kurosaki?" Ishida's voice sounded, with a nervous edge. Rukia glanced up now, Mizuiro, Tatsuki, and Chad were now at Keigo's side, who was rubbing at his head and staring fearfully at Ichigo. Ishida was standing, in a clearly defensive stance, clearly ready to grapple with the Shinigami substitute if he needed to. "Kurosaki, your reiatsu changed. …You _lost control_." Ishida said firmly. Ichigo ignored him, still staring down at Rukia with wide eyes. His mouth worked, but no words came out. "You're a danger here, Kurosaki." With that, Ishida strode forward and grabbed Ichigo's arm, pulling him towards the door that lead off the roof. "Kuchiki-san, I may need your help." Rukia slowly got to her feet, easily following the Quincy's command as she was still in a rather disturbed state. Ichigo didn't fight him, but stared over his shoulder at Rukia nearly the whole way down, eventually dropping his gaze. _He's ashamed_…Though part of her agreed that he should be, letting his control slip like that, a larger part empathized. _With everything we've been through…how can I blame him? He has is so much harder than the rest of us, he can't ever just let go. He always has to be strong…. It's not fair. _

They finally ended up in an empty classroom, though it wouldn't remain empty for long, as lunch would end very soon. Shoving Ichigo away from him, Ishida held up his Quincy Cross, almost threateningly.

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you, Kurosaki! You could have let it kill one of us! Just because you're jealous! You moron!" Ichigo hunched over a desk, one hand in his hair.

"Shut the fuck up, Ishida! I know—I KNOW!" Whipping around, he took a few quick steps toward Rukia, his usually aloof eyes now pleading. Just meeting those eyes hurt her again, she still didn't know if he had meant what he said about no one loving her, or if it was the Hollow. Either way, it was too recent for her to simply push the words away and bury the pain that came with them, like she did with all of the other hurts that she had gained over the decades. Byakuya's coldness, her fallout with Renji, Kaien's death… Ichigo paused in his approach, his expression clouding and eyes going to the floor. "…Rukia…I…I'm sor—"

"Kuchiki-san!" He was cut off by Ishida's sudden shout. A Hell's Butterfly fluttered in through an open window, heading straight for them. Automatically, Rukia held out her hand, and the spirit insect landed on it lightly. The message passed through her, and then the butterfly was flying away, leaving her frozen to the spot. _No…No—how—how could this happen!_

"Kuchiki-san—!"

"Rukia, what is it!" She couldn't answer them.

"_Nii-sama!_"

- - - - - - - - -

And so, the Hollow finally shows it's ugly white head, lol. Whadja think?? I'm a bit nervous about this chapter...

instant recap! Orihime goes to Soul Society with the others, she feels kind of nervous about the whole thing. Ichigo and Rukia go back to sit with their friends, and Keigo's over the top flirting gets him in trouble with a very pissed-off-Ichigo-turned Hollow. It was Ichigo's anger that helped the Hollow out, I figure the Hollow gets stronger and almost feeds on powerful negative emotions Ichigo is feelings. Like desperation, anger, jealousy, etc. Mostly because it makes him lose his focus, makes him vulnerable to an attack from the inside. So that's what happened here. The Hollow's the one that made Ichigo so outrageously angry, but Ichigo himself gave the Hollow the ability to do it. Ichigo gains control again, but it's too late in his eyes, Rukia and everybody else was made aware of hte Hollow's return in one of the worst possible ways. And the Hollow lets him know that he isn't gone for good. Meanwhile, Byakuya finally succumbs to the sickness. He is rushed to the 4th Squad clinic, where Orihime, Hitsugaya, Renji, Yoruichi, and Urahara are. Urahara gets her to heal the 6th Captain, and Yoruichi orders a Hells Butterfly to be sent out to Rukia. We also get the Ichigo-melt-down scene partly from Rukia's perspective. She doesn't think what Ichigo thinks she will, she wants to fight for him instead of running from him. still, though, she's disturbed and worried. He starts to apologize in any way he can when the Hells Butterfly shows up, alerting her to her brother's suffering.

Ok, that's all for now. Let me know what you think! MissCyraf


	22. Hisana Would Have Liked Him

Hot off the presses!! Lol, I literally JUST finished this chapter. I normally would have updated later, but I like this chapter, and it's sort of a "thank you" for another 9 reviews on the last chapter. Haha, for me, that's a really big number!! Anyways, here's chapter 22! Huzzah! I don't own Bleach.

22

Hisana Would Have Liked Him

"What?" Ichigo asked, his brows knitting in confusion. Rukia suddenly tore off after the Hell's Butterfly. It went out the window, and Rukia stopped, gripping the windowsill for a second. Then, digging into her pocket, she removed her Soul Candy. "Wait—Rukia! What—what are you doing!" Ichigo ran over to her, catching her arm so she couldn't place the Soul Candy into her mouth. _She's leaving—shit, SHIT! She's leaving! I'm sorry, I'M SORRY, I didn't mean it, I swear I didn't mean it!_

"Let go, Ichigo." She ordered, he did so without even thinking, feeling his insides begin to crumple. After all the times she should have left, after all the shit he had done and said, she was finally leaving. He panicked, not knowing what to say. She placed the Candy into her mouth, her body dropping to the side as her Shinigami form burst out.

"Rukia, wait…_Please_…" He whispered, forgetting his pride for once. He wasn't above pleading now. One hand on the windowsill, she left up into the window, hesitating a moment before leaping out.

"Ichigo." Though it was still a command, her voice wasn't nearly as cold as it was before. That gave him a slight hope. She gave him one of her most meaningful looks, her eyes piercing. "Nii-sama is sick. I have to go. We will talk about this later." It was a promise, not just a reassurance. The smallest of smiles, though not a happy one, certainly one with warmth, touched on her lips. And then she was gone, leaping out of the window to follow the Butterfly to the gate that would take her back to Soul Society.

He took the last step to the window, watching the small figure grow further and further away. The gigai next to him stood, shaking her head, and then giving him an enormous smile. He ignored her entirely, not wanting anything to do with her. It was Rukia's body, but it wasn't Rukia. _"We will talk about this later'…I hope she means that._ Still staring out after her, though she was no longer in sight, he felt what little hope she had given him begin to fade away. _Shit, what I said to her…How could I lose control like that! How…_ He believed her when she said they would talk about it, but wasn't entirely sure what that meant_. Does that mean she's coming back? If her brother's sick…how long could it take? And…what if she gets sick! What if—what if she gets sick and I'm not there—!_

"Kurosaki!" Ishida interrupted his thoughts. He turned around dully, feeling nauseous now. His stomach wasn't the cause, but his churning emotions, he felt like gagging.

"What." He asked, raising his tired eyes up to look at Ishida. The sight he received wasn't what he was expecting, and if he were in a better mood, he would have laughed. Rukia's gigai was now sitting on top of the Quincy, bending his arm backwards like she had done to him so often.

"Silly, silly human, Pyon! Arm goes break!" She was giggling, bending his arm further. In rare desperation, Ishida called out to Ichigo.

"Kurosaki, don't just stand there! HELP!"

o o o o o

The darkness seemed to lift, giving way to a harsh, abrasive orange. Byakuya cringed against it, it was terrible. _An eyesore…_ The thought drifted through his head. He abruptly then realized that he was awake. _…I didn't…die?_ It was a ridiculous question, he inwardly scolded himself, but the question remained. _Where am I? What is happening?_ More questions surfaced. He opened his eyes fully, trying to figure out answers.

Leaning over him was one of the last people he expected to see, the young ryoka girl from Kurosaki's Special Squad. _How unusual…_ His mind hazy, he tried to figure out a possible reason for her presence, and wondered what she was doing in his office. _And am I on the ground? _Turning his head, then regretting it as he winced from the sudden dart of pain that hit him, he decided to wait. All would be explained, he would be sure of that.

But then the orange disappeared, the girl leaning over him further, her large grey eyes blinking at him. It offended him, the Head of the noble Kuchiki House, on the floor, being stared at like some sort of animal by an insolent human.

"K—Kuchiki-sama? Can you hear me?" His lip curled slightly at her stupid question.

"Of course I can hear you, human. What is happening here?" Instead of answering, she just smiled and sighed aloud.

"Byakuya." Another voice, this one much more familiar, sounded from nearby, and Yoruichi Shihuoin came into view. He ignored the slight baiting, the woman would forever be addressing him without the proper respect. "How do you feel?" She pressed, laying a light hand on his forehead. That surprised him, it took him a second to respond.

"…I'm—quite well. Please remove your hand." He tried to put his usual amount of ice behind his voice, as well as fixing her with a stern eye, but she ignored him.

"Enough of your Kuchiki pride nonsense, Little Byakuya. Tell me seriously, _how do you feel_?" She inquired. _"Kuchiki pride nonsense"…?_ He was still hurting, and felt completely drained. Too tired to argue, and realizing the fact that she clearly would keep bothering him until he admitted it, he sighed, relenting.

"Terrible."

"Good." Was Yoruichi's response, removing her hand and sitting back on her heels. _"Good"? _Byakuya was flat out insulted now. _And why am I still on the floor!_ More people were gathering now, he could see the faces of not only the ryoka girl and Yoruichi, but Captain Unohana, several members of her Squad, and his Vice Captain, Renji, peering down at him. Yoruichi leaned back to talk to someone out of his field of vision.

"He's alright, Kisuke."

"'Kisuke'! Urahara is here!?" He barked, wincing as his own voice was too loud, giving him another pang. Wanting to see the man and find out himself, he struggled to sit up.

"Oh! Please don't yell or sit up, Kuchiki-sama! We don't know how long the effects will last!" His gaze snapped to the protesting ryoka girl.

"What do you mean, '_effects'_? Explain." He ordered. A green and white stripped hat then invaded his view, a fan, blonde hair, and the annoying smiling face of Kisuke Urahara following it.

"Ah! Bya-kun! Good to see you're awake!" He flipped his fan cheerily. Byakuya was now getting beyond irritated, and quickly, a feeling he hadn't had for quite a while. Not since his younger days when hot-headedness was very much in his character. Pain seemed to have brought it back out, at least for now, and he tried to suppress it. It wouldn't do for the Head of the Kuchiki House to suddenly start yelling like a fool.

"You will explain what is happening to me right _now_, Urahara." He said as coolly as possible, resisting the urge to shout it.

"All in good time Bya-kun! Now, if everyone would back up, we can get him to a ward!" _Ward? …They are putting me in the clinic. …If I'm waking up, I must have fallen unconscious…_He recalled the symptoms of this so called "disease", unconsciousness was generally a later symptom, when the "disease" had worsened. Most didn't wake up. _Then how…?_ He was still in terrible pain, but he was awake.

"How am I awake?" He inquired of Urahara quietly as the man strode beside his stretcher while he was carried to his ward room. For once, the man cast him a serious eye.

"The young human girl, Inoue-san, used her healing powers to bring you out of unconsciousness. It seems to help for short periods."

"…She fought in Kurosaki's Special Squad, did she not?"

"Yes. Her skills, especially now, are invaluable." Byakuya was quiet for a few minutes, digesting the information he had gathered. He was placed into the ward on a bed, Unohana checking all of his vitals. Urahara and Yoruichi lingered, Captain Hitsugaya and the human girl had gone off to heal others. No one spoke, the air in the room was tense. Finally, as Captain Unohana turned to leave the room, Urahara stopped her.

"Please, Captain. I know you are very busy at the moment, but we have much to discuss." She nodded slowly, seating herself in a chair beside Byakuya's bed. Byakuya laid back in bed, it seemed that only a few minutes of being awake was exhausting him. he refused to let himself fall asleep though, at least not yet. Urahara had answers, and he needed them.

"Firstly, as you've seen, the human Inoue can temporarily help the sick. Kisuke invited her to come along with us to give some relief to those who are in pain." Yoruichi started, leaning against the back wall and crossing her arms over her chest. Urahara seamlessly picked up where she left off.

"We believe her powers are not actually 'healing', but returning things to their previous state before the damage was inflicted. Of course, no one has been completely healed or 'cured', so it is my opinion that her power simply isn't strong enough. What we believe this illness is doing is draining the victim's reiatsu to extremely low levels. It is possible that, in time, the reiatsu will be drained completely, and the victim, as we are made of spirit particles, will die. However, that's just a theory." He began to pace now, flipping his fan around with ever step. The smile was gone from his face, Byakuya had to admit it was a little bit disturbing to see the man without it. Even though his constant cheeriness was annoying, Urahara's seriousness was just unnatural. "Now…the theory continues. I tell you this because of your position, Captains. I hope that you will keep this information to yourselves as best you can to prevent widespread panic."

"Panic?" Unohana cut in, her gentle expression shifting to one of worry.

"Yes. We are beings made of reishi, that is understood. Now, if a widespread epidemic appears that drains us of our reishi, where does that leave us? Where does that leave Soul Society?" He flipped his fan shut. "If it spreads far enough, and kills enough Shinigami, it has the potential of destroying Soul Society. And…bringing about the collapse of the universe." Unohana gasped, even Byakuya's eyes widened a little. The 6th Captain tried to think of a hole in the man's theories, tried to find a way to deny it. _…No. He is right. _

"So what can be done?" Unohana whispered.

"Glad you asked!" Urahara cheered, back to his normal, over-enthusiastic self. Byakuya ground his teeth. "Yoruichi here was kind enough to gather six Captains' approvals for me to return to Soul Society, though I'm positive our lovely Chief Commander will have some things to say about it… I am going attempt to research this disease to find a cure, and Inoue-san will stay and heal as many as she can in the meantime. It won't cure the disease, but it might be able to slow it down. And the first step, my friends, is to find the cause."

"No, the first step is ta get the hell outta my way," A gruff voice interrupted. The occupants in the room swiveled around to see the massive frame of Kenpachi Zaraki stride into the ward, heading straight for Byakuya's bed. Leaning over the 6th Captain, Zaraki presented him with his wide, mocking grin.

"Hey, Six."

"BYAKUSHI!" Yachiru screamed from his shoulder, waving her arms to get Byakuya's attention. _As if I could really not notice her…_ He closed his eyes, her shrill voice making his head throb even more brutally.

"Captain Zaraki…" Yoruichi warned.

"Yachiru, shut it."

"What do you want, Captain Zaraki?" Byakuya snapped, eyes still closed.

"Jus' thought I'd come an' see how your doin'…" It was clearly a lie.

"You are _enjoying_ this," Byakuya opened one eye, staring up at the 11th Captain accusingly. Zaraki only grinned more broadly, shrugging. He then turned away, facing Urahara and Yoruichi.

"I actually came t' get you guys, the Chief wants ta see you, Urahara. You too, Yoruichi."

"Why are _you_ delivering the message?" Yoruichi asked blandly, a ghost of a smile hanging on her lips. It was common knowledge that Zaraki tried to avoid being involved with duty, especially with the Chief Commander, as much as possible.

"'Cause he wants t' see me too. All of the Captains." He cast a speculative eye over at Byakuya, who was now watching intently, even though his body was urging him to let himself sleep. He ignored it, though with every second, the demand was getting stronger. _I have to stay awake as long as possible…Who knows when I will next wake up, if I do at all?_

"Captains Ukitake and Kuchiki will be unable to attend," Said a pleasant, but firm voice from the door. Unohana strode into the room, in her arms another blanket for her prestigious patient. Laying it down at his feet, Unohana smiled at Byakuya, but her question was direct. "If you will allow it, I will witness you giving approval for Urahara Kisuke's reinstatement. Is that acceptable?" Though exhaustion was finally pulling the world away from him, Byakuya still did his best in giving Urahara a pointed, icy glare.

"Yes. I give my approval." He didn't like the man, but Urahara's genius was undeniable. And it was necessary, now more than ever, for him to be here.

"Ah! Thank you, Bya-kun! We'll visit you again after the meeting." Urahara chirped, and everyone turned to leave. Unohana was the last one out, Byakuya stopped her with a rasping call. He felt like he was going down again, his vision blurred and even Urahara's chipper voice sounded distant in his ears.

"Captain Unohana…" She turned, brows raised curiously. "Please…" She waited. "I wish to see my sister. I wish to see Rukia."

o o o o o

"…Hinamori? Hinamori, can you hear me?" Hitsugaya called, tightly gripping the girl's small hands in his own. Inoue had performed her healing on Hinamori as he had impatiently waited, she was now leaning over Matsumoto to heal her as well. Hitsugaya let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding as he saw her eyes flutter, and he nearly collapsed in relief as one large brown eye opened. She seemed to not recognize anything at first, his hold on her hands tightened. But then, the smallest smile crept over her lips.

"Whitey-chan…" That horrible nickname, the one he detested so greatly, had never sounded so wonderful.

"Yes, Hinamori, _yes_, it's me, Whitey-chan!" He agreed eagerly.

"Whitey-chan…I'm so tired…" She smiled at him again, and then her eyes closed once more. His relief was dashed by sudden panic.

"Hinamori! _Hinamori_!" He urged her to wake up again, shaking her hands, then holding her cheeks, begging her to wake up. When she didn't respond, he whipped around to face Inoue. Tears prickled in his eyes, he ignored them, not caring if they fell or not. He was tired, so tired, in every way. If Hinamori had just been alright, he could of let himself rest, let himself sleep. He wouldn't need to fight to stay awake anymore. The pain had grown exponentially since he had first been healed, he believed that as soon as he let himself rest, he would most likely fall back into the grasp of unconsciousness. But he didn't care_. I just want to see them awake again! For them to be alright, and then I can sleep!_ "What's wrong with her!? _Why_ isn't she better!? _WHY_!?" He shouted, his entire body quaking. Inoue left the shield up over Matsumoto, but hurried over to Hinamori's bedside. Quickly feeling the Vice Captain's head, Inoue's eyes widened.

"She—she's unconscious again! I don't understand! Why didn't it work!?" Hitsugaya wasn't even hearing her, slumping down to the ground. He wasn't sure his body could take much more, his mind and will could only go so far. He could distantly feel tears rolling down his cheeks now, he didn't bother even wiping them away, hopelessness setting in. His now damp face in his hands, the 10th Captain didn't hear someone else walk into the room.

"Hitsugaya-kun?" Something light landed on his shoulder, he pulled his face upwards to look Urahara Kisuke straight in the eye as the other man was crouched before him.

"It didn't work." He whispered, though even to him, it sounded more like a hoarse croak. Even in his state, he didn't miss the flicker of surprise that passed over Urahara's face. The ex-Captain stood, striding towards her bedside. Yoruichi, who had apparently entered with Urahara, followed. Unohana, Kenpachi and Yachiru appeared as well, but lingered in the doorway, thankfully giving him some space.

"…Perhaps…Because she has been ill the longest? Or, at least unconscious the longest?" He wondered aloud. Hitsugaya said nothing. The reason didn't matter. "…Inoue-san. Would you mind staying and continuing to try and heal both of them? The Captain here and several others of us have to go see the Chief Commander." Inoue nodded, lips thinning in worry as she looked down at Hinamori.

"I'll do the best I can." She affirmed, glancing over at Hitsugaya. "I promise." He tried to push a small smile for her, it was a promise not to them, but to him. It was a promise that she would do whatever she could to help him. And he appreciated that.

"Thank you, Inoue-san." Urahara answered for him. "And perhaps when we return, you could give Hitsugaya-kun another session as well? He looks a little worse for the wear." She nodded again, Hitsugaya only glowered. He didn't want to leave Hinamori or Matsumoto's side, but one couldn't ignore direct orders from the Chief Commander. _I only hope this goes quickly._

o o o o o

Rukia didn't stop running as she passed through the gate, stretching her senses for her elder brother's reiatsu to locate him. When she came up with nothing, not even a glimmer, she screeched to a halt, breathing hard more out of panic than from running. _Nii-sama! He couldn't—he couldn't have…_She was too afraid to even think it, Byakuya Kuchiki couldn't have been killed by something like this. He was too strong, too proud. It just couldn't happen.

Her gaze darting around, she spotted a passing Shinigami, and ran straight at him. Not even stopping for introductions, she grabbed his arm, wrenching him around to look at her.

"Captain Kuchiki—where is he!?" She demanded. The Shinigami blinked at her in complete surprise, stuttering out an answer.

"C—Captain Kuchiki? I—I heard he was taken to the clinic—" She didn't give him a chance to finish, releasing him and heading straight for the clinic.

o o o o o

"Hi Ichi-nii!" Yuzu called as her brother entered the house. It was a little late for him to be coming in, Yuzu was already preparing dinner. He didn't respond, heading straight for his room. Yuzu frowned, put out by him ignoring her. Placing her hands on her hips, she watched as he, hunched over dully, climbed the stairs. Karin joined her, staring at his odd behavior. They were aware of their brother's odd moods, but he usually at least greeted them, even if it was just a vague grunt of recognition in their general direction. He disappeared, turning the corner on the staircase, Yuzu's frown intensified. Karin prodded her in the side.

"Hey, where's Rukia-chan?" As soon as Karin spoke the question, both of their eyes widened. That would explain their brother's behavior. Something had happened. Worriedly plucking at her lip, Yuzu debated going up to see if everything was alright. Karin seemed to not have that inner debate, marching off towards the stairs as soon as the realization struck her. Pausing, she turned to raise a brow at her twin. "Aren't you coming?" Nodding hurriedly, Yuzu put down her spatula and followed Karin up the stairs. She had really come to think of Rukia as a sister, they both had. If something happened…she wanted to know.

o o o o o

Even with an entire walk's home length of over analyzing, Ichigo had come to no real conclusions, but had convinced himself out of paranoia that Rukia now hated him, was disgusted by him, and that she would most likely be in Soul Society for a very long time. _And I'm fucking _stuck_ here. Not that she'd want to see me anyway… _He didn't really hear Yuzu's call from the kitchen, climbing the stairs completely in autopilot while his mind churned over his potentially ruined relationship with Rukia. He wanted to blame the Hollow, but that would accomplish nothing. _It was me that lost control. It's me that's weak. _ He snorted at himself viciously, disgusted with himself, and pushed open his bedroom door. _Ishida was right, it was all because I was freaking jealous. I'm so stupid…weak. _He dropped himself down onto his bed, burying his face into the pillow as he lay on his stomach.

He just kept rehearsing the entire Hollow scene in his head, over and over, hating how there were large gaps in his recollection. He had been paying attention to the Hollow during that time, not noticing what it was doing with his body. Now, he was miserable, wishing that it was possible to bury himself so far into the pillow that he could just turn his brain and emotions off. It wasn't possible, though, and he continued to curse himself. Rukia was gone, his friends probably were afraid of him, Soul Society seemed to be on the brink of destruction_…And I can't do SHIT about it because I can't control myself…The memories of the war alone were enough to mess me up, now with this…_Rukia was the only one who had ever been able to give him comfort, and he now starting to understand why. Without her, he didn't know how he was going to be able to stop himself from falling apart entirely. His strength alone wasn't enough, not when he felt like he was rotting from the inside out.

He curled up into a ball on his side now, groaning under his breath. His head had been aching recently as well, most likely brought about by stress. _I'm weak…weak. She doesn't want me, no one does…He's come back, he won't leave me alone…I can't fight him forever, I'm not strong enough…_He needed her support. Despair seeped along the edges of his mind, utter and complete hopelessness threatening. _Rukia…I need your help. I need you._

**_…Aww, feelin' bad, King?_** Despair quickly was replaced by a jolt of terror, Ichigo shoved it away to try to cover it with pure anger, he certainly had plenty of _that_ as well. Anger was stronger, fear wouldn't get him anywhere.

"What the hell do you want, you _bastard_!" He snarled aloud, anger building.

_**Heh. Better watch out with that anger, King. Or you'll end up losin' it again. Didn't you learn anything last time?** _Ichigo grit his teeth.

"Why would _you_ warn _me_!? Isn't this what you want! I—I'm…" _Losing._

**_Yeah, but don't forget that I have to sit here and listen to all this pathetic shit you're spewing…Che. Pitiful. I always knew you were weak, Kurosaki. Sittin' there moaning about your damn problems…Disgusting._** Even though he was just echoing the thoughts that Ichigo already felt, the Hollow's comments rankled. He sat up in bed, slamming his fists into the mattress.

"Shut the fuck up! I don't care what you think!"

**_Fine. Then you won't mind at all when Rukia-chan comes back, and I'll have taken over. We haven't really been introduced, ya know? I'll bet she'd prefer to see me compared to the pathetic piece of shit you've become…_**He could practically feel the Hollow's nasty smile. **_I know we'll be really good friends, her and me._ **That was it. Bringing Rukia into it, Ichigo wouldn't allow that.

"NO! I won't _let_ you! I'll shove you right back down where you belong, you _bastard_. Don't you forget who's the king here!" With that, he threw himself off his bed, flaring his reiatsu to enforce his point. Striding quickly to his bedroom door, he flung it open, nearly running over his sisters who were right outside of it. Yuzu still had her hand held up in a fist, as if she was just about to knock.

"Ichi-nii!" The girls were clearly surprised, he blinked down at them. "…Who were you yelling at?"

"No one—myself—I don't know! What is it!?" He changed the topic abruptly, he had never told his sisters about his inner demon. They glanced at each other for a second, then Karin spoke up, clearly the designated speaker for both of them.

"Ichi-nii, where's Rukia-chan?" She asked frankly. Ichigo faltered for a second, then caught a wisp of a chuckle pass through the back of his head. The Hollow was watching, seeing what he was going to do. _I'm going to crush that bastard, that's what I'm going to do!_

"She went to Soul Society. Don't worry, I'm going to get her _back_." Brushing past them, he squared his shoulders, a plan forming. _Once I take care of the Hollow, I _am_ going to get her back. Even if she doesn't want to hear what I have to say, I'm going to _make_ her listen!_ _I need her! _As he strode purposefully out the front door, it didn't escape him that the Hollow had actually _helped _him for once.

o o o o o

Byakuya lingered between sleep and wakefulness, waiting for Rukia. He wouldn't let himself go completely under again until he had gotten a chance to speak with her. At some point, the human ryoka girl had come in, asking if he needed another healing. Byakuya recalled thinking how terribly drained she looked, and had refused. _The last thing we need is for her to fall ill as well, she doesn't need to waste her strength on me. I will be fine until I am able to talk to Rukia…_ And he had fallen into a light sleep. His dreams had been terrible, twisted images from memories, soaked in pain and blood. When he woke, the first thing he saw were the wide, violet eyes that were so familiar to him. For a moment, his senses were off.

"…_Hisana_?" He asked, a bit sleep-confused still. The eyes looked away, the disappointment in them clear to even him. He blinked a few times, trying to clear his head. The pain that was now coming back to him made him feel sluggish, and he wondered if he should have gotten the healing afterall.

"No, Nii-sama. I'm sorry. It's only me, Rukia." Came her soft reply. He found that he wasn't disappointed, only bothered by seeing her so distressed by his mistake.

"…I wanted to see you, Rukia." He offered, struggling to think of something to say to relieve that hurt in her eyes. As always, it was hard to speak to her. She looked so similar to his late wife that, like always as well, he found it far too painful to open his heart to her. Though he knew it to be selfish, he didn't want to ever feel the pain of losing someone he loved that deeply ever again. And so, throughout his entire life with Rukia, he had kept her distant, afraid that he would grow to care for her—even as a sister—and would somehow lose her as well. When she had been about to be executed…despite all his efforts to not feel anything, to keep himself cold, it had ripped him apart inside. _Hisana would be ashamed of me. I have not been the brother I should have been. I have not cared for Rukia like she deserved…I will do better. I will keep my promise._ Rukia sat down beside him, and to his astonishment, there were actual tears in her eyes. Even more surprisingly, they hurt him, and with his little energy, he had to force himself not to withdraw from her.

"They—they sent me a message saying that you were ill…"

"Yes."

"The pain…is it very bad, Nii-sama?" She asked slowly. He chose to lie to her, he couldn't see those tears fall. She looked so much like Hisana, but he knew it was Rukia. For some reason, that made it hurt him even more, like two people he cared about were crying at the same time.

"No." He figured she knew that he was lying, but she didn't argue with him. Conversation dried up there, Rukia falling silent. Byakuya cursed himself, he had had so much he wanted to tell her, fearing that if he didn't now, he might never have the chance to again. Yet, with her sitting here, the words didn't come. On the edge of his strength, he doubted he could watch her tears fall if he said anything. They sat in silence for about a half hour, Rukia mostly staring at the floor. Byakuya had closed his eyes, not letting himself go to sleep again yet. He still wanted to talk to her, but wasn't sure now how to bring up the matter. Rukia, surprisingly, solved the problem for him.

"…Nii-sama?"

"Yes, Rukia?" He opened an eye to look at her, she was still staring at the floor, a light finger running along the grooves in the wooden floorboards.

"Can—Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes…" She was silent again fro several moments, her expression changing several times. He watched with mild curiosity, wondering what would be so significant to her that she would puzzle this much over trying to speak to him. _Then again, I have never made approaching me easy for her._ His own expression darkened at that.

"…What do you think of Ichigo?" _That_ surprised him. He thought over the question, intently, but also wondered what caused her to ask.

"An insolent, obnoxious, _loud_ little whelp with no manners and worse breeding."

"…Oh." She barely whispered. He frowned, here came the hard part.

"…But." Rukia looked up, brows raised. "He has my gratitude. Thanks to him…I will be able to keep promise to Hisana. Without him…I would have failed. Failed even worse than I already have been. I have not kept it as best I could, Rukia. Hisana deserves better, and so do you. It is just…_difficult_ for me. After she…died…I cut myself off from the world, from everyone. Even you." He paused as she seemed be striving to take in what he had just admitted. A very faint smile touched at his lips then, despite everything, he was actually a little amused. "And every time that brat is around, I am able to see you truly smile, a smile that was so like hers…" He reached over and took her hand, she was now staring at him wide-eyed. "For all of those things, I am thankful." His grip tightened on her hand as the hardest part came to him. He locked his gaze with her, wanting her to know how serious he truly was. "Rukia…I want you to know how very sorry I am…What I did to you…_I am sorry_." She said nothing for a moment, and he looked down at the ground, wondering if she would forgive him. He needed her forgiveness, as well as Hisana's.

"…Thank you, Nii-sama." She whispered, squeezing his hand back. He closed his eyes in relief for a moment, then opened one again to look at her. She was frowning at the floor, but her eyes were soft. And then, like being hit with a sledgehammer, he understood. _She loves that insolent, obnoxious, loud little whelp._ Though the concept ruffled his feathers somewhat, he wasn't as nauseated by it as he thought he would be. Byakuya supposed he couldn't help something of a grudging respect for the boy. _After all, as I said…I am grateful to him. The young fool has helped me in more ways than I care to admit. _He pulled his hand away, closing his eyes again.

"Hisana would have liked him. She always had such affection for young, hot-headed fools." He heard Rukia's tiny gasp, and relaxed. Now that he had spoken with her, he could rest. He eventually drifted off into a more peaceful sleep.

o o o o o

Rukia was relieved when her brother finally fell asleep. It would give her time to review everything that had happened over the course of the day, as well as what he had said. Of course, she was still deeply worried about his welfare, but it was easier to worry and think when his cool grey-blue eyes weren't on her. The first thing that came to mind was Ichigo_. "Stay away from her, or I'll crush you."… "Of course I'm not in love with her! Why would I ever love a fucking retard like Rukia!"… "Hey there, Rukia-chan."…_ _"Rukia, wait…Please…"_ It didn't make sense, none of it. All those things he had said seemed to conflict. The vehemence in his denial of any sort of affection for her, but the disturbing amount of over-protectiveness from the first comment…The Hollow's interest…It just didn't make sense. _And which one do I believe? Which one was really Ichigo? And how much came from him, but was simply said due to the Hollow's influence?_ It was hard even for her to tell, she who knew him best. _The denial certainly sounded like him…_

She shifted, slumping slightly as the thought drifted through her head. When it was all still happening, when she and Ishida were getting Ichigo away, it was so easy to automatically take his side, to be understanding. Now though…now when the moment had passed and she was alone, she wasn't so sure any more. About anything. She went through everything again in her head, the most she could remember was fear. Fear of the Hollow, fear of what it could do, and what it was doing to Ichigo. _I was afraid_. She was ashamed of it, recalling when she had denied any fear of him in Hueco Mundo. _If the Hell's Butterfly hadn't of come then, what would have happened? What would I have said…? I couldn't say, "Don't worry, I wasn't bothered at all,", I couldn't lie to him. But that look in his eyes, the way he grabbed my arm before I left, he looked so…very vulnerable._ Alone, weak, sad. So very unlike the character he always put on. She closed her eyes, leaning back against a wall, still beside her sleeping brother.

"_You're…you're really not afraid of me?" _The memory came back to her again. She frowned at the recollection of her answer, her shame growing._ "It…sometimes it seems like it's not _you_ behind there…And I know that times it hasn't been. But, I know it is. This might sound stupid, but, I can feel you there. So, no. I'm not afraid."_ _He seemed so happy that I wasn't afraid_._ "…Why do you ask?" "…A lot of people are scared of me like that." And I was. The look in his eyes…Maybe he's afraid of himself when he's like that. _Though it was just a passing thought, it stuck her. She sat upright, eyes widening in surprise. _He IS afraid, he just never wants anyone to see it. Because if he lets them see his fear, then he knows that they will be afraid too, and he needs their support. Our support. _My_ support._

She ran through the list of today's quotes again, one sticking in her mind. _"Rukia, wait…Please…"_ She could probably count on her fingers of one hand how many times he had spoken to her like that, pleading, all his over-blown pride gone. _That_ was Ichigo. She dismissed the others, knowing for a fact that when he said that, he was himself. _And when he looked at me like that, that was him. "Of course I'm not in love with her! Why would I ever love a fucking retard like Rukia!"_ The quote that had so bothered her before didn't even seem to matter anymore. The only one that did was the very last thing he had said to her before she had left. And the look in his eyes when he had said it. Though she hadn't realized it at the time, her thoughts consumed by worries over her brother's health, he had been completely honest with her. No walls, no pride. She let herself smile just a little. _He does care…_ _And he needs my help. He's afraid of that thing, just like I am. I can rely on him, and he can rely on me._

_…Besides, Nii-sama said my sister would have liked him._

Her mind was made up. Now, she just needed some help. Her salvation appeared as a familiar reiatsu approached, coming somewhere from outside the ward. Standing, she jogged to the door, sticking her head out. Chunks of red hair could be seen over the shifting crowd in the hall, slowly drawing closer.

"RENJI!" Rukia shouted down in his direction, causing the people closest to her to stare in mild surprise and confusion.

"RUKIA?" His baritone responded, and the crowd began to shift even faster as his hair drew closer, he was apparently shoving people out of the way. She grinned, incredibly relieved to see him as he broke through the mob. "You're here to see you're brother?" He asked, reaching her. She gave him a loose hug, then grabbed his arm, pulling him into her brother's ward.

"Yes, but there's something I have to do. When Nii-sama wakes up, will you tell him I went back to the human world, and apologize for me?" Renji raised an odd brow.

"The human world?" His expression darkened then. "Is something wrong with Ichigo?" Staring up at him, she slowly nodded.

"He needs me." Guilt probed at her, she knew that Renji might still harbor feelings for her, considering their past. But it was best to be honest with him, he would want that more than anything else. He nodded once sharply, pushing past her to sit down beside her brother.

"Go, then. I'll tell him." Swearing that she never loved Renji as much as she did at this exact moment, she flashed him a brilliant smile before pelting out the door and down the hall.

- - - - - - - - - -

ok! Instant recap: Ichigo watches Rukia leave, he starts to worry. Byakuya wakes up thanks to Orihime, demands answers from Urahara. Urahara explains the threat to Soul Society, but is then asked to go see the Chief Commander. Byakuya asks to see Rukia. Meanwhile, Hitsugaya tries to talk with Hinamori, only for her to fall unconscious again. He is also asked to attend the meeting with the Chief. Rukia arrives in Soul Society, and Yuzu worries about her brother and Rukia. Ichigo is struggling, he is completely messed up over Rukia leaving. The Hollow interrupts his train of bad thoughts, though, and actually kind of pep-talks him with his insults. Taking heart, if only just to shove it back in the Hollow's face, Ichigo makes a plan to do something. And to get Rukia back, even if she hates him now. Byakuya gets his chance to talk to Rukia, and to tell her again how sorry he is for everything that's happened between them. He tries to explain why he's never warmed to her, because of his fear of being hurt again. Rukia, surprisingly, asks him about Ichigo, and though Byakuya doesn't like him, he gives a positive answer. He realizes that Rukia loves Ichigo, and tells her that Hisana would have approved, and that she always liked young, foolish hotheads. (Byakuya wasn't only referencing Ichigo, but himself. If you've read the Turn Back the Pendulum (great series!), then you'll recall what Byakuya used to be like. I imagine that it was Hisana's influence that calmed him, and then her death that made him cold.) With this positive answer, Rukia thinks on Ichigo, deciding that whatever he said before, it didn't matter. His true feelings were expressed in the last thing he said to her in the last chapter. She decides to go back to the human world to help him against the Hollow.

That's all for now! Thank you everyone for reading and the reviews! MissCyraf


	23. He Needs Me

23 is FINALLY up! Sorry about the crazy long wait, everybody. I went on vacation, and then started working. Have had very little time to write recently...it really makes me sad, especially when I'm thinking up all these ideas at work, but then don't have the time to actually write them out...sigh. I promise that I won't have nearly as big a gap between chapters next time though, these past few weeks have just been insane. Anyways, this chapter was originally supposed to be shorter, but...i thought a nice long chapter was only fair. i mean, seriously, that was a really long wait. :( I don't own Bleach. PS-THANKYOU to everyone who reviewed last chapter, made me so happy! Dirty Thoughts of Bliss, you have given me my biggest number yet, 16 reviews for one chapter! GASP! lol. Ok-enjoy the chapter!

23

He Needs Me

_"He needs me"…_ Renji seated himself down beside his Captain's prone form, expression dark and the thoughts running through his head even darker. _"He needs me". That's what she said._ Sitting cross-legged with Zabimaru in his lap, he closed his eyes, trying to shove away the heartache that bubbled up every time her words drifted through his mind. _Ichigo…She loves him. And he needs her, I understand that. But…_ He grit his teeth down at the floor, pulling his hairband out of his hair. It fell down around his face, helping ease the insistent throbbing in his head somewhat. Opening his eyes again, he ignored how his vision fuzzed. He knew what that meant, he knew what the symptoms were. _I'm getting sick_. His eyes fell on Byakuya and Renji analyzed him, taking in how pale and weak his Captain clearly was. Inoue's healing had helped restore Captain Kuchiki's reiatsu, a little, but Renji knew that it only really was delaying the inevitable. Death_. If Urahara doesn't find a cure._ He had to admit that the concept scared him, just a tiny bit, as he had seen the excruciating pain his fallen comrades had undergone as they had grown more and more ill. _Not looking forward to that…damn._ He leaned back on his elbows, closing his eyes again. _Rukia. I know he needs you, but…I need you too._

o o o o o

"Everyone who is coming has gathered?" The voice of the Chief Commander rang in Hitsugaya's head, he opened his eyes reluctantly. He was standing in his place in the line of Captains, Kisuke Urahara and Yoruichi Shihuoin stood in the center in between the two lines. Hitsugaya eyed them. Though Yoruichi looked as confident as ever, standing straight with her shoulders back, Urahara looked a bit nervous, pushing his hat back to scratch idly at his head.

"Yes, Chief Commander. Both Ukitake and Kuchiki are very ill and are currently sleeping in my clinic," Unohana answered.

"Very ill…Yes, I had heard that." The Chief mumbled. "I take it that your reappearance, Kisuke, and this illness overlapping is not a coincidence?" He asked, his eyes clear, sharp on the now slightly squirming former Captain of the 12th Squad.

"Ah…well…" Urahara began.

"Kisuke had nothing to do with the appearance of this illness," Yoruichi cut in. "But he did return to Seireitei for that reason."

"When I want your opinion, Shihuoin, I'll ask for it." The Chief Commander growled, focusing back on Urahara. "You were sentenced to be drained of your reiatsu, placed within a gigai banished from Soul Society to live in the human world for as long as your gigai lasted. You were sentenced this punishment for developing devices that were able to mesh Hollow and Shinigami together and for using it on your comrades, including your own Vice Captain. Instead of facing your sentence, you fled with the help of Yoruichi Shihuoin, and have been continuing to involved yourself in Soul Society matters, including assisting ryoka invade Seireitei and cause complete chaos." He clearly wasn't finished, but Yoruichi protested again, breaking into his list of accusations.

"But Chief Commander—!"

"Silence! Never in all my years as Chief Commander of the 13 Protection Squads have a come across an individual that has been responsible for so much destruction—including enabling Aizen Sousuke to pose as such a threat! And now you come back, hoping to regain your status as a Captain!? When is seems very clear to me that you yourself are behind this illness!" The Commander's voice echoed through the hall, all the Captains still as stone, no one even breathing, all completely stunned. Then, Urahara spoke.

"Yes, I came back. And no, I don't want to try to regain my former position! I had forgotten that that would mean I would have deal with you!" His nervousness seemed completely gone, his entire demeanor changed. Though Hitsugaya could feel Urahara's reiatsu waver with each harsh word, the former 12th Captain carried himself as if he didn't feel his own weakness, glaring at the Commander straight in the eye. "The only reason I truly returned is because a threat has surfaced that I—nor anyone else—could have ever predicted! I am not responsible for this sickness, though I do claim responsibility for my past crimes! Though what you accuse me of is not all true, I will accept it, simply because I know that I will accomplish nothing here otherwise! I have returned to solve this problem of yours—and everyone else's! I realize that this sickness poses a serious threat to Soul Society, and therefore the rest of the universe, and I don't have time to beg for forgiveness for the past or worry about what you think of me! Do _you_ realize that!?" Urahara was shouting by the end of his speech, clearly shocking the Chief Commander. Hitsugaya could bet that no one had ever spoken to him like that before.

"…Insolent fool…" The Commander sneered after a few thick seconds, gaze sharp on Urahara.

"I am here to find a cure to this disease as quickly as possible, while you are putting me on yet _another_ false trial. Who is the _real_ fool here?" They locked gazes, a contest of wills occurring. Hitsugaya, as well as the other Captains—and Yoruichi—were staring at them, horrified and yet enraptured at the same time, unable to look away from such a scene. And then the moment was over.

"Very well." The Commander's gaze released Urahara, snapping to Unohana. "Captain Unohana, a report of the current status of your patients, and a list of the symptoms! We all need to be on alert for signs of this illness amongst our subordinates and colleagues!" He then turned back to Urahara. "And as for you…I will grant you permission to be here to create your cure. You will, however, work with the current head of the Technology Development Bureau, Kurotsuchi Mayuri." Some sputtering protests were heard from Mayuri's end of the line, the current 12th Captain clearly did not approve of this idea. _Like his opinion matters. What the Chief Commander says, goes, _Hitsugaya thought, rubbing at his head. It was getting more and more difficult to continue to pay attention. The pain was getting pretty severe again. _Another healing from Inoue-san doesn't sound so bad…so long as she's healing Hinamori and Matsumoto now…_

The Commander continued speaking to Urahara, ignoring Kurotsuchi completely. "I warn you, Urahara Kisuke. If anything, anything at all, causes me to suspect you, or this cure of yours, your former sentence will be _light_ in comparison to what I will do to you." Urahara nodded, understanding. The Chief Commander would make good on his threat if he found reason. With that, Urahara and Yoruichi were dismissed, vacating the Captains' meeting hall. To where, Hitsugaya wasn't sure. But he hoped it was straight to wherever it was that Urahara would create a cure.

o o o o o

**_Where're ya goin', King?_** The Hollow's voice wafted through his mind, an edge to it. Ichigo's fists involuntarily clenched at his sides, his long strides speeding up intently.

_None of your damned business!_ He shot back, attempting to push the Hollow away in the darkest, farthest corner of his mind. _I have to get rid of him, I can't help anyone this way… _

The sun was beginning to set as he approached his destination, all the way across town. The Hollow eventually caught on, his protests echoing through Ichigo's head as they drew near.

**_What do you think you're doing, you fuckin' miserable piece of shit!? You think getting' _their_ help is gonna save you this time! Well, you can fucking _forget it**_**!** _

_Shut up! I kept you under my thumb for years, and I'm gonna do it again!_ He could feel the reiatsu radiate from the inside of the building, and could pick out the individuals inside. _Lisa, Hachi, Kensei, Mashiro, Hiyori, Shinji…_All within. But as he neared the entrance, he hesitated. Something was wrong. _Their reiatsu…_ The Hollow felt the same thing, it's nervousness dissolving into cackling laughter.

**_Looks like those bastards won't be much help afterall! Eh, Ichigo? Heh…I guess you're stuck with me…_** Giving the doors a determined scowl, Ichigo strode to the doors.

_Don't count on it!_ With that, he shoved them open. The Vizard, in any condition, were his only chance.

o o o o o

"Ishi-kuuuun! Pyon!" The gigai hollered at him from across the room, struggling against the Quincy bonds he had secured her with. Kurosaki had refused to take the gigai with him, and so, against Ishida's better judgment, he had taken the gigai instead. It just didn't seem right leaving it. _A choice that I now certainly regret…_ The gigai had been thrashing for quite a while now, hoping to break free from the bonds he had tied around her arms and legs nearly a half hour ago. It had only taken him a few minutes with the gigai to realize that the bonds were necessary, she really seemed to enjoy attempting to break his arms. _Damn Kurosaki._ Unlike the Shinigami substitute, he didn't have a way to knock the soul from the gigai, so he simply had to put up with it.

Now he was trying to ignore her shouting, but it was really grating at his nerves. Ishida was already on edge, he had been ever since Inoue-san had left with Urahara's group. _I don't like not being able to protect her._ Though he was aware that she was with allies, that she was most likely safe, not being there…It bothered him. Ever since she had left, dark thoughts had crowded in his mind. _What if something happens? What if she gets sick? Can she even heal herself, does it work that way?_ He didn't know. _And how long will it take Urahara now that he's in Soul Society…?_ Sitting at his desk, he tapped out his frustration with his fingertips on the desk surface, grimacing. Noting then the pain in his head, he left the expression slip from his face, it was most likely giving him a headache, worrying like this. _And I don't need the extra problem. How does Kurosaki manage to keep that blasted scowl on his face all the time? Gives me a headache…_

"ISHI! ISHI! ISHI! Pyon!" The gigai interrupted his thoughts, and he sighed heavily into his hand. _Speaking of things that give me a headache…_ "Ishi-kun, this is boring! Let's go out, Pyon! I want to play with Ichigo-kun!" Ishida gave her a dry stare, then snorted.

"I doubt your master would appreciate that much," He started. Kuchiki-san most likely wouldn't like her gigai crawling all over the man Ishida was positive she was in love with. But the idea in general didn't sound like an entirely bad one. He was knew that Kurosaki had been scheming with Kuchiki-san earlier about getting into Soul Society, the look on Kurosaki's face when Yoruichi Shihuoin had told him to stay proved it. _Kurosaki's not one to simply hang back when something's going on. No…he's a much bigger idiot, preferring to rush in without thinking… Kuchiki-san already left without him, and knowing Kurosaki, that probably only encouraged him to get to Soul Society, if only to apologize for his horrible behavior…_ Ishida frowned. _I can't believe he just lost control like that. Of course he was affected by the war, but all of us were. I have damned nightmares every night, yet I'm not going off the deep end! …True…I do not have to constantly battle an inner demon for control of my body…_

His frown had deepened, but now softened as he felt some sympathy for his orange-haired colleague. Kurosaki had had the most traumatic experience in Hueco Mundo, he'd pretty much died_. And having to lead all of us, protect all of us…_ He sighed. Before he had met Ichigo Kurosaki and his friends, Ishida had been quite content in being alone. So he thought. He kept to himself, his life pretty much revolving around school, the sewing club, and his occasional ventures in using his Quincy powers. And admiring Orihime Inoue from afar. _Everything's changed so much…_ He really _did_ owe Kurosaki a lot. _Without him, I would have never become what I am now. I have friends, people whom I care about who also care about me…I've honed my powers and have become a full-fledged Quincy…and now I have a purpose. I'm not just the nerdy class braincase anymore, I have people to protect, and a way to protect them. And I'm going to. _

The gigai was wailing now, her boredom being her problem. _As soon as I let her go, she'll break my legs,_ he thought, eyeing her. Then a small smile touched his lips. _I'll make a deal with her, drop her off at Kurosaki's, and then, find the idiot. And join him when he figures out a way to get to Soul Society._ _I have to get to Inoue-san—I have to protect her. At least help her, in any way I can._ Standing, he strode over to the gigai.

"Ok, we can go visit Kurosaki. But if we do, you can't jump on me anymore. Do we have a deal?" The gigai nodded enthusiastically, and he released her bonds. They stared at each other for a second, all of Ishida's muscles tensed as he prepared to throw himself out of the way if she chose to break their deal. But she simply stood, dusting off her skirt, and gave Ishida a lovely, if somewhat off, version of Kuchiki-san's smile.

"Now let's go see Ichigo-kun!"

o o o o o

Ichigo smirked against his Hollow's raging protests, striding into the warehouse. He had been expecting to see the Vizard seated around lazily like he had always seen them before, stuffing their faces with snacks and reading manga and magazines. Instead, only Shinji and Hiyori were visible, and by their expressions, they were having a serious conversation that he had just interrupted. They froze, turning to look at him. And just stared, expressions unreadable. This wasn't exactly the welcome he had been anticipating, thinking that he would just walk back in, and they would help him out, no problems, no questions asked.

"Uh…" He started, now realizing that he probably should have at least thought out what he was going to _say_ to them. At the sound his voice, Shinji's expression cleared; Hiyori still looked rather pissed.

"Kurosaki-kun! What a surprise!" He presented Ichigo with his classic toothy grin, Hiyori just scowled even more.

"What the hell do _you_ want, Baldy!?" She snarled, crossing her arms over her chest. Ichigo sneered down at her as he walked over to them.

"I've told you a thousand times that I'm not bald!" He growled, pressing his fist down onto the top of her head, while she tried to kick him in the shins, loudly swearing. Shinji seemed to ignore the little interaction, continuing on.

"She does have a point. What brings you here? I don't think you simply were interested in visiting…"

The Vizard had been valuable allies in the Winter War, but had since cut off contact with Soul Society and everyone else. Ichigo was one of the few who knew where to find them, but had no interest in seeking them out until now. Even though they had parted on relatively good terms, they weren't people he really wanted to keep a close friendship with. They had their own goals and interests, and their agenda didn't always match up with Ichigo's. The Vizard still didn't really get along with Soul Society, and he figured that Soul Society felt the same way, finding the Vizard rather distasteful. "Ugly distortions and abominations" Byakuya had once called them, and Ichigo felt that most of the Shinigami felt the same way. In the eyes of those in Seireitei, the Vizard were threatening mutants, too similar to the Arrancar to be trusted. Ichigo didn't share that sentiment, finding the Vizard generally strong allies, if somewhat unreliable. And he kind of liked Shinji, the guy was weird, but alright. Hiyori was just a pest. _"Baldy" my ass…_

"I need something." _Might as well be straightforward._ Ichigo wasn't one to beat around the bush.

"I thought as much. Take a seat, we'll talk about it." Raising a brow, Ichigo was about to ask about Shinji's odd comment when he noticed something.

"Oi…where is everybody? Mashiro, Lisa, Hachi, Kensei?" The six were the only Vizard left besides himself, both Rose and Love had been killed in the war. Ichigo suspected that the group was still bitter over their deaths, feeling that two of their group died in a war that wasn't their own. They wouldn't say it though, Ichigo knew, Shinji and all the rest were aware that the war had just as much to do with them as it did Soul Society. The Vizard held no love for Soul Society, but if Seireitei fell, the whole universe would be in danger. And that included them.

"They're downstairs…" Shinji looked away, his smile a little bleak. Now closer and paying attention, Ichigo noticed the visible strain on Shinji's face. Glancing over to look at Hiyori, he saw that she wasn't looking her best either. _Is…something going on here?_ He could sense their reiatsu, still bountiful. _But maybe not as strong as it was before…?_ He wondered.

"What's going on." At Ichigo's demand, Shinji let his smile fall away completely. Eyeing Ichigo, he leaned back in his seat, as if debating whether or not to let the substitute Shinigami in on his troubles.

"Tell me why you showed up here first, 'Special Squad Captain', and then we'll discuss it."

"Fine. …My Hollow. He's back."

o o o o o

Orihime slumped down to the floor beside Matsumoto's bed, her body aching from all her effort. All the healing had drained her of her energy, she was so exhausted she could barely keep her head up. She had made her way through the wards all throughout the clinic, healing all in each room and then moving on to the next. Then, finally, she healed Hinamori and Matsumoto again, but was unable to finish. The two were conscious again, but still would be feeling immense pain. That really bothered Orihime, but she no longer had the strength to hold her shield up. _I need to rest…_ In this moment of weakness, she really wished her friends were here, she felt like when her own heart was weak, she could rely on their strength. And right now, she needed it. Orihime had worn herself down healing others' pain, and now was feeling her own. She hadn't paid attention to it before, the slow, clawing headache that now seemed to have a solid hold on her. _It hurts…Is this what the others have been feeling?_ Unable to stay upright in any way, she slipped down to the ground, her head now resting on the floor. If this is how they were feeling, she truly pitied them, it was awful. _I wish they were here with me…Kurosaki-kun, Kuchiki-san, Sado-kun, Abarai-kun…Uryuu-kun…._ Her vision faded out then, and she fell into unconsciousness.

o o o o o

The way Shinji was staring at him confused Ichigo. It was a blank, dry, and completely unsurprised stare.

"Wh—Why are you staring a me that way?" Shinji simply continued to stare blankly, Hiyori snorted loudly.

"Well _DUH_ your Hollow is acting up! Geez, will you listen ta this Baldy?" She jerked a thumb at Ichigo, now asking Shinji.

"Wait—what!? What do you mean!" Ichigo shot the question at both of them. "And I'm not fuckin' bald!" He aimed the last statement right at Hiyori, pointing angrily to his hair.

"I'll call ya whatever I want!" She shot back, and was about to add more when Shinji smacked her lightly in the side of the head. When she whipped around to probably curse him out, his look alone silenced her.

"What she means is that you're not the only one who's been having problems with their Hollow." Ichigo's first thought was that it was a joke, that Shinji was being bizarre like always and pulling his leg. But the serious expression stayed on his host's face, and it slowly dawned on Ichigo that he meant it.

"I—I don't understand…I came here to get help, to get rid of him like last time!"

"There is no '_getting rid_' of them! The Hollows are _part_ _of us_, they are melded with our souls!" It just didn't make sense to him, what Shinji was saying. Logically, he understood, but…He had always thought, somewhere deep down, that he could eventually rid himself of his inner demon. That someday…it would be just _him_ again in his head. …_Fuck_. His turmoil must have been evident to Shinji, who clapped his hand down on his shoulder. "Come with me."

.

With Hiyori behind them, Ichigo followed Shinji down to the entrance to the familiar underground training chamber. Making his way down the stairs, Ichigo felt a thick sense of foreboding. As soon as his foot hit the last stair, though, the sense evolved into real feeling. He could feel the black reiatsu of a powerful Hollow nearby. _Why didn't I feel this before…?_

As they neared their apparent destination, he saw why. Hachi was seated in something like a deep trance, his reiatsu pulsing around him as he fueled massive shields around a Hollow that Ichigo had never seen before_. I can still feel its reiatsu through the shields. It's that powerful…_

_**Che! That's not powerful! Let me out, I'll show you power!** _

_Shove it! I don't want to hear your shit! _

**_Heh…You're worried. I can feel it. They can't do anything to help you…I know it, you know it. You're just fucking stuck with me!_ **Ichigo ignored the Hollow's comment as best he could, concentrating on the giant Hollow within the barriers.

Within, he could see Lisa fighting with it. Rather than sprinting in and out of attack like he remembered she would do, the Vizard was simply being slapped away whenever she tried to move toward the Hollow. She didn't seem able to get any hits in, she was only receiving them. The Hollow seemed so much faster, so much stronger than he ever thought was possible, he actually began to fear for her. Her face was already bloodied, one of her arms hanging limp as if the bone within had been crushed. Both opponents paused, as if sizing each other up, Lisa was hunched, panting for breath. The Hollow seemed to be relaxed, perhaps even enjoying itself.

She took the offensive again, trying a tactic that Ichigo recognized. She had spectacular acrobatic skill, and would throw herself at her opponent sideways, slicing down and inward mid-leap. She attempted this now, but it was clear that she just wasn't strong enough to pull it off as easily as he had seen her do during the war. She was clearly exhausted, and the Hollow playfully batted her away, sending her hurtling through a rock formation. Ichigo's fists clenched as he watched the Hollow gurgle its amusement, waiting for its Vizard prey to stand again. _It's like—it's like it's just toying with her!_

**_It is_. **Came Ichigo's Hollow's response, a light cackle following the comment. _**Getting scared now, lil' Ichi?** _

_Shut up! _

Shinji came up to stand beside him, hands shoved into his pockets, expression grim. Their appearance attracted the attention of Mashiro and Hachi, who were seated outside of the barrier walls. Hachi nodded his greeting, but remained where he was, while Mashiro stood, striding over to them. Ichigo was mildly surprised at her demeanor, she didn't have nearly as much energy as she usually did, and her expression was dull, maybe even pained. _She's worried about Lisa…? _Within the barrier, Lisa stood again, ready to face off with her Hollow opponent once more. _I am too…That Hollow, it's so fucking powerful! Even more powerful than all those ones we've been fighting around Karakura...What the hell is going on around here!_

"Hey, Berry-kun. What're you doing here?" She asked, but didn't seem to care too much about the answer, so he ignored her, turning to Shinji.

"Shinji…what's going on. Why's Lisa fighting that Hollow!?" Ichigo asked, his voice tense and low. "…And where's Kensei?"

o o o o o

Halfway to her brother's manse, Rukia skidded to a halt. Something had suddenly seemed to have "fallen away" within her senses; as if a comforting presence had just then been rubbed out. _Inoue!_ Rukia whipped around, facing the place she had just left, the clinic. She froze for only a second, hesitating. Though she knew—_felt_—that Ichigo needed her, Inoue now needed her too. And even in his current fragile state, Ichigo was still the stronger of the two. Gritting her teeth, she made her decision, and bolted back towards the clinic. _I have to help Inoue! Please Ichigo…don't do anything stupid until I can get there!_

Inoue's reiatsu had plummeted dangerously, Rukia found her sprawled out on the floor of Hinamori and Matsumoto's ward. Without even a glance, Rukia could tell that Inoue had done her best with the two victims, much of their reiatsu had been temporarily restored. They were asleep now, hopefully far away from the pain that Rukia knew would come back all too soon. Kneeling beside the human girl, Rukia touched the back of her hand to Inoue's cheek. _She's cold…She must have used up almost all of her own strength to revive them…_ Solid fear formed within Rukia's chest as she pulled her hand away, not really knowing what to do. _Just as selfless as always, Inoue…Why can't you worry about yourself for once! _Rukia's eyes flickered over the unconscious Inoue as she tried to think of what to do. _I have to help her, but I can't waste time…! I need help…Renji!_ Biting her lower lip, the Shinigami carefully wrapped her arms around the fallen girl, hefting her off the ground. _If I can just get her to Renji, he'll know what to do! I know I left him with Nii-sama, but—who else can I turn to?_ Rukia hauled the girl up, bracing herself against Inoue's weight, and then, slowly, began to half-carry-half-drag her toward her brother's ward room.

It was difficult getting through the hall, there were so many other Shinigami bustling through it, that Rukia's task was made more difficult by tenfold. No one seemed to realize the importance of what she was doing, completely overlooking her in their rush to deal with their own problems. It wasn't that Inoue was really heavy, it was that she was completely limp, and easily threw off Rukia's balance, especially when they were being knocked around. After nearly being knocked over twice and being shoved into the walls several more times, Rukia made it to her brothers room, lurching against the door heavily.

"Renji! Renji, help me!" She shouted, pounding her foot into the door. It abruptly opened and both girls pitched forward into the surprised arms of the 6th Squad Vice Captain.

"Rukia! I thought you left—!" He cut off, staring down at Inoue who was slumping in his arms. Rukia pulled herself free of his grasp, trying to gently lay Inoue into his arms.

"I did, but Inoue—she passed out."

"What happened!" Renji lifted her easily, carrying her over to the couch within her brother's ward.

"I think she overworked herself—don't you feel how low her reiatsu is?" Rukia sat beside her on the couch, pushing the orange hair out of her face.

"You…you don't think…" Renji's voice sounded quietly by her ear as he leaned forward, also looking worriedly down at the human girl.

"Yes, I do. I…think Inoue has fallen ill."

o o o o o

"So what do we do?" Renji asked as Rukia stood. Her face was drawn as she thought, her eyes darkening. Renji could read that expression easily. She doesn't know.

"Inoue is the only one who can help everyone right now. Until Urahara makes a cure, she's the only one that can keep everyone alive. She _must_ be revived. Captain Unohana must be contacted, and we must do everything we can to help Inoue. She…she is most important right now." Rukia responded crisply, keeping all emotion from her voice. And yet…it was there, he could almost feel her indecision more than hear or see it. _So. It all comes down to this. She wants to go to Ichigo, but she's trying to consider all the options logically._ He sighed inwardly, pained for her. _Classic Rukia, not letting her emotions dictate what she needs to do…Duty first._ The thought hurt him somewhat. He had long hoped that Rukia would be able to finally let herself care about someone else enough that she would forget duty for once. For just as long, he had hoped that that someone would be him. Recently, though, he had come to realize it never would be. _I have been hoping…That if not me…then Ichigo…_

Now, he watched her struggle with a decision. The duty-conscious Rukia would stay with the girl who could heal those who were ill and attempt to nurse her back to health. Not only for Inoue's sake, but for the sake of all the ill Shinigami.

"I…" She started, then faltered. Turning back towards Inoue, she looked down at the girl with pain-filled eyes. "Renji…" She whispered, casting those eyes on to him. That startled him, Rukia wasn't distancing herself from the situation. She was allowing herself to feel. "I don't want to leave Inoue…I want to take care of her…She's one of my closest friends…" She trailed off, dropping her gaze. Renji stared down at her—this was completely new for her. _Rukia…_

"Go Rukia. I'll take care of her. You have to get to Ichigo." Rukia stared at him for just a second, then suddenly threw her arms around his neck. He was too surprised to hug back.

"Thank you, Renji." With that, Rukia, with her loving embrace, was gone._ I can't tell her I'm getting sick too..._Renji turned to look down at Inoue-san. _...Even if I did...She would still make the same decision. Ichigo...He needs her. But she needs him too. _

o o o o o

Shinji eyed him blandly, Hiyori actually snorted.

"Don't you get it yet, you dumbass! That—" And she swivled around to point at the giant Hollow that was currently trying to smash its fist into Lisa. "That IS Kensei!" Ichigo's gaze snapped around to follow her finger, gaping at the sight of the fully hollowfied Vizard.

"Kensei—he—_that's_ Kensei! _WHY_!" Ichigo demanded, whipping around to grab Shinji's collar. _Kensei lost control—Kensei LOST CONTROL! He's transformed completely!!_ Ichigo's Hollow's laughter flooded his senses, and he wavered on his feet, losing his grip on Shinji's shirt.

**_About time you figured it out, King!…Heh, you're such a dumbass, the little bitch is right! Look at Kensei—one of your former teachers! LOOK AT HIM! It's like looking into the fuckin' future! Pretty soon, that'll be you and me!_**

"No! SHUTUP!" Ichigo shouted aloud, not caring at all if the others heard him. _I came here to get help—to get help! So I—so I could stop being a danger to everyone! So...Rukia wouldn't leave me! And they're worse off than me!!_ The Hollow continued to laugh, Ichigo hunched over, gripping at his head, trying to suppress his rising panic. _He'll destroy me—from the inside out! How—how do I stop him!? Rukia…_

"It's true. That's Kensei." Shinji interrupted his panic, his voice without any emotion whatsoever. Ichigo turned to glance up at him from his hunched position, Shinji's eyes held only cold disdain. "He's been like that for three days."

"H—how?" Ichigo rasped out, his fingers digging into his scalp as the Hollow within shifted around, moving forward into his consciousness. It was talking again, and Ichigo found that it wasn't nearly as easy to shut him up this time.

**_…Scared now…idiot…You're going to lose just like your friends are losing…_**

"We've all been fighting with our Hollows. For over a week now. They've gotten stronger somehow, and we've gotten weaker." Shinji sneered now, contempt clear on his face, but Ichigo wasn't sure for whom. "Ever since the war ended. _Can't you feel it_, Kurosaki? Your reiatsu draining away…day by day…feeding that _thing_ within you…"

"You're—you're wrong!"

"Heh. Fool. We've known what's been happening in Soul Society. And we've been aware of your most recent dealings with Urahara Kisuke. An _'illness'_ is what you've been calling it…_are you sure that's what it really is?_" As he spoke, Shinji's eyes flooded with black, his irises becoming a brilliant gold. His face stretched into that ridiculous grin, but it was twisted somehow, and his voice became more and more rough with every word. Ichigo stared up at him, knowing what was happening. It frightened him deeply, as he watched it happen. Shinji was the strongest out of all of the Vizard. He had never lost control.

"_Bastard_." Ichigo growled at the Shinji-Hollow, it only grinned more broadly, taking a step towards him.

"It's useless, you know? Fighting it…Why don't you let your Hollow out, Kurosaki? It would be so much _fun_…me verses him... You in there, Hollow? Push Kurosaki out of the way, I wanna see what you're made of!"

_Hahahaha! Why not?_ Ichigo felt the Hollow swell in his consciousness, and began to fight with everything he had.

"I'm NOT gonna lose control now! Not 'cause of _you_!" The Shinji-Hollow laughed, stretching his arms out to grab at Ichigo, who wrenched backwards.

"Hachi! A shield! NOW!" Hiyori's voice suddenly called from beside him, Ichigo had forgotten she was even there. "_Out of the way, Baldy!_" Hiyori grabbed Ichigo's shirt and hauled him away just as the Shinji-Hollow threw himself at them. A shield formed between them just in time, the Hollow slammed against it. Ichigo watched in horror as the Hollow pounded against his new restraints. Hiyori, beside him, then reached up and raked her fingers across her face, drawing forth her mask.

"H—Hiyori! What the hell are you doing!" Ichigo seized her wrist, trying to pull her back as she strode towards the caged Hollow.

"I gotta fight that thing! Hachi can't keep up the shields forever! If I don't—don't…_beat Shinji_…we'll all be killed."

"Just wait—I can help, I can—"

"Shaddup, you! You're no help, you're on the edge of losin' it yourself! Just leave! Now!"

"No! I can't just leave you!"

"You gotta! Now! Before the other shield—!" Hiyori's retort was sharply drowned out by a scream, Ichigo whirled to see Hachi collapse backward. The strain had been too much. The shields that had contained both Shinji and Kensei suddenly shattered, freeing both Hollows. Ichigo didn't know where to look first, on one side, Kensei tossed a limp Lisa aside, facing Ichigo—his new prey. On the other side, Hiyori was doing her best to fight back the slowly transforming Shinji, but was clearly on the losing side. Shinji's form had begun to twist, white flesh and spines now protruding from his back in a hideous hunch.

**_Let me out! That's the only way you'll live through this! And you're no good to your precious Rukia-chan if you're dead!_** The Hollow's words startled him.

_You're no good to her either, bastard! Rukia…Rukia, I don't know what to do…I can't—I can't do this by myself. I'm just not strong enough!_ His Hollow took advantage of his indecision and momentary loss at the mention of Rukia's name, trying to forcibly push him aside. _No! Go away!_ He attempted to fight back now, becoming aware that the Hollow was once again trying to manipulate him. _I said I would protect you, Rukia…I have to try…_ There was no other way, he would have to try to either fight the two Hollow in his human body, or somehow flee if he could. _I'm sorry, Rukia. If I don't come back. But if I let him out…I really won't. _

"KUROSAKI!" Ichigo's eyes burst open, he turned just in time to see the blue arrow of reiatsu coming towards him, and dropped out of the way.

"Ishida! Chad!" They both were running up to meet him, Chad with his gloved arms, and Ishida with his bow ready. "How—how did you guys find me!?"

"Hi, Ichi-kun! Pyon!" Rukia's gigai ran around the two humans, running up to Ichigo with open arms, completely oblivious to the Hollows and the situation they were all in. Firing more arrows at Kensei, Ishida met Ichigo, roughly brushing him aside to get a better shot.

"I guess this gigai can sense your reiatsu better than us! We were going to your house, but she insisted you were here! The gigai and I met Chad on the way!" Ishida turned to the gigai. "You can't help us now, get out of here, as fast as you can!"

"I'll wait for you at Ichi's house!" She yelled, slapping her hand to her forehead in a sloppy salute. Ichigo, meanwhile, was growing more and more frustrated, still now knowing what was going on.

"But—how did she know where this place is! It can't be found! It has shields— "

"Whatever shields it might have had before weren't there anymore, even I could feel the raging reiatsu within, Kurosaki! Now—unless you're going to help, get out of the way!" Not knowing how he could help, Ichigo moved out of the way, letting Ishida continue to barrage Kensei with his arrows as Chad ran to join Hiyori. The arrows seemed to do very little, if any damage at all as Kensei approached. They both had to dodge out of the way as a huge fist came crashing down, hiding themselves momentarily hiding behind a boulder.

"Do you want to tell me what the _hell_ is going on, Kurosaki!?" Ishida cried over the sound of crushing rock.

"I came to the Vizard to get help with my Hollow, since they helped me before! Shinji said that all of them have been fighting against their Hollows for over a week now, and Kensei, the Hollow that's chasing us, lost! They were trying to restrain him with shields and fighting, but couldn't anymore! Hachi must have dropped the shields outside to power the ones inside better! But when Shinji was taken over and transformed, he couldn't keep either up anymore!"

"Are you telling me that we have _Vizard level Hollows_ running around _uncontrolled_!?" Ishida thundered as they dodged another fist.

"Worse!" Ichigo shouted back as Ishida let loose another barrage of arrows. "Shinji said that their Hollows have been getting stronger while they've been getting weaker!" Ishida stared at him, wide-eyed.

"Kurosaki…are you saying that…_you're_ going to end up just like these Vizard…?" Ichigo couldn't tell him, but his first thought was "yes". Instead he just looked away, concentrating on Kensei.

"…I…don't know."

"So that's why you're not fighting." Ishida concluded. "You're worried about losing control just like they did." Although he was dead on, Ichigo snarled at him.

"Yeah, so what! I'm not going to fucking _hand_ myself over to him! Not when there's any other option! Is _that_ what you want!? You saw me lose it before, and that was only for a couple of minutes! If…If I even try to change into my Shinigami form …"

"You might lose yourself completely." Ishida finished the sentence for him. Ichigo only dropped his gaze.

The boulder they were crouched behind abruptly exploded, revealing their opponent. Ishida began launching arrows again, but they were completely ignored, the Hollow advancing on them. Seeing that his bow was accomplishing nothing, Ishida pulled lose his Seenlenschneider blade.

"You can't possibly think that stupid sword is gonna work against that thing!" Ichigo yelled, disbelieving.

"Of course not! But if I can get some time, I can set up for my strongest attack! Kurosaki, I need you to distract him!"

"What the hell do you expect ME to do!?" They were both running now, only able to just dodge. _Damn these slow legs! If I could just change to my Shinigami form, I'd be faster! But I can't, if I use too much reiatsu, or if I get too angry or upset…!_

"I don't know! DO SOMETHING!"

"Maybe if we can get him over to Shinji, they might fight each other instead of us! Shinji's Hollow said he wanted to fight mine—maybe they'd go against each other!"

"Fine! Try to get them both over to that big rock over there—" Ishida pointed to a boulder in the distance. "And I'll set up around it. As soon as they both get there, we'll blow them both! Let's just hope they get distracted enough by each other not to come after us!" Though Ichigo was nearly positive this plan would fail, it was all they had.

"Right." They separated then, Ishida ducking away as Ichigo began to shout and wave his arms to attract Kensei's attention. It worked, the Hollow focused entirely on him. Shit—I'm going to die. Ichigo sprinted off as Kensei began his charge. Glancing around, he caught sight of Chad and Hiyori fighting with Shinji. Their battle didn't seem to be going well either, both looked roughed up.

"Chad! CHAD!" The human turned to look at him. "Try to get Shinji over by that big rock! Ishida's got a plan!" Chad nodded once, grabbing Hiyori's arm and dragging her along towards the rock. Shinji hissed, almost completely in his Hollow form, and followed, easily dodging as Chad fired bolts of reiatsu from his arm.

Ishida waved from his position near the boulder, signaling that he had finished setting up. Ichigo angled towards him, Chad and Hiyori close behind. That's where the first part of the plan failed, neither Hollow was interested in the other. _They're gonna keep coming after us...Good thing we have a plan B! _The Hollow were then in position, and would only remain so for a split second.

"Ishida!" Ichigo screamed, prompting him to trigger the explosion.

"Get out of the way, all of you, or you'll be killed!" Then he threw the charge. Ichigo barely had time to leap away, hoping that Chad, Hiyori, and Ishida had as well. All of the "swords" lit up, and both Hollow were caught in the enormous explosion in the center. Ichigo's head throbbed, his ears were ringing so badly he couldn't hear, and he started to feel piercing pain along his back, where he had been exposed to the blast. Still, he had to know if it worked. Pushing himself upward as best he could, he glanced back to where the explosion had occurred. Smoke blocked his vision, but he could feel the results before he saw them.

"…_It didn't work_…" Real, choking fear now grasped at him as he quickly glanced around to check on the condition of his friends. They seemed to be hurt, but alive and conscious, as well, all struggling to their feet. The Vizard Hollow roared their anger, now quite ready to smash them all to pieces. _They're going to die..._

**_Let me out…_**Ichigo's Hollow whispered. **_You have to now...You promised Rukia-chan and everyone else that you would protect them…you know this is the only way to do that. You've always been willing to do it before...think of this as risking your life...but in a different way. This way, a part of you still lives..._**

_But..._ He was afraid. So very afraid. The Hollow was proposing that Ichigo let him out and _choose _to give himself up. _I have to save them...but there's so much I wanted from this life...And how can I just give up to _you_?_

**_It's not just about me and you, Kurosaki…it's about them…. It's the only way to save your friends…All you want to do is protect them, isn't that worth it? Isn't that worth your life…?_**

_Yes…It is._ Unlike before, it wasn't just him now. The situation was worse than before, now he had to choose between protecting his friends lives or saving his own skin. His friends really _would _be killed, and he couldn't let that happen without doing anything. _I might be weak, but I'm not a fucking coward. I won't just stand here and watch them be killed while hiding from my Hollow_._ What choice do I have...? This is...really the only way..._

_I _hate you_ more than anything, you bastard, but...I... I'll let you win. If you save them. You HAVE TO SAVE THEM! That's__ the condition**. **_Ichigo was terrified, but somehow, it was just a tiny bit comforting to know that at least _he _was deciding for it to be this way, that he wouldn't slowly be eaten away, bit by excruciating bit.

**_I can do that…_**For once, the Hollow didn't seem to be mocking him. Though Ichigo distrusted the creature inside him, it actually sounded sincere for once.

_And stay the hell away from Rukia. Or I swear…I'll find a way to come back and RIP YOU TO PIECES! _

**_Heh…whatever you say, King. Now…Do it. Let me out_.**

Digging into his pocket, Ichigo grabbed his badge, preparing to slam it into his chest, become a Shinigami, and release his Hollow. For good.

_I'm sorry, Rukia. I hope you understand why I have to do this…it's for our friends. I…I'll never get a chance to tell you but…I…I... _He couldn't admit it, it hurt too badly_. I'll never be with her again...and I'll never get a chance to tell her...how I really feel...  
_

He lifted his hand to his chest, squeezing his eyes closed. Not so much against the chaos outside of him, but against the absolute crushing sorrow and loss within.

.

His hand wouldn't move. And it was suddenly very cold. _What—_Wrinkling his brow, he opened his eyes to look down at the unresponsive hand, his eyes widening as he discovered the reason why. _My hand—it's—_

"_Ichigo Kurosaki_! What the hell is _wrong_ with you! If you change into a Shinigami, you're risking being taken over by your Hollow just like these Vizard were! Try and lift that badge to your chest any more, and _I swear I'll freeze you solid_!" Rukia's bark rang out over the roar of the Hollows. Her voice did that to him already, he stilled so thoroughly that it was aif he had suddenly been frozen. Wonderful hope clenching in his chest, Ichigo whirled to face her.

"_Rukia—_!" Another roar shattered the air, Ichigo suddenly remembered what danger they were in. And why he was about to change into a Shinigami in the first place. "Rukia—the Hollows! You have to get out of here!" One hand still frozen, he pelted towards her, hooking an arm around her waist to make her leave if he had to.

"Ichigo! Ichigo, let go of me!"

"Rukia, I won't let you get yourself killed!"

"Oh, but it's ok for _you_ to die!? You _idiot_! Let go, you don't think I came here alone, do you!?"

"Wait—what?" At his blank expression, she forcibly grabbed his chin and wrenched his head around for him.

"I got help." Ichigo blinked, the sight before him didn't seem to make sense to his brain.

"Rukia…" He started slowly, as if explaining this to a child. _A really dumb child._ "That's not help. That's my dad."

o o o o o

"And where, might I ask, do you think you're going?" The nasal voice of Mayuri Kurotsuchi whined from behind Urahara, the current 12th Captain was following hurriedly behind him as he made his way to his old labs. _Kurotsuchi-san's labs now_, he reminded himself.

"Well, I thought the best place for us to begin working is in my old laboratory! Isn't that fun!" Urahara replied, saturating his voice with a cheeriness he didn't actually feel.

"You mean _my_ laboratory? You think you are going to work in _my_ laboratory?" Mayuri sneered from behind him.

"Of course! There is no better place than _my_ old laboratory! Don't you think that _Yama-ji_ would agree?" Urahara stressed the Chief Commander's name, hoping to impress on the current 12th Captain that he had no choice but to go along with Urahara's plans. He only heard mumbling in response, and grinning behind his fan, knowing he had won.

The two entered the laboratory, Urahara froze once within the door. _What…what has he done…_All of his carefully developed tools, everything he had made, created, all of his finely tuned machinery…all gone. Instead was a distorted mess of junk, along with some very frightening looking mechanisms, odd set ups of tubes and chemicals in jars…and from somewhere, he could hear the groans and cries of some sort of living things, what exactly they were, he didn't know.

"You…you have destroyed my lab…" It was almost sick. _No, it _is_ sick._

"No, I have simply developed _my_ lab in a way _I_ found most useful. If you insist on working here, _former_ Head, you will have to use what is provided. Is that a problem? I'm sure that you could work elsewhere…" Urahara fought the urge to grind his teeth, smiling instead.

"Not a problem at all, Mayuri-san…Let's begin, shall we?"

"Yes…Now, I will have some of my officers collect some of the sick…and we can begin our tests." Urahara paused to stare at him.

"_Tests_…Mayuri-san?" Kurotsuchi turned to face him, a bizarre, oddly excited expression on his face.

"Of course. I suppose I should be thanking you, Urahara-san. I didn't have permission to perform all the tests I wanted to before…But now…Now I can have a little fun."

o o o o o

"Of course it's your father, Ichigo." Rukia replied, as calmly as she could. The truth of Kurosaki Isshin's real identity had long been kept hidden from his son, even throughout the war when Isshin had participated. Very few people knew of Isshin's past, that he, in fact, had been a Shinigami of Captain class. Rukia herself only knew because of Nii-sama. The Captains, Urahara and Yoruichi—and now herself—were the only ones who now knew. Ichigo was never told. She figured it was for his own protection and to help him stay as separated from Soul Society as he could _while_ he could. In Rukia's opinion, it was already more than unfair how much of Ichigo's human life was taken up by the affairs of the dead, so she could understand that reasoning, and until now, had never intended to let him know. But now, Isshin was the only one that could help.

"Rukia…what—what do you mean…'of course it's my father'…" He was clearly confused, she wondered if he had taken a hit to the head. There was Isshin, his zanpakuto drawn, in full Shinigami robes, holding off both Hollows. Though he was holding his own surprisingly well, Rukia saw that he would need backup. These were no ordinary Hollow. They were Vizard Hollow.

"Ichigo, I would love to explain, but I really need to go help your father. Please, go get Ishida, Chad, and Hiyori. Get them out of the way." She turned to glare at him, knowing that he was still not understanding, but needing him to at least understand her command. "You have to stay back. And _do not_ try to become a Shinigami!" She then left him, hurtling towards the Hollow and their last available ally in the human world.

It appeared that the many years without practice had slowed Isshin down, and Rukia was certain that his reiatsu wasn't nearly as strong as it had been all those years ago when he was a Captain. _He's been using Urahara's gigai…it's been eating his reiatsu, slowly, but surely_. _Still_, she thought as she called out Sode no Shirayuki. _It looks like he's having fun. _

Isshin was grinning manically, much like Ichigo did while he was fighting. The resemblance was almost uncanny, it disturbed Rukia somewhat. _If Ichigo ever gets as weird as his dad…I swear I'll beat him into a pulp_. Performing her second dance, Hakuren, Rukia froze a limb of the Kensei Hollow while Isshin slashed at the Shinji Hollow.

"Mr. Kurosaki!" Rukia called out to her partner, trying to get his attention.

"Rukia-chaaann! How many times have I told you to call me 'Dad'!?" He shouted back, much to her annoyance.

"Fine! 'Dad'! Don't kill them, they can't control themselves!" Isshin rolled wide eyes, disbelieving, over to her as he ducked a wicked swipe from Shinji's claws.

"Then what do we do with them!?"

"Try to just knock them out or restrain them, if you can—we should take them to Soul Society, maybe Urahara can help them!" Isshin threw one more glance her way, then gave a sharp nod of agreement. _That's also like Ichigo_. Whipping her attention back to Kensei, who had torn his arm out of her ice, she summoned her reiatsu around her, thrusting her hands out in its direction.

"Bakudou number 99! Kin!" The kidou spell for restraint seized the Hollow, but it was clear to her that that spell alone wouldn't be enough. "Bakudou number 4! Hainawa!" Her creeping rope spell then took affect as well. Kensei roared and thrashed, pushing at the limits of the spell. _Still not strong enough! _"Bakudou number 61! Rokujou Kourou!" The six cane light prison was one of her brother's favorite kidou techniques, and she had learned it well. Kensei, completely bound now, fell forward, unable to move. For final measure, Rukia once again performed her second dance, freezing the entire Hollow solid.

"Good job, Rukia-chan! When did you get so good at kidou!" Came Isshin's fatherly call of encouragement. She rolled her eyes, turning her attention to their final threat, Shinji. It was a shame, really, what was happening to them. Ichigo clearly had admired them, and their ability to keep their darker natures at bay. Their example had given him hope. _…Now that hope is gone_. She knew what he was going to do, and was well aware that he knew what the consequences of his actions were. _He was going to let the Hollow take him._ Ishida, Chad, and Hiyori had somehow gotten injured, even Ichigo hadn't looked completely unscathed. But they weren't strong enough to fight for themselves any more, he was going to risk his own life to save them. That knowledge burned in her mind, it hurt so very, very much. _Classic Ichigo, always trying to be the hero at his own expense…That bastard! Doesn't he know how that would kill everyone, knowing that he let that thing take him over while trying to save them!? Doesn't he know…how that would hurt me? I…don't know what I would do without him…I need him. _A sudden rush of anger, towards everything especially Ichigo, built in her chest, and she released her fury on the Hollow, as it charged towards her.

"Hadou number 4! Byakurai!" Another of her brother's favorite spells, the white lighting surged from her finger to pierce Shinji straight through the chest, causing the Hollow to reel backwards in sudden pain. "Bakudou number 99! Kin! Bakudou number 4! Hainawa! Bakudou number 61! Rokujou Kourou! _Sode no Shirayuki! HAKUREN_!" She shrieked, entombing Shinji within her ice. In silence, she stood there then, watching, waiting for the Hollow to break free. It didn't happen, three restraining kidou spells and her zanpukto's special attack seemed enough to hold even the strongest of Hollows. Her exhaustion hit her then, and she slumped forward, feeling an oddly intense pain in her head. Her vision began to darken, through the blackness she saw bright orange heading towards her.

"Ichigo…don't let him take you…" She then slid out of consciousness. "I...need you..."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

HAHAHAH! SO that's it, chapter 23! Hopefully it was worth the wait (again, sorry for the horrible wait, especially since I told so many of you that I would be updating in a few days...I'm horribly sorry/ashamed for that...)

Instant recap! Renji's saddened by hearing Rukia's "he needs me" towards Ichigo, he needs her too, especially since he's getting sick as well. Urahara, Yoruichi, and the Captains go to a meeting with the Chief Commander, and Urahara has a show down with number one. The Chief still thinks that Urahara is behind the sickness, as well as all the past with the Vizards, but Urahara successfully impresses upon him that he needs to develop a cure. Urahara's future after the cure is developed is unsure. Ichigo and his hollow argue while Ichigo goes to find a way to suppress him, and Ishida is annoyed by Rukia's gigai. Ishida decides that he wants to go to Soul Society as well to help Inoue. Aww. Ichigo meets with Shinji and Hiyori, and thinks something is up. He doesn't see the others, and admits that his Hollow is back. Orihime has exhausted herself and has fallen unconscious. On her way to Ichigo, Rukia has to help Inoue. She takes her back to Renji, and forgoes her duty to get to Ichigo's side. Shinji and Hiyori inform Ichigo that all of their Hollows are back, and there's no way to get rid of them. Ichigo finds out that the massive hollow fighting Lisa is a fully transformed Kensei, and that he has lost his internal battle to his hollow. The Vizards have been getting weaker while their inner Hollows have been getting stronger, and while explaining, Shinji loses it and beings to transform himself. Ichigo's hollow pressures for release, and Ishida and Chad show up to help fight Shinji and Kensei. Their plan fails. Ichigo's hollow convinces him that the only way to save his fallen friends is to go Shinigami and, therefore, let the Hollow break through. Rukia stops him in the nick of time ;) Meanwhile, Urahara goes to his old labs with Mayuri, and hears that Mayuri is only interested in using the sick as test subjects. Finally, Ichigo demands to know why his dad is there, as he never knew that his father was a Shinigami, he just can't understand. Rukia knows what Ichigo was going to do--sacrifice himself, and over exerts herself in restraining the Vizard Hollows.

Ok! that's all. I hope it's ok...Some bits I'm on the fence about. I will do my best to update FAR more frequently, probably at least once a week. Thanks everyone!

MissCyraf


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